"Mindy Munches and Muses"

Sooo... this started as a warm up. Then I thought it would work as a "Fat Trimmings" story. Then it just kept going and I kept discovering new things and new ways to use it. So here we are with a story that is over 2,500 words and will soon have a smaller patreon exclusive sequel called "Let's Talk about Mindy" which will also be added to the "Sorority Swells" collection.

This started based on ExtraBaggeClaim's prompt of CLUE and is only so tenuously related to it as to be funny to me.

Enjoy!

------------------------------------

My name is Mindy, and lately I’ve gotten myself into a bit of trouble, and that trouble is trying to fit back into my pants. How did I get this way you ask? You’re probably thinking, Mindy, I saw you just last year and you were so stereotypically hot. Weren’t you the kind of person who would gladly make fun of chubby girls trying to fit into their pants like you are right now? 

And my answer to you is yes, and, let’s be honest, I’m still exactly that kind of person. If I saw someone struggling to fit into their pants like I’m currently trying to fit into these pants I’d have a good chuckle. I’m not beyond watching the opening ceremonies of the Olympics and going “Lady Gaga’s put on weight,” even as I’m stuffing my face with potato chips and letting the crumbs drop onto my chubby little pot belly.

Fat people have just always been funny to me, what can I say? Watching chubby belly bounce and flabby asses sway. I love it. I’ve always enjoyed being snarky about others' weights, trading snide comments with my friends like they were trading cards. Sure, if those words got to the people I was making fun of, it would hurt their feelings, probably make them feel really sad, but I couldn’t help but be happy about it. It was all a fun game to me, my favorite game.

Why am I like this?

I don’t have a clue.

I’ve just always been like this. It probably helps that for most of my life, pretty much right up until this moment, I was always what everyone would consider slim and sexy. It gave me a sort of privilege to make fun of people without knowing what it was like to be made fun of myself. And I took full advantage of that pretty privilege. It made me feel powerful. It helped me be popular. I felt like I was in complete control.

Now? Not so much. These stubborn ass jeans are in control, and since I can’t get them over my fat ass, I’d say that they’re winning this fight that we’re having. Gross.

Look, I feel like I’ve made myself sound like a real bitch so far, and maybe I have been. Maybe I deserve this. But it’s not like I only made fun of normal fat people. I mean, sure I’ve made fun of a lot of average fatties, a group that I am soon to be a part of, but most of my fun has been had at the expense of celebrities.

People love when celebrities get fat right? Don’t we all love a good gossip rag filled with those bikini photos of sexy celebs who have totally let themselves go. I love looking at pictures of celebrities who used to have such toned legs and are now sporting cellulite covered thunder thighs like I’ve got. And “Abs to Flab” was always my favorite headline. To me, there’s nothing better than watching a celebrity who was flaunting her sexy bikini body one summer looking like a bloated land whale with a big bulging belly hanging over the bottom of her bikini the next. Big guts are so fun to see. You can just imagine them bouncing. God, I miss when tabloids used to publish those kinds of articles so regularly.

Look, I don’t want you to think that I’m one of those people who complains about media going “woke” and whatever, but I do miss the days when tabloids definitely had a bit more edge to them. I guess we’re all supposed to be embracing body positivity nowadays. All bodies are beautiful. And yeah. I get that. I totally agree with it. Fat people can be gorgeous. I’m still gorgeous even though I’ve put on so much weight. Yay for us fatties. Fatties unite.

But can’t we still make fun of celebrities? Can’t they have left us that. Let’s all come together as a society and be better for it because we’re united around making fun of the fact that some vain celebrities have put on a few pounds. Let’s all look forward to the actresses who got their start on tik tok and as influencers having their metabolisms crash and humiliating themselves. That’s fun. That’s harmless. Give us our fat celebs or give us death!

Or jeez, at least maybe give me another pair of pants right now. These… these I’m about ready to give up on. Remember the trouble I said I got myself into? The pants. Yeah. They don’t fit, and I know why. It’s simple. I’ve got a problem.

And that problem is food.

Food is just so good sometimes.

Actually, food is just so good most of the time.

Okay. For real, food is like so good ALL of the time.

I can't stop eating because I find food to be so good. It doesn’t matter what kind of food. I’l eat sweet food, sour food, spicy food, creamy food, hot food, cold food. I'll eat savory entrees from every kind of cuisine imaginable, Italian, Indian, Chinese, French, German, Korean, Brazilian, Vietnamese, Mexican, Columbian, Ethiopian, Ecuadorian, Cuban. I recently discovered Georgian cheese bread. Have you ever had Georgian cheese bread? I have to tell you, it’s up there on my list of favorite cheese breads, and pretty much every country has some kind of variant of cheese bread- I think. I don’t know. I’m not pretending to be extra culturally sensitive right now, these pants are really tight and it’s distracting.

Where was I?

Oh yes.

Food.

I would eat savory food from every country in the world, and that goes doubly so for dessert. When it comes to dessert, I don’t even think about their country of origin. I just think of flavors. Ice cream? Give me vanilla, chocolate, strawberry, cookies and cream, Chunky Monkey, rocky road, moose tracks, mint chocolate chip, I’ve got half a thing of matcha flavored ice cream that I think I’m going to hose once I’m done here. When we’re talking about pie, I love pumpkin, apple, pecan, chocolate pudding. Isn’t chocolate pudding amazing? You can have it in a pie or on its own and it’s delicious either way. The amount of pastries I could eat is astounding, and the types of pastries I’ve indulged in are too numerous to count, so I won’t bother you with it. Though, it is safe to say that I love cannoli, and lobster tails, and profiterole and cream puffs and any number of little finger sized cakes that I’m told are technically not cakes but are pastries whose names I have not bothered to learn. I just know they’re delicious.

Then of course we get to cakes which my favorite has to be chocolate mousse. Chocolate mousse is another thing that is brilliant on its own but somehow becomes even better when you combine three different kinds of it in a cake. I also enjoy black forest cakes, cheesecakes of all types- including BOTH American and Italian style- as well as chocolate or vanilla layer cakes. Heck, I’ll really go to town on just a plain sheet cake with any kind of icing if you lay it in front of me. And don’t get me started on ice cream cakes! Cake AND ice cream! That’s magic.

Do you know what else is magic? Crepes. Crepes can be both savory and sweet. You can literally fill them with anything, and I think that’s beautiful.

So yeah, is it any wonder I’ve gotten so fat? It’s not to me. I’ve earned this big bulging belly. I’ve grown quite the gut because of my gluttony. It’s wibbly and wobbly, and it’s so soft to the touch. Sometimes I just squeeze it like a sponge to see that it’s really there. It is. It hangs over the waistband of my pants- that is when I can actually get them buttoned- and it’s taken the place of where my sexy abs used to be. God, I miss those things. They were really hot. I loved to brag about them. I loved to show them off. I still show off this gut of mine, but it’s not usually by choice. Usually its because I’m either wearing something so tight that the fabric looks vacuum sealed around by plump pot belly, or I’m wearing a shirt that constantly rides up because my gut demands to be shown to the world.

The worst thing about this gut of mine is when I try to wear blouses or anything with buttons. At least when I’m wearing a t-shirt and the shirt rides up to reveal my deep belly button it looks like it could be a choice. I used to wear belly baring tops back in the day all the damn time. Remember how I said I used to brag about my abs? You should, I only talked about my six pack like two seconds ago. See how much I miss it? I can’t stop thinking about my abs now. Slim, sexy abs. So toned. Now I’ve got plush jiggling flesh, this sack of fat that feels so heavy in my chubby hands. Oh- and the clothing. Right. I was talking about how my fat stomach no longer wants to cooperate when it comes to clothing. Clothes always used to fall so nice and flat on my flat tummy. Now my tubby tummy likes to ruin everything, especially blouses. 

It’s impossible to look professional when you’ve got fat oozing through the holes between your buttons. And the worst part is, I don’t even always notice it. Sometimes I’ll put on a shirt that looks decent when I’m standing up, but then I’ll be in a room, and I can tell that all eyes are on me (which I used to love) but now it’s because I’m sitting down which is when my belly really likes to make itself known, surging forward to fill my fat lap, and that fat is practically trying to burst the buttons on my blouse. When it can’t do that it, it settles for spreading the fabric between those buttons apart and poking through to say hello.

And that’s when I see the looks and hear the snickers. (Mmmmmm Snickers. I could go for a Snickers right now.)

I deserve it. I get that. I’m the skinny bitch who made fun of fat people and let herself go. I understand that. I can put up with it.

What’s harder to put up with is the feeling of my chunky thunder thighs slapping together. I’m not quite waddling yet. But jeez, I can’t believe I’m even thinking about it, but I have to say waddling is probably in my future. You heard the way I was able to just rattle off the kinds of desserts I eat. A moment on the lips and a lifetime on the hips, the hips and these thick ass thunder thighs (oh I’ll get to my fat flabby ass soon enough too.) But these thighs first. God, these thighs. They wobble whenever I walk. I can feel the flesh quiver and smack together. There’s definitely a slapping sound. Maybe it’s just in my head, but I swear they make such a slapping sound when they- well when they slap together daminit. I understand why they call them thunder thighs, and eventually I’ll probably be calling them tree trunks at the rate I’m putting on weight. I used to have such toned thighs, model thighs, runners thighs. I used to look really athletic, and now I just look fat and pathetic.

Hey, I liked that rhyme. Did you like that rhyme?

Yeah. My thighs are fat, really fat, big tubes of fat covered in cellulite. Oh the cellulite! That’s why I was thinking about how toned I used to be. I never had cellulite before. And now I do. And now I notice that every part of my legs have gotten fatter. I swear even my fit have swollen. And my ankles. Oh no. Can you imagine me getting cankles? Wouldn’t that be hilarious? To be that level of fat. That would really be something, to be so huge that my fat calves and fat ankles merged into one unified shape, united in fat. I could see that happening. It’s almost certainly going to happen. It’ll be so fitting, going right along with my fat thunder thighs.

Those thunder thighs have nothing on this fat flabby ass of mine though. These chunky cheeks are bloated balloons. I used to have such a tight sexy ass that I loved to flaunt in jeans, and well you’re seeing how the whole jeans situation is working out right now. This ass? This big fat booty? It’s not fitting in them any time soon. Watch them bounce as I try to get these jeans over them. I only just got it past my thunder thighs, and that took a lot of work. Now watching me bounce and jiggle as I jump try- OOMPH! Trying to get these jeans, which are supposed to be my fat pants by the way, over the lumps of fat that are my titanic ass cheeks. It can’t be done. Forget trying to button it with my belly in the way, this is the big fat hill I’ve already died on. And it’s probably for the best. If I’d actually somehow managed to get them on over my abundant ass cheeks, I’d only end up ripping them.

I’ve done that numerous times already, lost plenty of pant to popping because my big fat ass decided to blow out the back. That’s humiliating (Yet strangely thrilling.) And these pants aren’t even going to get that far. They will not be granted the honor of a warrior's death as I’m about the abandon them to the battlefield that has become the floor of my bedroom right here in the Rho Eta Alpha Tau house.

Yeah. I’m a real PHAT girl now.

Ironic. Isn’t it? Most of the girls in the PHAT house are plenty slim, but not me. I mean sure we have a couple chunkier sisters every once in a while, and Audrey has blown up like a balloon. (I used to make fun of her for that.) But now I’m blowing up right beside her. I really was hoping that Audrey getting so fat so quickly would be enough to totally distract from my own figure problems. I mean, have you seen her blubber butt lately? And that gut!

But I can tell people are looking at me too. And, again, I get it, I deserve it. I’m a big girl. I can handle it. Ha. Big girl. See what I did there? That’s me. I’m a big girl now. Time to accept it.

And, I have to admit… it does feel kind of sexy To feel my clothes be so tight against my blush body. Every part of me is bigger, my belly, my thighs, my ass… my breasts. My breasts have gotten so luscious lately. There is a bit of a new kind of confidence that comes with my swagger brought about by my much wider hips. I kinda love it all…. Even the teasing. It’s all so hot. So. HOT. I can’t get enough of it. Plus I just get to indulge in all of my favorite foods, and all foods are my favorite.

I want more. I need more.

So yeah, I’m giving up on these pants and slipping into something a bit more comfortable.

Now, get over here and hand me that box of doughnuts.

Doughnuts! I love doughnuts. There’s chocolate cake, chocolate frosted, jelly, Boston cream……