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Small Soldiers (1998)

The boyz discuss Small Soldiers.

Small Soldiers (1998)
Small Soldiers (1998) Small Soldiers (1998) Small Soldiers (1998)

Comments

I finally made it Boyz! It only took me nearly a decade of high and mighty

Trevor Carlisle

You guys said gorgonites so many times but refused to invite stanger gorgon on the pod? Action boyz keep my five dollars im out!

joe nelson

Love you boys, but could you stop turning every episode into shadow wolves.

Guillotine

Love the episode. Felt like homework though

Charlie

I would be a happy janitor if Stanger bought that expensive shirt with our patreon dollars

Bring me the Head of Warren Oates

No Stanger Gorgon special appearance for this one?

Arthur Stypula

I think the Turtle action figures are based off the comics. And all the other characters look just like the tv show 🙃

Identical Quinns

At Bad Boys: Ride or Die there was someone near the front row, center who filmed the whole 3rd act of the movie on their iphone on max brightness. I didn't notice them until the 3rd act of the movie so they might have been filming for longer. I thought they were just recording an emotional moment for their IG story but they kept going

Nolan-Globus

Came here to say this! There was also a Mickey Rats in University Heights when I went to UB. It was one of the two Main Street bars you could get in with basically a library card and a crayon.

Ben Kirst

Gabrus’s favorite movie of all time is Patton, and he doesn’t even know it yet.

Dr. Pepper (for mama)

Poor Rodgers…having to listen to people laugh at jokes at the movies.

David

Another Street Fighter mention… I finally caved and bought the anniversary collection for $10 even though I’m clueless at fighting games

Dirk Dribbler

Mickey Rats. A western ny beachfront dive bar. Not to be confused with the comix character who debuted maybe a year before the bar opened.

Gabrus, Rodgers, and Stanger

yeah, that's the major flaw in the movie. it can never get as wild and violent as a gremlins because the scale is so small. all the characters are in one of two families so aint nobody getting thrown through window and run-over by a plow.

Brendan Crowley

Was the mouse from Rodgers comment on Stangers Macho mouse story called Rat Fink?

Pacer Lee

This was the first time I realized that the Gorgonites are all played by all the Spinal Tap guys (except for Archer).

Joe Turner

This was a classic.

David D.

Hell Yeah

Will See

Third Borgnine movie of the year has got me wondering which actor's appeared in the most ABZ movies.

Ash C

As soon as you said that Alan’s last name is “Abernathy” I knew that was a G.I. Joe reference. That’s General Hawk’s real name. I had that moment of recognition, followed by a wave of shame. So I thought I should try to make everyone feel a little sad, too.

David D.

Clearly a future Shadow Wolves has got to be Patton. (Or that thing with Don Knotts as a fish.)

David D.

Rodgers, you should watch Gremlins again. 😂 So many "close but not quite" memories of it. And yes read this in the shitty fan voice, yall.

Brash Tracks

Do toys next to

erik nehring

I'd love to see a TV show where they try to find the worst cinema goer in America

Ash C

The 'Archer doing fucked up shit on behalf of Alan' bit is why I love you degenerates. Kisses for my boyz.

Adam Lane

Kevin Bacon and John C Reilly too

bloodflart

Please make Archer a new character… 😂 yoda is played out…

Thomas

“Good God, Ya’ll!” Should be the title of a war action movie

Alec Ogg

Just watch Dolls instead 😂

Jeff Wanless

Do you think Archer and crew crossed paths with Gangsta while floating down the waterway?

Andrew B

It is fucking FernGully!!!!

Joey Knish

This one should go on the free feed.

Jason E Becker

Yeah it was the Thurston high school shooting in Springfield Oregon. It’s a pretty crazy story how he murdered his parents the day before. Local lore has it that he slept in the house with his dead parents and Love Fool or the entire Romeo and Juliet soundtrack was playing on repeat when the cops arrived the next day. Like the comment before said Burger King pulled all the Kip Killigan toys from their kid meals.

Wizardeye

If there was a tier for the 'Boyz just discussing the weird, antisocial interactions they have, I'd drop a fiver every month

Ashley

ALAN

Sean Hutchinson

Alan: Gorgon is located in Christy's underwear drawer, ok? Archer: That's not TRUE!!!

David McElroy

I can never look at the characters of Alan and Archer the same after the last half hour of this

K-Dot

Kip Killigan: "I mastuhbate a lot."

Stephen Navarrete

In high school our newspaper shared a classroom with the yearbook folks and there was a collection of old yearbooks. I remember flipping through classes 8 years older than me and those kids looked like they were in their early 30s with mullets and Aquanet hair

Bob Brown

The whole Alan and Archer bits were amazing you guys! Thanks!

Andrew Wilson

OK after listening to the whole thing, this might be the best ABZ episode of all time. They did at least 5 minutes on the rodeo burger 🫅🏾

JoBrock Brobama

Just saw The Void its great like a John Carpenter hybrid

bloodflart

I can see similarities between this and Space Jam. Not that they’re similar movies in any way, but that people younger than me somehow enjoy these dogshit films because they were children when these came out. I missed this as I was 23 in 1998, so this was my first time seeing this and it was a tough watch, not gonna lie. Kept pausing and going “fuck, an hour left? Ugh!”

Nathan Rodriguez

Crazy movie theater story incoming, I went to see Game Night (actually not a bad flick) and for maybe 40 minutes this guy in our row was drinking out of a flask and saying weird shit under his breath. All good, I was drinking a double whiskey and just vibing. Let the boys be boys. All of a sudden his phone goes off, full volume, and he answers. "Hello... nah man, I'm just at the movies, what's good... nah, I'm not trippin...." Of course my double shot kicks in and I go "really dude?" uncomfortably loud. Guy ends the call, stands up, walks down the row, and gets about 1 inch from my face and goes "what did you say, youngblood?" Turns out dude was an OG and I was out of line. He told me to shut up and enjoy the movie, and I did. Then he waited for me until the credits ended and I had to apologize to my female friend. Lesson learned.

Devon Gravert

Such an excellent film

Nick LaPole

People really loved denis Leary back then. Guy got a lot of work from 1 character.

Hammerthrust Von Sexron

Back to back Ernest Borgnine movies. Sadly, this movie doesn’t quite have the same juice as Laser Mission.

Julian Neuweiler

I am big, it’s the soldiers that got small

away

The shitty ABZ fan voice is kinda buffalo bill? It's gold, Jerry. The doughboys do their shitty fan voice too, and it cracks me up. Wish I had a mashup of those two luminous bulbs conversing.

Roscoe 112

Same! I can now see why someone ten years older wouldn't have liked it - it's not good - but it hit me at just the right time when I was still playing with toys but also getting a bit horned up for Dunst.

The Maori Dennis Farina

This came out when I was around 10 so I was the perfect age for it and loved it. Also think it's funny you can still get a rodeo burger from bk to this day.

JoBrock Brobama

I’m a couple generations younger than the Boyz and this one definitely left an impression (had the clamshell vhs). Also totally agree with Rog on PATTON— amazing Goldsmith score and a great movie. Probably not enough action for the main feed but could work as a Shadow Wolves pick.

Jake Bart

Amazing Foley work

Paul Perez

Mel was having 5 pints for breakfast during Lethal Weapon 2. 🤢

Paul Perez

It was in Oregon and BK didn’t distribute the Kip Killigan toys there

Cole Trickle

A movie I had never seen and had no real interest in, and the Boyz turned it into a funny episode of great bits. Four stars. Joe Bob says check it out.

Thaddeus Miller

I remember a school shooting the same time as this movie. The shooter, Kip Kinkel, had a similar name to Kip Killigan. I think they had to put the brakes on the ads.

Kubu

It completely warped my impression of what “in the back” of the store meant for a long time. I figured most places had entirely different inventories back there.

Joe

I’m the Slamfist of my friend group

AFistfulofGwildors

Damn, I've never even seen that happen.

Adam Lewis

PSA: Charlie McCrackin is portraying Detective Jack Cates on CBB this week and he only has 48 hours to find Ganz!

Madeyouread

Due to turnaround between recording and posting, just gonna tell myself Jane has already bounced back 🙏 Also would absolutely pay for ABZ scolding cards

Joe B

If the movie would have ended with “This movie is dedicated to the brave Gorgonite fighters” would have been a perfect ending.

Cole Trickle

Been waiting for this ever since they did Toy Soldiers and I mistook it for Small Soldiers. You can understand my mistake of course as Small Soldiers is a film about Toy Soldiers. Laughed really damn hard through out. Weird how much Tommy Lee Jones was a constant in my 8 year old life. Between Batman Forver, this, and sleeping with my great grandpa and breaking up/ruining my family.

Trevor Leatham

StangerGorgonite

Cole Trickle

This would have been the perfect episode for a Stangerbot appearance.

Stanger's Stache

Whoa. Big movie.

C Monty Burns

I had a good time seeing this at the theatre when I was 10 years old. Never wanted it on vhs or dvd though. Was so bummed when Phil Hartman died even at age 10, all the snl reruns on comedy central I watched as a kid.

Dan Skisak

Jay Mohr, aka Mr. Jeanie Buss

Adam Ross

Lol

VHSMIA

Something I hate at theaters is when people take their sweet time at the soda fountain. Especially when there is a line forming.

Dan

I lost my mind for the toys in this movie when I was a kid. I distinctly remember a trip to toys r us (a rarity) and them only having a ton of gorgon toys and no commando elite. My mom asked an employee if they had any more in the back, and for the first time in history they actually did. The employee brought out a brand new box and opened it on the floor and there were dozens of commando elite inside. It was honestly one of the best days of my young life.

Joe

Someone make sure Gabrus hasn’t been taken out for the video game talk.

PlutoniumTorch

This is the best podcast of all time

Dirk Dribbler

this film is dedicated to the brave toy fighters of afghanistan

bloodflart

The role that was right for him was “Action.” Unfortunately it sucked and it probably wasted a year of legit talent Ileana Douglas’s life.

Adam Kronfeld

Do you guys think that the kids from Small Soldiers would have beaten the little army men that William Hurt fought in the TNT Nightmares & Dreamscape adaptation of Stephen King’s “Battleground“?

Adam Kronfeld

That's so cool! I can't imagine being drunk on a Mad Max set... i've never been on a film set but it seems like that's the type of set you wanna have your head on a swivel for.

David McElroy

I had the luxury of working with Vernon Wells as a Steadicam op/ DP on a pilot in 2017 (“Der Vertrag” somewhere on YouTube) He had amazing stories about Road Warrior and Commando (Mel drunk everyday on set) but I picked his brain on INNER SPACE and he was so happy I was the only one on set asking about it. He said Dante was so much fun to work with and he let him adlib most of his performance, including Vernon’s idea to pop the balloon in the mall scene. He also called himself “Fat Freddie Mercury” in Commando.

Paul Perez

Sad way to end your 40th birthday weekend.

David McElroy

This was definitely one of the first PG-13 movies that I got to buy the ticket and go in by myself. I sadly remember that experience more than the movie itself lol.

Kyle Chaney Multimedia

Rodgers’s latest movie theater story is hilarious. 🤣 “Your knuckles! Stop popping them!! You’re cracking your knuckles!!!” 😂😂 Time code: 1:06:08.

Paul

I love the rare moments when sound effects get added to the stories. Great job to the behind the scenes crew of the show!

Bluvbot

Damn, escaping your wife's friends by seeing a movie? Sounds like the man!

David McElroy

Caffeinated Moonshine... see what happens

Chabnormal

I cried leaving the theater. I had the toys prior to seeing it and I thought the Commando Elite were the good guys. Wild.

VHSMIA

This is probably the first movie of many that locked in me hating Jay Mohr. Stupid hair, dresses like a douche and always acts like one too

bloodflart

This one was fun to revisit. I am probably right on the age for this compared to the Boyz - I was about 10 or 11 when this came out. Maybe more correct to say I was the right age for the marketing. I remember being really psyched for it and then being disappointed. Like the ABz were getting at, the movie kind of suffers from the same issue that it's critiquing - I was super into the soldiers and didn't care about the Gorgonites. And I was disappointed that it was just good guys I didn't like vs bad guys I thought were cool. A lot of the jokes and bits were funny to me now but not back then. I think they were trying so hard to make a four quadrant movie that instead of a movie for everyone, they made a movie that isn't really for anyone. They clearly had some sense of that because the movie spends way more time with the commando elite than the Gorgonites so you don't even have much of a sense of the characters of the toys. I do think there's a good movie in there though and maybe being overtly in the gremlins universe could have been a fun way to cheat a bit and draught on the tone of the better movie.

Bobby Beans

Yeah I imagine it will save the movie industry

Kris macfalda

The way Rogers pronounces "figure" without the "u" really makes me uncomfortable. It sounds like he's droppin slurs every time 😅

Loose Goose

so 500mil box office?

bloodflart

Is this the macho mouse shirt Stanger was talking about? https://www.ebay.com/itm/265980058161

I'mDARkMan

Mitch: “they’re not that small, they’re actually average sized soldiers”

The Vulf’s Pecker

I had so many of the Burger King toys that tied into this movie. Curious what the Dough Boys thoughts are on Small Soldiers as well

K-Dot

I remember my parents having a dinner party and my dad took me and the other kids out to see this. He was a typical “Action movie dad” so this wasn’t his speed. Good on him.

Ono Michio

so many fun scenarios of tiny toys attacking a town... and they went the Rio Bravo route here. 2nd half kinda just limped along. Also TLJ is an example of great voice but pretty poor voice acting. OK I'll shut up now!

David McElroy

I was such a nerd as a teen, I saw this mainly because it was a DreamWorks movie. It’s only like their 6th film. And for some reason I loved the idea of a new big studio from Spielberg making movies. Main reason I saw their first movie, and hopeful future action boyz episode, The Peacemaker day one in the theater.

Sam Riebesehl (Reeb-Uh-Shell)

My son’s godfather has a dope Chip Hazard trophy he got for promoting the movie in his region of theaters. It’s actually how we bonded when he was my boss at a theater in college!

PlutoniumTorch

I need the uncut bevs ASAP

PlutoniumTorch

I refused to watch this back in the day, and I had a lot of fun!

Ron Don Volante

Deadpool/Wolverine seems like it’s gonna be a bad one.

Kris macfalda

Although they only touched on the turtles for a second, it reminded me of this type of mess that sprung up during that time: https://www.amazon.com/Pre-Teen-Dirty-Gene-Kung-Fu-Kangaroos-1/dp/B000KK4FRO

Nick Taylor

For any of the gamer boyz in here there is a game that has been out for PC for a while but just dropped on Xbox called "Hypercharge Unboxed" and it's a Small Soldiers vibe co-op first/3rd person shooter where you play as an action figure battling all the toys you remember from childhood in a bunch of places you remember from childhood. Looks and plays great

Brix

We are the commando elite! Everything else... is just a toy!

AMAZING!

bro this movie scarred me as a child im actually pretty scared to listen. ill be brave for mama tho

Brett W. Urben

The knuckle cracker story is why action boyz can’t be beat

Tom Nagel

Can't wait to rewatch this for the first time in almost 20 years. Finally a chance to see if a movie I loved as a kid is total dog shit. The true Action Boyz experience

GlizzyMcGuire

Could Michael Mann's TV movie Jericho Mile (1979) be shoehorned into Zombiesquads tv specials? Here it is in 1080p: https://youtu.be/a7NOQFWpwIo?si=AZpX5kXjIMgpu9ng

The Buffmaster

Thank you for this.

Harold


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