I'm really sorry. No updates this week.

I'm really sorry, folks. I didn't want to have to write this.  But something is wrong with me.

It may be physical. It may be mental. It may be emotional.  It might be my ADHD meds aren't working or in trying to lose weight and doing diet and exercise that something in my blood sugar isn't adding up. It might be something going on at home in the way of being a husband and father (responsibilities, not fights). I might be just setting expectations too high for myself in regards to work schedule and output and thus I end up hurting myself through poor time management and mental fatigue.  Trying to sprint a marathon as it were.

It is likely a combination of all of the above in differing amounts.

Point is this week has been a disaster for me, writing-wise and spoon-wise.  I've been tired all week and have written much less than I usually do. Yesterday I did nothing but stare at a screen all day and couldn't focus for longer than a tweet.  I'd been meaning to at least make progress on a commission but the entire day got away from me and I didn't even have any fun doing it.  I just sat NOT writing.


It's a point of pride for me to make content that people enjoy and to at least give SOMETHING to y'all each and every week as often as possible  I want there to be AT LEAST 52 different entries over the course of the year, (and to my pride I wanna say that I beat that).

Today, I sit here in front of my computer and my eyes feel heavy writing Unfair.  One advantage of Unfair is that since it's not a commission, I can always write it in a pinch and have a new chapter out on a regular basis, because other than editing, I don't really need to wait for approval to post.  Plus, I really like writing Unfair.

I really like writing in general.  It's my passion.

But I'm writing the next chapter of Unfair and the words aren't coming like they should.  I know what I want them to be and I know exactly what beats I want to hit and what story I want to tell, but typing out the words this week and concentrating and doing the work is infinitely more effort than is usually required of me.

When I'm having difficulty writing Unfair, something is wrong.  And looking back at my behavior over the last two to three weeks, I'm recognizing signs of maladaptive behaviors and a lack of self care that I do when exhaustion, anxiety, and depression are setting in.

I can barely muster up the focus and energy to do stupid Twitter stuff.  For those of you who follow me on Twitter you might notice that I didn't have the spoons to do any super short Twitter Stories  or Blatant Lie Wednesday (the opposite of TMI Tuesday).  

Friggin Twitter is hard...

I'm really sorry guys, especially since I know some of you just subscribed within the last 7 days and thus have seen no updates from yours truly.  I didn't want to have to do this.

I'm tired.  I don't feel right.  I need some kind of rest or I'm going to burn out and break down for much longer than a week.

I fully intend to have more content next week, including but not limited to Unfair, but my body and brain are not good places to be tonight.

Thank you to everyone who has continued to support me and my writing.  I'm really sorry about this.  I fully intend to have more content in the coming weeks, depending on my own ability to produce and my commissioners' and approval.

For now I need rest.

Sincerely and regretfully,
Personalias

Edit: After reading all of the comments coming in already I'm crying.  Thank y'all.