Living Off the Fat of the Land- Part 1

Kass strikes out for parts unknown, and comes across a village that's perhaps a little too hospitable and eager to have the rito for dinner... Enjoy!

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Kass was on the road again, as wanderlust tugged at the Rito bard once more. After a quiet few months at home in the Rito village with his family, the tall and broad-shouldered avian took to the skies and began looking for new paths to tread- but across Hyrule, he couldn't find any. Kass knew he was well-traveled, but surely he hadn't gone over every single inch of the realm? He pored over his well-worn map of Hyrule, and then followed to where the map ended to the southwest- the sprawling expanse of the Gerudo Desert. No one had written about what laid beyond the desert for over a century; perhaps he could write something new out there.

The rito was no fool, and prepared well for his excursion into the sun-blasted sands, with as many waterskins as he could reasonably carry while remaining aloft. He set out from the outskirts of Gerudo Town, stopping by an oasis to top off his water near the Raqa Zunzo Shrine, and then took to the skies. The mountains ringing the desert and Gerudo Town slowly slipped from view, leaving nothing but the bright sky and sprawling, featureless sea of sand. Kass tried passing the time by thinking up new lyrics for a song, but there were only so many ways "unending desert sands" and "blazing heat" could be turned into poetic lyrics.

Kass flew past the Hawa Koth Shrine, the last landmark on his map, and braced for the harder leg of his journey. He had a week's worth of rations, so if he couldn't find anything after four days at most, he would have to turn back. It was a tedious affair, far from the romantic journey he had hoped for, and he encountered nothing of note for three days. It was close to noon on his fourth day, and he was already tempted to turn around early… until his sharp eye caught the glint of something on the horizon, a dark blue ribbon just cutting across the flat, dusty yellow desert wastes. A river!

As he flew closer, he saw the blue ribbon fringed with green, and with great relief, Kass swooped down at the start of the reeds edging the river. He shrugged off his gear, and dipped his feet into the cool, clear water, groaning as all the dust and heat was washed off his feathers.

"Pah… how wonderfully refreshing," he sighed, allowing himself to sink into the water up to his shoulders. Kass' reverie quickly ended, however, when he heard the rustling of reeds nearby. He swerved in the water to see a trio of robed and masked figures leveling spears at him. The three wore lightly colored desert robes with shimmering scale armor atop, their masks forged of steel and serving as helmets- they seemed very familiar for some reason.

"Hold!" A fourth figure called, stepping forward. "At ease- that can only be a Rito from Hyrule!"

Kass watched carefully, slowly raising his hands. "I- I mean no harm friends, I am merely a traveler and bard-"

"A bard?" the leader gasped. The other three murmured amongst themselves. Kass heard one of them whisper what sounded like a line of poetry- or a line from a song.

"He shall come on feathered wing, a song in his heart to sing…"

Kass narrowed his eyes. "Yes… I have traveled across Hyrule and learned my craft well." The rito gasped as the leader removed his mask, revealing his features. "By the Goddess! You're Hylians!"

The four armed figures revealed tanned faces and pointed ears, the typical pointed features of central Hyrule marking them. The leader, far older than the others with silvery hair and a trimmed goatee, stepped forward, offering his hand to Kass. "I am Darrak, one of the leaders of our settlement. We are very pleased to meet you, ah…?"

"My name is Kass," the rito explained, standing to his full height, dwarfing the Hylians. "Forgive me- I am merely shocked to see Hylians this far south."

Darrak grinned tightly. "A pleasure, Master Kass. You seem to be far from home as well, I take it."

Kass nodded. "Indeed- I thought I would travel to see as far south as south goes."

The Hylian laughed. "We were of a similar mindset, many years ago. Come- we'll lead you to New Hateno. We could get you a proper meal and a soft bed."

"Ah!" Kass lit up. "That would be most welcome, thank you. I do not have much coin- but perhaps I could repay you in song?"

Darrak exchanged a quick look with the others. "I think that would be equitable- no one has seen a Rito sing for his meal in a long time, in New Hateno."

Kass followed Darrak and the others down river for some time. The desert seemed to fade away, giving room for tall grass and trees fed by the river. The heat was still oppressive, but at least he was no longer choking on dusty sand. Nestled along the arid plain was, indeed, a rather large village. Kass noted the distinct Hylian architecture of the buildings, and the villagers who were likewise, all Hylian. Everyone seemed to be staring at him- but they seemed excited at his appearance, if anything.

"How did so many Hylians come to be here?" Kass asked.

"Ah," Darrak nodded. "It was about a hundred years ago… King Rhoam gathered our forefathers, scientists and explorers all, and scattered them to the four winds. He was concerned over a prophecy concerning his daughter, the young Princess, and urged us to find lost arts and technology developed by the Sheikah- one of their shrines stands in the middle of town, but we have been unable to open it." He cast Kass a look. "Perhaps you could help us there, Master Rito."

Kass blinked, stopping for a moment. "You mean to say your ancestors managed to escape the Calamity? You haven't returned to Hyrule in all that time?"

Darrak looked at Kass gravely. "Not until we get what we came for. How could we face our brethren back home, our mission failed? Whatever is in that shrine must  be able to help our fellow Hylians." He then turned to the town square, where a sizeable crowd had gathered, every one of them gawking at Kass. "Friends!" the elder Hylian began. "We have found a rito bard, come from mother Hyrule, who will aid us at last!" a cheer went up from the crowd. "Let us prepare our guest for his feast!"

Kass' brow arched. "My feast?"

The old Hylian nodded. "We have been waiting for a rito to arrive for a very long time- please, every comfort we can offer is yours. Will someone bring Master Kass a drink?"

Another Hylian quickly pressed a bowl of a milky, light blue liquid. "This is a specialty of New Hateno. It's brewed from cactus juice and local fruits- heady, but very sweet."

Kass chuckled. "Ah, not to worry! I handle my drink better than most Rito, pahaha!" The blue rito tilted the bowl back, and drank deeply; Darrak was right. This was one of the sweetest concoctions he had ever had. He drank it all greedily, his head feeling somewhat light from the rush. "Oh my- may I have another?"

The Hylians near Darrak exchanged a knowing look, and gave Kass another bowl. Within a few moments, the rito's inhibitions were significantly lowered, as he greedily drank a third, fourth, and fifth bowl of the juice. Kass had never experienced such a sensation before, as if he were effortlessly floating in the sky- it did, however, make him monstrously hungry.

Whatever the Hylians put in front of Kass, he would devour it with a ravenous hunger that none back in the Rito Village would have ever expected from the bard. Juicy roasted meats, spiced bowls of rice, delectable fruits and sweet cakes, and more of that potent juice to wash it all down. Kass would, as Darrak had put it, sing for his meal, to the great delight of his new friends. He was a great talent after all, and loved sharing his songs on his accordion. He even danced and capered, to the great delight of the Hylians, but he did grow tired after some time… he must have had one too many rice bowls. He was having trouble remembering, exactly, how long he had been feasting with these Hylians to begin with. When had he come here, again? They had started feasting in the early evening- but it was morning, now? And why were his clothes suddenly so… uncomfortable? Ah, but here was another drink on hand!

One of the guards approached Darrak- the Hylian elder had been keeping track of Kass' progress closely. "Sir, this has been going on for almost two weeks- the rito has burned through almost all our stores, and as for our reserves of cactus juice-"

Darrak held up a hand. "Just keep the food coming, Anya. I believe he's almost ready."

"People are getting impatient- he's had his feast, but the people want theirs, too. The last one was barely in living memory, and that rito didn't have half the appetite this one has."

"Well, all the better, then. Just let me know when he finally stops eating… then, he should be ready." Darrak stroked his goatee as he observed Kass, plopped down on a log on the outskirts of town, playing his accordion and still intoxicated. He had watched the rito grow from the typically lean and athletic build of the rito into a behemoth of a bird- his middle had ballooned like, well- he paused in his musings, chuckling darkly- a pig being fattened up for the King's Day Feast. It was a large, roiling cauldron of a gut that spilled over Kass' flabby lap, his thighs likewise thick as barrels- so thick, he had begun to split his clothes faster than the menders could replace them. That immense hill of flab and feathers dominated his profile, spilling over his sides in thick reams, topped with two doughy, pillow-sized breasts. His arms would not carry him far- if Kass could reliably flap them, with all the extra lard wrapped around them. His voice was still as clear as ever, however, even with his round, billowing cheeks and extra chins. Darrak felt a small pang of guilt for all this, but- New Hateno needed this. He needed this. Kass would continue to feast, until he was finally fit for purpose…