Haida Works From Home

For Anime month, it should have come as no surprise that Haida from Aggretsuko won. In a plot totally not ripped from headlines, Haida is forced to work from home, with some big consequences! Enjoy, everyone, and thanks for your support!

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“Okay, I don’t get it,” Haida said after a long pause, the lanky hyena straightening himself in his chair. “Why do you want me to work from home, sir?”

Across from Haida, squatting behind his desk, was his boss, the hog Ton. He snarled, giving the hyena a look that left him squirming in his seat.

“Because I said so!” Ton growled. “The higher ups want certain departments to test a work-at-home model, and you’ve been chosen. Congratulations.”

“But, I don’t know… what about Anai?”

Ton snorted. “I need that living calculator here in the office, exactly where I know where I can find him.”

Haida bit his lip, reaching out for another name. “And… Tsunoda?”

The pig arched his brow. “What? She’s… essential to office life here, you know that. Look, you’re working from home, and that’s that. Get whatever you need from your desk to work out of the office for the next few months.”

“Months?” the hyena’s jaw dropped. “B-but, boss, I… y’know, I’d go crazy being away from Rets- everybody.”

“Uh-huh,” Ton said flatly. “No one’s asking you to go into solitary confinement. Just do your work at home. What you do in your off time is none of my business.”

“Oh! Well, I guess that doesn’t sound too bad,” Haida replied.

“Hmph.” Ton rolled his eyes. “Glad you’ve deigned to accept. You’ll be responsible for the same amount of work, so don’t think this’ll be a vacation! The managers want you to keep a log of your work each day, so you bet your ass I’ll be watching. Now get out of my sight, and I better not see you back here until the trial’s over!”

Day 1

ENGH! ENGH! ENGH!

Haida scrambled, nearly falling out of bed as he rushed to silence his alarm. Panic gripped him as he thought he would be late for work, but then he remembered- he was already at work.

“Heh. Without my commute to worry about… wow, I can sleep in!” The hyena instantly flopped back onto his bed, wrapping the covers around him tightly and sighing contentedly. A few extra minutes of shut eye was followed by a hearty breakfast; the hyena tried an omelette recipe he had been eyeing for a long time, that ended up a lot larger than he intended, loaded with bacon and cheese. He was still finishing it off as he turned on his laptop, settling in at work. He clocked in with an app and leaned back, sprawling across the couch. 

“You know, it’s funny. Putting in data and crunching all these numbers is a lot less stressful without Ton or Tsubone breathing down my neck. This is great, except…” a dawning realization hit Haida. “Oh. No Fenneko, no Ookami, and no Retsuko.”

The hyena sighed heavily, as all the fun of working from home seeped away, leaving him feeling like a deflated balloon. It was around then he realized he had finished off his omelette. He finished a bit more paperwork before glancing down at his phone. There were no texts or missed calls, no updates waiting for him. He bit his lip, glancing at his inbox- nothing new. Already, he was done with work for the morning. He checked his phone again; nothing new except a minute passing. “Well… guess I can always have an early lunch.”

Day 3

“Oh, well of course we miss you! The office isn’t the same without you Haida, you know that,” Retsuko said. After only a few days, Haida had begged his coworkers to meet up for dinner at a local ramen shop, and hearing that from anyone- but especially Retsuko- breathed new life into the hyena.

“Aw jeez, you’ll make me blush,” Haida chuckled nervously, waving off the red panda’s comment. “I miss you guys too! We should do this more often while I’m working from home. I finish work early and have a lot more spare time these days.”

“Hey, if you’re buying, I won’t mind,” Fenneko chimed in, eyes glancing briefly from her phone. “So what do you even do with all your time?”

“Uh… you know, I’m still trying to figure that out,” Haida shrugged. “I’ve been toying around with my guitar a bit. Actually, I was thinking of taking up some of those online cooking classes. Oh, hey, speaking of, you guys want to grab an extra roll of sushi?”

Fenneko and Retsuko shook their heads. “Nah, we’re good.”

“Ah, well, I’m a sucker for Futomaki. If you want a piece, feel free to grab one, yeah?” Haida grinned. Just beneath the table, the hyena subtly loosened his belt; he had probably eaten a little too much, but that sushi was too good to pass up. 

Day 7

Haida fumbled with his tie a bit; he was out of practice, but he was going to put his best foot forward for his first conference call for Ton. The hyena wasn’t terribly passionate about his job, but he had enough pride to want to look presentable. He grunted softly, struggling to button his shirt- it fit, if barely, but he was pretty certain it had shrunk in the wash. Thoughtlessly, he grabbed the rest of his sandwich, trying to force down the rest of his lunch- he had tried making a Monte Cristo, and this was his third attempt; tasted great, but he probably needed to tone down the egg coating next time.

Rushing back to his laptop, he straightened his fur and tie, tried sitting up properly, and connected to the meeting. 

“Wait- how do… how do you get this thing…” Ton’s voice rumbled. Haida rolled his eyes as he heard shuffling of papers and the clacking of a keyboard, the camera on the other side blank.

“I can hear you fine, sir, I don’t think it’s necessary for your camera to be on-”

“Quiet, Hermit!” Ton snapped. “I want you to look me in the eye when I chew you out for your crappy work!” There was a sound of more shuffling and mic feedback before the screen was filled with the pig’s wide face. “Ah! There we go. Now then…” He straightened a stack of papers, his beady eyes narrowing. “It looks like… uh… huh.” His face softened as he looked over Haida’s work. “This is actually all… correct. Hrm.”

“Uh, yeah, I think it should all be correct, sir,” Haida replied. “I’ve had plenty of time to check my work. I actually think it’s been pretty nice, there’s less pressure, but there’s no one to talk to, which means there’s just… work to take care of.”

“Hrmph.” Ton snorted, looking disappointed he didn’t have anything to yell about. “Well…” the pig scanned Haida’s face, and then his gaze focused on a spot just above Haida’s head. “Well if you’re so damn fast at getting our work done, you’d think you could clean up your kitchen! Pick up after yourself, you’re supposed to look presentable! We’ll talk next week.” After some more fumbling, Ton turned off the meeting.

Haida took a deep sigh of relief, and then glanced back at his kitchen. “Oh! Oh, yeah, right…” he muttered, looking over the small pile of pots, pans, and disorganized ingredients he had left spread out over his kitchen counter. “Well, I should probably clean up if I still want to try my hand at my own Futomaki rolls.”

Day 15

“You should have seen Ton’s face,” Haida gloated in-between bites. “I had time to double check my work, and he couldn’t find a single flaw to poke at! It almost makes me prefer working from home, you know, aside from the crushing loneliness.”

The hyena was treating Fenneko and Retsuko to another dinner at the ramen shop, and he was currently working his way through his second bowl. His shirt was noticeably tight, and two weeks of overeating with little activity to counter it all was having an impact. He was sporting a potbelly that billowed out in his lap, and was in a fight with his shirt, constantly pressed to peek out from under the cloth; Haida had to pull it down a couple of times, especially as the meal wore on.

“I’m glad you’re adapting alright,” Retsuko commented, trying not to stare. “You sure look like you’re, uhm… prospering.”

“Well, I wouldn’t call it prospering. I spend a lot of my free time trying out new recipes, though. I think I’ll try getting Anai’s recipe for Yakisoba- I’d kill for some of that, right now,” he commented, patting his stomach meaningfully.

Retsuko glanced nervously at Fenneko. “Well, uh… I could always ask him on Monday.” 

“Would you? That’d be great! Hey, if I master it, maybe I could have you come over and treat you to something homemade,” Haida grinned.

Retsuko returned the smile. “Oh, that’d be nice. Maybe sometime next week?”

Haida’s face lit up instantly. “Oh! Well, great. Haha, I guess I better start thinking of something impressive. Excuse me for a sec, just gotta run to the bathroom- oh, and if the waiter stops by, grab me a sushi roll for the road? You know the types I like.”

As soon as Haida was out of earshot, Retsuko’s face fell. “Uhm… Fenneko. It’s not just me, but, uhm. Has Haida… has he…”

“Put on weight?” Fenneko supplied. “Yeah, it’s kind of hard to miss. Kind of like it’s hard to miss you just agreed to a date with him.”

“W-what? No, I didn’t… I didn’t agree to a date! He just invited me over to dinner for, uh…” Realization dawned on the red panda’s face, and then she groaned, hanging her head. “Oh, I- I just wanted to be nice! He’s been alone for two weeks, now.”

“Don’t worry, it’s Haida,” Fenneko shrugged, pulling out her phone. “He’s a good guy. He won’t force you into anything you don’t want to do.”

“Oh… yeah, I guess you’re right,” Retsuko sighed.

“Hey!” Haida moved back at a quick pace, settling back in and polishing off his second bowl of ramen. “I had a crazy idea. There’s a mochi stand right next door to this place, and I don’t think we’ve ever tried any. Waddya say, night’s still young and we’ve got room enough for dessert, right?”

Day 20

“C’mon! ...C’mon! She’s gonna… be here… any second!” Haida grunted, struggling to button up some of his nice slacks. He had been avoiding any sort of confrontation with his ballooning weight, but now the very real consequences were staring him in his newly augmented hips and increasingly round rear. After a heaving effort, he sucked in his gut just enough to button his pants.

“Ah, there we go…” he sighed, and as soon as he relaxed, his butterball of a belly spilled over the band of his pants, putting pressure on already strained cloth before the button snapped right off, clattering to the floor. 

“Aw, you gotta be kidding! I’ve not put on that much weight! I- I just…” he glanced at the mirror, and his shoulders drooped. Every part of him looked puffy, as if he had been stung by a particularly large bee. His face had rounded out, and the start of a second chin was taunting his reflection whenever he bowed his head, and his arms and chest had thickened up with the rest of him, too. 

“Hm. I’m the one that’s kidding… crap, how’d I let it get this bad?” he muttered to himself, twisting his torso around and cringing when he saw how far his belly was extending. Then, his doorbell rang; panic set in just after.

On the other side of his apartment door, Retsuko waited patiently, though her ears twitched at the sounds of hurried shuffling and a loud thump before Haida opened the door. The hyena squeezed himself into some sweatpants and a large, billowy shirt that he hoped could hide his weight gain; it didn’t. If anything, while it did hide the muffin top and love handles, it made him look even bigger. “Heeeey, Retsy!”

Retsuko smiled. “Oh, Haida! You look… comfortable.”

“Oh, uh, yeah- I completely forgot to do my laundry, haha.” Haida tried to ignore the blush rising into his rounded cheeks. “I-it’s not a problem, right? I mean, this is supposed to be a casual and friendly visit.” 

“Right, of course,” Retsuko nodded. The red panda glanced over at the table, which had already been set, with a bouquet of flowers in the middle. “You know, actually, I kinda like the casual look.” Smoothly, she reached for Haida’s hand. “This is just what I needed, after breaking up with Tadano- a nice visit with a good, reliable friend. The last thing I need right now is any relationship drama.”

Haida picked up Retsuko’s hint. “Ah- hah, yeah, yeah. This is a drama free zone. Well!” He forced on a smile. “Ready for some Yakisoba? I think I got Anai’s recipe down to a T.”

After Retsuko left, Haida sighed heavily. He tried squeezing himself into his leather jacket, going out for a walk to clear his head, but then he heard the rain starting to fall. As he took a step outside, a crack of lightning shot across the sky, and he backed inside as he remembered how these walks in the rain tended to go for him. Instead he took up his usual spot on the couch, nursing a carton of ice cream or two. Or four.

“This is more productive, right? Yeah… no one caught pneumonia from eating ice cream, at least.”

Day 32

Fenneko was curled up on her couch, busy in her Instagram investigations when she got a text from Retsuko.

“Just left Haida’s. I’m stuffed! He makes so much food, I barely make a dent in it. It’s so good though. I feel guilty leaving it behind! I’m starting to get nervous of putting on weight every time I go over. Do you think I should say something?”

The fennec hummed, tapping her chin before typing out a response. “No, not right now. Just try to remember to eat a light lunch if you’re going over for dinner.”

There was a slight pause before Retsuko’s response appeared. “Yeah, that should work. Thanks!”

Fenneko switched back to Instagram, but then her phone rang- it was Haida. “Hey, what’s up?”

“Oh, uh… nothing much,” Haida responded. “Hey, listen. You’ve always given it to me straight- Retsuko’s been coming over a lot for dinner, lately. And it’s always been really nice. Do you think she might…?”

“Let me cut you off there,” Fenneko interjected. “It’s way too early to tell. Try not to do anything stupid.”

“Oh, yeah, of course,” Haida said quickly. “But I’ve noticed something kind of… strange. You may have noticed I’ve, uh, put on a little weight, lately.”

Fenneko rolled her eyes. “No, you don’t say? You hide it so well.”

“Oh, well, I’ve picked up a few tricks. Look, Retsy’s never paid this much attention to me before. And when we eat, she eats so little, but encourages me to eat more. I know this might be a little crazy…”

“That’s because, whatever you think this is, it is crazy,” Fenneko responded.

“Well, hold on, hold on. She was pining for that really big guy, Shirota, right? What if… what if she’s into big guys?”

The fennec fox groaned. Haida must be getting desperate. “Haida, Tadano was thin as a rail and Resasuke was ninety pounds soaking wet.”

“I know, but look at how those relationships ended up! Shirota’s the only one she hasn’t gotten over,” Haida reasoned, sounding oddly excited. “In fact, if I remind her of Shirota, maybe that’ll help win her over.”

Fenneko was completely caught off guard by this bizarre train of logic. “I- Haida, wait, that’s-”

“Hold that thought, Fenn, I’m going to try a dessert recipe I’ve been eyeing for a while. I’ll let you know how it goes!” And with that, the call ended.

“That- he can’t-” Fenneko stared at her phone in disbelief. “Is he insane? Someone’s got to talk him out of this…” she was about to call him back, when a notice from Instagram popped up.

“Wait, what?” the fennec flipped over to the app. “Tsunoda uploaded a thigh pic? On a wednesday? This throws off her whole pattern… unless I missed something?  This is big- if I’ve missed some change in her pattern, it could completely change everything!” 

Hours after this discovery, Fenneko had completely exhausted Tsunoda’s Instagram backlog. She was revising her whole pattern recognition, and Haida’s issue had been forgotten.

Day 70

ENGH! ENGH! ENGH!

“Huh! Wah?” Haida snapped awake, a fat-swaddled arm reaching out, sausage fingers fumbling with his phone to turn off the alarm. Beady eyes blinked as he looked around his apartment, sunlight streaming in. He had fallen asleep on the couch again, and the result of his latest binge was still all over him. Empty wrappers and take-out boxes were either left on the continental shelf of his belly or in small piles at his feet; not that he could see those. His belly had expanded to the size of his couch, a sloshing, blubbery mass covered in increasingly thin fur. It sank past his knees, the bottom-most ream of fat resting on the floor. Spending so much time on the couch had also made his rear and hips nothing short of voluptuous; red boxers that could have served as a tent for a more reasonably sized person straddled his girthy frame, the two globes making up his posterior filling the couch as his thick hips set the tone for his blubbery thighs that would’ve been mashed up against each other if his legs weren’t forced apart by his belly. Haida was starting to think this bulking program may have gotten a little out of hand.

“Okay, I just need to sign-in and start work, and… crap!” Haida started making rocking motions, his whole blubbery frame jiggling, as he tried to build momentum up to get himself standing. “It’s Friday!”

By some miracle, Haida managed to stand. He waddled as quickly as he could to his bedroom, squeezing through the door frame as he overfilled it. His clothing options were slim, to say the least, and as he looked at shirts that couldn’t even fit one of his arms and ties that couldn’t hold back one of his several chins, he reached for the one thing that might make him presentable…

“Heeeey, boss!” Haida forced a wide smile, dimpling his chipmunk cheeks. “I, uh. Think you’ll find the weekly report to your liking.” The hyena had stuffed his pillow-sized moobs and lard-laden arms into a novety shirt, with a print of a tuxedo on the front. He hoped that, with poor video quality, it might just trick Ton.

“Hrmph. They’re fine, but…” the pig’s eyes narrowed on the screen. “Are you wearing a bowtie, Hermit?”

“Oh! Yeah, was feeling a little retro today, haha.” Haida said quickly, letting out a silent sigh of relief.

“Uh-huh. Well, the trial’s been a success, but don’t jump up and rush back to the office. The bosses upstairs want to extend your work-from-home period for another month.”

“Oh, well, that’s fine by me, sir,” Haida nodded, his chins wobbling.

“Mhm. Well, try and get some exercise when you can, and don’t pig out! I don’t want you filling up an elevator when you get back here!” Ton snorted.

“Oh, yeah, you know,” Haida’s trunk-sized leg idly kicked away a small pile of fast food wrappers. “I’ll get right on that, sir. See you in a month!”

The hyena’s smile slipped as soon as the call ended, and he looked down at the table shelf of his belly, where his laptop had been resting. “Okay, so… dieting. Shouldn’t be too hard, right?”

His phone then buzzed- a text from Retsuko. “Hey! Dinner at your place again? I can’t wait to see what you’ve cooked up next!”

Haida was smiling again. “Well, there are a few more recipes I could try…”