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Pumpkin-Spice Power-Up

It’s Halloween night, and Miss Match is in rare form — her costume more “trick” than “treat,” her grin promising both. Captain Heroic might have planned on a quiet evening, but she’s got other ideas involving candlelight, mischief, and a suspiciously glowing gourd.

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As the night went on, Heroic had to admit the pumpkin had an undeniable charm. And it knew a jaw-dropping amount of “VanHelsing” trivia. In the scene where Van Helsing receives his mission briefing, it pointed out holy relics and weapons from other classic monster stories — including a crossbow from The Mummy, a stake labeled “Lucy Westenra,” and even what looked like silver bullets stamped with “Lawrence Talbot” (the Wolfman’s real name).

Later, as the credits rolled on the TV screen, the superhero rose from the couch to tidy the living room, clearing popcorn bowls and empty bottles into the kitchen. When he turned around, the pumpkin had vaulted to the dining-room table.

“Jack has her on her hands and knees,” it announced, waggling nonexistent eyebrows.

Cap stopped and stared down at the gourd.

“He communicates with us telepathically. He wants to make sure you’re being well-taken care of.”

The pumpkin continued: “He let her walk through the cornfield in her lewd denim costume, letting the night air pucker her thick nipples—”

“That’s enough,” Cap whispered.

Pumpkin-Spice Power-Up Pumpkin-Spice Power-Up Pumpkin-Spice Power-Up

Comments

American Pumpkin Pie; well, Pumpin' Pie, anyway - complete with cream filling!

Michael Obert


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