Max & Roy: Vol. 2 - Part 6: Lester

MAX

(THE HONEYMOON - BARCELONA)

WAITER: One Woodford Reserve, neat, for Sir, and one Campari on the rocks. Shall I take it to Sir in the pool or leave it here?

MAX: It’s fine. You can leave it here and I’ll holler to him in a second, haha. Thank you.

WAITER: Very good, Sir. Enjoy.

(This honeymoon was just what we needed after... all the revelations. Roy seems to have calmed down. First couple days I guess we were both a little strung out.

It’s been a lot to process, that sure is true; Roy not being his original name, all that business with the British benefactor... It was a whole lot, I gotta admit. I never really asked how Roy got so big before. I guess I’d always just assumed it’d built up slowly. To be honest, I’m so used to the sheer enormity of him, I sometimes forget how he’s way, WAY beefier than regular folks, even other powerlifters. He’s so strong, and wide, and utterly fucking gorgeous. And now I get to call him my husband.

I couldn’t be prouder of that.

And I meant what I said when I told him I understood. He WAS trying to protect me. I get it. In fact in some ways it only makes me love him more)

MAX: Your drink’s here, sweetheart!

ROY (from the pool): Awesome, thank you! I’ll swim over to your side, gimme a second!

...

... Hi.

MAX: Hey you. One Campari for Sir.

ROY: Why thank you. Cheers, chubby hubby.

MAX: Cheers, haha.

(Now THERE’S a nickname that’s gonna drive me wild)

ROY: Are you done with your canapés? I can ask them to bring a few more trays over. They’ll bring anything you want. Or we can go grab something bigger for breakfast?

MAX: I’m gonna enjoy this Woodford and then resume the stuffing, don’t you worry, handsome. Now the wedding suit’s served its purpose, it’s back on the gain train for Ol’ Daddy Max, hehe.

ROY: Mmmm, fuck yes. You know when you rub your belly like that it makes me crazy. God, it’s so tempting to just stay here at the resort and stuff you stupid, but then we’d miss out on this beautiful city.

… (sigh)

(I know what he’s thinking. It’s not about Barcelona)

ROY: Max, I love being here with you, but how can you not be mad at me? You’ve been so understanding about… my past.

MAX: We talked about this, big guy. Don’t go beating yourself up over it, okay? Please, for me.

ROY: That’s easier said than done, heh.

MAX: This is the start of our new married life together. What’s happened has happened, we can’t change that, and I get that you wanted to shield me from it.

ROY: You really do understand?

MAX: Of course I do, you big lug. That comes with loving you. It’s part of the whole deal.

ROY: I’m so lucky to have you.

MAX: Likewise, gorgeous.

ROY: I could so easily stay here and hold you and feed you til the sun goes down, but what did you wanna do today?

MAX: Mmm. Well, the Sagrada Familia yesterday was incredible, but my groin is chaffing like hell.

ROY: Oh shit, I’m sorry. We got that gel upstairs in the suite. I know I packed it. I think it’s in the blue case somewhere. I could rub it in for you.

MAX: Deal. That makes it all worth it, heh.

Now... there’s that train to the mountain town nearby that we read about, if you wanted to go see that?

ROY: Mon... Monster, no - Montserrat. Sure we can go there. Sounds like a plan. But let’s get you all filled up first. Can’t have you going hungry.

MAX: No, Boss.

ROY: And besides, you-

MAX:... What?

ROY: ...

(What is it? He looks like he just saw a ghost)

ROY: There’s someone coming this way.

MAX: Huh? Who, that guy in...

... in the grey outfit.

(Surely not. It’s a coincidence. Right?)

MAN IN GREY: Gentlemen, good morning.

ROY:…

MAX:...

(That is a fat stack of documents he’s got in his hand)

MAN IN GREY: Please excuse the intrusion. This won’t take long, I promise.

ROY: Uh, hi. Not to sound rude, but we’re on our honeymoon here. So whatever this is about, can it wait til-

MAN IN GREY: My name is Lester, and perhaps, Heath - or would you prefer Roy now? - you’ve already divined the purpose of my visit.

ROY:… Alright, you got my attention. You know my name. Though I’d still prefer you left us alone, please. This is a private resort.

MAX: What’s that in your hand there?

LESTER: Excellent question, Max. I’m here as a representative of Mr Heron, and the company he, ah, is associated with.

ROY: I’m sorry but we’re not interested.

And my husband is Mr Morgan-Baker to you.

LESTER: Well, perhaps you may feel differently after hearing what I have to say.

(This guy gives me the creeps. No wonder Roy wanted to get shot of them all. But more importantly, how the FUCK did he find us here?)

LESTER: Roy, you may or may not be aware that the contract you signed with Mr Heron, long ago though it may have been, is, in fact, still in effect...

ROY (laughing): What? Bullshit. And I don’t even care. Listen bud, I don’t know how you found us, or why the hell you think you can just roll in here and immediately drag up my past, as if we’re gonna go along with whatever it is you’re peddling like it’s no big deal, but I won’t ask you again - It’s time for you to leave.

LESTER: Yes, well, perhaps you will care in a moment. You see, by fleeing from your contractual obligations, you’ve activated certain clauses.

MAX: That was fifteen years ago! Good God, man.

Let me see that thing!

LESTER: Certainly. We have several copies.

(Don’t have my damned glasses with me. But anyway, this whole thing stinks. Roy’s right - it’s bullshit. And this guy’s pissed on our honeymoon enough already)

ROY: How did you even find me?

LESTER: It's been rather a long search, but... evidently, people talk. Especially recently.

MAX (standing, taking the contract): I’ll be sending this to my lawyers. Now, my husband asked you politely, but I’m telling you: Leave us alone to our honeymoon.

LESTER: Max, your husband is facing rather severe consequences.

ROY: Gimme a break. I’m calling security.

LESTER: If you don’t comply with the clauses you’ve activated, you’re facing life behind bars I’m afraid, Roy.

ROY: Ha! This is a joke, right? Where’s the waiter gone to? I’m gonna grab his attention.

(I don’t like this. In business, no-one acts this brazenly unless they’ve got an iron-clad ace up their sleeve. You don’t come all the way to Spain to call someone’s bluff)

MAX: Just for argument’s sake  - What is this thing that you’re so adamant Roy must do?

ROY: Max, he’s just wasting our time.

LESTER: Well, since Mr Roberts - now Morgan-Baker - was in the process of ‘bulking up’, as they say, for Mr Heron, before he so thoughtlessly reneged on his duties -

ROY: Please.

MAX: He didn’t renege. He walked away. There’s a difference.

LESTER: Either way, Roy remains contractually bound to continue gaining weight, as was the spirit of the original agreement. An agreement he signed, I might add.

(Huh.

Okay. Kinda odd, but maybe that’s not so bad.

What am I saying? My lawyers are gonna tear this to pieces anyway)

LESTER: However, in light of the aforementioned clauses, the target, as it were, has increased in scope. A new goal has been set.

ROY: A new goal? As in more gains?

LESTER: That is correct.

ROY: Go on then. I’ll bite. What is it, 50 more pounds? 100?

LESTER: Double your current weight.

ROY: Haha! Are you kidding? Have you seen the size of me NOW? Take a hike, pal.

LESTER: You have one year.

MAX: You can’t be serious. About any of this! The whole thing’s absurd! You can’t just show up here after a decade and a half and demand my husband balloon to double his size! Are you out of your goddamned mind?!

LESTER: Good day, gentlemen.

MAX: My legal team are gonna eviscerate this!

(Fucking chump! Who does he think he is?!)

ROY: Just let him go, Max. I don’t - I don’t get the point of all that, but whatever. He’s said his piece and he’s leaving.

It’s all bullshit anyway.

MAX: I’m so mad! Interrupting our honeymoon to make threats to you? I’m gonna sue his skinny ass! You just watch me!

ROY: (Sigh) Well, now we know that Ted or Ezra must’ve told someone, who told someone else et cetera, et cetera. I guess the story got out. Maybe Teddie got sick and tired of keeping it to himself all these years. Maybe it was payback for not getting a wedding invite, I don’t know.

Didn’t take long for Mr Heron’s company to catch wind of it and come looking for me, though.

MAX: Well, I won’t stand for this. No-one threatens my husband with an ultimatum - with jail! As soon as we get home, I’m gonna be all over that jerk. No, in fact I’m gonna call Legal today.

ROY: Alright, but just... eat and relax, okay? Don’t let that asshole spoil this.

We’ll figure it out.

(Hmmph.

He’s right. He’s always right. But I’m still mad)

MAX: ... Okay.

ROY: I’m gonna order you some more trays of canapés, okay?

MAX: Okay.

ROY: Then we’ll get you all filled up on breakfast. I’ll get them to bring the buffet out here. Alright?

MAX: Yeah.

That sounds nice.

ROY: Then we’ll pack snacks so you can keep eating on the way to Montserrat. And we can grab lunch when we’re there. How does that sound, big man? Does that sound okay?

MAX: It does.

(He’s so good at calming me down with food, and just generally being irresistibly lovable)

ROY: Don’t worry, sweetheart. We’re gonna be fine.

MAX: Can I... get some kisses and belly rubs?

ROY: Of course you can. Coming right up, hot stuff.

Let’s forget any of that shit just now even happened. You just sit back and let me take care of you.

MAX: I’m supposed to be the one taking care of you.

ROY: You do as you’re told now, Mr Morgan-Baker.

MAX: Yes Sir. I love your hands all over my huge belly.

ROY: I know.

(And we’ve got a lifetime of this ahead of us. That’s made me feel better, alright.

Fuck that Lester guy.

Roy’s right. I’ll talk to my lawyers later, get this nonsense straightened out.

Everything’s gonna be fine)