I might not be on time...

Hello guys.

I have currently a lot of issues in my apartment, and I feel the need to talk to you about it because it created an anxiety crise... and it can have an impact on my videos.

I think I told you about it, in a video or two : a few years ago, I had a big collapse where my anxiety attacks were daily. And we're not talking about little anxiety here, but real crises, in the medical sense, with all the physical and psychological symptoms that go with it.
I did 2y of therapy to find out the root causes, to learn to see it coming and therefore avoid it, if not to know how to calm it down more quickly, not to let myself be overwhelmed by this anxiety. Now, 95% of the time, I handle it well. And there's the 5%. I am in these 5% right now.

The problem I have right now is nothing, but it adds to so many problems I've had with my apartment for the past two months, that it amplifies the fact that I don't feel good, relaxed, at home, place that must be my cocoon. So this crise can't stop quickly here, since I have no sense of security.

I filmed my reaction to the latest episode of The Rings Of Power but it's gonna be a miracle if it comes out on time. I did my best to be focused during the episode. But this anxiety problem means that I was not 100% with you, that my mind kept thinking about this issue, to amplify it, to make it grow. At the point where I cut off the camera, I cried, my nerves gave out from being contained so long.
I'm also sorry in advance, I realized while editing you could see my bruises on my arms... It's one of the symptoms : I have a fragile skin, but during crisis I really bump all over the place and with the anxiety I don't feel the pain so I don't get how badly I'm hurting myself.

I share that with you guys because I think it may be useful. Also for you to understand what a real anxiety attack is. So that when a relative or someone speaks to you about it, you understand that, even if this person does not let anything show through, inside, there is chaos. Chaos.
And also to warn you for this Rings Of Power episode which might not come on time, or maybe also the delay I'll have for House of The Dragon if my crise would continue. And for the bruises you might see during some days and videos now... 

Don't worry about me, it will pass. Fingers crossed, in the end, that my problem is gonna be solved. Me, I try to make peace with my apartment, based on airing everywhere, purification with sage, talking to it directly. To make silence and calm inside of me too.