Prompt #17
Added 2024-07-14 03:17:16 +0000 UTCDescribe [in great detail] how to properly mix the drink “Golden Fuck-o-ladda MAXXX
Ingredients:
-Coconuts from a vendor you gave a compliment to. The compliment must have been moving from a moderate to severe degree.
-Muddled crimeapple**
-Rum of the [Lesser] Gods
-Lime from someone who hates someone else in your family.
-Coconut milk. Canned is fine. Whatever brand.
- 3-5 people of any fandom with lots of disagreements.
-Ice
**A crimeapple is when a pineapple commits a felony or greater [or 4 misdemeanors]. No amount of simply being an accomplice is enough to make a pineapple a crimeapple - the pineapple must be [mostly] responsible for the crime. If a pineapple is a getaway driver, depending on the severity of the crime in question it may qualify to become a crimeapple.
[Also a note - the lesser the God the more unstable the rum so get obscure! The god of People Who Pretend Not To See You At The Grocery Store is a great example of a god we all pray to but only when we need her]
Steps.
-Put the people from the fandom and the ingredients in the same room for 4.5 hours with no food and a list of controversial subjects to argue about. Let the ingredients simmer. This should start in the afternoon [mountain time]
-Remove ingredients and move to between 400-500k below sea level.
-Use a Vitamix to blend that shit
-Drank
Edit: next prompt will be #49! I'm out so I dunno what it is!
Comments
But PLEASE if you are on IG, go check it out. Our beautiful Megs did illustrations for it. Its beautiful. Thank you SOO much for bringing it to life girlie! I'll never forget this project. https://www.instagram.com/p/C-CI_y2OLSb/
Lina
2024-07-30 04:44:40 +0000 UTCSo, If you're not on IG or would just like to read it in story form, my recipe took...a turn. It became a short story filled with easter eggs for the patrients. I'll try to learn how to edit myself to make them shorter. Happy Quinniversary Doc. "The Golden Fuck-o-ladda MAXXX? Ahhh, Yes" said the [old fat horny Italian witch]. "Are you sure? Drinking this may change your view of yourself, your worldview, dare I say, it may even change your life." She looked at you cautiously as you nodded. "Ok, well then, sit, my child, I will tell you. However, I cannot just hand it over. This isn't something you can just pick up at a store, you see. It will require.... an adventure." She said with a flourish of her arm. "For the magic of the Golden Fuck-o-ladda does not come easily." "You will start with a d20. "She presented a small purple 20-sided die as she continued. "Roll until you get a [#17]. Why? Uh...well, because you will need uhh, the luck of the dice, shall we say for this journey. Your first stop will be the airport. You will find a couple in love, mid-embrace after too long apart, in...uhh...how you say... a Hallmark moment. After witnessing their love, head to the liquor store. Yes, it will be right across from them in the airport, see? Luck of the dice and all that. Anyway, pick up a bottle of [Islay scotch]. Pour a glass for yourself. Drink it. Give the remainder to the couple. They'll give you a single coconut in return. Yes, it has to be THAT coconut. "From there, you will head home & make [chicken cacciatore] for your neighbor. Yes. Yes, the recipe from your grandmother. After dinner, she will thank you with a second coconut. Again, yes. Look, do you want the recipe or not? Ok, then don't question me. Now, dinner will make you sleepy so take a nap and dream deeply, my child. Your dream will tell you of the next ingredient. When you wake, make your way to the florist for a bag of [rose petals]. "Now, it will be time for a [smoke break]." The witch pulled out a massive bong and took a huge hit. With her lungs still full, she said "Travel to the dispensary. Get whatever you'd like. While you're there, pick up the next ingredient, infused pineapple juice." She exhaled, enveloping you in a cloud, before continuing, "Ahh, that's good shit. Anyway, head back home and check your mail. You'll find a [Venus] stamp waiting for you. Put it in a frame and put it in your kitchen next to the coconuts & the petals. It will come in handy later. "Make a cup of [espresso]. Drink it. You'll need the energy. Stop at your local market and pick up some [ambrosia] salad. No, you don't need it for the recipe. It's one of my favorites though. It reminds me of an old friend. She lived across the [river] and every time she'd visit, she brought that horribly sweet concoction. I haven't seen her in YEARS, and it always reminds me of her. Anyway, while you're there, get a [scoop] of ice cream, something for [dinner], and a bag of [ice]. Save that for last. Head to the parking lot. "Ok...now. Here's where things get a little crazy." The old witch looked at you with a sparkle in her eye. "You see, for this recipe to truly have its desired effect, you will need to reach the height of happiness. Lose an hour of [daylight] and bring yourself to the height of pleasure in your [car]. Yes, my child. I mean exactly what you think I mean. Touch yourself. Be [deliberate]. When you have finished, find your d20. You must roll a [natural 20] to proceed. "Head to [Tennessee] for a bottle of the finest rum in America. It is made by a woman deep in the woods. She goes by the name of [Evelyn]. She grows her own sugarcane, distills it & ages it for [5 years]. Oh, you'll love her! She's an absolute [ray] of sunshine! No you won't have to give her anything in return, but she gets so few visitors. The least you could do is stay for some of her world-famous...ok, well, not world-famous, but listen, the bitch makes a good fish [taco]." The witch gave you a stern look, then winked. "Just trust me, you won't regret it. You know what, get one [for me] too." You gave the witch an exasperated look, This adventure was turning into just picking up her groceries. "What?" She exclaimed No you are NOT just running errands for me. Hushit!" The witch pointed at you with a long boney crooked finger. "I'm giving you the secret to a happy life here! I'm not asking for a full [roast] dinner or anything. You can't bring a fat old witch a taco? Ok then. I'll continue and I'd appreciate it if you keep the [clusterfuckery] to a minimum.” "Ok, so back to the recipe. After you leave Evelyn's, you will need to bring out that d20 again. We'll need another [17] before you can move onto your next task. No, you cannot [cheat]! What do you think this is? Some silly quiz of your uncle?! We are talking about the Golden Fuck-o-ladda MAXXX here! Now, when the die hits 17, if you've done everything correctly up to this point, it will start to [rain]. Thunder will [spank the sky]. Here. Take this" She handed you a deflated [balloon]. "You will open this to the sky and collect the rain. When it is full, add a few sprigs of [lavender]. Yes, Evelyn grows it in her garden. She won't mind." The witch noticed you yawning. "Am I BORING you? Here. Have a [cookie]" As she handed you the tray, you noticed the moonlight bounce off of it. She caught your puzzled look. "Ahh yes, I guess I have kept you quite long." She glanced at the clock. "Well, [3:25 am]! When did that happen! [whoops!] Help me put this [soup] away and get me my [glasses]. Yes, ok, give me a [second]! Jeez! I don’t move so quickly, ya know. Hey. hey. [Ama] need you to calm the fuck down! We’ll get there, ok? [It’s just a matter of time] I ain’t [jerking] you around! I promise. Look, there’s only [three] more ingredients I gotta tell ya about, then I’ll tell ya how to make the damn thing.” “Do us both a favor and make a pot of coffee. Yea, get that bag with the [dynamite] logo. The mugs are up in the cupboard there. Yea, I have [one in every color, shape and size]. Whoa! [Duck]!” She exclaimed as a pile of mugs toppled out of the cupboard.” Yea, they always fall out when you open that door. I should put a [sticker] on the door or somethin’. Oh shit! One got ya, huh? You’ve got a big goose egg. Aww, now i feel like a real [asshole] for not warnin’ ya.” The old witch pulled out an old box from under her chair and opened the [3 locks]. “Okay, you’re gonna need [2 things] Now shush, let ole granny take care of ya. Can’t have ya walkin’ around with a concussion or anything. You need to be [senseful] for this journey. Here. This rosemary tincture was gifted to me by [3 jewish ladies]. It will help you keep a clear mind. Take it every day through [Sunday]. What if you miss a day? Well it’s not [life or death] but ya might get a headache.” “Now come over here & sit down next to me.” She patted the footstool in front of her as she rooted through the box. Once you sat down, she continued. “[Okay, listen] this may sting a bit.” She pulled out a [paintbrush] and a bottle labeled [mother]wort. “This”, she spoke as she opened the bottle & started to apply the ointment directly to your forehead, “will help with the swelling. Will it work? How dare you question my methods, young one. People have been using these tools for [29,500] years. Of course they work. Now, [look at me] I need to rub it in a bit. Yes, [nothing more] I just want this to soak in a bit. It’ll help keep you from [feeling ugly]. Oh, I haven’t done this in so long! It hurts my back a bit, but [if it doesn't feel like work you're doing it wrong]. That’s what my granny always said at least. Would ya HOLD STILL? [Thank you!] You don’t need to act like a [badass] 24/7, ya know? Just rest, my child. Come now. ” She continued caressing your forehead, pouring all her love & care into your wound. Her touch was gentle & soft, and, while you weren’t sure if it was caused by her touch, the late hour, or the herbs, tears started to fall. “There ya go” The old woman said softly. “[Let it all out] Granny’s got you. That’s my good little [bambina].” She caressed your shoulder. “Shhh. It's ok. Rest. [The world will wait.]” All your stress and anxiety over this journey melted away. You even felt your [heartbeat] slow as she placed [one hand] on your back and gave you a warm [smile]. “Just rest. That’s it. Put [your head on my lap] You know? [No matter what,] I’ll have the [urge] to take care of you. That’s right. You aren’t [cutting] me out of your life any time soon. Once you drink the Fuck-o-ladda, your old life will be [snipped] short. You will transform into a new person. Yes, there will be hints of the old you, but think of them as the seeds in a [watermelon] or the stakes of a [circus] tent, the [building blocks] of a new life, if you will. I’ll be here as your guide to make sure you [don't cheat yourself]. There. See? You feel better now, no? I told you. You don’t have to worry. [we’ll start slow].” “Ok, now, back to your tasks.” She clapped her hands together causing you to snap out of the calming trance-like state of the herbs. Looking around for a moment, you noticed the pile of mugs on the counter, along with a full pot of coffee. As you walked over to the counter, she continued. “You will find the next ingredient in [New Jersey]. You will seek out a [family]. You see, this couple, they recently purchased a new home. In the basement, the previous owners left a can of coconut cream. Yeah, it has to be that...jesus christ, listen, how many times do I gotta tell you? Look. That brand went outta business, but it is the BEST ever fucking made, ok?” She paused to take a sip of the coffee you handed her. “Ahhhh. Now this stuff, this will make you [shut your fucking brain up and focus] Thank you. [There’s nothing I love more than a big, fat] cup of coffee.” You both sat in silence for a few moments appreciating the quiet of the night while sipping on the delicious elixir. After a long moment, she continued. “Mmmm. Ok. Now I feel [recovered]. Ok, so when you get to New Jersey, travel to Oak Ridge. Yea. [Lavinia] trail. You’ll see it. They just bought the house. The realtor sign is still in the yard. Oh, and there’s this dumb statue of this miniature [knight] holding a sword on the front porch, yea, it looks like a damn dildo. The thing is obnoxious if you ask me.” “Hey, [are you awake] right now? I just told you about a statue holding what looks like a dildo on someone’s front porch and you barely cracked a smile. Boy, that coffee really does have you focused. Look at you, you’re takin’ notes and everything. No. I’m not tryin to be a [jerk]. I just thought I woulda got a little chuckle or somethin’. I guess ya gotta see it, cuz lemme tell ya, the first time I saw that lil fucker, it nearly [wrecked] me. You just seem like you’ve got some [tension] to let go. Don’t worry. The Fuck-o-ladda will fix ya right up, give ya a dose of that [raw feminine power] ya need! “So,” she paused and gulped down the last of her coffee, slamming it down on the table. “After you get that can from their basement. you’re gonna need the luck of the dice again for the next one You’ll need to roll a [5]. Once achieved, head to [Miami]. Why do you have to roll the die? I can’t explain that. It’s just [science]. And don’t question me. Aaaanyway.” She cleared her throat, clearly frustrated with your never-ending questions about this ridiculousness. “Go to Miami. Now. It’s gonna be way [too hot] there for any sight seeing or stupid tourism shit. You need to head straight to the beach. First, you’re gonna wanna find the ice pack guy. Yea. He’s a street vendor. He sells this lil ice packs. Trust me, you’re gonna want one. Just get it. [put it in your back pocket] Thank me later.” “Next thing, you’re gonna look for an [artist]. She’s a glass blower. She works with shells & [seaglass]. She’ll create the perfect mug for you. Now, just as a warning, it'll take her about [11] hours to create this work of art, aaaaaaand she’ll talk your ear off with stories of why she left the corporate rat-race along with her ex-husband, Greg. It’ll be boring, but take it in, my child. She will tell you how she learned to [feel worthy] and it will make you [feel powerful] to do the same for yourself.” “Yea, the ole [sea hag] has a way with words. One more thing about her, she’s a little…ehh….off? I guess, is the polite way to put it. Poor thing thinks she can speak to [seagulls]. I mean, yea, it's a BIT [problematic] but it doesn’t hurt anyone. As a final part of her creation, she’ll ask you to [spit] into the furnace. Just show her some [kindness] and do as she asks. Once she’s given you the mug, having filled [you up] with a newfound [Joy & Rapture] for a different way of life, head down to the keys. “You’ll head to [5252] Long Beach Dr. On Big Pine Key. There’s a man there conducting a [study]. I don’t really see its purpose for actual science, but basically, he’ll have you put your hand in a box and feel a loaf of [stale bread] to see if you can tell how old it is. The man’s been doin this for 20 years and has come to no conclusions. He’s a crazy old nut, has refused to shave his [beard] until he “cracks the code,” lives in not much more than a hut, and smokes like Jimi Hendrix, but he sends me these beautiful [handwritten letters] so indulge him for me.” She paused, looking over at a stack of mail on the table with affection. After a beat, she continued, “After he completes his little experiment, he’ll pay you for your services with one of his home-grown pineapples. Now, he’s gonna try to tell you some cockamamy story about how his pineapples commit felonies in the night or some shit & tell ya they should actually be called [crimeapples] but again, like I said, he’s a fool. Just go with it. Let him tell his silly little story. Between you & me though, it's just a regular pineapple, but grown with love under the Florida sun & freshly picked, so ya can’t beat the taste. Head back home after he’s done with you. It's where we’ll make the [magic] happen. “Alright, so you’ve got a [bunch] of shit. Just lay it all out on the counter next to the Venus art. Don’t worry. We’re gonna take this one step at a time. Take a moment and collect yourself. [After] that long adventure, you’ll need to recharge a bit. Put some ice in a glass & pour in the lavender water from the balloon. Top it off with some tap water if you need. Drink the whole thing. Breathe.” Once you feel ready, start by breaking open each coconut. Yea, just smash ‘em with a hammer. That’s right. I said a hammer. What did you think this was? Some [high society] kitchen with fancy tools? Trust me, a hammer will work just fine, plus its kinda cathartic, ya know? Just take whatever pent up aggression you have and let loose on a fuckin’ coconut.” She gestured the motion with a mean mug on her face showing you how to open them. “Ok, Once you’ve smashed the shit outta those things, scoop the fruit out the shell & toss it in the blender.” The witch walked over to her old record player and turned on some music. When the needle hit the vinyl, she [whistled] “Oh this one takes me back. I haven’t heard this one in years. Hope you don’t mind a little [romantic] music to set the mood. My [daddy] used to sing it for my momma.” She swayed to the music, losing herself in the memory for [just a second] humming along to herself. “Oh Goodness, where were we? Oh, ok, yes, so the next thing you’ll want to do is cut up some pineapple and toss it in there. Pour in the rum & the infused pineapple juice. How much? Eh, just measure with your heart. You’ll figure it out. Throw in a scoop or two of the coconut cream and just one scoop of ice cream, but make it, like, a good healthy scoop, ya know? The kind you’d [picture] sitting on top of the perfect cone on a hot summer day. Once you got all that in there, go ahead & turn it on. While it's running, grab your mug from the sea hag and place it on the tray next to the Venus art. Place a few petals around it. Put some ice in the glass. Make it look fancy.” “Give the blender a few of those lil pulses. They don’t really do anything, but buttons are fun, right? Once you’ve done that a few times, go ahead and pour it into your glass. Oh WAIT! I almost forgot” She dug around inside the inner pockets of her sweater until she pulled out a [tiny umbrella] and placed it in your drink.” There we go, the final ingredient. There is one last thing. You must recite this phrase.” She pulled a piece of paper and gave it to you.” Look, just humor me. Say it & then drink the whole thing. Well, go ahead!” The witch sat back in her chair and watched as you shouted [“SUCK IT MOTHER FUCKER!”] then chugged the entire glass. As the drink coursed through you, you felt your eyes involuntarily shut. Your brain was now buzzing with new ideas, new ways to love, new experiences you wanted to have, new ways to find humor, new ways to find joy, new inspiration, and so much more. You opened your eyes. It was like you had been living life in black & white. Like Dorothy finding Oz, you’ve stepped into a whole new world of [color] and you couldn’t help but smile widely, while simultaneously letting tears fall freely. You glanced over at the witch with a look that must have expressed your newfound appreciation for life because as she looked you in the eye, she said. “Yup [that’s the one] That’s the look. You felt it, didn’t you? You don’t need to answer. I can see it in your eyes. The magic of the Golden Fuck-o-ladda MAXXX never fails. You’ve felt the change. I’ve done all I can. It is now up to you. Help yourself live a more full life.” “Now. I want you to rest, Go ahead. Lay down.” She waited while you got comfy under the covers in your bed before continuing. “I have to go on a little [vacation], my child.” She stood up and started gathering her things while she spoke. “Oh don’t worry. [I’ll be back for you.] I can’t wait to see what you’ll do now that you know your worth.” You felt your eyes growing heavy and as you drifted off, you heard her whisper. “Oh and you can call me [Midge]” She gave you a wink & vanished into thin air. When you woke, all evidence of Midge had vanished with her. You weren’t sure if the whole thing was a dream, but nonetheless, your heart still felt wider for it. Whether she’d be able to hear you, you weren’t sure, but something compelled you, be it gratitude, joy, inspiration, you weren’t sure, but you felt it. Sitting there in your bed with no one around, you felt it and whispered “Thank you.” And if you read that whole thing. Thank you too. 😘
Lina
2024-07-30 04:38:23 +0000 UTCPowerful. I have some rum here, I'll drink to that. Cheers.
Jamie
2024-07-16 04:02:06 +0000 UTCCreating new cocktails was something of a pastime for us. The intellectual stimulation of carefully selecting the right balance of ingredients like some kind of sexy science experiment. The slow dance of gathering the necessary supplies and harmonizing them into the tart, yet sweet liquid that I couldn’t wait to taste on my lips and feel slip past my tongue and slide down the back of my throat. We spent so many nights imagining the endless possibilities. Crafting them delicately and consuming them(and each other)in a variety of ways. Sometimes carefully, as if we were sipping the remnants of an unreasonably expensive bottle of whiskey. Sometimes recklessly, which often led to liquor soaked kisses and wandering hands. Oh, right…the golden fuck-a-ladda maxxx recipe. It was always our favorite creation. Ingredients: -1/2 cup of fresh squeezed blood orange juice; cut a few wedges for a garnish -1/2 cup of fresh blueberries** -8oz of whiskey -Ice **We used to spend the “golden” hour of the morning at the farmers market choosing the best fruit, hence the cocktail’s namesake. After a while, our blossoming cocktail endeavor gave way to rushed, bitter drinks and disengagement. The night you took the first sip of our favorite and described it as harsh and acerbic, I knew it was the last time I’d ever make it for us. Right, right…you asked me how to craft the drink. Instructions: -Combine orange juice and blueberries in a small saucepan; bring to a simmer -Remove from heat and put mixture into a blender and puree until completely smooth(you know, smooth like you thought you were before I caught you with her) -Let mixture cool -Add mixture and 8 oz of whiskey into a cocktail shaker; shake well and pour over ice in a glass of your choosing -Garnish with a blood orange slice -Enjoy Fuck it. Tonight I’ll forget the rest of the ingredients and sip this whiskey neat while the thunderstorm behind my eyes threatens to break loose.
Kim
2024-07-16 03:25:57 +0000 UTCIngredients: Fire from a dragon’s mouth If you can’t find one, don’t worry, any brand of vodka will do Take a shot before you pour it in Savor the feeling of it, even if it burns Especially if it burns You’ll need it for later. And then, when you're ready, whisper a secret Something you’ve never told a single soul Remember: The darker the truth, the sweeter it’ll taste on your tongue. (Reveal responsibly) Next get a few blood oranges Save one for garnish, squeeze the juice out of the rest. Empty a can of coconut cream into a bowl. Mix in vanilla extract and regret. If you don’t have any on hand, borrow it. I’m sure somebody will have some. Stir until combined. These next ingredients are optional: A tablespoon of yearning The ashes of a handwritten love poem A pinch of salt These next ingredients are not: Simple syrup Ice Steps: Put on your favorite album Bonus points if you have it on vinyl Pick a song that speaks your body’s language (Don’t skip this step, it’s important) When your hips are swaying to the beat, combine all of the ingredients and shake until each song fades into the next Stop when you feel it’s ready. I can’t tell you when that is because it’s different for everyone. Just like the burn from that shot of vodka you took earlier, you’ll know it when you feel it. And when you do, pour the finished cocktail into a glass. Top with a slice of blood orange. Enjoy.
Raven
2024-07-16 02:26:46 +0000 UTC#17 Golden Fuck-o-ladda MAXXX Blushing coconut, bruised lime, brut pome, Eris Rum. Simmer deep. Add ice.
Carrie A (Earserosera)
2024-07-15 20:34:19 +0000 UTCNORAH!!! I'm so glad you decided to share. This was absolutely beautiful. My eyes are watery. 🥹
Lina
2024-07-15 18:55:13 +0000 UTCSoooo when I first started thinking about this prompt, the idea I had was COMPLETELY different than what I ended up writing. After reading through some of the other recipes, I’ve realized that mine is very different from the rest which makes me feel self-conscious, but if we were all the same, life would be boring, right? I’m really happy with what I wrote and I still want to share it. When I finished, it felt really cathartic and I cried for a few minutes. If there’s any place where I can feel raw and be vulnerable, it’s with my fellow patients. CW: mention of trauma but no details. I’m writing this so I’m still here and everything ends positively. Ingredients -A bunch of very bitter, trauma lemons -Some raspberries that you grew out of your “love” for other people -Store-bought concentrate limeade. Not all ingredients have to be deeply meaningful or expensive. Sometimes it’s the simple things that you need. -Water from when you had to be flexible and change your plans to deal with the effects of your trauma -Sugar consisting of the little grains of sweetness that you found along the way -Gold tequila from that trip to Mexico that changed your life -Ice made from the tears you cried when life was overwhelming. You’ve been through a lot of shit, so there’s a lot of ice -Rage and frustration of life Garnishes -A couple of lemons of healing and friendship -Handful of raspberries that you grew out of your love for yourself -A couple of limes of confidence and creativity Equipment -Blender of life that broke you into pieces -Your hands that you used to pick yourself up -Sieve to help filter out all the bullshit -1 cup measuring cup. If you crave more structure and feel like you *need* to measure. --Approx. a 2-hand scoop. I’m a lady so my hands are dainty, dammit! -Ornate pitcher made from the sand of the desert of your loneliness and isolation and heated by the fires that you had to walk through to get here -Ornate glass made from the same sand and fire -Tools of coping skills Steps 1. Use that rage from life kicking you in the teeth and squeeze those resentful lemons with your hands into the container that held your innocence and idealism. 2. Add half of the disgruntled lemon juice into the blender with the raspberries you grew because you felt like you needed to feed other people’s egos and didn’t think about if you wanted some. 3. Blend until raspberries are broken down and pulverized like your self-esteem was after that one event that caused your world to come crashing down. 4. Sieve and use some of that learned resilience to squeeze every drop into the embellished pitcher. 5. Add the rest of the disgruntled lemon juice, the flexible water, and the sugar that helped you keep going and stir with the tools of remembering to breathe and not panic. 6. If it’s still too bitter from the trauma lemons, remember that you have woken up every morning and every day has possibilities. 7. Add half the salty ice and the bittersweet raspberry lemonade into the blender. 8. Blend until the ice is broken into small pieces like your heart was when you had your first heartbreak in your early 20s. 9. Pour in that fancy tequila, that cardboard can of limeade, and add the other half of the salty ice. 10. Blend until the ice is broken into small pieces like your heart was when you had your last heartbreak in your mid-30s. 11. Pour into that beautiful glass. 12. Cut up those lemons and limes that helped you survive and throw them into the drink with those juicy raspberries you grew when you learned to put yourself first. 13. Drink immediately because you survived all your worst days and feel more like yourself every golden fucking day. Cheers
Norah
2024-07-15 18:48:27 +0000 UTCYou’re a real one for this! 😅 thank youuu
Delicada19🫀
2024-07-15 14:33:59 +0000 UTCIt’s always smut o’clock here
Darling Nikki
2024-07-15 14:25:50 +0000 UTCWait Patients!!! *runs in. dabs forehead. readjusts horn-rimmed glasses. assesses clipboards* in my field of work we come across many disclaimers and the health field in particular can be hella litigious so hopefully it’s not too late for me to throw in some disclaimers to cover our [fine] asses. *When consuming any variation of Fuck-o-ladda (including but not limited to the MAXXX product line) please ensure you take the following precautions: 1. Do not walk as a pedestrian in IA, OH, CO, AZ and should you spot two perched crows you must stop walking altogether, just quietly sit down on the spot criss-cross-applesauce. 2. Stay away from children under 4’5 and over 4’7. Be especially wary of adolescents wearing flat brim hats. 3. Avoid ALL hijinks/hijinXXX with unfamiliar third parties. You’ll be tempted. You must resist. 4. Should you come across a young group of individuals and their canine trying to solve mysteries DO NOT PROVIDE SUPPORT. 5. Avoid operating heavy machinery. How heavy? Maybe anything over 10 ton. Eyeball it. 6. Last but not least: do not under ANY circumstance attempt to buy, eat or inhale fresh coriander. (We don’t need a repeat of what happened out west in ’92.) Simply follow these guidelines and you’re now free to (legally) imbibe. Now go forth and enjoy friends/fam/ferals-for-Flynn.
ALittleStitious
2024-07-15 13:54:54 +0000 UTCDo you want to cum-a-lotta? Well I’ve got the perfect cock for you. Oh shit I meant cocktail. Tonight I’m going to tell you how to make “the golden fuck-o-ladda maXXX” Ingredients: Ice Pineapple chunks (or skinnies we love all sizes here) Spiced rum (the rum that likes to talk back. you know them, you love them) Coconut cream- this is the secret here. Go to your nearest XXXodic fruit emporium Get 2 coconuts (I know this will make you miss her, focus) grab the coconut and follow these exact steps: palm the coconut with both hands, rub twice with your right hand, then three times with the left. Yes it’s an odd number but this must be done. This will make the cream ooze out of the coconut. Coconuts, cream… I should call them. Wait before I do, let me show you how to prep it. Get that blender honey, you did enough work milking those coconuts. Throw in your ice, pineapples, coconut cream, and rum. Here’s the beauty of this drink, no need to measure: you pour until your nipples get hard. Then you blend until it’s as smooth as the way you move. (It’s smooth, trust me) Pour into your favorite glass and top it with a cherry or his dick or your boob. You get it, enjoy it. Beware, this drink heightens your sensitivity on both sets of lips. It’s recommended to drink on a weekend you intend on staying in. This drink is guaranteed to keep ya cumming And remember it’s always smut o’clock somewhere. Salud! 🥂 Also, I enjoyed reading these. They will all be great “commercial breaks” for any of doc’s audios.
Delicada19🫀
2024-07-15 03:38:06 +0000 UTCUm. You're the reason it's that way, doc. You foster a space of kindness, acceptance, feral joy, and humor and we're just hanging here, reaping the benefits.
Megan (mlgreads)
2024-07-15 01:48:21 +0000 UTCThank you all for making this corner of the internet lovely 💜
Ray Purchase
2024-07-15 01:26:33 +0000 UTCNow I'm going to have to make this, it sounds delicious!
Jamie
2024-07-15 01:12:20 +0000 UTCDescribe [in great detail] how to properly mix the drink “Golden Fuck-o-ladda MAXXX” In a bustling village on a stark cliff above the sea, houses in every color of the rainbow cling to the hillside. Outside the patchwork borders of the hamlet and on every square of untended earth within, lemon trees sprout from the soil. The orchards here are known for their vibrant clusters of fruit, the name of their town synonymous across the world with bright, citrus flavor. The local pastas are suffused with a squeeze, fish pulled from the sea below is grilled with slices blanketing their skin, salads are baptized in their juice. It is said centuries ago, on a night like this, a young couple's love blossomed in these fields. A barkeep and a wealthy farmer’s daughter, they'd stroll through the fledgling lemon groves, hand in hand under the stars, as the faint scent of citrus filled the air. One evening, they tumbled to the ground beneath a canopy of leaves, a tangle of limbs in the sticky summer heat. Fearing he’d never see her again if they were discovered, the young man proposed to his farm girl, promising to love one another for eternity. On their wedding day, they planted a tree in their garden, a symbol of their devotion and love. Now the historic town center, in the front of the tavern where the young man worked his entire life, the tree remains. It has a massive twisting trunk, the branches spread over a pergola to support the weight of the tree’s bounty. These aren't ordinary lemons. They’re blindingly yellow, heavy for their size, swollen with juice. Nurtured by the sun-drenched days and salt spray of sea pounding the base of the cliffs, their flavor is concentrated like no other. The aroma of these lemon blossoms permeates the entire peninsula, soft balmy breezes carrying the fragrance inland, luring people to the coast, to amble beneath the verdant trees, perhaps finding a zesty romance of their own. La Scopa d’Oro (The Golden Fuck) Ingredients: - 2 lemons, plucked from the grove where they shared their first kiss - 1 1/2 oz vodka, as crisp as the night air that brought them together - 1/2 oz honey syrup, sweet as their whispers in the moonlight - Handful of fresh herbs (lemon balm, mint, and basil), symbolizing the green leaves that blanketed their first night together. - Sparkling water, as effervescent as the love that carried them through their lives. Instructions: Remove the zest of the lemons in strips, setting aside for garnish. Squeeze lemons into a cocktail shaker. Muddle the herbs with honey and lemon juice. Add vodka, cracked ice, shake to combine. Strain the mixture into coupe glasses, top with sparkling water, garnish with the twist. As you savor this refreshing drink, offer a toast to summer love and how even the most sour of circumstances enhance life's sweetness. Salute!
Megan (mlgreads)
2024-07-14 23:57:44 +0000 UTCDid we just become best friends? *muah 😘*
meg
2024-07-14 23:48:03 +0000 UTC[in great detail] how I mix the “golden fuck-o-ladda maXXX Preparation to make the perfect golden fuck-o-ladda maXXX you need to prepare. Be prepared. So I like to make sure everything is right, down to the guess list, the lights are off and 1000 candles are a blazing, ambiance music nine inch nails closer on repeat. Ok where was I? I gotta remember this recipe for my next drink. I apologize to no one if this recipe doesn’t make any sense. I mean if we are really gonna have a golden fuck-o-ladda maXXX it has to be of mule sized portions. So I’m guessing this drink is um… what drinking right now. So we are still getting prepared ok well I will make sure I have a what do you call it where you can put the “drink” without wasting one drop… oh a call glass. Need something really to get the sensory play going and keep the heat down so maybe ice. Ok Nicole you got this. Hmm Ingredients 1. Glass 2. Ice 3. Ginger beer (there’s nothing wrong with the carpets matching the drapes) 4. Oh shit what cums next… Vodka of course. I’m thinking maybe a French, Swedish, or Russian or all three vodkas could really take things up a notch. Oh well I’ll just stick with absolute 5. lime juice. That criminal lime the one so sour but you can’t help just putting it all in your mouth. All in your mouth 6. A lime wheel to really make your “head” spin. One you wouldn’t mind sliding slitting open ever so aggressively and rubbing around the rim of the glass until you decide where is the right place to stick it Now to get her done… Oh all the ways to get her done Thinking of all the ways he can make me cum oops what this fuck am I talking about 1. Grab the cup firmly. That long thick one. Make sure you are holding it tight so you don’t drop it but also not too tight as you may hurt the glass by your firm primal grip 2. Gently drop the ice in the cup making sure not to waste anything 3. Pour whatever or how much ever vodka you chose 4. Add in your lime juice. Make sure it’s extra juicy and shocking 😳 5. Top it all off with a ginger…beer that is 6. Take that lime rub it around really good and then really get into it and keep on rubbing until the drink comes to fruition 7. Last but not least. Drink that golden fuck-o-ladda maXXX until you can’t drink anymore and you are on the floor
Darling Nikki
2024-07-14 23:44:45 +0000 UTC
