For the man in your life considering a Vasectomy

I'm calling myself "recovered"

If you'd like to read this, be my guest. But I thought it may be a fun resource for the boys in your lives.

[and don't worry - I recorded the first one back. It'll be part of the next audio]

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Hello, fellow man!

My name is drRapture. I am an erotic voice actor. Are you thinking about getting the snip? Are you just a little trepidatious? I like sex a whoooole bunch and was super nervous about a stranger taking a knife to my ballsack. Shit - I kinda need to like sex to do my job. Turns out, getting fixed is a pretty great alternative to having your partner on hormonal birth control! Here's an honest recap of the procedure and the recovery because I couldn't really find one in the detail I wanted. FYI, I am in my 30's and have a pretty healthy lifestyle [yoga, cooking, gym, etc...]

Three weeks prior to my scheduled date I meet with a doctor who told me absolutely nothing 10 minutes on Google didn't already [but he's a doctor so that's reassuring]. He asked me why I wanted one [even tho it's none of homie's fucking concern] and reminded me there is very low risk of complication. He described [in detail] some things that could go wrong. He also reminded me it is reversable. [He also mentioned his three kids and ASSURED ME he didn't regret them while congratulating me way too emphatically for me to believe him].

The anticipation was my least favorite part. If you can schedule for the morning, I would suggest that. 4:30 pm was a bit too much day to get through with only one thought in my head. You'll have plenty of time to be nervous in the waiting room.

[oh ya gotta go in with a shaved sack. Conditioner and water is the key there. Take your god damn time and ABC that razor [Always Be Cleaning]. Don't let that fuckin' blade jam. I am not in the habit of shaving my scrotum so this was quite nerve-wracking but ultimately was pretty meditative. Just stretch it flat, shave, rinse, repeat. Take your time]

Stripped naked and dick pulled back my balls were the only thing exposed on my lower half. It looked absolutely hilarious. It's like a flesh-colored pair of truck nuts meant for your wall. If you've never seen your balls in isolation - it will induce laughter. They put up a curtain so you can't see anything - which is good [I advise you not to use any image searches until after the procedure].

There is a bit of a sting when the numbing agent was applied and you certainly feel a prick [aaay]. It really wasn't that bad and it was quick. The numbing shit was top tier and after a couple little squeals and comedically sustained "oooo baby"s I couldn't feel a damn thing. [I am a very vocal person with a relatively low pain tolerance - I let the Doc know ahead of time so my vocals didn't throw him]. Do your best to disassociate for a minute or two.

OKAY SO THE SOUNDS ARE KINDA WILD. At this point, in for a penny in for a pound, so I was actually trying not to laugh at the snipping noises. This was a good time to remind myself that women put foreign hormones into their body or stick a mini-fucking Y-wing inside them and all I am doing is getting a little cord cut. My mood isn't going to change and my body won't try to absorb or reject any machinery. Kinda feels like the least I can do since we don't want kids but I want to finish inside. At this point, my doc goes "you're going to hear the beep of the cauterizer" and yes - you do hear the beep - you also hear the fucking cauterization. Again - at that point, you gotta trust the man melting your sack.

Whole thing itself took maybe 20 minutes. They dressed my balls in a little bandage for the ride home and it was pretty damn funny looking. The area is tender so you can walk but it's unpleasant. Wear underwear. [Banana Hamock or G-Strings were 100x better than underwear or briefs or whatever. Just get a pack. Do it. You will thank me. That center seam is nasty] Paid $140 for a kit so I can send in a load in 2.5 months. I have to cum 20-30 times before then [oh no!] so that's a fun homework assignment. Couldn't shower that day and the next day I just let the soap run down from my belly [else the stitches dissolves too soon]. You will get the slightest bit funky down there those first couple days. Wash where you can but err on the side of caution.

Days 1-3 I did very little other than lay down. My partner was very helpful cooking, cleaning and running errands. Did not work from home. Was very stoned playing Balder's Gate 3. The pain ["pain" is almost too strong a word - "discomfort"] was kind of dull. Very ripe and tender. Use peas for an ice pack. Get 2 bags. Ibuprofen too. Even if you don't feel you need it it'll help reduce the swelling.

Days 4-7 I could move a bit more but still uncomfy. Something I forgot about was sleep. I spent a couple nights on the couch and that was great. But I am not a back-sleeper and sleep doesn't come easy to me in general. Weed was helpful for this. A nice strong indica. I didn't sleep more than maybe 4-5 hours at a time but naps were marvelous. Was able to work from home. Still ripe and tender but the discomfort sort of came in waves.

Days 8-9 were kiiiinda my least favorite. Lack of sleep was bumming me out and not being able to stretch [plus carrying myself in an odd manner] was making me very uncomfy in my own body. I had several distractions planned [and back-ups!] which all fell through and that was a bit of a kick in the... well. That sucked and put me in a nasty mood. However, even feeling bitter and tired I still knew I was progressing every day and never once regretted it.

I was to avoid sex for 72 hrs but since I read cumming too soon was the most common means of complications I decided to hold off. The tenderness and pain are helpful in not wanting to fuck - lots of men have no trouble not getting down. Now, I find my partner the sexiest woman on the planet so by day 5 I was in a pretty heated state. I am 99% sure I came in my sleep on night 6 and that helped me stay chill [that or my balls were like - aigh fuckin' fine guess we're waiting]

Masturbated once for my job and recorded the audio and then went w/ my partner a few hours later. [It felt amazing and all looked normal - albeit a large quantity]. Sex felt exactly as good as you'd think too. Just doggy-style, nothing too crazy but I think more would be fine. Holy fucking mother of motherfucking god, friend. Fuck. I don't know about you but I don't normally go a week and a half without getting off so it was preeeeetty great. Went more than once and all is functioning properly.

Obviously, there will be updates if shit goes south but everything I read says it's basically over. I'm gunna say it right now - I am team Vasectomy. The recovery is more of a bummer and an inconvenience than anything really miserable. I'll tell you what - given the choice between COVID and getting that Vasectomy all over again, I would get snipped. COVID was way worse, IMO. And I have certainly been in much more pain and far more uncomfortable. All things considered - for what I got from this - 100% worth it. Ejaculation feels exactly the same [like everyone says] and, as of tonight, I am back at full mobility and can sit pretty much any way on any chair.

Hope it's helpful, stranger! And now my partner and I can fuck the day away with no worries, no hormones, and no machines. Win/Win.

Get that shit CUT, my man.