Holy Ramblefap, Batman!

You'll always be safe here.  I know - it sounds like hubris.  But it's just simple confidence.  The same way you know you'll take over a dozen breathes today.  The same way you can rely on your heart to pump blood.  If I had any interest in being predatory I wouldn't be here.  There are easier ways - I know because I've witnessed them.  It turns out, I have no interest in being predatory, which is why we've landed here.  Someone said my audios made them paint again.  Someone took a dance class.  Someone called things off with a man who didn't recognize her worth.  You're saying I helped with that?  Oh, I wouldn't trade that for... well, I'm not sure what I would trade that for. 

I've been taken advantage of in the past and maybe that's the reason I know I won't ever do it to anyone who supports me (here or elsewhere).  Maybe that's the silver lining to experiencing certain things most straight men don't.  Perspective at the cost of... well, "innocence" isn't the right word but at the cost of something.  Maybe naivety.  Either way, I'm reclaiming certain aspects of my sexuality in the same way a lot of listeners are.  I've worked through most of it.  Again - I want to be an artist, not an influencer or a therapist.  But it's nice to see that the healing can come back around to me too. 

It's that TMI line that I can't quite pin down.  I feel very safe here too [thank you] so when I read folks want to hear everything [no edits, all the fumbles, no noise gate, no fake FX] it makes me both nervous and excited.  Scripts are easy.  I have been finding truth in lies since I started acting and look - I'm good at it.  But take the words away and I am a little more than a randy guy who loves poetry and yearns for deep connections.  Parasocial, parasexual - words that constantly float through my head as I post here.  What's too much to reveal?  I have to be authentic or it doesn't work but that means really - REALLY putting myself out there.  

So I sincerely hope I am not crossing the line when I tell you that the energy I receive from the fans of this work... specifically the fun I'm having on here, the trust you're giving me, the vulnerability... it can sometimes manifest in a way that really turns me on.  Intimately.  I think [and I've retyped this sentence about 12 times but we're going with it] it's just the wholesomeness of it all.  It feels good.  Like... "good" good.  Ya know.  Tingly good.   I hope it's okay to admit that to you.

The ramble was unexpected.  Sure, I've babbled about my dreams before on mic but this is the first time I woke up, slinked to the booth, kept my eyes closed and thought of fucking [....you?].  I mean, the alternative is I jerk off into a mic and lie about it and I think that's a dangerous path for a myriad of reasons. 

I stopped worrying about what would make a good audio and just used that energy from the reception to make myself feel great.  And it did.  The release was... deep.  Deep like the roots of a 100 year old tree.  I'm curious to see what you think.  It's been a while since I've cum that hard.

This one is about me.  Oh, but you have to wait til Friday to hear it.  I just wanted to tell you it exists now [thanks to you] but you still have to wait.  It's not that I enjoy making you wait - it's far more simple than that.

I just enjoy teasing you.