IMPORTANT update

 I'm sure you've noticed a lull in activity here, and I apologize for the quietness. I'll fill you in as much as I can on the matter and explain my absence and the possibility of future quietness if things take a turn for the worse.

I've posted a couple times on my twitter and a couple other places, my Pawpaw has been ill with on and off bladder issues. Things took a turn for the worse when a scraping was done and cancer was discovered. To summarize some things that would take forever to explain: An uncle of mine (one of pawpaw's sons) is out for his own benefit in this and is just circling like a vulture, him and his wife are stealing from him, convinced him to sell them his truck for 4k when it's worth 10k, messing with his bank accounts, telling him it's not worth the drive to MD Anderson, bossing around the doctors and telling them not to give Pawpaw things or treat him for stuff when it would help him and are conveniently forgetting to mention stuff the doctors recommend doing, feeding him sugary stuff and things that would hurt him, lying to us and the doctors about how much and what pawpaw's eating, just to name a few things.

My Mom, Dad, brothers, sisters, and I are stepping in hard and trying to push them out of any of this. The problem here being, dad wants to keep the family together while the rest of us want to cut these snakes out entirely. The whole time, trying to make sure none of this drama is in front of Pawpaw but still keeping him aware so he doesn't get cheated or stolen from or hurt further.

Not too long ago we found out he also has heart failure. (Which was apparently missed when they did the echo...) His heart is working at only %5 and the doctors say he has 6 months at best, but he's not fit enough to wear the life vest and in reality it could stop at any time.. We're trying to get him looked at at MD Anderson, but we're not sure if his heart can handle treatments for cancer or anything. We'll see what the doctors say.

The news of this and the stress of keeping the vultures away is messing with me badly. I've always been very close with Pawpaw and Mema. My Mema's memory is failing and she can't remember something is wrong with her husband...And this news about Pawpaw only having a short amount of time has hit me hard..
I'm trying to push forward, it's been hard to make myself draw happy things while I'm feeling so upset.. it's been hard to stay focused. I'm scared and mad and heartbroken and I dont know which way to go to get out of this. Especially when there is no "out of this" because this is reality. Sickness and death happen and you have to live on after people pass away.

I'm working through this the best i know how to. I've only dealt with something like this once before when my Oma passed away. I will be trying to spend as much time with Pawpaw as I can so he can see my son and me more...i dont know how i'm going to explain this to my son.. A lot is going through my mind and I'm feeling emotionally unstable since a lot of this news and the issues with family are still very fresh...

Please bear with me. I will still be working, and streaming and trying to be mentally present. I plan to stream today and get some work done. I might not be as talkative as I usually am.. i might not be as productive as i know i can be.. but I am trying. 

Patreon schedule for the rest of this month:

Krystal and Tifa images will be posted, due to the absence i held back with voting this month and instead am working on a birthday image for mihari, so that will be this month's pinup which will also be posted, Saturday (the 22nd) is the patron only stream, the 27th is the request stream since last month we reached the goal, and the ask blog image will be posted on the 28th <3

Thank you so much for listening to me ramble and for your understanding in this matter..
Love you all,
Rika