The New Ron - Chapter 41

“How we flyin' Wade?” Kim asked, leaning up to check on the empty pilot's cabin in a fit of atavistic human habit.

In other words, even if she consciously knew that there was no reason to bend around backwards and stare into the cockpit, she still did it because our weird monkey brains said we should direct our voices to where the thing listening to us should be, not where it actually was. Which would be in his house, in front of his monitors, behind the controls of an advanced drone aircraft.

I twitched and forced that line of thought away.

It was one of the relatively few things Ron and I directly conflicted on.

Even if I understood the need to fly in this life, that didn't mean I had to like it.

It also didn't mean that I had to be entirely comfortable in a remote-controlled aircraft flown by a preteen boy, no matter how intelligent and capable he'd routinely proven himself to be.

I just... hadn't ever been a huge fan of air travel.

Ron Stoppable, though? Over the last three years of his life he'd logged more frequent flier miles than most professional diplomats, business tycoons, or even some actual pilots.

I had memories of flying in virtually every type of aircraft that was still in the skies, and some that really shouldn't be.

In particular, Kim and I had a very memorable experience on a jungle flight in South America on a Globemaster II. For the uninformed, that was a plane which had been officially retired from service in 1974 and had definitely earned its nickname of 'Old Shaky.' In fact, I'm pretty sure the additional quarter-century of age had probably enhanced that trait to the point that I'd almost bitten my tongue off multiple times while riding in it.

And, realistically-speaking, if that old bucket of bolts had managed to get us where we were going, a bleeding-edge drone aircraft designed by Wade shouldn't even come close to wigging me out.

But, as with all cursed monkey things, that primitive section of my brain that expected to see another human being behind the controls of anything I was riding in was just a smidge upset when I looked in the cockpit and saw a joystick moving itself as if to the invisible whims of some spirit or specter.

“Making great time, Kim,” Wade replied over the comms. “And we haven't even been hailed by air traffic control or the military. Which means the new stealth coating is working.”

“Should we be worried about that?” Tara asked, nibbling at her lip for a moment before forcing herself to stop. “I mean, isn't that illegal?”

“Only if they catch us,” Kim replied with a flash of a grin and an unexpected disregard for the rules.

I raised an eyebrow as Bonnie coughed into a fist to hide a blush.

“Kim doesn't have a super high opinion of the rules of the air,” I replied in an aside to Tara as she turned to me. “Since we tend to need a bunch of last-minute travel, we aren't usually able to file flight planes in advance like they want us to.”

“Huh, so Little Kimmie who can do no wrong actually can do a wrong,” Bonnie smirked.

Kim raised her nose and sniffed, almost pulling off the snobby rich-girl act, but not quite. “I'm not perfect, Bonnie. The one who started all that nonsense was you, if I remember correctly.”

The dark-skinned girl rolled her eyes. “Only because nothing else would stick to you. Ugh, you've got a rep like teflon, Pos-er, Kim.”

Tara gave Bonnie a small dip of her head at the correction.

“You say that like I shouldn't want people to be happy that I'm helping others,” Kim frowned, crossing her arms carefully to ensure she wasn't going to wrinkle her dress.

Bonnie snorted and did the same. “Whatevs, at least it means no one's going to figure out you're dating Stoppable and Tara together. T doesn't need the fallout from that.”

Kim's eyes shot wide. “Wh-what?! Ah-hahaheh! Don't be si-silly Bonnie! There's no way I'm-”

“KP, I love you,” I interjected, making the girl's face go even redder than it already was and her mouth snap shut, “but you can't lie to save your life. A better bet would have been an explicit confirmation disguised as a sarcastic deflection.”

“Ron!” Kim cried, throwing a pair of open hands at Bonnie with panic on her face. “You can't just-Tara! Help me out, here!”

The blond girl at my side winced. “Kim... Bonnie figured it out pretty early, about a week after the body-swap date.”

I gave the redhead a shrug. “I'd pretty much guessed she had, yeah. But given that Tara would be in the splash zone...”

Bonnie looked irritated as she looked away. “Ugh! The juiciest school gossip in a decade and I can't tell anyone! Not that they'd believe me, even, with Little Miss Perfect here!”

Kim seemed about to freak out, then took a deep breath and released it slowly. Seeming to take a moment to settle herself, she turned to the bitchy queen bee of the school and gave her a level look. “Bonnie?”

I took a hissing breath, drawing a blink from Tara.

“What?” The girl in question asked, flipping her hair and turning back to Kim irreverently...

...before catching the look in her eye.

“This isn't catty schoolyard bullshit,” Kim stated unequivocally, her tone level and her eyes sharp. “I have not once, ever seriously retaliated against the crap you've pulled on me. Not the rumors, not the petty little mean-girl pranks, not the insults to Ron-”

Huh, so she was holding a grudge over those. I'd wondered.

Tara leaned forward to interrupt, but I simply pulled her back and shook my head.

“-but this? You fuck with my life on this? I declare all-out war and start pulling in favors from world leaders, CEOs, billionaires, and nearly every person in town to retaliate.”

Bonnie swallowed.

“We clear?” Kim asked.

“Crystal,” Bonnie squeaked.

“Awesome!” Kim grinned, all pep and cheer once again. “How long until we get to the party, Wade?”

“Uhh...” The nerd-genius paused, very obviously trying to pretend he hadn't been listening in. “...about ten minutes?”

“Great!” Kim replied, clapping her hands as her malicious glee faded a bit.

“And, ahh...” Wade began slowly, his voice warbling uncertainly through the speakers. “I-um, is it a bad thing that I know about the whole you-Ron-Tara-thin-”

“Wade,” Kim spoke up, interrupting the stilted confession, “you have access to our emails, phone records, private conversations, and just about everything else. I'd be fairly surprised if you didn't know about it before now. I appreciate you being polite and not bringing it up, though, and that's part of the reason both Ron and I – Tara not quite yet – trust you so much to handle our personal deets.”

“O-oh,” Wade replied, his voice slightly thick as he coughed to clear it. “Ah, thanks Kim. That, um... means a lot.”

“Only the best for the best,” Kim replied candidly.

“Gotcha there, Dude,” I grinned up at where I suspected the camera was. “As Kim loves to say, you ultra-rock.”

“I don't recall her ever saying ultra,” Tara chimed in, looking between me and Kim. “B-but... if Kim and Ron trust you, Wade, then I will too... but-”

Tara's blue eyes met Kim's green, and the blond visibly steeled herself, looking over to a still-cowed Bonnie for a brief moment.

“-but, I want you to trust Bonnie, Kim. You too, Ron,” Tara added, flashing a nod at me. “Because I trust her... just like you trust Wade. It might not be exactly the same, but... Bonnie's my friend, and I trust her not to hurt me or the people I'm dating, right B?”

Bonnie blinked, sniffed a bit and blinked rapidly as she looked towards one of the walls of the craft. “S-sure, T.”

There was a moment's pause.

“A-and, um-thanks,” Bonnie muttered, going for her purse and extracting a tissue before reaching up and dabbing her eyes.

Kim and I pretended not to see anything as Tara smiled back.

From there, no more sudden heart-to-heart moments were had as we all busied ourselves with last minute preparations. Or, at least, the girls did as they popped out mirrors to check makeup and touch up anything that hadn't quite survived the ride. Personally, I just ran a comb through my hair and woke up Rufus.

“Alright little buddy, almost there,” I nudged the comatose weight in my pocket until it began to stir. Unlike my usual cargo pants pockets, Rufus had been forced to take refuge in an inner-vest pocket of my jacket.

“Ugh! Cheese?” Rufus asked plaintively, popping his head out only to be greeted with disappointment at the bare walls of the drone's interior.

I sighed. “Yes, Rufus, there will be cheese!”

“Woo!”

“But!” I warned him, pointing a finger between his eyes. “We're fancy tonight! That means no diving into the fondue fountain-”

Bonnie shuddered, turned to me with her mouth open to comment, then shook her head and went back to trying to fix her bra without wrinkling her dress in the process.

“-or anything crazy like that!” I pressed him. “You want something, you ask a waiter for it. Or, if they won't, get me. You'd probably be best-served by sticking with me, Kim, or Tara, though. You wander off alone and someone's going to panic when they see you. Remember Montreal?”

Rufus, who had been giving me a nasty look, suddenly shuddered and nodded. “No knives!”

“No knives,” I confirmed his squeak, “but you know how rich people are. They can get freaky about stuff. So you stick near one of us instead of trying to make a run for the kitchen to help yourself, okay?”

Rufus' head bobbed in quick jerks as he held out a small paw with a finger-claw up. “Gotcha!”

“Coming in for the landing,” Wade called out.

“Wait-wait-ah, there,” Bonnie sighed in relief, putting her shoe back in place as she was finally satisfied with the way her hose was laying. “All good!”

“Same here,” Tara replied happily.

“That makes three,” Kim stated, taking a deep breath.

“Four and five, good to go,” I nodded at Rufus, who had donned the tiny white collar and black bow tie I'd stolen off a Ken-doll's clothing line for him. The full suit hadn't fit, but this was probably good enough. “Last warning about alcohol. Anyone gets drunk, the rest of us are under obligations to write on their faces and take goofy pictures with them to teach them a valuable lesson.”

“Ugh, you sound like my mom!” Bonnie whined.

The rest of us gave her a look at that.

“Fine! Fine, only... one wine cooler, whatever,” Bonnie muttered unhappily.

Kim and I matched each other with an eye-roll. Then we felt the engines of the drone shift and momentum arrest momentarily as the craft stopped lateral motion completely. Instead, the drone-plane began slowly dropping down to Earth, once more displaying the VTOL capability that Wade had so carefully engineered.

“And... down!” Wade called out, the pneumatic doors hissing as they unsealed the cabin and opened up. “Ladies and gentleman, the plane has come to a complete stop. You're now free to egress the craft and go about your night.”

“How about the pilot?” I called back, Kim blinking at me as I flashed her a grin while Bonnie and Tara stepped out. “C'mon man, you're part of the team too!”

Wade gave a huge put-upon sigh through the speakers and, with a few lines of oscillating light, an image began to form. The young African-American boy genius that was our coordinator shifted uneasily in his holographic image, dressed to the nines in a full tuxedo and bow tie himself.

“Holy cow! Wade? Er, Holo-Wade?” Kim gushed, looking him over. “I totally thought you weren't going to make it!”

“Ron talked me into it,” Wade stated, a bit bashfully as he reached up to touch his hair. “This is, ah... I mean, I'm not actually wearing this. It's just being fed onto the holographic outline of my body, so-”

“You look great,” Kim waved him off, smiling. Then gave me a brilliant smile and a quick peck on the lips. “It means a lot to have the entire team here tonight. Thanks, guys.”

I gave her a thumbs up and flashed Wade a knowing look as he rolled his eyes.

That boy needs a bit of self-esteem work. He really thought KP wouldn't want him with us as a hologram tonight.

Sure, Kim would probably prefer a showing in the flesh, but that wasn't going to happen without some extreme situation drawing him out of his genius-cave.

“Alright, let's get to it,” I grinned, offering Kim my hand and eliciting a light blush as we walked out of the drone together.

…

“Oh, you simply must tell that story with the... what was it? Giant hotdog balloon? Yes, that one!”

I mean... it was a party.

“How delightful! There's really nothing like hearing it straight from someone who was there. I tell Gladys all the time, don't I honey?”

Snooty rich people.

“Yes Dear – sigh – You always do. Now, this intriguing creature perched on your shoulder... a naked mole rat, you said?”

Fine wines, finer cheeses.

“Interesting! And you say he helps you out on missions? Defused a bomb?! Oh my!”

I could see Bonnie out of the corner of my eye, for once actually making a show of getting alone with Kim... as per her viral interview about being my partner's BFF during the whole Adrenna Lynn fiasco. They were engaged with a bunch of people in suits and dresses that each cost more money than our individual family homes were worth. Thankfully, I could hide that particular disgust well enough.

“Oh, that reminds me of the time I took my third yacht out to the Gold Coast and some scoundrels tried to board me and take the ship! Why, my security earned their pay that day!”

Tara, next to me, made all the right noises in appreciation while looking at her juice like she wanted something a bit stronger.

“We had an incident like that in Brazil! A group of-of... why, they were practically brigands from a few centuries ago, though with none of the style! They accosted my vehicle and tried to take me hostage!”

Wade had been allowed to wander off alone given his rather insubstantial nature and had lucked into a pair of entrepreneurs who wanted to talk tech after they'd seen the remote-controlled passenger drone land. A whispered warning not to make any legally-binding agreements and he'd given me a serious nod before heading off.

“Ah, Ronald my boy!”

“Ronnie, you came!”

I felt my hackles relax a bit as the enthusiastic cries penetrated the cloying bubble of social disconnection and extravagant wealth.

Why do I want to be one of these people again?

I looked around, my eyes tracking the opulently-set tables with crystal goblets, the private grotto at the edge of the island lit with stained glass-covered candles, the elaborately decorated marble that had been carved to fit against the uneven rock shelf next to the beach...

Right, yeah... I want the money so I don't have to put up with these people ever again, right.

Offering a more honest grin, I embraced the buff younger Senior as he clapped my back in a too-friendly hug. “It is wonderful to see you again, my friend! Oh, and of course you too, little rodent pal!”

While Rufus squeaked in a half-confused, half-gratified response, Tara obligingly backed off just before the impact, blinking as she tried to work out whether or not to smile.

“Haha! Let the boy breathe, Junior!” The elder laughed in a restrained fashion as he walked more sedately to us, the crowd parting around them as he did so.

Well, except for the Seniors. I'll probably keep talking to them.

“Oh, and this must be your lovely date for the evening,” Senior smiled, looking to Tara as he extended a hand.

“Ah, I'm-um, Tara. And, yes, I'm Ron's girlfriend,” she admitted shyly, extending a matching hand to the elder senior, who took hers in his and brought it up to brush against his lips.

“It's a pleasure to meet you, Ms. Tara,” Senor Senior Sr. pronounced, rising from his bow with only a bit of a wince at the movement.

Tara blushed deeply and giggled. “It's wonderful to meet you as well, sir.”

“And she is just beeeautiful!” Jr. announced, prancing over to my girlfriend and plucking at her dress affectionately. “Oh, such simple fabrics, but worn so well! I simply have to have you over for a formal fitting!”

I chuckled as Tara's eyes widened at the entirely-legitimate offer, which underlined one of the reasons I didn't actually dislike the Seniors.

Junior was, admittedly a bit much, but as far as the obscenely rich went...

Well, neither of the two men – or, the man and man-child – were actually bad people. Their capriciousness came from a complete and total disconnect with normal society that was the real problem, and that could be fixed. Especially since the two were actually curious about how the average John and Jane lived. Most of the people here would probably be horrified at the idea of being taken out to your average burger joint or Bueno Nacho-style fast food restaurant, but the Seniors struck me as... well, they probably wouldn't become regulars or anything, but they'd enjoy the experience and it might become something for special occasions.

I could deal with that type of person. People who had been born into money and never knew anything different, but weren't actively malicious about acquiring more or hurting people with it.

Even in that alternate future where they'd become villains... the Seniors hadn't actually hired all that many henchmen. They'd done their villainy themselves. Gotten their hands dirty and been branded international criminals and been sent to jail.

Don't get me wrong, I still thought the entire Supervillain Lifestyle bit was kind of stupid, but I could totally respect that level of commitment and skin in the game.

So, yeah, I'd probably keep in touch with the two of them.

Then a voice came over the loudspeakers.

A very familiar voice.

“Well, well, well... hobnobbing with the rich and famous! I suppose I should expect nothing less from my teenage arch nemesis!”

I sighed, partly in relief and partly in exasperation, downing my drink as the Seniors turned to look at the crazy blue man in a stylized labcoat who had stepped onto the scene flanked by a dozen men in red suits...

...and one woman in a green and black catsuit.

“Well, looks like the entertainment is here,” I announced, shrugging.

~~~

Hmm... well, we're finally at the party, at least. Shame about that interrupt! But, hey, did anyone expect a completely normal and average outing for our burgeoning team of crime-fighters?

Anyway, I've been preoccupied packing and getting ready for my trip, but the... uh, 'good news' I guess? Is that I have a 14 hour flight coming up. So, uh... look for a chapter by Saturday, at least? Possibly posted in a foreign nation? Wee...

First vacation in five years coming up!

Next update will likely be Mind Games with an extra-long chapter of The Hand We're Dealt coming down the pipe as well.