The New Ron - Chapter 38

I blinked, sitting up groggily as my hand groped for whatever was making the noise that had disturbed my sleep. Eventually, I grabbed the Kimmunicator, my Kimmunicator, and tapped it. Taking a breath, I cleared my throat and crushed the automatic annoyance response at the current situation and composed my best customer service tone. “Good morning. You've reached Ron Stoppable. Who may I ask is calling?”

“Ah, Young Ronald. Always a pleasure. Do forgive an absent-minded old man for calling at such an inopportune time. I'm afraid this was the only chance I would have today to call and congratulate you on your successful apprehension of that conniving television actress.”

I inhaled deeply through my nose, smothering a yawn as I did so. “Ah, Senior Senior. No biggie. I needed to get up pretty soon anyway, school and all that. You saw the news then, huh?”

“Indeed. Junior has also purchased a... ah, 'platinum membership' to your internet page and showed off the more detailed documentation of your feats of daring do. Quite impressive.”

“A lot of it was KP keeping Adrena Lynn busy while I went after the girls to save them,” I deflected, a mix of false and true modesty.

“Regardless, I merely wished to ensure your wellness after such an episode as well as wish you and young Ms. Possible all the best. Please communicate to your friend that I have been pressuring my many holdings to adopt more ecologically-friendly technologies. I especially enjoy switching over to these new 'LED' bulbs. The light is so much more diffuse and less harsh on my eyes.”

I opened my mouth to give receipt of the thanks, but was interrupted.

“Ah, Father? Is that Ronald? Oh, happy day!” Junior's voice grew louder as noise indicating the phone was fumbled over to his hands muffled the speaker for a moment. “Father and I are all the talk among the Billionaire's Club for our association with you. You and Kimberly simply must find time to attend one of the fancy parties they're hosting! As our guests, of course!”

“Ah, I'll have to run it by Kim to make sure we don't have any prior engagements. Would it be alright if we brought the girls from the video with us? Tara's part of the team now and Bonnie is Kim's bestie from way back.” My light fib aside, putting Bonnie further in my corner by snagging her an invite to the ultra-rich was hardly a bad thing... as long as she knew to behave herself.

“Of course, of course! The hostage girl and the new one are welcome as well – and you simply must bring along your tiny rodent friend!” Junior enthused.

“Rufus will definitely be along for any place that might have fancy cheeses,” I not-joked, the 'tiny rodent' in question snapping out of his attempts at prolonging his sleep cycle in favor of looking around for the promised treat. “Ah... call me when you have the details, I guess?”

 “That I can do! Ciao!”

There was a moment's silence, then the clearing of a much more eloquent voice. “I do apologize, Ronald. Junior can become... overly enthusiastic when the mood strikes him. I will have to give him a stern lecture on telephone etiquette later.”

“I think that's one of the few areas where Junior's actually pretty on-par with your average teenager, Sir. And being one myself, I don't mind too much,” I chuckled.

“Still, there must be some decorum preserved. Ah, where are my manners now? I should release you to, to ready yourself for a day of scholarship. Do pass my best on to young Kimberly and the other young women involved in the incident, please.”

“Of course, Sir. I'm sure Kim will be happy to hear you and Junior are keeping yourself abreast of our missions, especially considering your generous donation. And I'll be sure to tell her about your green energy initiatives, too. Have a good day.”

“You as well, good day.”

Listening for another half-second to ensure he had said his peace, I pulled the Kimmunicator away from my ear and dropped back onto my bed, releasing a jaw-cracking yawn as I stared up at the ceiling before allowing my gaze to drift towards my alarm clock.

I sighed, leveraged myself back up, and turned it off.

“I'd have really preferred the thirty minutes of sleep, but... oh, well. Quick workout to get the blood pumping it is,” I stated, popping my neck before dropping to the floor and beginning my daily set of pushups.

Rufus peered at me with still-fuzzy eyes, squinted against the daylight peeking in through the curtains, shook his head in dismay and disbelief, and rolled over to go back to sleep.

…

“Yo, Kim! Ron! Sick bust on that bitch Lynn last weekend!” The big guy wearing a football jersey called out, pumping a fist above his head.

I snapped finger-guns at him. “Right back at ya, man! Great job with the game on Saturday yourself!”

A smile bloomed on his face, and he unrolled his fist into a hand that slapped into mine for a high-five. “Thanks man!”

As we walked away down the hall, Kim leaned into my personal space with a small smile. “You have no idea who that was, do you?”

“Not a clue,” I replied unabashedly, not even breaking stride.

Kim snorted lightly and, shaking her head, informed me, “He's the running back. Jeff Slaughter.”

I opened my mouth to reply when-

“Saw ya' on the tube, cheerleader,” a dark-skinned boy grinned at Kim, swaggering up. “Some sweet moves. Gotta' tell us the whole shit next time you're down our way.”

“Unlikely, Vinnie,” Kim replied dryly as the guy thumbed towards one of the school's back halls. “I'm doing my best to stay out of detention, like you should too?”

Vinnie rolled his eyes with a grin. “Man's got it out for me. Ask your boy there-” He jerked his chin at me. “-he knows how it is when the dog's Barkin atcha.”

“Don't run, his visual acuity's based on movement,” I replied dryly.

Vinnie coughed up a startled laugh and held up a fist which Kim bumped her knuckles against hesitantly. “Yer alright, Stoppable. Cya' Wednesday, man. Later, Ms. Prez.”

“Later,” Kim nodded, then shot me a look. “You've got detention on Wednesday? For what?”

I frowned, considered the question, then looked down at Rufus' pocket. “Detention slip, buddy?” As the naked mole rat rifled through whatever was in there with him, I shrugged at KP. “I basically stopped paying attention when Barkin hands me a slip these days. After the third one I got for having shoes that were 'suspiciously quiet,' I figured it didn't actually matter what he wrote me up for.”

Kim frowned as Rufus finally produced the yellow slip of carbon-paper and frowned at it. “Excessive PDA?”

I clicked my tongue and snapped my fingers. “Right! That was when Tara and I were hugging in the hallway.”

Kim blinked slowly, looking from the paper to me. “Ron... I didn't believe you at first, but this is an abuse of authority. He's obviously specifically targeting you!”

I nodded. “Yep. My current theory is that the strain of being forced to constantly substitute for over a dozen different teachers that constantly need to take extended leaves of absence has caused the man to go mad with power given that he's the only one keeping the school running and thus free to act with impunity.”

There was a tap on my shoulder.

I didn't turn around, just held out my hand.

A slip of yellow carbon-paper was momentarily deposited into it. “See ya next week, Mr. B. Wednesday?”

“Thursday, Stoppable. Middleton has the basketball game on Wednesday,” Barkin replied, his voice already fading as he walked away.

“Right, right. Where is my head today?” I asked rhetorically, handing the slip to Rufus. “File that one, if you please?”

Rufus squeaked, accepted the document, and dove back into my overlarge pocket.

“Ron,” Kim hissed, exasperation on her face as she squeezed her eyes shut. “You can't just take this. He-he's bullying you! We should go complain to the principal!”

“Mr. Johnson took an extended leave of absence for psychiatric evaluation after that school trip to the museum, remember?” I asked.

Kim palmed her face. “Right, with the-”

“Uh-huh,” I nodded.

“-and the-” She continued, making an odd motion with her hands.

“-yep,” I sighed.

“-if we didn't deal with weirder on an everyday basis, I'd probably want a trip somewhere nice and quiet, too.” Kim shook her head.

“Monkeys, they always show up when you least expect,” I crossed my arms and scowled disapprovingly.

“I thought you were off the monkey-hate train?” Kim eyed me oddly, then stopped. “No, you're not dodging the question. What are you going to do about Barkin?”

“So... first, I tried to get off the monkey hate train, but the guy checking the tickets was actually a smelly ape in disguise and wouldn't let me off,” I replied in a perfectly serious tone, Kim's lips twitching in to a smile eve as she tried to glare at me. “Second, by this point Barkin's given me more than enough detentions to escalate punishments to in or out-of-school suspensions and maybe even an expulsion hearing if he wanted.”

“Which is why-” Kim started, and I held up a hand for a pause, which she frowned at me, but granted.

“But he hasn't. I've been thinking about it a lot because of that and...” I stopped, making a show of cocking my head thoughtfully. “I'm pretty sure this is actually his way of trying to help me.”

Kim blinked, staring at me for a few long seconds. “You'll have to explain that one to me.”

“I think that Barkin's convinced if I don't have someone actively riding me to do at least marginally better than the lowest possible passing grade, that's what I'll default to. He calls me 'slacker' enough to sell it.” I shrugged, finally reaching my locker and spinning the dial.

Kim opened her mouth, closed it, frowned again, and finally spoke up. “... and you think that by constantly putting you in detention where he can loom over you and visually check that you're getting at least some school work done, he's making sure you'll do better than the lowest possible bar.”

I opened my locker and gave Kim a tired look. “I know it's a little bonkers, but basically nothing else makes sense. It's either that or the man is so willfully, myopically-blind to his own behavior in my specific case that he might actually qualify for having gone legitimately crazy.”

Kim grimaced and stepped over to her own locker. “When you put it like that... yeah, I can see it. But it's still wrong!”

I nodded. “Which is why I make triplicate copies of every detention slip he hands me and have multiple collated files ready to be handed over to the superintendent, a lawyer, and a judge in the event Barkin ever crosses the line. Until it gets to that point, though, I'll take the extra hour after school every week to finish up assignments before I head home. It saves me from lugging textbooks around anyway.”

Kim sighed, shaking her head. “It's your life, Ron. So I'll leave it be, but if it starts interfering with missions or your job as the Mad Dog...”

I snorted. “I think Barkin learned his lesson when he tried to give you detention back at the beginning of school with the whole explosive tick-thing. He doesn't necessarily let me reschedule detention or anything, but he doesn't get me in more trouble for ditching if I'm in another time zone fighting a mutant, mad scientist, or master thief either.”

“Well it's great that he learned something from the school almost being blown up,” Kim scowled in memory. “And his students.”

Then a pair of feminine arms wrapped around my neck from behind, leveraging the body they were attached to onto my back and pressing two very soft body parts onto me. “Ron! There you are!”

“Hey Tara,” Kim smiled, stepping up to me and trading 'friendly-girl' kisses on their cheeks before the redhead discreetly pressed her lips to my own cheek. “Had a good day off?”

“The best,” Tara replied, still hanging on me a little as she pressed a quick kiss on the same spot Kim had. “I feel a lot better after taking some time to digest everything. No shakes at all!”

It went without saying that your first brush with death was always a big moment and usually a bad one. Tara had been more than a bit teary, shaky, and had her resolve upended over joining the team. We'd talked on the phone briefly yesterday and she'd said that it felt like the shock was passing, but she'd be more sure tomorrow (today). That had turned out to be a good guess, evidently.

Kim heaved a sigh of relief. My partner had been substantially less sure that Tara's doubts would clear, but I'd reasoned that part of that was Kim's (well-earned) sense of superiority towards mere mortals. “That's great, Tara! If you're really sure, we'd love to have you on the team!”

 “Uh-huh, Uh-huh!” Rufus squeaked, bouncing out of my pocket and scampering up my clothes to jump off my shoulder and onto Tara's. “New Teammate!”

Tara giggled and petted the rodent on the head with two fingers, turning him into a pile of pink goo. “Aww, thank you Rufus! I'm glad to be on the team with you, too!”

“And we're glad to have you, babe,” I smiled, wrapping an arm around her in a side-hug.

A throat was cleared. “Excuse me.”

“You're excused,” Kim deadpanned bluntly, turning towards Bonnie. “But then, I hardly need to excuse my best friend, now do I?”

Bonnie cleared her throat again, this time with a more abashed tone to the sound as she looked away. “Ah, yeah... you just weren't using your popularity. It was totally lame that you weren't capitalizing on your rep, Possible.”

Kim closed her eyes briefly, taking a deep breath. “And how'd that work? Cashing in on the cred from accidentally ruining someone's career and them turning out to be a complete psycho?”

Bonnie grimaced, tapping her foot with excessive energy. “Ugh, fine! I shouldn't have told the news crews we were BFFs! Geez, I already got kidnapped, strapped to a bomb, and had one of my favorite outfits cut off me on national television. Haven't I suffered enough?”

“She has a point, K,” Tara leaned in, giving the redhead a pout. “Be nice, please?”

Kim sighed and deflated. “Fine, just... think twice before you decide to brag about being friends with me again? As Ron can attest, it's a dangerous occupation.”

“I have a frequent kidnapping punch card,” I testified, pulling out my wallet. “If a villain bags me three more times, Kim owes me a special ultra-grande platter at Bueno Nacho.”

Bonnie stared at the card in morbid disbelief, even as Tara leaned over and read it, counting the holes punched in it. “Uhh... do I get one of those?”

Kim and I traded a look, then shrugs. My partner cleared her throat, “Ah... I guess, if you want one? I actually have one too, it just doesn't see as much use as Ron's.”

“I have to buy Kim an article of clothing of her choice if she fills hers,” I stated proudly. “You'll have to think about what you want if your card gets filled.”

Worryingly, Tara's cheeks heated at the suggestion, making the tanned-skinned girl twitch.

“Remind me why I wanted to be publicly associated with you freaks?” Bonnie mumbled, shaking her head and beginning to turn away.

“Because it's the only way you'd get invited to a party at a billionaire's private island?” I asked, stopping her in her tracks.

Kim frowned, then brightened. “Oh, Senor Senior Sr. called?”

I nodded, grinning. “Yep. And Junior wants all four of us to show up at a big party their club is hosting. I get the feeling we'd mostly be the entertainment given recent events, and we can get out of it pretty easily if we find a half-decent 'mission,' but...”

Bonnie turned and grabbed Kim's blouse. “Tell me you're not going to bail on a super high-class party! Not even you would be so stuuu-ugh! Please? Pretty please?! I will seriously do anything, Kim.”

Kim looked at me, and I shrugged. “She did impersonate me as your best friend. I'd say you get to call in whatever debt you want on that front.”

“When you put it like that... it kind of sounds like she owes you, too,” Kim frowned.

Bonnie looked at me desperately, hands clasped in front of her chest. I hummed, considering the implicit offer. If I was reading Kim right... it was startling that we might want the same thing, just not want to admit it. My gaze flicked towards Tara, whose face was alight with unholy fires of lust. Or, well, she was slightly flushed and I was reading into her expression. Still, though... it wouldn't do to just assume things.

“How about Kim and I talk things over after Junior gets back to me with the date and time,” I decided. “We'll need to make travel arrangements and talk to Wade about a contingency for a sudden mission coming up as well.”

“Y-yeah,” Kim nodded slowly, taking in Bonnie's hopeful expression. “We have a lot to talk about before we commit. But... I think we can probably do it.”

“Fuck Yes!” Bonnie screamed at the top of her lungs.

“Detention Ms. Rockwaller!” Barkin's voice rang out loudly.

As she winced and wilted, I nodded. Barkin often claimed to be 'tough, but fair.' When it came to me, his standards were skewed, but I could actually see it during moments like this.

~~~

Full credit for being able to post this chapter goes to my friend's internet. For some reason (cough - Comcast - cough), my internet's been pretty goddamn glitchy lately.

At any rate, I hope everyone enjoys the new chapter. I'm working on having something out tomorrow, but I'm not sure what.

As far as The New Ron goes, this is something of a short 'breather arc' between the Adrena Lynn stuff and the next big mission. There'll also be some NSFW content at the end, so look forward to that as well.