Winning Peace - Chapter 3
Added 2023-01-25 10:18:47 +0000 UTCWell, I'm finally happy with this, so here it goes.
This is the chapter that will make or break this story, though either way I think I'll have two more chapters in me to finish out the first 'arc.' Depending on reception and how I feel about things at that point, I'll either can the story or develop it further. Right now I'm feeling like it's better as a short concept piece, but that might change.
Either way, next chapter is Industrious and it should be up in a few days. Until then, thanks again for all the support and you're all wonderful people!
Comments
Honestly, I like skipping past the slow buildup. It's the most boring part of any story like this and also where they most often die. Instead, we get right past that and into the meat of the story, the part that it looks like he actually wanted to write.
MadGreenSon
2023-02-09 15:18:21 +0000 UTCDon't really like this 😂. Because it's so blatantly obvious the main character is a Tony Stark knock off and doesn't have the charisma of Tony Stark and isn't as funny. As being funny is a extremely important to Tony's character as it's what makes him likable. While the knockoff lax that trait. Also he has a Rodney military guy trying to take his tech. The whole scene where he's trying to confiscate the main character's tech felt like a rip off from what like iron Man 2 I think it was. While the whole inspired inventor as a human in the Mass effect universe is interesting. The way the author went about writing it put a bad taste in my mouth. If he'd written it in a similar manner to his Naruto inspired fanfic. Where he slowly increased his Fame by letting his talents be known by starting from the bottom this story probably would have been more interesting. But instead he starts out with like a dozen charges already used and famous talking in some talk show. Which left me somewhat confused at the beginning.
Anthony Maxwell
2023-02-02 17:20:35 +0000 UTCGrabbing this development and following through with it will take a lot of balls. I am eager to see where you go with it.
MadGreenSon
2023-01-27 12:20:44 +0000 UTCthis chapter had me biting my nails! keep going!
etincelle047
2023-01-26 19:05:14 +0000 UTCnot quite familiar with ME and the setting in itself, but I do love what you're setting up, hoping it continues
alliezan
2023-01-26 10:59:18 +0000 UTCYou could've built up Earth before nukes storyline line more, but still interesting.
CallOut4
2023-01-26 05:12:37 +0000 UTCPlease keep up
Vighnesh Sadvilkar
2023-01-26 03:33:37 +0000 UTCYour throwing around a lot of politically charged buzz word in that chapter... that's killing my interest.
Anonymous Daniel
2023-01-26 00:47:24 +0000 UTC100% yes. Love the story and would like to see where it goes. Keep up the amazing work!
SanMarco Geddes
2023-01-25 21:51:02 +0000 UTCThe password stuff felt over the top, only complaint. An AI should just know it's him and accept his saying to override for things. Felt a little like action scenes added in for actions sake. I definitely wasn't expecting nuclear war, worried since that probably means everything about Humans / The Systems Alliance in Mass Effect should probably be different from Canon Mass Effect, but as an Inspired Inventor place so early in the time line, I guess that was a given. Not too worried. I definitely liked this though and am interested how an Inspired Inventor Businessman will affect a Humanity post nuclear war with rebuilding. Hopefully not as an Emperor or anything though. Maybe the Krogans and the Humans can bond over their respective Armageddons. Also wondering if its the MC's 'fault' that in this timeline that Nuclear war did happen. Not just the moon base but the solar bricks or super concrete being the straw that broke the camels back in this one compared to the 'almost' ones from history.
RTY
2023-01-25 18:37:37 +0000 UTCI can't see how this is going to tie into Mass Effect enough to even be a Mass Effect fic. I guess if you introduce the Citadel races, Reapers, etc., but so far it's an original fic, not an ME fic.
balut
2023-01-25 18:33:41 +0000 UTCI liked it, hope you do more of this.
Evilhippy
2023-01-25 17:46:04 +0000 UTCIn my view, this chapter made it. I was on the edge of my seat as soon as I realized what was happening.
Benjamin Hower
2023-01-25 17:45:12 +0000 UTCThis is still just okay, nothing really grabbing me thus far.
Vanathor
2023-01-25 17:26:44 +0000 UTCSo do we know when all this is happening in the timeline? As I don't remember ever seeing any dates during all this?
Ironforge
2023-01-25 17:15:19 +0000 UTCWell that escalated quickly and in a direction I really didn’t see coming but greatly enjoy.
Matt M
2023-01-25 17:08:14 +0000 UTCDamn looks like it will be up to him to uplift humanity back from the apocalypse. A part of me wonders if some Fallout inspired elements might be added though.
Jackson Waddle
2023-01-25 17:01:16 +0000 UTCThis looks good, wondering if you're going full post apocalypse here or just enough nukes to scar the world. All he'd have to do now is just go to Mars early for some terraforming reason to discover the ruins. If it's fully post apocalyptic he can really nudge human society towards any direction really, could be a human empire or federation in the making.
Ozzy117
2023-01-25 15:20:13 +0000 UTCHoly F*CK! That took a massive turn. Guess Humanity won't be ready by the time of Citadel Contact. 2136 to 2157 isn't a long time.
godUsoland
2023-01-25 15:19:15 +0000 UTCThe swerve at the end kept me interested when I was about to ditch, but I gotta be honest: your MC is super unlikable. Every time he smirks, I have to fight to keep reading.
BigBad
2023-01-25 15:14:04 +0000 UTCWell holy shit. Consider me interested on how this goes. This is likely the story I’m most looking forward to now.
Matthew Moore
2023-01-25 14:42:46 +0000 UTCHm, that was a bit more interesting then the first two chapters, but still not up to the quality I've seen from most of your other work. It's a cliff hanger, and quite a good one, so I want to see what happens next, but I'm still lacking any kind of emotional investment in any of the characters. Maybe it's the lack of world building? You're basing this off Mass Effect, but you've set the clock far enough back that you can't really use it's established elements to set the scene, and as you elected to skip over the opening elements of your characters backstory, I'm just having difficulty making any kind of connection, to the characters, the world they inhabit, or the story your trying to tell. Oh well, just my two cents, which as the opinion of a random person on the internet is worth about 10 % of two cents.
Alec
2023-01-25 14:07:49 +0000 UTCWe haven’t seen enough before now to draw any conclusions or develop real investment. It also smacks of drama for drama’s sake, since no rational actor would want to lose alongside literally everyone else. Finally, there is no investment in a Mass Effect story without the Systems Alliance or Shepard, whose ancestors have almost certainly just died. I personally would prefer more Naruto-Inventor than this.
Acrimonius
2023-01-25 13:36:51 +0000 UTCHow do I pay more for more of this??
Louis Kasser
2023-01-25 13:25:10 +0000 UTCTurns out it's a suprise Fallout cross.
SirWaddlesworthThe3rd
2023-01-25 12:49:36 +0000 UTCWell the peace should be easy to enforce since there's going to be less then ten million left alive after this clusterfuck.
Luker number 5
2023-01-25 12:36:18 +0000 UTCI really hope you have the next one in the works for this. This is an evil Cliff Hanger. Nice work. Definitely didn't expect things to fall apart like this for what claims to be a mass effect fict.
Ben Benson
2023-01-25 12:33:12 +0000 UTCPlease please update this story more
joao goncalves
2023-01-25 11:38:44 +0000 UTCWell that is certainly different than I thought this was heading. Going to be interesting to see the fallout of all this pun intended.he should work on tech to clean up radioactivity asap though.
rockus4
2023-01-25 11:15:39 +0000 UTCFor a moment there I thought you were going AU with a Alien attack but then things firmed up towards the war that finally unites Humanity, since everybody else is dead anyway. Nice chapter and the protagonist efforts are finally paying up as he as secured himself on the moon of all places. Now I suppose the title makes more sense. He is going to be instrumental after the war is over then. Even during it he probably is going to matter given his technology and resources.
Guilherme Bezerra
2023-01-25 11:01:43 +0000 UTC
