The New Ron: Edits
Added 2022-09-17 11:21:26 +0000 UTCOkay, I think that's it. I've added a fair amount of extra content to the story, highlighted for your benefit in RED TEXT to show where edits are.
Feel free to leave comments and criticism as you guys are supporting me and my writing so I want to give you content that befits your contributions.
Which, again, I very much appreciate.
If all goes well, I'll post the edits to the general thread in a day or two, add a change log threadmark, and we'll move on. Expect a new chapter pretty soon regardless.
Comments
Good to know, though it's less about NTR and more about Kim getting sexual experience from someone who isn't Ron. I added some stuff to the section in question as well as Chapter 12 to make things clearer.
Slayer Anderson
2022-09-18 01:30:55 +0000 UTCI've reworded that section and added some lines in Chapter 12. Try it now.
Slayer Anderson
2022-09-18 01:29:37 +0000 UTCYeah, NTR is one fetish I can't really get behind, even if it seems like a soft version of it. If it was just up to the petting and kissing I can probably ignore it but the fact he is setting up that train reck kinda grates. Also, since she has already been introduced to the addiction that is sex during the body swap it could radically change how her relationship with Mankey goes... Anyway, other than that I really like this story
Xisaro
2022-09-17 18:05:40 +0000 UTCOverall, I really enjoyed the edits. However, one of them just seemed off to me and I am not sure if it was intentional or not. I have really been enjoying the interaction between the two of them and the out of context thoughts from Ron have had minimal impact on the what is going on. This line here though just struck me as being completely manipulative and against the tone of the rest of the story. It shifted from doing what was best for Kim, as even though he is not the original Ron, she is still his best friend. To being a complete outsider manipulating her for his benefit. "need to set her up with Josh Mankey soon and have her get a relationship under her belt. " Not sure if that was the intent or not, but it is how I read it with the rest of the paragraph that was added.
Chris
2022-09-17 14:27:19 +0000 UTC
