Return Of the Elden Lord 13
Added 2025-08-03 07:49:45 +0000 UTCThe sigil gate's familiar blue radiance washed
Comments
Why is this ned such a retarded pussy? Frustrating as hell. I know its needed for plot progression but still
JustAFan
2025-09-22 03:48:25 +0000 UTCInteresting chapter. I'm surprised you took Jaime and Cersei off the board so quickly. Although, ironically, that might actually save their children. Myrcella is less likely to go to Dorne, Joffrey isn't in a position of authority he can abuse and then be assassinated out of, and Tommen is out of a position where he can be manipulated by multiple factions at once. Tyrion is never going to leave House Lannister now, unless Tywin does something truly boneheaded. And now Robert is arrayed against the Lannisters while still being deeply in debt with them. The only real issues I saw with the chapter was the nephew/uncle mix up I mentioned in an earlier comment, and you keep going into excessive descriptions anytime Marika and Ranni make an appearance. Other than that, the only thing I might have suggested changing was actually killing Jaime and Cersei this early. An alternative might have been to give them a taste of what Jon experienced in The Lands Between. Death and resurrection with memory of that death. They'd still be around to scheme, but would likely give the Starks a wide berth. And they'd have to deal with the repercussions of their incest being exposed in front of Robert.
Captain Hair
2025-08-03 13:53:29 +0000 UTCJon called him Uncle. Easily fixable if you change that to "Lord Stark."
Captain Hair
2025-08-03 13:44:31 +0000 UTCplease point out the robert one where he call him neds nephew...cant seem to see it. As for ned calling him nephew, he never says it out loud.......
Xuzar Horan
2025-08-03 13:37:57 +0000 UTCOk bud I love the broad strokes of the chapter and the direction the story will now take but I’ve mentioned this before and this chapter feels the most egregious. It feels like you make each chapter separate from the rest of the fic and things are cropping up that haven’t been mentioned before and it feels disjointed to read. Several people including Jon himself refer to him as Ned’s nephew when that is a talk that neither of the two had yet. Even Robert call Jon Ned’s nephew when that should have been the secret Ned was dreading him knowing all this time. Nobody should know Jon is not Ned’s son yet other than Ned and Jon who figured it out. They shouldn’t be talking about their relationship like this because they haven’t brokered the truth. Catelyn for some reason doesn’t know Marika’s name even though they were introduced to each other and have been in another’s presence multiple times now. I could be misremembering this but why is Cersei surprised by the use of magic when it was shown in the great hall during Jon’s stories and the yard where Jon threatened Joffrey? She might not have been their for the last one be she most certainly heard about it. And in just the last few paragraphs Jon brings up Ghost. The direwolves haven’t been introduced yet. The focus has always been on Winterfell reacting to Jon’s arrival that the party that found the wolves just hasn’t been written out if it did. In a lesser story I could sweep this under the rug but in something like this where political intrigue and information is paramount it just feels lazy. I don’t think it would take to much work if you go over the chapters with a fine comb and sift through the stuff that has no business being their. Still love your work man, can’t wait for more.
Loghead101
2025-08-03 13:14:44 +0000 UTCUh, when did Ned and Jon acknowledge they were Uncle/Nephew instead of Father/Son?
Captain Hair
2025-08-03 12:43:16 +0000 UTCFucking nice! Loved the whole existential crisis effect of Jon using his power to scare the Lannisters!
Gabriel Nobriga
2025-08-03 11:38:40 +0000 UTCTftc
travis btmb
2025-08-03 09:42:22 +0000 UTCHell yeah 👍 fuck cercei she deserved a worse death
Thykindhunter
2025-08-03 08:26:45 +0000 UTC
