Your opinion matters...
Added 2025-03-05 07:48:35 +0000 UTCEspecially to the patreon supporters. We're 43 chapters in and I'd like your opinion on how you think i am doing. Bad Prose, boring story, Were you hoping for someone else's POV or am I doing OK?
Comments
I personally really enjoy your story—I like your writing style and the direction the plot is taking. I’m looking forward to seeing where you take it after your week-long break!
Kellen795
2025-03-27 04:27:34 +0000 UTCReally my only gripe so far is your scene breaks. There's no marker denoting a scene change it just goes from one paragraph to the next. Like the scene where Yara dies. One second they're on the beach and next paragraph is in the throne room. It's kinda jarring. Other than that it's a great story.
Fortunis
2025-03-19 22:10:37 +0000 UTCAmazing story
Tyler Karp
2025-03-10 01:13:31 +0000 UTCI joined your Patreon specifically for the OP protagonist, to be frank many authors are afraid to write such a MC, and it is nice to have this again.
Juraijin1
2025-03-06 04:26:30 +0000 UTCGreat job
Kali Creation
2025-03-06 00:13:24 +0000 UTCHonestly I’m really enjoying this story. Sometimes I just want to read a story where the main character is absurdly OP, while his enemies don’t realize it. That said, I think it would be interesting if Owen reaches a point, probably after this war, where he essentially says “screw the South”. I know he understands how absurdly powerful he is compared to everyone else, but to my mind he hasn’t had the, “why am I listening to people who don’t have my best interest in mind, are actively trying to get one over on me, and are so far below me as to be almost comical?” I just think that he’ll reach a point where, Ned’s desire to keep good ties with the south aside, he comes to the epiphany that he doesn’t have to listen to the south anymore
Rick Malone
2025-03-05 18:54:06 +0000 UTCTo answer in order: Your writing quality is great, no issues. I'm really looking forward to Joffrey trying to pick up the hammer and failing. Stick him in a tent with Baristan babysitting for the rest of the war or something, but you've set up the Bloodline lock, and I want to see that payoff. It would also butterfly away a lot of issues down the line. Next, I would also like to see the Stark children being trained too. Arya especially would take to magic well I think. Finally, on the technical side. Could you post google/word docs in addition to PDFs, that would be appreciated, especially as a mobile reader. Overall, I love the story, and especially how you limited the rolls for the forge, as thats the number one issue celestial fics run into. Very well done, and I'm looking forward to more!
Michael Friede
2025-03-05 17:01:17 +0000 UTC💯 i think the Stark kids would really be cool with a glow up! Badass Arya and Jon without the PTSD! And Rob really doesn’t get quite as much credit in the show. He was a brilliant commander at 15. His teachers and advisors just sucked. He needs to learn to be a better politician if hes going to be able to handle this type of north
Kristen Newberry
2025-03-05 14:05:32 +0000 UTCI’d like a Google docs link for your chapters, it’s a couple clicks less for those of us on mobile, just a convenience thing. Your writing is just fine from a technical standpoint. Really just anticipating Joffrey trying to pick up the hammer and wondering what will happen. How dangerous are the protections on it, will he die, will he get shocked, will it just remain immobile ala Mjolnir? When will it happen? What will the fallout be? Will it interrupt the war against the slavers as Robert learns he has no legitimate heirs?
Sam Kemp
2025-03-05 13:28:21 +0000 UTCI’m of the opinion that magic of the dornish water mages being brought forward will add more intrigue. In Essos it’s a very clear us vs them kind of a deal which becomes a little dull
Srikar Pakala
2025-03-05 12:42:42 +0000 UTCI would like to see the other Starks get a glowup/magical abilities, spread the wealth :)
James Lewis
2025-03-05 12:25:07 +0000 UTCYup . You do great . Because I want more updates on ao3 . I can’t wait. I’m not good with waiting . I trying to do . Keep do you and going on
Lucy Drake
2025-03-05 12:11:14 +0000 UTCDo you. Your doing great
Brian Green
2025-03-05 11:54:55 +0000 UTCYou're doing great.
Carnacki23
2025-03-05 11:39:39 +0000 UTCI feel you are doing great.
PunchingTucan
2025-03-05 11:27:26 +0000 UTCOwen is insanely powerful for multiple reasons. His attitude and impatience with Robert and southerners should be expanded. He's doing this to help the north survive the white walkers and all the south is doing is nipping at their heals. I know he respects Ned but still.
Stephen Odom
2025-03-05 11:10:26 +0000 UTCI liked the chapter were the small folk was show the south around the village, and he showed the plumbing and heated showers that was funny, would like to see them take up hobbies like painting and art since they don't have to worry about food, and a decreased need for warrior.
Big Black Chemist
2025-03-05 10:43:32 +0000 UTCI like what I see. Keep adding in more stuff to challenge the protagonist. And I'd also like if you added crossovers. I mean, the grimoire sources its perks from other universes, so there is an opening there. But in the process, don't drown out the native, non-original ASOIAF elements. Personally, I want the Westerosi factions to become more dangerous to the MC but I don't know exactly how you would like to do that.
LysanderArgent
2025-03-05 10:29:53 +0000 UTCDoing pretty well though honestly I would like to how all this change has affected the small folk and lords. Not in how they live but how they interact. Like someone said politics, lots of foods now available and there is less work to do... What do they do now? The lords are more secure financially and don't have to worry about surviving as much... Do they take up a hobby develop their land some how? Both? Stuff like that but it doesn't really fit into a war arc...
Daniel Gesualdi
2025-03-05 10:29:00 +0000 UTCSpeak for yourself. I like this more mystical essos arc. Its different from every other fic I've seen. And I don't see how the story wouldn't become repetitive or need a major time skip without this arc.
LysanderArgent
2025-03-05 10:27:38 +0000 UTCWell storywise its great only thing i would criticise is the PDF Format of the chapters because we cant adjust the fontsise or it adjusts on its own.
RandomBoemir
2025-03-05 10:23:07 +0000 UTCYes, the prose for chapter 40, jon/owen/Sansa banter was good, I think some people like the kingdom building, would have liked more of it and the thought process behind some of the decisions and some consequences. How like more of Owen just experiencing things like sailing on his ship, exploring westeros or exploring ice crest. But u are improving some limits are owen got op too quickly, but you can focus no kingdom building and it's consequences.
Big Black Chemist
2025-03-05 10:21:15 +0000 UTCWrap up the essos arc quickly, the best thing about ASOIAF is the westerosi politics
Srikar Pakala
2025-03-05 08:46:27 +0000 UTCIt’s a pleasure to read
ModNsparksPhilo22
2025-03-05 08:17:38 +0000 UTCSo I have improved some?
Xuzar Horan
2025-03-05 08:15:59 +0000 UTCThe first half of the prose for and the setup are pretty good Chapter 35, the pacing for the earlier chapters was not the best. The biggest problem is repeation or repeative sentences, other is you tell more than you show, use subtext.
Big Black Chemist
2025-03-05 08:13:28 +0000 UTCFor the premise you set out for the story, your doing great
Curthbert Kansiime-ruhanga
2025-03-05 07:54:40 +0000 UTCThe way you have the characters interact is amazing
rangleskov
2025-03-05 07:51:52 +0000 UTCHonestly you are doing great
rangleskov
2025-03-05 07:51:30 +0000 UTCyou are doing ok
weird song
2025-03-05 07:50:35 +0000 UTC
