PHOBOS KING OF BEASTS CH 40: Unanswered

"Are you warm?" Cronus asks me with a keen softness that lingers in his voice whilst meddling with the radio switching to a different station. 

"Yes," I whisper accompanied by a brusque nod. Peering out the window I study the diverse dense trees that encompass the familiar route to my childhood home. We had climbed on Deimos's jet as fast as we could last night and departed my pack lands before Phobos could pursue us, he is an exceptional hunter who values a good chase and we needed to flee as soon as possible if we wanted to evade his wrath. 

My male's howl of loss still echoes in the abyss of my mind and I clench my eyes shut my body shuddering as I recall the excruciating despair he held. It was a call indeed, a hopeless plea for me to return to his awaiting arms I could feel it in my soul and every inch of my being. I do not know how many lives will be lost in his relentless pursuit for me, have I been too selfish? Was I too rash and thoughtless to leave him like this? 

Our mate journey has not been simple and we have survived through numerous trials and tribulations to be together, the result was falling madly in love. Should I have stayed and worked it out with him? Should I have waited in that tent and expressed to him my feelings, given him a chance to explain himself as both our fury alleviated? If I apologized he would have too I am sure of it. But pride as they say swallows down every rational thought. He betrayed me and I sinned against him in return. Who was wrong who was right I do not know but a future without him I cannot imagine it.

So then what is this? What am I even doing? Am I leaving him forever throwing away our mate bond just like that or am I going to stay away for just a few months and return to him? What is it that I want? How am I supposed to move forward if I am unsure of my wishes?

Cronus offers me his palm faced upwards and places it gently over my lap gathering back my attention. I suppose he has been observing me and caught my internal war. "Hand." He orders and I beam at his inviting palm that has never failed to comfort me in my times of need. When I lay my own in his he squeezes it reassuring me that everything will be all right just like he often did when I was young. "I know how this must be challenging for you. That male of yours possesses your whole body, heart, mind and soul. He has always been the one to rule over your essence. But I need to understand your situation, Theia so I can help you. I need to know why you ran from him."

I remain quiet as before, he had attempted to make me open up to him but I stayed withdrawn needing more time to get my mind around the current situation for my heart continued to ache and bleed that I thought I was leaving shattered pieces of my soul behind for Phobos to pick them up and find his way home to me. Perhaps if I was not much of an emotional female I would have questioned his title as Alpha or even killed Moira in cold blood for touching what was mine but that is not me. I could never do that not to my male or to his dear friend whom he treasures.

Raw bitter tears once more brim in my eyes but I hold them back not allowing a single drop to tumble down my cheeks. I have wept enough since last night I will give myself the rest and tranquillity I require. My wolf is severely weakened by the physical distance between Phobos and me and can barely stand on her paws for I have forcibly ripped her apart from her main source of energy. Phobos's beast. She had gotten used to the power he shared with her that constant radiance but now that she has been abruptly shoved into a frigid pit of darkness it terrifies her. She wants to summon him to show him through the bond where we are right now so he can locate us but is unable to do so for I have shackled her in a cage and this she sees as treachery from me.

She growls and snarls at me with rage and hate for what I have done but I keep my head held high. I had always looked after her my whole life protected her and did whatever she wanted. I carried the pain for both of us so her heart wouldn't feel the weight of our mate's cruelty. But now she will bend to my will. 

"Speak to me, little wolf." He implores with an encouraging look in his eyes, that no matter what I will not be judged and can speak freely with him.

"Phobos has a friend. Moira is her name, they have been together way more years than he has been with me. She lost her male in war who apparently seemed to have had an uncanny resemblance to my mate. It seems that Phobos has been permitting her to kiss and touch him each time she got drunk and sought after my male thinking he was hers. Last night I discovered her lips on his."

"Phobos and Moira?" He questions with a baffled expression keeping his eyes on the road, his fingers clutching onto the steering wheel in a tensed grip.

"Yes. And so, I too drunk and kissed another male to spite him. I had never seen Phobos as enraged and resentful as he was yesterday."

"So he hurt you in return? Did he hit you?"

"No, he did not. Phobos would never lay a hand on me that way. But he did hurt me emotionally, I am sure it will leave a scar." 

"Then what are those marks on your body?" My cheeks flush with embarrassment and I glance away from his searching gaze clearing my throat as a sign for him to pick up on. I cannot speak to my brother about Phobos's wicked punishment where he restrained my arms and fucked my brains out. About how we have rough and hard angry sex whenever we fight where he often deliberately leaves his claim on me for all to notice.

"May I ask what kind of kiss it was that you beheld? With that female Moira and Phobos?"

"A kiss of consolation, that was what he claimed."

"And what kind of kiss was yours with that male?"

"A kiss of vengeance." Cronus nods in understanding tapping his fingers upon the bend of the wheel as if he has finally figured it all out though I have not mentioned to him the entire backstory in detail just a summary. 

"I thought I could put the totality of the blame for your heartache on your male but it seems you are at fault too, Theia."

"I am. But he betrayed me first. He chose his friend over me and that is all that matters."

"I understand and you know I will stand by your side no matter what it is you want. I will help you through this little wolf, no matter what is at stake."

"I know." I smile weakly at him. Cronus would go to war with my male if it meant that my wishes would be appeased. 

"Pass me my phone, it must have finished charging by now. I wish to see if the message I sent to your mobile has been delivered." He speaks as I lean rearward and seize his phone attached to the portable charger from the backseat. He forged a temporary plan last night when we were seated in the jet, rather he took a gamble. 

Phobos might not know if I had been taken by force by one of his enemies for there were too many foreigners on our pack lands who still hadn't possessed his full trust or if Cronus was the one who did it for my sake. To diminish doubt my brother had sent out a text to my mobile that he had flung out of the truck last night in the case my male managed to find it saying that Deimos's jet had issues and that he would not be able to come to visit. He apologized and promised he would come another time.   

Cronus narrows his eyes his thumb fiddling with the screen and his amber greens tense when he discovers something. "As I expected your male found the phone, Theia. My messages have been read." As soon as he utters those words the unforeseen shrill sound of his phone ringing has me shrink back into my seat and violently quiver, I snap my broadened eyes to my brother filled with a sense of mingled fear and uneasiness. "Speak of the devil."

He swiftly answers the call not wanting to spark even a tiny inkling of suspicion within the impatient male on the other end and switches it on to speaker so I can hear their conversation. "How are you, Theia? Did you miss me last night?" He chuckles out in that playful tone he always uses when he converses with me. His eyes are fierce and composed anchored to the road ahead of us but his voice is manipulated into one of contentment and tenderness. 

"Cronus." My male's gruff sonorous voice that greets my brother has my lips quake and tears soar to the surface a silenced involuntary whimper departs my lips and my brother redirects his gaze to me, his eyes drilling into mine with a warning to keep my mouth shut if we want to make it out of this alive. 

"If this isn't a surprise, to what do I owe the pleasure Phobos?" My brother remains his carefree mischievous self for he is aware of how the beast will pick up on even the slimmest of variation in attitude or tone of speech.

"I see that you were unable to attend our celebration last night." 

"Yes, I apologize for that. Your brother's jet had some engine issues I reckon so I have postponed my trip to your lands if that is all right with you." He replies giving me a quick glance checking if I am doing all right. 

"You are always welcome here. And I apologize for calling you at a bad time, it sounds as though you are...driving." Cronus stiffens to my male's words for both he and I are aware of what Phobos is doing. He is interrogating in disguise my brother is still on his hit list for now.

"Yes, I had some duties to attend to you know how I am always out searching for my female. I am just returning home after visiting one of the nearest packs." He replies casually keeping his tone firm but easygoing.

"I will keep this short then, I have some news to share with you." 

"What news?" He asks as the gates of my prior home open wide and pauses on either side to let us in as Cronus drives us directly towards the family mansion. 

"I would rather say my truth to your face than on the phone. I have spoken to Deimos his jet has been repaired I will arrive on your lands as soon as possible, it is only respectful I inform your parents this way as well for it is my responsibility." I swallow slowly as my heart clenches to the fatigue and distress in his voice, I am sure he did not sleep last night he was probably pursuing me with dismay. If he assumes I have been taken by force he will blame himself for being careless for a very long time until I return to him. 

"I do not understand what you are saying, Phobos. I need you to be clearer."

"I will explain everything to you as soon as I arrive. Give me clearance to enter your lands, Cronus." And with those words, he abruptly ends the call the line going silent as my brother lets out a faint curse. 

"Why has this unsettled you?"

"There is no need for him to come here just to inform me of your disappearance. He is coming to check, Theia."

"To check what?" I ask agitatedly as he turns his gaze to me with apprehensive greens.

"If you are here or not." There is an alarming look in his eyes that thrusts me into a state of panic. If Phobos finds me here and comes to uncover that I intentionally ran from him I know for sure it will end well for me or Cronus. My brother is quick to develop another plan the wheels in his mind are spinning to come up with a solution to evade the tenacious beast who is on his way. 

My bother quickly picks up his phone with an urgency that shackles him and contacts another wolf. "Who are you calling?" I ask but my question is ignored, the entirety of his attention fixed on the phone call. It takes a few rings until it is finally attended to and we are welcomed by the amiable friendly voice of Lumina. 

"Cronus." Her delicate voice swims through to us and brings a smile to my face. She sounds as though she has just awoken, well it is still early in the morning. But why is he calling her? How can she be of any help in my situation? 

"Lumina." Whenever my brother calls her name or speaks about her there is this unfathomable fondness he holds in his voice. It is a distinct tone not comparable to how he speaks with me or mama but it reveals just how much he treasures her, as a friend of course. Cronus had never had female friends and always maintained a certain distance with my species when he was a juvenile but after he met Lumina, things changed he changed. She changed him in a way I cannot describe. 

"Is it the good news I have been expecting? Have you finally found your female?"

"No, not yet." He chortles with a shake of his head the smile on his face widening. 

"Now I am disappointed." She sighs and he peers at me clearing his throat wanting to cut their friendly conversation short and get straight to my problem.

"I have called you on a pressing matter. I would like it if you can make sure our conversation would be private." Silence follows Cronus's words and I gulp nervously. He wouldn't have contacted her unless he knows for sure she would be able to aid him for, after all, she does possess tremendous power. But I do not know if that power of hers would care to help me.

"Hold on." She mumbles the sound of a bed creaking and sheets being flung away is sent forth followed by her breathless gasp that has Cronus and me frown. 

"And where do you think you are going, my female?" Deimos's sleepy husky voice startles me. If he somehow gets to know that I am here the news would unhesitantly be sent to his brother. If Cronus spoke to Lumina of my situation would she report it to her male in return? Her loyalty lies with Deimos, not with my brother. 

"Deimos let me go," Lumina growls accompanied by a stifled moan and after comes the sounds of wet passionate kissing and hoarse grunts of pleasure.  

My cheeks burn wildly while Cronus closes his eyes with a weary sigh as though he has encountered this situation plenty of times before. "Maybe I should fuck you harder so you will not have the energy to leave our bed. Kal is still asleep let me taste you some more." 

I gasp placing my palms over my ears to block his sinful words. All males are beasts indeed. "They need some privacy. Call her back later." I tell Cronus who just shakes his head in refusal and simply reduces the volume to tune out their conversation.

"This happens most of the time. I have bad luck with these two I always end up calling either of them when they are fucking each other. The horrendous things I had to hear will forever be engraved in my mind." He groans with annoyance staring out the window at the mansion and my blush deepens. Well, that is awkward but Cronus does not seem to care.

After a few minutes, Lumina's voice strikes through the stillness and we both jerk up whilst Cronus increases the speaker volume of his phone to hear her better. "I am alone now, you can speak."

"That was quick how did you get away from that fool?" Cronus laughs.

"I kicked him hard in the gut, do you wish to hear his wails of pain?" 

My brother's laugh increases his eyes twinkling with amusement as he hears her truth. Once he calms down the seriousness of our circumstances eventually returns to him. "Remember that time when I took you to Deimos's tent when he went off to war."

"Yes."

"Do you recall me saying I will ask you a favour in return for it?"

"Yes, of course."

"I need that favour now, Lumina." 

"Anything for you, Cronus. What do you need?"

"First I need you to come to my home as fast as you can and as discreetly as you can."

"Discreetly? You want me to conceal my departure? From whom exactly?"

"From Deimos." I hold my breath waiting for her answer. She would never hide anything from him not even the smallest of things as they share such a bond, a bond Phobos and I can never forge no matter how hard we try. That stinging thought itself renders my heart to split into two vulnerable halves.

"Cronus you know I cannot do-"

"Please, do this for me. I really need your help here." My breath hitches to my brother's desperate plea. He barely says 'please' his pride and title of Alpha never tolerates it. But he is doing so for my sake. There is once more a profound quietude that follows his words for she is pondering over it and Cronus gives her time being patient with her.

"All right, I will be there soon and then we can talk." We both sigh with relief. I am not sure what he would have done if she refused I do think he possesses a backup plan. She seems to be my only way out.

"Do you need me to pick you up?"

"No that would be a risk as you desire for secrecy. I can drive there, let me just take Kal from his crib and make him sleep next to his father so he is distracted and won't seek my presence for a while."

"Thank you, Lumina."

"You know I love you Cronus, I would do anything for you. I will see you soon." As soon as he ends the call and stuffs his phone into his back pocket I wring my fingers together against my lap anxiously waiting for his next instructions.   

"Here is what we are going to do since we have very little time. First, you will answer these questions. Are you certain that you want to leave your male for a while? Are you absolutely sure of it? And tell me you will not regret this whatsoever." 

My lips wobble and my hands tremor to his questions. This decision of mine could end everything I have fought for all my life, everything Phobos and I have created as one so far. But...I do not want to return to his side at least for a while longer. I need to breathe I need time to heal and forgive if possible. Him kissing Moira, him calling her name with that gentleness, him allowing her to touch him like that is all I can picture in my mind and it torches me alive. 

"Look at me." The loudness of his voice raises as he seizes my chin and compels me to meet his smouldering eyes. "This is not a game. I am putting everything on the line for you, my pack, our family and now Lumina. So I need you to look me in the eyes and tell me you are sure of it. That this decision is not ruled by pure emotionality that your mind is the one making the conclusion, not your heart."

I give him a terse nod of assurance though my heart and soul are resisting me with everything they have within them. My wolf collapses to the ground high-pitched whines leaving her mouth as she beckons her male from the cage I put her in. She does not deserve this but neither do I. I will not return to him that easily for only from loss will he truly know the goodness he held in his arms.  "I am sure of it, I have made my decision. I will not regret this." 

His orbs search mine studying them intensely, he is attempting to glimpse at my truth. Lips lie but eyes do not. Once he has gotten his answer and finds it to be satisfactory he gives me a curt nod and returns to lay his back upon his seat whilst removing his outer pale blue denim jacket and handing it to me. "We will go inside now, and you will follow me quietly without making a single sound. I need to hide you from our parents and from the sharp eyes of my wolves. Wear that jacket over your head and make sure your face is covered am I understood?"

"Yes."

"Once Lumina arrives you will take a pregnancy test, Theia." The abruptness of his command has me choke on my breath and enter into a state of continuous coughing. My breath is retained in the base of my throat my eyes wide as I turn to face him with astonishment. 

"A-A pregnancy test? Why?" I haven't told him or anyone from my family about my infertility it will surely show negative. 

"So I know the enormity of the risk I am taking on your behalf. If there is a chance you are pregnant you will need to reconsider your decision."

"I am not pregnant Cronus." 

"And I will need you to take that test to prove it, Theia." He vacates the car without another word indirectly conveying to me that it is not up for debate. He closes the door behind him and I do the same whilst shrouding my face and head with his jacket. He comes over to me and does a thorough scan of my being inspecting to see if nothing gives me away. The rhythms of my heart quicken as I take a peek at the mansion from beneath my lashes. Running from Phobos is gradually proving to be difficult. To think that I would have to hide from my own parents and friends is truly amusing, I cannot even seek solace from them or obtain advice. This is how greatly I am bound to him. 

Cronus lightly pats my head as though I am a pup garnering back my attention, he has a tender smile on his face as he looks down at me. "You need not worry about anything, I will protect you with my life. You are my twin part of my soul belongs to you, Theia." His lips brush my cheek and all I wish to do is submit to his warmth and remain there for a long time until the storm of my heart has calmed. 

When my brother and I ultimately locked ourselves in his massive room where no one dared to enter, he had reached out to Lumina several times to make sure she was doing fine. Keeping secrets from your male is no effortless task and I seem to have forced her to do so and I feel awful. Deimos will come to know soon on his own his conversations with my male will perhaps make him suspect Lumina and she might get punished all because of this one secret. Though I wonder if she will ever let him punish her. She is different from me stronger more untamed a true...queen. A female I wish to one day become. 

Cronus is cautious pacing around the room with his limbs fastened behind his back keeping his attentive eyes on the door. Over the past hour, he has been paying attention to every movement to every diminutive variation in sound or heat. "She is climbing the stairs." He speaks. 

"I do not hear anything." I scowl. As the future Alpha his ears were trained to be sharper he can hear even the slightest of dins. There is a feeble knock upon the wood the knob is unhurriedly twisted and the door is propelled open to expose a radiant Lumina who immediately greets my brother with a wide smile as soon as her sparkling greys land on him.

"Cronus." She giggles as he opens his arms for her and as soon as she is in his presence he envelops her in a warm embrace. She is the only female after mama and me whom he touches this fondly.

"Thank you for this, Lumina." He says as she nestles into his heat inhaling his scent her smile broadening. I suppose they haven't seen each other for a while despite residing quite close to one another. Their responsibilities obstruct them from spending more time with each other I suppose. 

When Lumina belatedly shifts her eyes to me and finds me sitting calmly upon the edge of Cronus's bed she gasps in surprise. "Theia? What are you doing here?" I smile weakly at her tears brimming in my eyes my emotions getting a hold of me and I rapidly gaze down at my lap my locks shielding my face from sight. My feelings are all over the place today and suddenly being in the company of another female who knows me very well I wish to complain and seek comfort in her arms. I still seem to be immature in many ways as you claim, Phobos. 

"Cronus I would like a word with your sister. Would you mind stepping out for just a few minutes?" She requests her knowing eyes anchored upon my quaking shoulders as she strolls towards me.

"Of course, I will be in my office. I will return in a few minutes." 

As the door to the room closes I sense the bedding shrink down beside me and Lumina wraps her left limb around my shoulder and tugs me to her chest. My wails grow more piercing more gut-wrenching to her gentle touch and she crushes me to her in a tighter grip. "Oh, Theia." Her voice is velvety and empathizing as she leans down to look at my face whilst gently rubbing my back to soothe my cries. There is an audible hitch of her breath as she examines the pain held deep in my eyes. "I know this look of yours for I once held it in my own eyes. Your male he...betrayed your trust."

"Yes." I nod shakily my voice cracking. 

"What did he do?"

"He allowed another female, his friend to kiss him." A deafening growl thunders out her heaving chest a need to protect and defend me consumes her whole. Raging greys collide with timid nordic blues, our wolves greet one another from behind barriers her wolf attempting to share her strength with mine so she can awaken.

"Did you slaughter her? Did you paint the earth with her filthy blood? Who is this disgusting female who touches what does not belong to her?"

"It is Moira," I whisper and she gnarls unveiling her warrior canines to me exposing just how upset she is for me. "It is not what you think. She was intoxicated and she believed Phobos was her male Ondra, you know how I told you about their resemblance before. He informed me that he consoled her that way a few times. But it was not the kiss that truly broke my heart."

"No, it was not. It was the fact that he hid it from you." She declares with certainty. 

I snap my gaze to her with a frown. How does she know this? How is she able to understand my situation without needing more information from my mouth. "How-"

"Those two brothers are truly idiotic males I tell you. Deimos had once done something similar to me."

"With the chosen?"

"Indeed. And do you know what I did in return?" I shake my head and her sweet smile transforms into a destructive look that sends a shiver down my spine. "I punished him and made sure he bled like he made me bleed. I built my own house away from the castle and raised Kal for a while without Deimos's aid. I showed him that I did not need him in my life, that I could live happily without him. And that was what brought about this unfathomable fear that made itself a home within his being. It took me a year to forgive my moon blessed but that one year was enough for me to bring him to his knees for his sin. They are Alpha males indeed but that does not mean they are allowed to disrespect their females. What your male did was out of good intention I believe but it is still going against the scared mate bond against your love for him." 

Lumina brushes my flowing tears with her thumbs and boosts my face so I can encounter her affectionate regard. "I do not know what to do."

"You do know, Theia. Otherwise, you wouldn't be here now would you?" 

"Phobos is coming."

"Of course he is, after all, he breathes because of you. You hold half his soul and there is no doubt he loves you I am sure of it but you must make him bleed Theia. You are the queen of beasts claim your power, demonstrate your strength to your male. Show him how his actions have damaged your heart and trust. And in time he will seek your forgiveness."

"I do not want to bring him to his knees."

"I do not think you can bring him to his knees." 

"Why?" I ask with curiosity.

"Because he is already kneeling, Theia. I believe he has already started searching for you. That desperation that hopelessness and that empty feeling of loss will be what destroys him from the inside. He will recognize the consequences of his antics soon enough. With each passing day, his guilt will eat at him all because he loves and cherishes you."

"I am not innocent in this battle. I kissed another male to taunt him in retaliation."

"Then there is no weight that alters the balance between you both, you bear equal sin. When he asks for your forgiveness so must you for his. But you need not do it at this moment for his betrayal came first. I suppose you want space."

"Yes, very much. I do not want to see him. I do not want to talk to him. I do not want him to touch me."

"That is reasonable. But you cannot stay here for your male is on his way and I cannot take you back home with me. Deimos and Phobos are faithful to one another my mate will never go against him for your sake or mine."

"Yes. Deimos would confine me in your home and wait for Phobos to come and capture me." 

"Let me think, there must be a way out of this."

The door to the room is soundlessly driven forward in a trial to not interrupt our conversation and Cronus peeks in with hesitation. "Can I come in or do you both need more time?"

"Come in, Cronus. I am just thinking of where to hide your sister." 

"I talked to a few Alphas who are close to me but they are aware of whom her mate is. They are not willing to take the risk, Phobos has instilled fear among all no one would dare to go against him in any way especially hide his female from him. He would annihilate the entire pack." 

"We need to send her away to another country then where they do not know who Theia is." 

"She is not leaving him forever, Lumina. My sister just wants some space from him for a little while."

"Yes but if she stays somewhere close Theia will not get to have that 'little while'. I am certain her male will not give the time she desires away from him if he finds her. He will take her away by force which will tear apart their relationship further not heal it." In many ways, Lumina owns this maturity that I seem to lack even though she is the same age as me. She rules equally with emotions and logic unlike me. I wonder if Phobos would have preferred a female like her instead compared to a female like me to be his queen.

"Then what the hell do we do?! We are running out of time Phobos is probably on his way here." Cronus says running his fingers through his hair in frustration leaning against the window frame with his brawny arms folded across his toned chest.

"I have someone I can speak to," Lumina mutters faintly from my side as Cronus whirls around to look at her. 

"Whom? Is it a wolf I can trust my sister with?"

"Yes, he is a good wolf. He is the male of one of Deimos's friends. We as a family are very close to him and his pack members."

"What is his name?"

"Giovanni. Alpha Giovanni." 

"I have heard of him, Deimos had mentioned him a few times before to me," Cronus states with a sharp nod of agreement his jaw clenched his orbs set firmly on my flesh. He is reviewing my reactions to each and every word for I am keeping to myself not taking part in their conversations which is very unlike me.

"He would protect her with his life if I ask it from him. But I will have to lie to him about Theia's identity. He speaks to Deimos often so I need to make it in such a way that she is a female friend of mine who wishes to travel and spend some time abroad." 

"How long will it take for you to finalize this?" He questions. 

"I do not know but I will try to get through to him on this as soon as possible, I will call him right away. Deimos has two jets one has probably been sent to Phobos's lands I believe. Theia can utilise the other one and I will use my power as Luna to make sure word of her departure does not reach my male."

"Are you sure you are willing to go this far for us? Deimos will see this as betrayal from you."

"You have supported me so much when my mate was cruel and heartless to me. I wish to repay you and I want Theia to do as she pleases. Being mated to an Alpha male is not easy Cronus, I had my females as a barrier against Deimos whenever I needed it but your sister has no one but us. It is my duty to do this for her for after all, she is one of my females."  

I swiftly bind my arms tightly around Lumina's waist and hug her with a muffled whimper of gratitude leaving my mouth. She returns my embrace with a muted sigh and once more begins to pat my back working to pacify my stress.

"All right I will trust your words, Lumina. Were you able to get those pregnancy tests for Theia?" 

"Yes, I have them with me." She rummages through her small white purse and extracts two purple coloured sleek boxes and hands them to me.

"Cronus I told you that I am not-" There is a beseeching tone in my voice as I look up at him with imploring eyes. I already know I am barren I do not need these tests to rub salt to my wounds.   

"There are two tests in your hands. You will use them both and bring them out to me." His authoritative tone shows me that I cannot fight him against this, his word is final. Without a comment on this Lumina rises to go stand beside him near the window and engages in a hushed conversation probably about calling Alpha Giovanni whilst I scurry into the ensuite. 

Ripping open the boxes I draw out both the white sticks and take a proper look at them. I have never seen these before I do not know how they show results or how to read them but I do know that all I need to do is pee on them. Removing the cap off the first one I squat over the toilet seat in a certain position that the stick is directly held under my urine stream. 

Though I know I do not carry a pup there is this indescribable fluttering sensation in the pit of my belly. A sort of keen anticipation I suppose that somehow there is a possibility that I could bear fruit through a miracle. After urinating on the first stick I quickly exchange it with the second, this is quite uncomfortable I must admit. There are no pregnancy tests back home I wonder how Phobos would have tested me he probably would have sought the aid of traditional procedures that only the healer knows how to carry out.  

"Theia? Do you need any help?" Lumina asks softly with a slight knock on the bathroom door.

"I am done. I just need a few more seconds." I whisper whilst getting up to place the sticks over the counter and flush the toilet. Whilst scrubbing my hands in the basin my uneasy globes keep flickering to the tests a sense of profound nervosity filling me up. What are you looking for, Theia? What are you even hoping for despite knowing the reality of your body?

With my hands on my hips, I pace around the washroom chewing on my lower lip taking continuous glances at the sticks waiting for the results to show up. Once I discover something appearing on the test windows I rush to them picking them up with a fleetness. My heart thumps heavily under my ribcage as I examine them with yearning taking deep long breaths to calm myself.

It takes a mere few seconds for me to shield my eyes with my trembling palms as high-pitched whines part my mouth whilst I weep noiselessly wheezing and suffocating on my uncontrollable tears. I knew this was a bad idea I knew seeing negative results would undoubtedly bother me. But how could I tell Cronus about my barrenness? It would bring immense shame to our family and the news would kill my mother from the inside. I can never birth a pup, I can never get pregnant. I need to make peace with this instead of futile hoping and longing. I can never be a mother. 

Phobos has nothing to honestly lose if I leave now, he has Argus as his heir and perhaps Moira would take over my Luna duties including warming his bed for according to Phobos's words he has beastly cravings. They could make a beautiful family together for she can give him everything I cannot. Her womb is healthy she can birth him as many pups as he wants and as the pack demands.

"Open the door for me, little wolf." Cronus's concerned voice has me spring up from my pitiful state upon the wet floor and hastily wipe my tears away with the rear of my palms. Put on your mask, Theia. No one needs to know the bleeding of your heart. You can survive this.

"Coming." I chirp back keeping my tone serene and bright. Unlocking the door I pull it open and greet them both with a dull smile whilst handing the sticks to Lumina who has her hands reached forward to collect them. "It is as I told you Cronus, I am not pregnant. So there is no need to worry." His shoulders sag in relief and he comes forward to ruffle my hair. 

Lumina visibly stiffens in her spot her eyes enlarging as she peeks up at me first and then at Cronus. "What is it? What is wrong?" He too tenses up to her reactions and takes a glimpse at the tests glowering down at them endeavouring to understand how they work just I like did inside the bathroom earning a playful giggle from me in return. 

"Theia, do you not know how to read these tests?" 

"I mean it is simple, it showed a straight line which is a negative sign yes?"

"It shows two lines, not just one." Cronus and I frown with bewilderment. Does it not mean the same? I thought if one is pregnant it would show a plus sign.

"I do not understand what you are trying to say." I shake my head my mind churning with puzzlement as I take a stumbling step backwards holding onto the doorframe for support as the room around me spins and I enter into a world of haze and uncertainty. 

"What the fuck is wrong with my sister, Lumina?" Cronus's chest heaves his worried greens set firmly on her thinking it is something to do with my health whilst Lumina stares at me with a look of tenderness and happiness that immobilizes me. 

"There is nothing wrong with her, Cronus. Theia's womb will be a den soon."

"A den? Speak to me in a way I can understand." 

"You are going to be an uncle." She laughs covering her mouth with her palms as tears of joy spew out her eyes and I stand there dazed unable to process her words. Even when Lumina binds her arms around my flesh and congratulates me I stand there limply in her hold as though my soul has been sucked out of my being.

Phobos. It is the only thought my mind awakens to and my heart calls his name in a hauntingly melancholic whisper but my desperate call goes unanswered.