Suburban Life, Part 1 (Thieves to Family TG AR AP)

Now that A Genie Story is finished, enjoy this new ongoing Premium tier TG story!

By FoxFaceStories

A Commission for Flightychipmunk

Four criminals have made the ultimate score, but their identities are compromised. Thankfully, one of their members has a daytime job as a janitor, and knows a machine that can remake their DNA so that they can appear like a normal suburban family while they lay low. Of course, the one family on vacation that they can impersonate consists of a husband, trophy wife, and two very attractive college-age daughters. And all four criminals are men. There are going to have to be some changes . . .

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Suburban Life

Part 1: The Heist

The Cipher Diamond was already one of the largest of its kind, cut exquisitely into an ornate and classical shape, a pointed bottom with softer fractal curves on top. But it was more than that; it was called the Cipher Diamond for the even more intricate carvings upon its upper service, a series of sigils and symbols which had formed an immense amount of discussion. Supposedly, the diamond had been uncovered by Enlightenment-era digging in monarchical France, and from there had passed into the possession of Bavarian nobles around the time of the creation of the Illuminati; hence its strange symbols. Were they for some greater arcane purpose? Were they alchemical formulas? Or perhaps some map to a grander philosophical truth, one kept hidden by freemasons and the Illuminati for hundreds of years? Many had pondered these mysteries across the ages.

Gallagher wasn’t one of them. 

For the slick-suited master schemer, all the Cipher Diamond was, was the perfect score. The ultimate score, in fact. One hundred and fifty million, stolen right out from under the nose of one of the most heavily secured and carefully guarded facilities in the world. The kind of prize that would be talked about for as many centuries to come as the Cipher Diamond itself. 

It hadn’t been easy. Gallagher had needed his whole team of regulars, and each had to keep their heads cool and wits sharp before, during, and after the expert heist. He’d managed to uncover the blueprints of the Jayfeller Vault through his connections, and had worked his brain over them repeatedly, checking for weak points, entry points, escape points, and areas where any member of the crew could flee to in case plans went south and Options B, C, D, all the way through to G needed to be used instead.

Max, as usual, was the consummate thief. Gallagher didn’t exactly like the man for a number of reasons; Max had a rat-like aspect and was too shrewd-by-half, and liked to practice his art of sleight-of-hand even when off the job, which could endanger an entire operation. He could steal a man’s shirt off of his back without said man even noticing, at least so he claimed. It was a good thing that his black hair was always oily, and his face so pointed, because if he’d been handsome he would have been utterly intolerable. Fortunately for him, his skills were unmatched, and he was able to easily slip keycards off of guards and break into their homes for any other equipment needed. By the time he was done, he was able to dress Gallagher himself up like a Jayfeller Vault guard.

Then there was Percy, who was about as far from Max as you could possibly get, and from Gallagher too, if one was to take into account confidence. Percy was a small, wiry fellow with thick glasses and bright ginger hair that never behaved itself, as if he’d received an electric shock every day of his life. Had a nervous little twitch in his voice that left him repeating his words often, and some in the business called him ‘Parallel Percy’ or ‘Two-Time Percy’ for that reason. But for all his nervousness and timidity, he was no snitch, and had never once abandoned his job, and that was for one clear reason: safes. The man was obsessed with them, and was quite literally a savant when it came to cracking codes, safes, vaults, and any other security system. He had the ears of a mouse, and it was his expertise that got them into the vault itself.

Lastly, there was Frank. Gallagher liked Frank. He liked him a lot. Unlike Max’s risk-taking and perversions (the man could not shut up about women, no matter how much they were repulsed by him) or Percy’s ultra-obsessive focuses (how long could one truly talk about safe designs?), Frank was someone you always knew where you stood in relation to. He was their point man, their escape driver, their guy on the headset. Never in charge, of course. He was too passive for that, and he had a limp that made it impossible for him to embark on most jobs; an old injury when a security guard shot him, back when he was a more risk-taking teen. No, Gallagher made sure to always push him to the limit, or else he wouldn’t naturally stretch himself. He was a slightly overweight and balding figure, and something about that secretly offended the boss. Still, long as there were orders to take, Gallagher found Frank was dependable.

This was the crew Gallagher had assembled, his regulars who had pulled numerous jobs together. No, they weren't necessarily friends, but they were, in a sense, comrades, and they did stick to the thieves’ code: there was honour among thieves, and that honour had to be kept. You didn’t sell out your teammates, you didn’t stiff them, and you didn’t pull out of a job until everyone had a clear way out. It was this last reason in particular that Gallagher was confident that one of the greatest heists in history could be pulled off. The Cipher Diamond was only set to be in the Jayfeller Vault for several days, as part of a transit between a buyer and seller. New ownership would take it to a more secure location, so their window was tight. Each had memorised their roles, and in the end they had played them perfectly.

Gallagher had perfected the role of the confident guard, occupying the attention of other security members.

Max had sneaked Percy to the correct vault, whereupon the safe whiz had cracked it.

Frank kept their car ready, along with one ear on the police band and the other on the radio chatter of the guards. At the opportune time, he flooded their comms with a malfunction, switching control over to Gallagher’s private network. 

From there, the diamond was retrieved, given to Max, who made a crude joke about their success, and they retreated quickly.

It was not a complex operation, but had to be a smooth one.

Too bad the security had recently been upgraded. Too bad that Gallagher’s blueprints were too old, and didn’t account for the facial recognition suite. Too bad that Percy didn’t spot the detection lasers when they retrieved the Cipher Diamond. And too bad that Frank’s license plate was traced quickly back to an underworld dealer who broke the code and squealed.

Just a week after their astonishing heist, one that felt so simple, suddenly the four of them found their names and faces plastered all across the media. Someone with a lot of money and influence was dedicated to tracking them down, and Gallagher could only try to keep his heart steady as he took in the sentences they would no doubt face. An entire federal taskforce was set up to hunt them. An INTERPOL task group had been established given the European interest in the diamond. Local police were dedicating a positively ridiculous amount of resources to this, all for the clout. Their intended fences for the exorbitant diamond had all pulled out, or, as Gallagher suspected when some offers came in too readily and without an attempt to haggle, were already intent on turning them over to the feds.

It had all fallen apart. The ultimate heist. The ultimate prize. And now Gallagher was left scratching his handsome blonde hair, his manly features wincing at the realisation that it had come apart like no other job had. The four were in an abandoned warehouse, forced to share dirty mattresses and act the role of homeless men, the net continually closing in even as their location. The air was dank, the sewer system broken and infested with rats and other small critters, and paranoia filled the space between them.

“I think we’re done for, I think we’re done for,” Percy said, his stuttering speech repeating itself. He was trying to open a can of pineapple, one that was slightly past its use-by date.

“We’re not done until we’re done,” Gallagher said, keeping his tired voice as commanding and determined as possible. “And if we’re not caught, then we’re not licked, ya hear?”

“Feel pretty licked,” Max muttered. “And not in the fun way. We were supposed to have so much money that I could be licked by anyone I liked!”

Gallagher twisted his face up in annoyance; Max was making a crude gesture to accompany his statement. “You will be,” he said. “Rich, I mean. We all will be. We’re four professionals. We pulled off the ultimate heist.”

“Not an ultimate heist if we’re getting fucked up our asses by the feds just days after pulling it off. Might as well stick our butts in the air and ask for the batons to slide on in at this point.”

Frank interjected at this point, his voice calm, almost carefree. “Listen to the boss, Max. He’s got a plan, don’t you?”

Gallagher sighed. “I’m working on one.”

But the truth was, he didn’t have one. Not yet. It was still forming, still nascent. There were too many variables, too many obstacles in their way.

“We could always work my plan,” Max said.

Gallagher grunted annoyance. “That’s sci-fi bullshit.”

“I’m telling you, it’s not. There’s a real DNA sequencer at the lab, and it can remake us. It’ll be a naughty bitch to get too, but we can have a heck of a good time with it once we’re there.”

“Won’t they know you worked there?” Percy asked, cleaning his glasses.

Max grinned. “That’s just the thing. It’s one of my other identities. One of the few not compromised.”

That was the thing with Max. He always had spare identities, to support all of his ‘extracurricular activities.’ This included wooing women (usually unsuccessfully), infiltrating various jobs for pay between jobs, or simply for the hell of it. His latest secondary job on the sly was as a janitor at a research facility. He had argued that there could always be value in stealing some high-tech equipment, not that it was their usual modus operandi. 

“I’m telling you what I’ve seen and heard there. I’ve snuck in and seen how this device works. It’s a goddamn DNA Sequencer. It’s what they call it. One of the eggheads altered part of his own appearance with it, even made himself look like the goddamn Governor for a few minutes! They’re only testing the early stages of it, but it’s the ultimate new identity creator. We just need some DNA strands from who we want to turn into, and we can become them, maybe even get some memories to help us along, without losing ourselves one bit! Easy peasy!”

Percy seemed intrigued; the scrawny nerd was continually starving and by far the most nervous of the group. Frank, on the other hand, simply wanted a plan to put into action. The man operated well so long as someone else put down the tracks. He shifted off of his bad legs, which was giving him extra pain lately due to their awful hiding conditions.

“Sounds far fetched,” he said.

“You gotta trust me on this, Frankie! It’s the real deal. C’mon, Gallagher, what plan do you have, boss? Waste away in here and get caught? Wind up with a life sentence?”

“It won’t be life,” Gallagher replied, but even as he said it he knew it was the wrong set of words. It sounded defeatist. “I just don’t believe this sci-fi mumbo jumbo.”

Max bit his lip, thinking. “Well, have you got a better idea? Or would you actually like to try and escape, boss?”

Gallagher knew he had him there. He looked to Percy, then to Frank. Both were desperate enough to try something at this point. Even if Max was being nuts on this, perhaps there was something else they could gain from this venture. Perhaps even a place to stash the diamond and get it back at a later date, when the heat died down.

“Fine,” he said. “Fine, we’ll try this crazy plan of yours. Maybe the thing can give us different hair colours and styles, or make us unreadable in DNA or something.”

The others nodded at this. It was a more believable take on what this DNA Sequencer could do. Max leapt upon the permission easily.

“Good, good! Give me two days. I’ll have to figure out who we’re becoming. We need the right kind of new identities, or else the guys behind the sequencer will be the first to hit the warning bell if things go belly up. We need a group of four people we can pretend to be, using their DNA samples. I think . . . yeah, I think I’ve got a general idea of what to look for. Frank, I’ll need to borrow your expertise for a bit. Your computer expertise. Then, I can get down to business.”

He rubbed his hands together, very much excited. A wicked plan was forming in Max’s perverted mind. This was not just an opportunity to become a new person, he’d decided, but to have an entirely new experience out of life, one he had craved for the excitement. Even better, it was a way to put Gallagher in his place. The man wasn’t a bad boss, but needed taking down a peg from time to time. By giving him a humorous change, it would let Gallagher know he should think twice about second-guessing Max next time.

The thief grinned, already imagining possibilities.

A new kind of change was coming.

***

When Frank found out what Max was thinking, he almost put a stop to it. Using their remaining computer equipment was risky, but Max had insisted on them running a search online to find a wealthy family of four who owned property in the city but wouldn’t be aware of a group pretending to take their place. It needed to be the perfect cover. Frank found several such families, but Max kept shooting them down, only showing interest of a more . . . particular makeup. Namely, while Frank understood that all members had to be adults, he was also increasingly aware that Max continued to inquire further about more attractive families, especially one with attractive women. In the end, he had to confront Max about it. They had sequestered themselves in the upper section of the warehouse, away from Gallagher and Percy, who were planning the infiltration of the lab.

“Oh my God,” Frank said. “You want some of us to end up in the bodies of women. Max, you absolute dog. You’re going to take the role of a man and leave us as women! This is sick!”

Max screwed up his face. “No, you idiot! You’d be biologically related to me, anyway!”

“That’s not a strict denial.”

“It is! I don’t want you all to end up as hot women, I want me to end up as a hot woman.”

At this, Frank blinked, not quite knowing what to say. “Um . . .”
“Think about it. Who hasn’t wanted to be young again? To be fit and attractive again? Frank, we’re all in our forties. Gallagher is not far from fifty, and his blonde hair is getting grey at the temples. I want to be young and alive again, only better looking, and a woman to boot!”

“But - but why?”

Max rolled his eyes. “For the hell of it, that’s why! Gallagher always calls me a pervert, so fine, I’m a pervert. I wanna have my own pair of tits to play with and a pussy to experiment with. It’s just temporary, and who can resist it?”

“I can, that’s who. Look, I gotta tell Gallagher about this-”

“Screw Gallagher. He doesn’t recognise your potential. Always going on about how loyal you are, Frank, how many jobs you can do for us. You’re doubling as a getaway driver, a point man, a computer expert, and a researcher. More than any of us, he uses you. It’s time to turn the tables. If we can find a nice family with some lovely ladies in it, we can make him the young, demure, pretty thing and let him stew in it for a while. Someone like . . . her!”

He jabbed his finger at the screen of a rather beautiful redhead. Frank frowned.

“We can’t do that anyway. All my searches are doing little here. This kind of information is private, but I guess . . . no.”

Max seized upon this. “You know something. Spill it.”

“It’s just . . . there’s a family I keep tabs on. They go on big vacations all the time. Very rich, very elite. Very private, too. Gated community and doesn’t talk to the neighbours. I break into their house and have the run of the place when we aren’t doing jobs.”
Max nodded. Unlike the thief, who loved the endless thrill, Max chased comfort. He wanted to retire into wealth. It made sense that he had a secret nest.

“Go on,” he said.

“Well, it’s just . . . they’re a family of four. And they are going on vacation. A big one in Hawaii for three months. Some spiritual getaway that rich folks go to. No real contact with the outside world. I’d not included them in our parameters or even mentioned them because there’s only one man in this unit: Leonardo Havard. The other three are all women: his wife Veronica and their two daughters, Sabrina and Carol.”

Max’s eyes lit up. “And what do they look like, this family?”

Frank ran a quick search from his own files and brought up a family photo from the current year. The thief almost gasped: they were perfect. A handsome patriarch who embodied all the classic qualities; tall, dark, and handsome. He had an expensive dark suit, one that added to his projection of power. Then there was the beautiful blonde-haired trophy wife with perfect curves yet with a socialite’s slender build. She couldn’t have been older than early forties, and looked every part a prize in her blue dress. Their two daughters were just as standout. One had her mother’s impressive curves and her mother’s blonde hair, though it was more of a chestnut brown than his black. She wore a more showy dress that displayed her lovely cleavage, and her hourglass figure was very much on display. The other daughter had a more slender physique, like that of a model’s, and was taller. She had slightly curled brunette hair and a shyer smile. Where her sister was sex appeal, she was a deeply attractive demure grace. Two sides of a very enticing kind of coin.

“Holy shit,” Max said. “Holy fuck. This is perfect. This family is perfect. How old are they all?”

“Uh, I’d have to look it up, but I think Leo’s about forty five? Veronica is forty one. Sabrina is the blonde with big boobs; she’s twenty, if I recall. Yeah, she must be, because Carol just turned nineteen, and they’re only a year apart. She’s the brunette, obviously.”

Max licked his lips. God, he could just imagine all the fun he could have in that hot blonde’s body. She had it all; a slim, beautiful physique but with a dynamite pair of hips and a great rack. Her face was heart-shaped, and she even had a beauty spot above her right lip, almost like a Marilyn Monroe kinda look. She was perfect. And so were the others.

“This is it,” he said. “This is the family we’re gonna become.”

“That’s crazy.”

“Crazy for you, but not for me. Remember, I’m holding the cards here. I’ve got the access to the lab, and only I can work the machine. Besides, Gallagher takes advantage of you. Don’t you want to be the boss, Frank? He says you’re passive, but I think you’re just intimidated by him. We all are - yes, even me. But this is your chance to be the boss! To be the rich guy! Or the rich trophy wife, if you wish.”

Frank narrowed his eyes. “If we’re gonna do this, there’s no way I’m gonna become a woman. Let Percy be Veronica. I’ll be Leo, and enjoy the mansion. You can take Sabrina, since you’re practically salivating her. And Gallagher, well . . .”

Max giggled like a schoolboy, rubbing his hands together again. “Gallagher can enjoy a little humiliation as cute little Carol, our beautiful little model-in-waiting. It’s perfect!”