Personal Story - Too Many Beans!

Here’s a real-life experience I had in 2020 that was fun, embarrassing and really uncomfortable!  

Around that time I wanted to try all kinds of new things and experiment as much as I could, plus I’d finally found a medication that helped with some of my conditions so I was in less pain overall which meant I was able to eat more and started being able to gain weight again for the first time in years! My belly grew more than anything else, and as soon as I started gaining again I felt so much better that I wanted to keep going and going. I ate more and more every day and found new ways to push myself.  

So one day we were a bit low on food and the shopping wasn’t arriving until the next day. I had lots of bread and baked beans and I do like beans on toast but I’d been eating so much that I wasn’t going to be satisfied by a couple of slices of toast and one tin of beans. I ended up cooking all three tins of beans and I toasted six slices of bread to go with them. Lucy was teasing me and warning me that I was going to really suffer for eating all that and insinuating that I was going to be farting all day!  

Well, I have a stupid amount of pride and refuse to show any signs of weakness! That’s why I de-programmed myself from being ticklish when I was a kid, I saw it as a sign of weakness so I learned to override it! And when I want to fart I’m really proud of my farts, but the thought of being told that basically the beans were going to defeat me woke my macho pride and I announced that -  despite their reputation - beans don’t make me fart!  And that’s true - as gassy as I am beans don’t usually make me fart more than normal. But then I’ve only ever eaten one large tin at a time. 

So i went ahead and cooked my three tins of beans, and I toasted my 6 slices of bread, and then  I realised I didn’t have a plate big enough for this ridiculous meal so I got a big bowl and made a kind of beans on toast stack, with beans between each slice. It was a pain in the arse to eat and by the time I got to the bottom the last slice was just a bit soggy and cold but I wasn’t going to let that beat me so I forced myself to eat it, along with the last of the beans that were left in the bowl. My stomach felt like it was bursting, I’d been working on stretching my capacity and I’d managed to eat 12 slices of bread with 2 tins of soup a few days earlier but this was really hard on my belly for some reason! Plus I was soooo sick of the taste of beans by the time I finished, I had to really force myself to swallow the last few down, but I managed it and laid back feeling all swollen and bloated and stretched to my limit.

Luce sat there teasing me, tutting, telling me I was going to regret it and deliberately asking me how I felt every few minutes and I was soooo embarrassed!! Oh my god, I was squirming with humiliation, and I was so stuffed that I couldn’t deny it! I laid on the bed, burping and waiting for my stomach to feel a little less tight but that never happened. After about fifteen minutes my stomach was churning, I could feel it working violently and I could really hear it too. Luce started gloating at me with a smug look on her face and there was literally nothing I could do to cover up the orchestra of noises coming from my gut.   

As my belly worked on the food, the gasses started to build. This really was pretty new to me, baked beans had never really done that much (except there was a weird period of time where they would give me a belly ache every time) but suddenly I felt like I was filling with air! The further my meal travelled, the worse I felt. It wasn’t just gas, I’d given myself an extremely upset belly. I could feel everything moving through me so violently and the worst bubbling noises I’ve ever heard were coming out of me!

About an hour after I finished my food the gurgling became constant, like it just didn’t stop for more than maybe ten seconds. It kind of sounded like the contents of my tummy were turning over and over and the gas was being churned around. I started to really bloat up. My belly rounded out even more than it was at the time and embarrassingly Luce commented on it!! Oh my god I was mortified!! (In the best way, I mean!) I started to get a huge stomach ache and I laid there bubbling like crazy, making the most horrendous noises, and I had to choose whether to keep denying my condition or whether to confess and ask for help. 

Well, Luce gives the best tummy rubs in the world so that made the decision a lot easier!  So I crept up to Lucy and i pitifully told her that I’d given myself an upset belly, and she teased me as she rubbed my gut with her expert hands. That really got things moving! The gas moved around me so violently that Lucy could feel it shifting as she pressed into my stomach. She made absolutely sure I knew that, too!!!! I was red faced and in a real state and my whole middle felt full of air. 

...It was about three hours after eating the beans and I was full of wind but nothing was coming out. I don’t know why, it was just staying there in my stomach, rumbling about. I’d been making noises non-stop for a couple of hours and my poor tummy was incredibly sore. Luce began pressing her fists deep into my abdomen, pressing down hard where she felt the most resistance, and soon there were bigger, very uncomfortable shifts inside of me and I started begging her to keep going. I could feel things moving really hard and fast and that air needed to come out!   So she pressed her fists right down into my belly, jiggling them as she did so, and I felt a stretching sensation up my backside as a huge amount of gas forced it’s way down to the exit with one long, gurgling noise that made me feel utterly humiliated! But Luce told me to let it out and I squeezed my stomach muscles really hard. 

Oh my god, the huge first fart that came out stung really badly!!! It was hot and it stank, and my farts very rarely smell!! The relief was incredible, but a second later it was replaced with soooo much shame! I covered my face and squealed with embarrassment but Luce continued to rub my belly and told me there was a lot more in there and to let it out. I was tingling all over and I had no choice but to do as she said. I squeezed out another fart, and another, and I have no idea how many I let out but It went on a while!!   

My tummy felt all kind of squirmy and upset. I guess there was a hell of a lot of fibre I wasn’t used to in all those beans!! My stomach started to make slightly more urgent noises and I had to scramble up in a hurry to rush to the toilet, accompanied by a lot of farting and gurgling! By the time I finished it felt like my stomach had been wrung out like a rag. I crawled back onto the bed, my belly still in a noisy, gassy mess and admitted that just maybe I wasn’t as immune to beans as I thought I was. 

I wasn’t going to be forgetting for a while either, I had the runs all night and woke up with a nasty stomach ache the next morning which was relieved after I pumped some gas 😅