Held Back Theater 8

Upstairs in his room Toby picked up a towel he had discarded the night before and used the corner he assumed to be the cleanest to wipe the makeup off of his face. “Ugh!” he groaned loudly, his words muffled by the towel as he scraped it along his face. “Why’d he have to come home now?!” He frowned at the sight of the smudge of tint of pink glitter mixed in with the smear of makeup on the otherwise white towel. 

After they had finished preparing dinner Toby followed Gigi and his mother, or more accurately was dragged into the living room by Gigi where she insisted on continuing his voice training. “What now?” Toby’s voice squeaked several times as he tried to force his voice into a higher register.

“We’re gonna have a little fun.”

“I don’t know. I'm already having such a blast.” Toby scoffed while his mom busied herself with the tv remote.

“This is gonna be even more funner.” 

“What could be “more funner” than this?” he chuckled.

“Bite me!” Gigi playfully shoved Toby “Anyway,” she began, turning away from Toby to hide the blush of her cheeks, “don’t worry we’ll all get to choose a song we like. As long as you pick a singer who’s a girl.”

“Singer…what?”

“Yeah. We’re going to have a little jam sesh and do some singing.”

“You can’t be serious.” Toby shook his head in disbelief.

“I am. Singing is great practice for voice training. You can practice pitch and increase your vocal range by trying to match what you hear. Plus it’s fun!”

“I can’t sing.” Toby grimaced as he unconsciously rubbed at his throat.

“That’s part of the fun.” His mom said with a soft smile. “Don’t worry about being perfect just…feel the music.”

Toby frowned as the black tv screen changed to a view of a gently flowing creek. The peaceful image was shattered by three four wheelers bursting through the water in time with the twang of a guitar beginning to play through the surround sound. Lyrics appeared at the bottom of the screen as Leanne and Gigi sang along with Gretchen Wilson’s redneck woman.

“Come on, sing!” Gigi cheered over the loud music and bumped her hip into Toby’s repeatedly. Gigi kept thrusting her hip into his in time to the music as she belted out the lyrics. Every so often she would occasionally miss a word or start the next lyric too early but she would simply smile or laugh and keep on singing as though it didn’t happen.

Toby finally gave into their frenetic energies and softly sang, “I aint no high-class broad. I’m just a product of my raising!” 

“Louder! You’re doing great!” Gigi cheered. Toby’s voice was small and off-key but she was pleased to see he was putting in the effort.

Leanne, grinned widely, threw her arm around her feminine son’s shoulder as she joined in with even more enthusiasm than before, “I say, hey y’all and yeehaw!”

Gigi twirled on the spot with a laugh as she sang, “And I keep my Christmas lights on, on my front porch all year long.” 

“And I know all the words to every Tanya Tucker song!” Leanne sang over the other two with a look of pride that Toby couldn’t help but laugh at.

“So here's to all my sisters,” Gigi sang. Taking Toby’s hands in hers they danced back and forth with the music. “Out there keeping it country! Let me get a big “Hell yeah!" from the redneck girls like me.”

“Hell yeah!” Leanne shouted. 

Caught up in the fun Toby forgot how he was dressed and shouted back even louder. “Hell yeah!” A blush burned on his cheeks as the pair hugged him tight. 

The song continued on and the trio not only continued to sing, Gigi coerced the feminized boy into dancing along with the song with her to the next pop song she chose. For that all too brief time, while he focused on the music, the lyrics, and dancing with Gigi, he forgot about tomorrow and the sword of Damocles that hung over his head and instead found himself having fun. He had only lightly protested when, after several songs and tips from Gigi, she put on the next song.

“This one is a little higher than the other girls so, you’re gonna sing solo.” Gigi told him matter-of-factly.

“What? Why, I don’t know this song.”

“I need to listen and you need to get used to doing this on your own. Just sing-a-long when the lyrics pop up.”

“...Fine I guess. But if I see one phone I’m burnin’ this place to the ground.” Toby chuckled. Only half joking. “I feel…pretty–.”

It was during his third rendition of the extremely girly song that his father had walked in the front door. ‘If he had just been five minutes earlier or five minutes later…’ His train of thought derailed by the look of disgust on his dad’s face as he realized who he was flashed into his mind. His words echoing in the darkness of his mind. ‘I’ve never seen dad so pissed.’ He thought as he bit his lower lip. Tasting the lipstick still on his lips he quickly scrubbed his lips with the towel until it was nothing but a dark red stain on the towel. ‘Black cherry.’ He corrected, repeating Gigi’s own correction while she had painted his lips. 

He glanced around the room at the aftermath of his feminization. Gigi’s makeup pallets, sprays, lipsticks and curling iron, were scattered on his desk while discarded tissues, cotton balls, and wipes filled the small trash can underneath while the two other outfits he didn’t choose hung in his closet. “I have to get out of this shit!” Toby growled, his anger was palpable as he threw the towel onto the pile of clothes in the corner and started to untie the top.

When Gigi had followed Toby upstairs back to his room he had nearly taken her nose off when he slammed the door behind him. Her first instinct was to try and open the door but found it had been locked. “To–Cindy?” She called lightly as she knocked on the door. “H-hey. Do you want to talk?” She asked, swallowing the lump in her throat. “O-okay.” she said after a few moments of silence, “I’ll be here.” She said weakly and turned and walked into the bathroom and quietly closed the door behind her. As much as Gigi hated to admit it, she was relieved that he didn’t open the door. 

Gigi’s hands shook as she turned on the water in the sink and as she splashed cold water on her face. Toby’s, or Cindy’s, dad had seemed so nice at first when he suddenly exploded it threw her off guard and before she could find the words to speak they had both been dismissed. After a few more splashes of water and several deep breaths Gigi dabbed her face with a hand towel.

 “Lucky I wore my waterproof makeup today.” She said to her reflection.

Gigi let another minute pass, giving herself and Toby time to calm down, before she returned to his door. “Cindy?” she called softly after gently knocking on the bedroom door. “Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine.” He lied but still opened the door, “I just can’t get this damn bra off.” He added, throwing his hand over his shoulder to illustrate his point.

Gigi couldn’t help but notice that, while Toby had removed most of the makeup he had left the glittery green eyeshadow and mascara practically untouched. “Unhooking a bra takes some practice.” She said with a soft smile as she closed the door behind her. 

“Hey, I’ll have you know I have a lot of practice taking off a bra.” He said out of reflex. The three times Kendall had let him take her bra off had been a humiliating disaster, but at least it had been easier to reach the hooks sitting in the backseat of his jeep. 

Gigi raised an eyebrow and quickly lowered it back down. Toby was too busy trying to see over his other shoulder in a vain attempt to see the hooks at his back so he hadn’t noticed the curious look on her face before he faced her again. She hadn’t expected him to admit he had worn a bra before. But judging by the now embarrassed look on his face she guessed he hadn’t meant to let that slip. It made sense why he left the eye makeup alone now. He may not admit it out loud but he no doubt enjoyed it. 

“Not to discount your experiences but, do you wanna learn a trick that might help?”

“Uh…sure.” He said, turned so he could see her trick. Gigi stepped close, until her breast pressed against the breast forms in his bra. “Oh. I thought–” Before Toby could finish his sentence she had slipped her arms underneath his and the bra strap immediately snapped apart. “Wha–how’d you do that?” He asked, craning his neck in an attempt to visually confirm the strap had indeed come free.

“I’ve had a lot of practice.” She giggled as she stepped back.

“Really?” Toby couldn’t help but imagine Gigi in the girl’s locker room, helping one of the cheerleaders as she unhooked the other girl’s bra.

Gigi nodded, “Now your turn.” 

“You want me to…?” He swallowed hard.

“Yeah. Come on. You need the practice.” She nodded and turned him around, putting the bra back in its place. 

Gigi watched Toby struggle for the next minute before he was finally able to puzzle out the bra’s Gordian hooks. “Bravissimo!” Gigi cheered when the hooks sprung free and quietly applauded as he slipped the straps off of his shoulders.

“Thanks.” Toby fought against the prideful smile that pulled against his lips.

“Just make sure you practice before I come over tomorrow. ‘Practice makes muscle memory.’ As my coach used to say.”

“God, why do coaches always say that?” Toby rolled his eyes, finally letting his smile slip out. “You have coaches in drama class?”

Gigi giggled, “No…well there’s acting coaches but, no, he was my baseball coach.”

“You played baseball?”

“Why not? Cause I’m a girl I can’t hit a baseball? Or run? Or catch unless the ball is three times the size?”

“Wha–no. I just–well, I mean, I didn’t think you would be into sports.” Toby stammered.

“Well…you’re right.” Gigi laughed. “I don’t like balls careening towards me.”

“You’re supposed to catch those.”

“So they say.” She giggled. “Besides, I hate running.”

“What? Who hates running?”

“Normal people.”

“Rude.” Toby said, rolling his eyes as he stared at his chest and bounced in place. “Besides, it didn’t stop you when you came after me like a terminator on crack.”

“Yeah and I couldn’t keep up. Remember?” She laughed again at Toby’s colorful description of their first encounter. “I know you run track and all, but you can’t tell me you actually enjoy it.”

“I do, actually. It’s a lot of fun.” he said while groping his breast forms. 

“Ho–Do you want to be alone?!” Gigi all but screeched.

“N-no.” Toby blushed a deep shade of red as he realized how weird his actions looked. “I was just…I…I uh, I thought they’d fall off.”

“They probably would if you bounced more.” Toby cocked an eyebrow at her over his shoulder. “I’m serious.” She couldn’t help but say with a faint giggle. “The glue is pretty good, it’s not like surgical glue or anything but it’ll hold pretty well for…most activities.”

“How do I get them off then?”

“Some jumping jacks would probably do it.” 

Toby gave her a look as if to say “Be serious.”

“Barring that, nail polish remover would work. I should have some in my bag.” She said and went into her bag, shaking her head. 

For the next few minutes Toby stared awkwardly at his ceiling in silence as Gigi worked the remover underneath the edges of the breast forms. “If you tried it with me you might like it.”

“Nice try, but mine are real.”

“N-no. Of course they are.” Toby blushed again, trying not to imagine the pretty girl’s breasts that stood so close to him and whose hands were so gently touching his chest. “But I was talking about running.”

“Why would that help?” she asked, sliding the last of the nail polish remover under the seam of the breast form.

“The company, for one. Running alone…well it’s pretty great when you’ve got stuff on your mind but having company helps when it’s just for fun. Plus…I’m getting a little stir-crazy and if you came over you could say it’s part of training or something.”

“Alright. Why not?” Gigi smiled, pulling the second breast form free of Toby’s chest.

“Really?” Toby asked with naked excitement.

“Yeah, but I don’t like lying any more than I like running. So we can make it part of your voice training too. Along with the singing.”

“You want me to sing too?!”

“Yes. Every day you should spend at least thirty minutes singing. It’s best if you do it in the morning after the vocal exercises I already showed you. To…’Prime the pipes’ as it were.” She giggled. “I wasn’t kidding when I said it would help you with your voice.”

“All that just so I can get out of the house and run?” 

“You need to do it either way.” She shrugged.

“Might as well get something out of it I guess.” Toby sighed.

“That’s the spirit.” Gigi rolled her eyes before handing Toby a wet rag. “Feel better?” She asked as she placed the cap back on the remover.

The lack of weight on his chest was an immediate relief but that relief had been brief and quickly replaced with despair as he thought about what awaited him downstairs. “Oh, yeah! Loads better.” He scoffed and threw himself back onto his bed, covering his eyes with his arm. 

Gigi stared silently at the feminine figure lying prone on Toby’s bed, for the first time in a long while she wanted to choose her words carefully. Right now she found it hard to think of Toby as the boy who had needed punishment for hurting her friends and instead all she could see was her new friend who had a dickhead for a dad. 

After a moment she quietly sat on the bed beside him. “I know it sucks right now but…there’s a small, very small, silver lining to what happened.”

“What’s that?” Toby groaned, his arm still covering his face to block out the world.

“Well…” She swallowed hesitantly, “At least you don’t have to worry about how he’ll react anymore?”

“That’s your silver lining?” He asked, lifting his arm to stare at Gigi with one eye.

“I did say it was a very small silver lining.” she said, forcing a small smile to her lips.

“God damn.” Toby scoffed again, but this time it turned into short hollow laughter. “Yeah. I guess.” 

“Your dad is being an asshole about it to be sure,” Her usually light and cheery voice became hollow as she continued, “but…I’ve known people who got kicked out of their homes, or beaten…or worse.”

“That’s awful. I’m sorry.” Toby whispered.

Gigi wiped a tear from her cheek and shook her head, reminding herself she was supposed to be comforting him. “But you’re not alone. You got me. And your mom is awesome.” She said, throwing her arm around Toby’s shoulder. “Maybe you’ll get lucky and your dad will be less of a dick.” She added, bumping herself into him.

“Yeah, I’m sure he will.” He bumped back. His voice still in a whisper as he forced a smile to his lips.

Not long after that, there came a knock on Toby’s door and his mother told the pair it was time for dinner. Toby came downstairs soon after Gigi wearing jeans and a black t-shirt with the superboy’s red S emblazoned in faux graffiti. The difference in weight and texture from the shirt he wore now and the flimsy top he wore earlier was incredibly apparent to him the moment he put them on.

Leanne paused momentarily as she slid the casserole onto Toby’s plate when she noticed the glittering green eyeshadow that still remained on her son’s face. Toby was busy pretending that he was looking at his plate, and not staring at his father who was currently stabbing his fork into the casserole like he had been doing since he came downstairs.

Leanne was the first to break the interminable silence after she got her a bottle of root beer from the fridge and asked, “Do you like the casserole, hunny?” Using one of her many pet names for her husband when he wasn’t being a stubborn ass as she came back to the table.

“Mhm.” Was all he muttered. 

“Tobias helped make it.” She said proudly as she handed the open bottle to Toby.

Rory finally looked up at his wife from his plate. “It’s good.” He told Toby flatly. Glad to see the boy had changed out of that get up. He hadn’t heard whatever Toby had said afterwards, as he was trying to figure out what was on his son’s eyes. Did he have a black eye he didn’t see before? That green crap he had on his face earlier must’ve hidden it. If that Nico kid hit him they could have leverage with a countersuit. His hope had quickly faded when he realized it wasn’t a black eye. Toby was still wearing makeup! 

He was about to order Toby to take his ass back upstairs and wash off the makeup when he remembered the stranger sitting at his table with him. With a huff he sat back in his chair and slowly stroked his jaw through his well trimmed beard.

Toby and his father didn’t offer up much in the way of conversation during that evening’s dinner, leaving it to Leanne and Gigi to pick up the slack. Rory would occasionally glance up from his meal to look at Toby before shaking his head and stabbing his fork into his food. Toby stared at his plate and forced himself to eat while he tried to pretend like he didn’t feel his father’s eyes on him at every second. It was only while his mom and Gigi were discussing the play that Toby spoke.

“And they chose your play? Well I’ll be, that is amazing!”

“It is!” Gigi said excitedly.

“Hopefully I can finish it before we get too far into it.”

“You haven’t finished it?” Toby asked in surprise.

“Not…entirely.” Gigi shrugged.

“What about the part you had me read?”

“That’s the midpoint…I just need to figure out how to get there…and some other parts.” Toby stared in disbelief. “What? Writing is hard.” Gigi said awkwardly and Toby rolled his eyes and drank his root beer. Gigi enjoyed the glamorously green show he gave everyone as he rolled his eyes. ‘I really didn’t expect him to still be wearing makeup in front of his dad with how scared he looked earlier. Pretty impressive actually.’ She thought to herself, changing a glance at Rory who sat silently. His pointed beard made him appear much more sinister than she thought he intended.

After dinner; Gigi left, with a promise to return in the morning for their morning run.Toby's dad sat him on a chair on the back porch and explained the rules while he smoked through a cigarette. “Son.” Rory paused, sucking air through his teeth. “You fucked up royally.”

“He kissed me, what was I supposed to do?”

“How many times have I told you? A man controls his emotions, he doesn't let his emotions control him.” Toby stared at his father in surprise, he thought for sure he would have been on his side. “You should have waited for him in the parking lot with a brick when he was alone.”

“...Yes sir.” Toby swallowed the lump in his throat.

“You messed up and now you have to pay for it.” He sighed, stroking his thumb along the edge of his beard. “So you’re gonna do what you have to do to stay in school and keep your ass out of jail. Meaning you do what that…that tells you. But I don’t want to see you dressing like this at home anymore. When you get home from school I want you to wash all that crap off your face and dress right. You understand?”

“Yes sir.” he mumbled.

“Good.” He sighed, fumbling with a pack of cigarettes in his hands. “What about this name business?”

“I need to have a girl’s name…for school.” He said with a half-hearted shrug.

“I know that. But what made you choose ‘Cindy’ of all names?”

“I…panicked and it was the first name that popped into my head.” Toby risked a soft chuckle.

“You panicked?!” Rory asked with a laugh. “You nearly gave me a heart attack when I saw through your shy girl act.”

“I didn’t know what to say.” Toby chuckled nervously.

“But Cindy? You sound like a stripper who watched too much Disney.” Toby quietly blushed in the darkness, now was not the time to defend how awesome Mulan was. “Now,” Rory said after a few moments of silence, “go wash that crap off your face.” Toby gave his dad a confused look but nodded and rushed inside and up the stairs to his bathroom.

It wasn’t until he went into the bathroom that he realized he had sat through the entire awkward dinner and the subsequent talk with his dad…all with glittery green mascara and eyeliner on his eyes. “Why didn't anyone tell me?!” He gasped in horror.