Adios dear friend...

I met this girl some years ago and she instantly became a dear and close friend for a short period of time. You know those rare people you randomly run into and for some inexplicable reason they just click. They get you, and you get them, and you both know it. There's no words for it, but you know. You see this recognition in their eyes, it's a kind of surprised look where neither of you understands what's happening. This isn't to be confused with the kind of male-female attraction/connection thing, it's different.

I met her at a time when I was shooting some kink and had been invited by another friend who was going to a small gig featuring a well known Italian rigger - Paolo. Ava (I'll call her "Ava" to protect what remains of her) was the subject being tied. She was into it and got a lot of personal benefit from being tied, which isn't uncommon. The complete loss of control when tied and restrained can release a person from their daily 'responsibilities', whatever they may be. It's like an ultimate sense of freedom and release, she used to tell me.

I moved in quite close for my shots to try and capture more of the interaction between Paolo and Ava and was taken aback by her eyes, which were fixed intently on me. It was like she was peering out of her situation and making a connection to communicate. Her eyes spoke volumes but I wasn't sure what 🤣.

During the break in the middle of the show, we spoke and instantly struck up a connection. We spoke about my photography and how she recognised I "knew what I was doing" 🤪 (her words). I asked her if I could photograph her and she said sure. She actually lived in the same building as the Shibari gig was in, which is called Hibernian House. The building has its own story to tell, full of all sorts of people, lots of artists and others living there for next to nothing, right in the centre of Sydney.

So Ava and I did a shoot in her apartment on the third floor. She'd never modelled before so she was nervous and desperately asking me for directions and posing ideas. This has happened many times before. I used to try to provide some typical pose ideas but quickly gave that up when I would see the "model" looking completely awkward in even the most simple 'feminine' poses. Or maybe it was the way I'd demonstrate the poses 🥹

We just ended up talking, smoking joints and cigarettes and laughing. I had a camera in my hand the whole time and Ava was now of course totally comfortable with being photographed 😄

She had some very cool cowboy boots and hair!

After this we stayed in touch and she came to visit me in the Blue Mountains one weekend. We went out and shot some photos in the forest but they were not as good as these shots in her apartment, mainly due to me allowing my partner at that time too much say in my photoshoots.

About a year later I went down to her apartment in Sydney for a visit and some photos, and things weren't good. There were two suss looking dudes in there and Ava was in bed. She was high on something I wasn't sure what, and freaking out, big anxiety stuff. The dudes were fucking useless and kept saying she's OK. She asked me to go get her something from the pharmacy, which I did. I brought it back and gave it to her, the useless cunts still sitting around doing fuck all. She improved a bit but it was impossible to get her out of there, the useless cunts had some kind of power over her. I couldn't speak to her in private as the apartment was just one large studio living space. I ended up leaving, she assured me things were OK and she'd be fine but I didn't believe her. I knew about her life, which was pretty out there working as an escort among other things. I mean there's all sorts of escort work, some safe and some very unsafe. The type she was doing was dangerous to say the least. She'd obviously fallen in with some bad people and was trapped.

About 6 months later I heard Ava had died.

I'm not sure how this happened. Whether it was an OD, or something else. One of the sweetest, truest people I've met.

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adios

/ˌadɪˈɒs/

exclamation

• goodbye.

  "adios, I'll see you next time,"