My New Normal Chapter 8

As Mom and I rode home, I found a new level of comfort with myself. That warm feeling within myself felt stronger than ever. Over the next several weeks, things were going very well for me. Our spring recital was approaching. I was actually very excited to be the lead dancer in my tap class, I had a two minute solo routine.

I wore a white satin bodysuit with a black waist-fitted tuxedo jacket with tails and a matching pleated mini-skirt. My pantyhose were sheer black with 2-inch Mary Jane block heels. It felt like the Christmas play all over again.

I performed my tap solo perfectly. As I danced that warm feeling strengthened my confidence as I performed. When I finished the crowd applause was loud! I loved it

I had my first birthday party in three years that summer. Mom reserved the community center and pool. I invited all my school friends and my Mom invited Tommy. Mom and I specifically said no presents!

Mom and I picked out a cute yellow bikini with white poke-a-dots. Amy wore the same one in pink. The only difference besides the color was my control panel. I invited 12 girls from school and Tommy, not including Amy.

When Tommy showed up with his mother everyone was already there. Tommy's hair was even longer. He was wearing his hoop earrings just like Amy and I were wearing. What really grabbed everyone's attention was his pink string bikini with white trim.

Amy and I went up to greet her first. Tommy! You came! Welcome! I said I hugged him.

Call her Tammy, please! Mrs Pippen said softly

Thanks for coming Tammy! I said. You look really cute!

I'll say! Amy said. I love your bangs and ponytail!

Tammy started blushing.

Don't worry Tammy we can keep a secret, if you can! I said. You really do look great. I said.

Tammy was as nervous as I was when I first started dressing as a girl. For me, it was therapy, a way to find myself. For Tammy it was punishment! I had two choices, I could out him! But I risked outing myself. (Not an option) Or I could support Tammy and maybe, just maybe make a friend.

I decided to go with supporting Tammy, Amy went along with me, I didn't have to ask her, she knew about me. She was my biggest supporter next to my mother and Lynn.

Come on, Tammy the games are about to start! I said.

Rachel, Lynn and Courtney (Aka Mrs Pippen)

The three mothers sat at an umbrella table in the shade as the girls played Marco Polo in the pool. They were sipping Iced tea as the girls giggled throughout the afternoon.

Your daughter seems to be adjusting very well, Rachel. She is a very gracious young lady! Courtney said.

Thank you! Would you like to dance pictures? Rachel asked.

Ohh! I'd love to! I used to dance ballet and ballroom! That's how I met Owen! He's been my partner ever since!

Rachel opened up her phone and started scrolling.

She's a lovely dancer! Amy is very lovely too, Lynn! Lead dancer! Very impressive, Lynn! You both must be very proud! Courtney said.

We are! Lynn said. Amy is my pride and joy! She's been a great friend to Donna! They do almost everything together.

Amy has been a great influence on my Donna! Rachel said.

It shows! Courtney responded. I'm hoping my Tammy will adjust accordingly! It's been a lot of fun having a daughter to spend time with. She has a way to go but she's beginning to adjust to her new persona!

Really? So petticoating isn't just a punishment? Lynn asked.

Ohh! It's a punishment! After the girls had their ears pierced and I had Tammy's nose pierced, he threw a huge fit! He broke some expensive crystals my husband and I were given as a wedding present.

We decided that we needed to continue with his punishment and step it up a little. We threw out all his boy clothes and went shopping the next day. His only pants he has now are leggings! He wears nothing but skirts and dresses. Courtney said.

I should be thanking you, Rachel. Ever since I put him in dress, he's been much better behaved! I wanted to send him to Fort Smith Military Academy. My husband thought it would be better if I had a daughter to spend time with and teach how to behave properly. Now we are here! So thank you! Courtney said.

You're welcome! Rachel said.

Tammy looks like she's having fun! Lynn said.

She sure does! Rachel said. Is she going back to school as Tammy?

No I enrolled her at Shenandoah Academy for sixth grade. We have a uniform appointment on Monday next week.

That's where our girls go! Lynn said.

I know, I also know the school is very understanding when it comes to students like my daughter. I was kinda hoping your girls would befriend her and help her adjust.

Of course, we'd be happy to help you! Rachel said.

I'm glad to hear that! I'm so sorry about everything. I should have known better. Courtney said. I was thinking about enrolling Tammy in dance class as well, she needs an activity. My husband and I banned her from sports.

She could sign up for dance at Miller Dance Studio! Lynn said. That's where our girls go.

My Donna was The lead tap dancer for her age bracket this year! Rachel said with pride.

Rachel, I need to ask you a personal question. If you don't want to answer, you don't have to.

Go ahead, Courtney! Rachel responded.

Who's Donna's therapist? I only ask because I think therapy would be a big help to Tammy and your daughter is charming and well behaved!

Doctor Reid! We both see her! She's amazing! I'd be happy to give you a recommendation! Rachel said. She handed Courtney Doctor Reid's business card.

That would be very helpful! Thank you, Rachel.

My pleasure! Rachel said.

Donna was laughing and giggling with her friends. They included Tammy as one of their own.

Everyone went inside for a birthday cake. It was a pink, light blue and white confetti cake with Mystique blue frosting with candy black scales and a Mystique figure on top with two number one candles for her 11th birthday.

You girls play Fortnite? Tammy asked.

We all do! A girl shouted from the back.

Before the party ended Tammy got a list of the usernames and characters the girls used to play Fortnite with and several girls phone numbers for future plans.

One week later Tammy joined the girls on Fortnite with Valkyrie and Lara Croft as her characters. Tammy was loaded with weapons, gear and bonus points for more.

Two weeks after my birthday party, Tammy joined our dance classes. While Tammy was in good shape she had just as rough a start as I did. Amy and I worked with her. Tammy was grateful.

I'm so sorry about what I did! Tammy said to me in private. I didn't realize how cruel I was. I thought it was just funny. I never realized it was so bad. When your Mom confronted my Dad like that, he didn't have a clue! That night I was grounded in my room without dinner. The next morning my mom and I had my hair cut and my ears pierced. They started my punishment that very day.

It could be worse! I said. They could have shipped you off to Fort Smith Military Academy!

You're right about that! Tammy said. My friend's cousin went there! He said it was like a prison!

Do you enjoy being a girl? Tammy asked.

Actually I do now! It was a big adjustment, I had a hard time adjusting to it. But girls are a lot nicer than boys. Shenandoah Academy has been a great experience, no one bullies anyone. I have a whole circle of friends. I have my dance classes, Tennis lessons and I've been taking a self-defense class for two years now.

Do you think you're going to stay as a girl? Tammy asked.

To be honest! I don't really know! But being a girl is normal for me now. I honestly don't think I could act like a boy again if I wanted to. I'm a lot happier now! So if I had to choose, I would probably choose to be a girl! If not for any other reason, I love my friends, clothes and shoes!

I like the nylons and skirts, if I'm being honest! Tammy said. Don't tell anyone! Especially my brother! He was more angry at me about my bullying you more than my parents were.

He still isn't talking to you? I asked.

He does now! But he treats me like a little girl. Always encouraging me to act girly, he never just talks with me anymore. Tammy said. He was my best friend and hero. I let him down.

You know what you should do? You should play the role! Hug him, kiss his cheek like little sisters do with their big brothers! Make him feel like your hero again. If you're stuck like me, you might as well get used to it. There are advantages to being a girl. Playing the cutie card is just the beginning! I said.

Girls get cut a little more slack than boys do! You just have to be smarter about it! I said. My mom and I are closer than ever. It's going to take some time. The best thing you can do is be patient. Just give it some time, you'll see! I said

Time, how much time? Tammy asked.

I could see Tommy/Tammy still had some adjusting to do. It was effecting him in a much deeper way. If it hadn't been for the awful way he treated me, I feel more sorry for him than I already do. I did feel sorry for him, but I still felt vindicated.

What I mean is, you might as well try and learn to enjoy it. You have both parents! You're Mommy's little girl now! Mothers will walk through fire for their daughters. Just give it some time! You may end up loving being a girl as much as I do! I said.

What about sports, competition and just playing around with the guys?

Tammy, dance is our sport! I guarantee you it's a lot more difficult than baseball. Our recital is a competition of sorts. We show off our skills and talents up close and personal while striving to be perfect. We compete against ourselves. Our rewards are thunderous applause and videos our family and friends watch over and over.

As far as hanging around with the "guys" is gone! Girls are more fun than being around guys. We do a lot of things as a group. We have sleepovers, do our hair and makeup together. We share everything especially secrets. You'd be surprised what you can learn by listening. The rumors a guy hears isn't half what the girls know.

If you really want to compete in sports, see if your parents will allow you to take Tennis lessons. We get to wear some very cute outfits! I love the skirts.

That's actually a good idea! Tammy said. My mom used to play tennis! Maybe I could play golf too! My parents love to golf, my brother hates golf!

See! Something to look forward too! I said. It may seem like a punishment right now but give it a chance, you may learn something about yourself you never knew.

I guess I could give it a chance. Tammy said. I'm going to ask Mom about Tennis and golf lessons, my mom loves both.

That's the spirit! I said. Once you get your mother to work with you, the sky is the limit. My mom never misses any of my activities. My mom is like my best friend and my number 1 fan all rolled into one!

The first day of school Amy and I met up with Tammy outside before going in. The environment was lot different than 5th grade. Boys were more interested in us girls than the previous year. Amy, Tammy and I received a lot more attention than we bargained for.

We hung out with the group of friends from my birthday party. The bigger the group we were in the harder it was for boys to approach us. We kept up this tactic for over two weeks.Very slowly the group got a little smaller as some of the girls started hanging around boys.

Amy and I had four classes out of 6 together. Tammy and I together without Amy. For the very first time I was leading Tammy around. Tammy was terrified. She had been acting and dressing as a girl all summer. Her first day of school, in close contact with other kids was scary! I remember the feeling!

I was pretty much over my anger with Tammy. I introduced her to a few girls and made sure she sat with us at lunch. The boys kept passing by our table. It was almost annoying the way they cruised by our table.

Tammy didn't dare say anything, but I could tell she had zero interest in boys, I didn't have much interest in boys either. The boys parading by our table were making Tammy nervous.

As Tommy, even before he became a bully, he was Mr. Confidence! Now as Tammy he was scared. I actually felt sorry for him a little bit. Unlike Tammy, my confidence was growing a little more every day. I was settling in fine. Amy and I did our best to keep an eye on Tammy.

The end of our first day of school was uneventful, thankfully. The three of us got picked up and went straight to dance class!

The great thing about Dance class was that we got a study hour and we were allowed to skip gym class. All we had to do was pass the physical fitness test at the beginning and end of the school year. Which was easy for all three of us.

Amy was always getting hit on by boys. She went roller skating a couple times with a few of them. No boy ever lasted more than 3 dates with Amy. Amy said they were a little too handsy for her. Creepy was a term she used a lot!

I was living with my warm feelings all the time now. I wasn't really attracted to boys, I did think a few were handsome. Right now I was more interested in fashion and started experimenting with makeup, nails and my hair. My mom bought a hot roller set and an over the head hair dryer.

Amy and I played with our hair for hours! We even invited Tammy for a sleepover one weekend. We gave her ringlets, Tammy's mother loved it so much, a week later Tammy had gotten a permanent wig 1/2 inch ringlets! It took Tammy a little while to get used to it.

By the end of sixth grade Amy, Tammy and I all had straight A's in school. Charlene was still giving me Tennis lessons and I was getting pretty good. Liz was coaching Amy and I in self-defense and we were breaking boards and able to fight like we were the cast of Cobra Kai!

Courtney (Tammy's mother) agreed to Tennis lessons for Tammy.

The summer between Sixth and Seventh grade Amy and I were almost inseparable. Between all my activities and Fortnite we did everything together now. We had multiple sleepovers with our friends from school. Tammy was always included.

Charlene got accepted to graduate school at Brown University. It was a heartbreaking day when she left. She sacrificed a lot of free time helping me. I cried on and off for two days. Even my mother's popcorn wasn't enough to cheer me up. I visited Doctor Reid twice a week 6 weeks after she left.

I was old enough to understand why, but that wasn't enough to comfort me and loss I felt. My Mom was very understanding and didn't try to talk to me. She hugged me and held me. I was grateful she didn't use any word to soothe me. Her presence was all I needed.

Liz tried to fill in a little when Charlene left. That helped a little bit. Liz took Amy and I to Tai chi in the park a few times. It was fun.

By the time seventh grade started I was 12. I'd been living a a girl for 4 years. To be honest with you, I had no desire to be a boy again. My mom and I talked at length about the subject. Mom admitted to me she never intended to make me live as a girl so long. Her intention was break me out of my solitude.

But as time went on, she said she saw a light inside she hadn't seen since before my father died. I agreed with her. I told her about my warm feelings and sensations. The comfort I found within myself. I found a confidence I never had before.

That confidence, could come from your activities! Mom said.

Maybe! I said but it felt deeper. I felt more in touch with myself as a girl.

We set an appointment with Dr. Reid.

We told her everything, and I mean everything!

She said before we make any decisions on anything she wanted to talk Amy and Lynn.

Amy and Lynn agreed to talk to Dr. Reid.

Two weeks after Amy and Lynn talked to Doctor Reid, she talked to my Dance instructor Mistress Miller.

Dr Reid sent my mom and I to a specialist at a big Hospital in Chicago. I spent a week getting tested and psychoanalized. My and I must have talked to at least 8 different therapists and doctors. The questions and conversations were intense!

I don't remember how many times I cried! Much of the time they were trying to talk me out of dressing and acting like a girl. They even made me dress as boy for an afternoon, it was awful!

On my second to my last day there, I talked to the chief psychiatrist, Dr. William Chandler. He was very tall and masculine, he looked like an older version of Chris Pine from the Star Trek movies. My mother and I talked to separately and together.

He was compassionate, but still was resistant to my plight and needs. Towards the end of our meeting he seemed less resistant to my needs.

On my last day I had several follow-up meetings with my previous therapist in the morning. At 3 pm we Gathered in a large conference room, Dr Reid was there. The table had two very large stack of my therapy records. My mom's therapy records were there as well.

Doctor Chandler stood up and gave a very long ethical speech about how rare my case is. While what my mom and I weren't asking for wasn't illegal, it was considered unethical for 99.9% of the medical community as a whole.

Something like this is considered radical especially in the cases of young children. I'm not a fan of pre-pubesent transition for children. Very few cases qualify, most are because of injury and other medical issues.

You and your daughter have made an excellent case! In order to get approval for your request I have to bring your case before American Psychiatric Association for approval. My colleague's and I have found nothing to indicate any unethical practices so far. We support your request.

However, we can't promise you they will approve your request, it will take several weeks before we hear anything! In the meantime, keep up with your therapy and document things for the time being. Chances are they will require additional information between now and then.

My compliments to Dr. Reid on your documentation and treatment for young Donna. You saved the life of a very troubled child. As psychiatrist we sometimes lose patients despite our best efforts, it's the people we help where our purpose is found. You have done our profession proud! Dr. Chandler said.

Thank you Doctor! Doctor Reid said.

Thank you for your time, Doctors! My Mom said.

Thank you! I said

I started school the following week. My routines remained in place, I kept up in my diary, no one knew about my diary, not even Amy. Things were going smoothly for me. Tammy was growing into her role as well.

Tammy told me her mother and her were very tight now. Her mother was loving the idea of having a daughter. Her Dad treated her as his little girl. Her brother was beginning to accept Tammy as his little sister.

We sent in updates on my progress to Doctor Chandler. So far we have not heard a yes or no. My mom did some research and I started taking several supplements after our meeting. My skin became softer and my breasts started tingling and itching.

When spring break came Lynn and Amy traveled to Chicago with us. I had more evaluations, I brought an edited version of my diary with me. I wanted to be approved badly! I was starting to grow pubic hair and I was starting to more erections. My balls dropped and it was getting more difficult to hide my secret. Amy was beginning to develop and I was very jealous!

3 days into my evaluation, Doctor Chandler and few others I didn't recognize anyone who interviewed Lynn and Amy. Mom and I weren't told about what they were interviewed about. I was getting very nervous about this. I knew I was on thin ice.

Doctor Chandler, did support my request for early transition. He told me that he gets hundreds of requests a year for early transition, but my case was one of a very few that had a remote chance of approval. He told me my diary was a very big help.

They needed to talk to Amy and Lynn and get their thoughts and opinions. They wanted to know exactly what how I was handling myself as a girl in real life. They wanted the opinion of someone not related to us.

We went back to our hotel for the night. We ate at Maggiano's Little Italy restaurant in downtown Chicago.

We had a great meal, the lasagna was fantastic. The linguine with clams was delicious.

Thursday afternoon we met at a conference where my fate was to be decided. There was my team of therapists, Doctor Reid and Chandler and several doctors from the American Medical Association and the American Psychiatric Association.

My mom and I held hands as we sat down. Our palms were sweating. Amy held my right hand as we sat at the far end of the table.

My Mom could feel my fear. I have never been more scared in my life, until now.

You're going to be alright sweetheart! I love you! Mom said. We have come this far! We'll get through this one way or another!

Love you too, Mom!