The Top Ten Worst Hit Songs of 2019, Pt. 2

Now that Lil Dicky's tv show is out, I guess you'll just have to foster that beloved hatred of yours with a review of that pile!

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I confess I’m shocked you mentioned “Sweet but Psycho” (even as a Dishonorable Mention) and didn’t say anything about how much it sounds like Jay Sean’s “Down”. Then again, it’s entirely likely you haven’t thought about “Down” in ten years!

Omorka

Maybe I'm wrong, but I thought the music video implied that Ariana was trying to get with the GIRLFRIEND, not the guy. Which, although an interesting twist, is still distasteful to be getting up in people's relationships like that just for the sake of your 'boredom'. Idk, I consistently don't like Ariana because she strikes me as a particularly conceited ass. But who knows. Some of her songs are good, but certainly not this one.

Selkie Squirrel

I really enjoyed the list Todd! I know it's exhausting, but your year-end lists are always such a treat. Keep up the amazing work, and make sure to take care of yourself!

Adam Levine appears to be a part of a bet with the demon he sold his soul to in exchange for success. He's trying to see just how little music he can put into a song and still have it become a hit. Maroon 5's next single is just going to be him making auto-tuned pigeon sounds over an ambient drone.

Shiny Skunk

Go to sleep, Todd.

Maura Burns

The Remix with Carly Rae Jepsen will probably be there

WhyDoIBother

Memories is the laziest song I've heard this year. Unbelievably low effort. Why does it sound like it's ripping off the Graduation song and Nickelback's Photograph? Maybe the chord progression combined with the sticky sweet yet unconvincing attempt at nostalgia? Can't wait for the top ten best!

Hawley Olsen

Loved the videos this year Todd, thanks for making me happy <3

Trampolines didn't bother me much because it is a mood. That mood is disassociation, and I am not sure that "feels like disassociation" is a mood you want to give a pop song, but it certainly says something about how people are doing if that is hit material.

Katastrophe

My name was left out of the Patreon list

I've been to a funeral wake, a school reunion. and a retirement party, all within the year. All three events featured videos that used 'Memories' by Maroon 5 lazily juxtaposed on top of a montage of photos of the deceased / the alumni / the former employees. Its generic-ness and universality explains its success, and I'm convinced it has nothing to do with Adam Levine and co's actual star power or longevity.

Franco del Rosario

In preparation for Todd's Worst/Best Lists, I try to passively listen to all the Billboard Year-End Hot 100 songs of that year. And if I hadn't done that, I would probably know... maybe 4-5 songs mentioned in both videos combined (including Honorable Mentions!).

Franco del Rosario

Earth..... really is something special. It's rare that we see a song critically and commercially flop in such a spectacular manner, and with so many talented artists involved! But I'm happy to have lived through that particular time period / generation to witness it first-hand.

Franco del Rosario

I'm just really surprised that Thotiana was not on this list

Riley Greenstein

Baby Shark is not going to be on either list but if it were to be on one it'd be the best list

Todd in the Shadows

Thank you, that'll be corrected for YouTube

Todd in the Shadows

Both you and “that other guy” have put Earth as the worst song of the year. Good.

Error 52

I've gotten so old. I had something to say but forgot it while scrolling down here... oh right, Todd probably just broke Adam Levine's spell or something, defeat him by letting him go, like the end of Fire and Hemlock. There's a reference no one will get because I am so old.

De

Every year Todd you always break my heart with one pick, and it was trampoline. And yet I paid money to see this! Thank you sir. Please may I have another

what?

Todd in the Shadows

Earth is the most artless thing I've ever heard and it's incredibly satisfying to see it at number one.

Nowhere Girl

There's some weird greenscreen problems in the section for #5. Any chance of fixing it up?

Castleknackers

Not gonna lie, Break Up With Your Girlfriend, I’m bored is a guilty pleasure. Maybe cause even though it is disjointed with the melody, I could relate to the lyrics. Also, no Baby Shark? That somehow made the year end hot 100. Also was expecting more Camilla Cabello bashing because that gives me life.

Yvette

I've never heard "Sweet But Psycho", but I'm guessing it's a case of "If you have to say you are, then you're really not".

Russet Burbank

i swear i've NEVER heard #3 on the radio. now that billboard's gonna be counting youtube plays i predict we will see a lot of "hits" that nobody's ever bought

surasshu

There’s a station at my work that plays nothimg but somgs that sound exactly like #3 and it is deteriorating

Dyl

If you're judging CHVRCHES by that song they did with Marshmello... I'mma keep this brief and say that everything they did from their first two albums is vastly superior to Here With Me. They did put on, but their actually good stuff got ignored.

Grace

Earth got to #17 on the Billboard Hot 100, so yes, it did get into the top 20. Besides, if it didn't it wouldn't be here.

Grace

the beat is nice. i would like the song if it didn't have chris brownie

air budd dwyer

Considering it's not in the dishonorable mentions I will be unbelievably disappointed if Lalala doesn't make it into the honorable mentions

air budd dwyer

Man these videos just show how easily avoidable pop music has become in the rise of streaming. Back in like 2011, I knew all the songs on the worst/best lists; this year I knew 3 out of the 10..

Anthony Pierre Coco

Dance Monkey deserves a spot on the best list and I will die on this hill

Great video as always Todd although there is one error in the video that I don’t think anyone has pointed out yet. You said that Earth doesn’t remind you of any piece of comedy and then you brought up the Kendall Jenner Pepsi ad despite the fact that the Pepsi ad is the funniest comedic achievement in the past decade.

My biggest surprise was not seeing 7 Rings, even in the dishonorable mentions. Considering that your video is what made me hate that song so much, I was hoping to see it on this list.

Karen Wilson

As a(n almost) 50yo mom with some wine in the fridge I am deeply deeply worried that I will wake up liking Maroon 5 one day, please assure me this won't happen. (Also no Dance Monkey? That song gave me hives).

eleventacles

No The Git Up? Todd I’m shocked.

Christian Samples

"[Lil Dicky] will be successful..." Toddtradamus may have just dealt the deathblow

Peter Guilherme

Least surprising #1 since Wiggle. But oh so deserved.

Same tho

I feel so goddamn vindicated for Trampoline being on here, and being so high up. I heard that song months before it reached the top 40 on the local alt stations and I hated having to listen to it then. Then when it did finally break through I was flabbergasted that this song of all the constantly rotated alt tracks was the one to break through to the top 10. Not even Shaed's other big single Thunder which I actually liked a lot. But fuckin Trampoline.

Meluieth Box

Taylor Swift wasn't even worthy to crack the top 10 worst list this year, in spite of her floundering efforts. I'm hoping that's a good sign of where her relevance is headed.

Jiashu Xing

Oh, THAT SUBWAY AD

Rick Griffin

I sure hope Toddstradamus will strike again with that Maroon 5 prediction and that they actually will go away now.

Thomas Carmody

Now that you've mention "Memories" is basically a Maroon 5 re-working of Vitamin C's "Graduation", I can't unhear that.

Thomas Carmody

Now that Todd has said Maroon 5 will never go away, their career is finally over!

Sean C.

I love "Sweet but Psycho" to an embarrassing degree.

Ethan Michael Thomas

Jesus Christ I want Levine to trim his goddamn beard so bad.

waywardlaser

5. Harmless 4. Huh? What could possibly be worse than this? (Except maybe Earth) 3. Never heard this one. Listening to it though, it sounds like one of those phony ass pop acts that Billboard likes to parade around as rock for some ungodly reason. 2. Harmless DM1: I like the beat. DM2: I really don't hate this one DM3: I don't care for this one. Better than being actively irritating for a change. DM4: Never heard it DM5: This song's hook irritates me DM6: Overrated a.f. 1. Predictable. Personally, I just think this song is really stupid, but then again (spoiler) it's Lil Dicky, what did you expect? There are admittedly a couple moments that make me chuckle, plenty that don't, and the only thing I actively dislike is the Germany line. Most of these jokes are ones that I can see some dumb kids laughing at, at the very least

Anthachu

Thank you for #3. It's fitting that the first line is "I've been having dreams" because that song puts me right to sleep if I'm not fast enough to change the station. As to #2, it's Pachelbel and all that comes with it of course, but the specific song I keep hearing is "Graduation". I did not need Maroon 5 re-working Vitamin C's "Graduation" in twenty-goddamn-nineteen. (I'm still an early M5 supporter. "Harder to Breathe" will always be a jam no matter what they've done since then)

Jonathan P

Wow, I mean Calvin Harris, Emeli Sande, Lewis Capaldi, and maybe CHVRCHES... Scotland didn't really put on this decade.

Michael

Awesome job, as always! There’s a weird jump cut at 11.55 in between ‘sigh [jump] let’s get this done’ and it’s a bit jarring - that’s the only edit issue I saw :)

He likes her. Stay tuned.

Jacqueline Sailer

I’m not surprised Memories was high on the list. I thought it could’ve been higher as well. It was even more boring than “Girls Like You” was. I’m also surprised you didn’t even mention Billie Eilish despite her being one of the biggest acts of 2019.

Sweet but psycho makes my teeth hurt.

me

Also, I believe 2016 was the only single year since 2012 that Maroon 5 has not shown up on a Worst list. I guess "Don't Wanna Know" was the closest they've been to being ignorable.

Jacqueline Sailer

I'd just play "Jump" by Van Halen. It's not specifically about trampolines but you can still make it work.

Random notes: You should've seen my face when #4 was revealed, I thought it was a lock for no.1, but no complaints about the actual #1 pick, it can DIAF I understand why you chose your #3 pick, but I don't mind it Fuck you Maroon 5, you suck Yes! Someone who also hates Sweet But Psycho! One of the most overrated pop songs of the year. As you say, it's so incredibly basic. Compare this to Gaga at her peak and it's pathetic in comparison.

Kylie

A few more comments… #5: Thank you for ripping this POS apart like it deserves!!! Worst song of the year imo. #4: Definitely surprised it’s only at #4, but you did make me understand the hate for this song way more. #3: I genuinely thought this was an R&B song by a solo artist! My mind was blown when you told me they're an actual band. #2: His success makes me lose faith in the pop industry. #1: The chorus reminds me of that one Oasis song. It helps that their lyrics are vaguely related. DM1: Surprised this is in the Worst video considering your praise of Meek Mill’s album! DM2: Yep, yep. DM3: Considering how much it didn’t stay, I think it deserves to be on the list itself. DM4: I may defend her, but not on a song like this. DM5: She basically feels like she can do anything now. DM6: Okay, this was the one song I strongly disagreed with. This track is fun. Oh well, it’s still better than “Never Be the Same” being #7 on your Worst list last year!

Jacqueline Sailer

The good version of the number 4 song is the Airborne Toxic Event - Sometime Around Midnight

(Spoilers) (Spoilers) (Spoilers) (Spoilers) (Spoilers) There's a remix of "Trampoline" featuring Zayn Malik! Just thought you should know. The lack of "No Guidance" is more surprising to me than "Someone You Loved" only reaching #4 here. How can you possibly not mention a Chris Brown song that spent several months in the top 10 with completely nonexistent production and smugly insincere lyrics?

Jacqueline Sailer

oh wow i think this is the first year i haven't liked a song on your worst list. I'm so proud of myself! :D Can't wait for the best list :D

everything's spoilers you're spoilers! #5: Man, I sure care immensely about this song. #4: Oh. Huh, yeah, I figured you'd have this higher. Congrats on not being predictable this year? This means the top 3 of this year are all worse than the worst of 2018? Oof. #3: Ooff screw you Todd. I'm shaking my fist angrily at you now. This one's a bop. Get off my lawn, Old Man. Nice cover of Chandelier though. Let it never be forgotten. #2: Huge shoutout to Canon in Douchebag. Glad this dropped right at the end of the year just for your sake. Oh hey you're the first other person I've seen to actually point out the Canon in D chords though. DM1: Drake's verse is so bad I've never made it to Meek Mill's bit DM2: I dunno, this one feels overhated in hindsight but it's not Great DM3: This one's just super meh. The message is confused but yeah DM4: I only barely remember this one DM5: YUH YUH. Oh, 7 Rings is #1 then, right. Right? DM6: Nah, this one's fun, even if it's just Lady Gaga pt. 2 #1: Oh yeah, this one existed too. Did it even break the top 20? 7 Rings didn't even make the list? Anyways yeah this is objectively the worst thing that came out this year, nobody will disagree with you here. Congrats on putting like 30 people at your #1 spot this year, just to take out the entire pop landscape, I guess? This is like the least angry I've seen you in any of these lists, more feels like you're... bemused by bad pop in 2019. I dig it.

Crow

If you're looking for a bouncy song about trampolines, there's always Trampoline by Kero Kero Bonito!