Black Book I

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From atop a building on a late, autumn night, I watched a girl in a red cloak beat up a bunch of bargain bin gangsters with a giant mechashift scythe that was also a gun.

It didn’t even break my top fifty weirdest things I’ve seen since I was dragged here, but I had to watch it anyway. Still, seeing bodies flying into buildings at the behest of a petite warrior with magic eyes hasn’t lost its charm yet.

But while she fought gangsters, I was fighting my Scroll’s camera- considering I needed to plan things out perfectly, or else the entire thing is going to come out like shit. Seriously, a whole lifetime here and I still can’t get used to using a Scroll.

The unmistakable sound of a helicopter taking off made itself clear, and my eyes snapped towards the rapidly ascending vehicle.

I lined up the camera and took a picture of the getaway vehicle, along with my hands shaped in an all-too-familiar gesture.

“Kon.”

And in the middle of the night, without a word of warning to the relevant parties, a giant fox head of spiraling red eyes and pure white fur appeared in the middle of the city. It chomped down on the helicopter, fitting the entire thing in its mouth, the sounds of the metal being crushed and twisted into the shape of her maw filling the city air..

“Onyx, may I swallow?” A feminine voice echoed out despite her lips not moving, and I glanced down at the photo I’d taken, to find out it had come out perfectly. The helicopter was perfectly visible in the gap between my fingers, and the quality was so clear I could see the moonlight off the metal.

“Can you see into your mouth and only spit out one person?” I asked out loud, knowing no one important would be able to hear me from how far I was, as I immediately saved the picture and moved it to my photo album.

“No.”

She was probably lying to me, or she might be telling the truth. She is called the Fox Devil for a reason, but to be honest I don’t give enough of a shit about Roman to spare him. 

Too bad, so sad.

“Then swallow.” And the Devil disappeared in a burst of white smoke, without so much as a word, or a glance to the probably horrified Huntresses that had been hunting the people currently in her stomach.

I’m not a hundred percent sure who exactly was on that helicopter, but I know for damn sure Cinder Fall was on it. And that means canon has officially gone belly up, Amber will be waking up with her powers probably, and Emerald will never get a crumb of pussy in her life.

Ah, I love ensuring my action-comedy reality keeps the grim-dark away. Now, with that little box checked, what else do I need to do before I can fuck around without a care?

I snapped my fingers. Right, I need to pick up my weapon! Man, Adam is such a bro, holding onto my sword and Semblance for so long. 

I’ll give him a normal death in return.

“Master,” Soft-spoken words woke me from my nap, and I opened my eyes to find the van had been parked in the middle of a forest with crimson red leaves. “We’ve arrived.”

I grunted, forcing my Aura to aid in waking me up as I did my best to stretch in the passenger seat. “Why are you so dead set on the fetish shit, Ashley? And right when I wake up?”

Mocking pink eyes crinkled in amusement as she held a hand in front of her face in an insincere attempt to hide her smirk. “What? I’m just trying to make sure my sexless master doesn’t have to leave the comforts of his wet dream too quickly.”

“Listen, Fiend or not, I’m not committing necrophilia so easily.” Rolling my neck and feeling various cricks from sleeping in the front seat while this maniac drove me around- this thing would have so many parking tickets if it weren’t magic- I asked the obvious question.

“How far is their camp from here, and did Hallow confirm the target would be there?”

“Ugh,” She rolled her eyes at my words. “You’re the only person who'd be willing to talk to that thing. Hell, that one lesbian bitch doesn’t even hold a fucking conversation with her! Why should I?”

“For the Servant Devil, you’re pretty whiny. You scared of her or something?” I mocked her, before reaching into my coat pocket and whipping out the pitch-black book I carried with me at all times.

I rapped my knuckles on the front cover, and the pages within began to glow red with the ink listed inside. “Yo, Hallow, need confirmation on my last ask.”

“Halloween!” I could almost imagine the Fiend’s face looking scoldingly in my direction at her words.

“No, I’m not trying to double dip, I’m just concerned whether my shitty chauffeur drove me to the right place.” I gave a cross look to Ashley, who stuck her tongue out at me.

“You’re just saying that cause I’m a woman.” She shot at me, and I rolled my eyes.

“No, I’m saying that ‘cause you’re a dumbass.” Her brow furrowed and she pulled closer to me, angrily looking at me as she leaned over. I fought with all my power to not look at the exposed cleavage that was practically popping out of her shirt-

“Halloween!” Hallow interrupted, and Ashley and I both pulled apart, her more reluctantly than I as se muttered about clam-jammers.

“Yes I know the details of the contract, you gave me a magic book to help me deal with them-”

“Halloween…”

“Fine, fine, I’ll talk to you when I have an actual question to ask. Go back to getting scissored, and tell Quanxi I said she needs to try picking up women who still have a pulse.”

“Halloween!”

The glow ceased, and I opened the door out of the van without another word to Ashley, even as she flipped me the bird and immediately snatched my Scroll to do whatever the hell she does when I’m not around.

Stepping out and closing the tent flap behind me, I took a moment to scan the area, and the multitude of guns currently being pointed in my direction.

“Hands in the air!” One of the masked faunus screamed at me, hands shakily holding onto an assault rifle. I did as he asked, slowly raising my hands up… and together.

“Divine Dogs.” And bursting out of my shadow, came two massive wolves of pitch black and stark white, who didn’t hesitate to dive for the crowd of terrorists with a vicious howl. Naturally, everyone decided to focus on the two dogs who were big enough to swallow most of them in one bite, and gunfire filled the air without hesitation.

Now, if I remember Adam correctly, he was the kind of murderous bastard who actually gave a shit about his allies- at least at the beginning. So, as I let Solaire and Luna feast to their heart's content, eventually…

!

The two shikigami faded into ink right before a burning red blade slashed through them both, possibly capable of killing them both in a single swing.

“Human.” Adam Taurus spat out from behind his white Grimm mask. “Tell us who sent you, and you get to die quickly.” He gestured threateningly in my direction, but I was personally more concerned with the blade in his hand.

Wilt and Blush were absolutely the coolest weapons in the series, and they were shamed by being wielded by the edgy bastard that ends up turning into a crazed stalker by the end of the series. I was going to do them a favor and put them into more deserving hands- mine.

I brought my hand up in front of me, causing Adam to charge me with such speed that a normal person would be incapable of keeping track of him.

“Kon.” 

Two disconnected arms and a waist flopped on the ground in front of me, as a massive white fox head luxuriated in the flavor of his torso. I sighed in relief before picking up the weapons from the scattered remains of my enemy, finally sheathing Wilt into Blush and strapping the weapon to my waist.

“May I-”

“Not yet, he shouldn’t have bled out so I can still snatch his Semblance if I work fast enough.” Patting down my jacket, a fear raced through me as I couldn’t find the book. Did I just leave it in the fucking van- nope, false alarm, different pocket.

Flipping through the book for the specific name I needed, I paused and looked up at the remaining survivors of the White Fang, all looking at both myself and the Fox Devil in pure horror.

I watched as the contracted Devil visibly puffed up. Huh, didn’t realize Aura makes the fear boost that much more effective. Again, note to self, never summon the Gun Devil… while I’m still in range.

Still, leave ‘em alive for the fear boost, or kill them all to prevent witnesses?

Ah, who gives a shit, not like I’m trying to hide from anyone.

“You have thirty seconds to get out of my sight, or Foxy here starts hunting for the main course.” And that caused them to finally get the message and fuck right off, screaming their heads of and leaving trails of piss for bears to follow.

“Got it!”  I found the name, marked in a reassuring blue ink. Biting my thumb, I smeared my blood across the name amongst the dozens of others that filled that singular page, and watched as the Devil burst free of the page and flopped down in front of me.

The Soul Devil, like the blue ink had suggested, was so pathetically weak that it didn’t even bare mentioning. Hell, it was basically just Casper the Friendly Ghost if he’d hit puberty and walked through a paper shredder. Long white tendrils of ghostly presence that twined together to form the body, wild eyes peppering its form in a multitude of colors, the scariest thing about it was how it looked.

Also the fact that all of it’s eyes cried while Solaire and Luna held the fucker down, teeth sinking into it’s arms as I loomed over it.

“Oi, contract, now. You put the Semblance of the fucker stuck in Fox’s mouth in his sword, and give my soul the ability to grow endlessly without harming or altering me in any way I’d regret, and I will never summon you here again. Deal?”

“Yes, yes, I’ll do it I’ll accept! Please just let me go, I don’t wanna be here anymore!” The Devil sobbed and made me feel like I was bullying a nerd for his lunch money, but with a twitch of his fingers my sword started glowing and I felt amazing.

Shame I had to kill him so he didn’t contract with anyone else here, but despite being weak he was extremely useful in this world, so needs must.

Now, what else did I need to cross of my list?

Humming to myself, I took a sinful bite of pizza straight from the box while manning the front desk of my store. Out of respect to the real wahoo pizza man, I instead called the shop Black Book for various reasons.

Home of Onyx Stone, Huntsmen and general busybody extraordinaire! Need a lawn mowed? Fence painted? Child traumatized? Ashley has got it covered! 

If you have a job that at least sounds fun, I’ll handle it and let Ashley drive me there and witness all the cool things she could’ve done herself.

But, lately I’ve been busy pruning the timeline so my fun and my business stay high and dry! Despite my Semblance, there is no grimderp allowed here!

Taking another bite of my slice, I absently scrolled through as the local internet in general had finally stopped shoving multitudes of shit I was responsible for into my feed. Yes I know a giant fox ate a helicopter, I was there

The front door to the shop opened, based on the ringing bell, and I rolled my eyes before closing the box of pizza and greeting them.

“Yo, welcome to Black Book, you got a job that needs doing?” I asked, after swallowing the rest of the italian goodness I would be eating if I didn’t leave the sign on Open. And then I took a moment to realize how many people had just entered my shop.

“Um, Yang, do you really think this is a good idea?” My eyes flickered over from Blondie up front and over to the tall redhead shuffling in the back, wearing a conspicuous fedora and sunglasses.

“Relax, P-Money, I know what I’m doing. Hey, you’ll take any job, right?” Yang Xiao Long looked at me, a teasing grin on her face as she unsubtly leaned forward to draw my eyes to her tits.

“Prostitution is still illegal, so no.” I said bluntly, and watched as everyone either flinched like I’d slapped them- save Yang, who merely laughed off the comment. 

Huh, why’s JNPR hanging with the wrong blonde?

“Ah, nah, you’re cute but we’re just here for some… advice?” The blonde turned back to ‘P-Money’, or Pyrrha Nikos, who seemed to still be taking psych damage from my joke.

“Oh, uh, yes! My, uh, friend is-”

“Hold on,” I interrupted, taking a bite of my cooling slice of pizza. Oh, that’s good. “Okay, continue.”

The ginger shortstack guffawed, before being smothered by the black-haired man’s hand as Pyrrha continued. “Right, well… my friend has been avoiding m- us and spending excessive amounts of time with someone who used to bully him constantly, and I don’t know-”

“He’s being blackmailed.” I interrupted, drawing their attention. “What? He’s avoiding people he knows and spending way too much time with someone he hates? Absolutely being blackmailed, ask him about it and offer to beat the bully’s ass or something.”

Pyrrha paused at my words, eyes widening behind her sunglasses, and she immediately ran out of my store. Doubtlessly in pursuit of Jaune and… what the fuck was the bunny-beater’s name again? 

Ah, don’t care, I’d rather glare at the rest of my customers with the force of a thousand suns.

“So, about my payment?” I took great satisfaction as I could feel them all swearing vengeance on Pyrrha in their hearts, only for my glare to intensify as Yang shrugged.

“Do I look like I have any pockets?” Her hands waved to her exceptionally tight outfit, though the appeal is ruined when you know it’s attached to a bum.

I looked over to Ren, only for him to lower his head in apology. “We thought Pyrrha was going to pay for this, so we didn’t bring our wallets.”

“Don’t worry,” Nora chimed in happily. “Pyr will get back ASAP, and she’ll pay you then!”

“... Okay then, so I guess you all will just have to wait here so I know she isn’t pulling a runner. Ashley.” I didn’t shift my tone in the slightest, but like magic the trio jumped away from each other as the Servant Fiend appeared in their midst.

“Yes, Onyx?”

“Give them a tour while we wait for their friend to come back with my money. And don’t be afraid to ask them for help in your work.”

“Yes sir. Come along.” It took having single-handedly beaten Ashley into that body, but I know she was absolutely excited to force them into labor while we’re waiting. People in Vale have long since learned that I always get my pay, one way or another.

Those three were stuck working for me until closing time, and knew in no uncertain terms they were expected to return either with the shoplifter in question or in uniform.

Ah, free labor, the Mountain Dew of the upper class. How sweet you are.

Now, how to force those morons into working for me for the rest of their time in Beacon? Ah, I’ll let Ashley figure it out, that thirst bitch needs the distraction.

A/N: You have no idea how many times I’ve had to readjust and rewrite this story to make it work. I didn’t want to make it another 3k word per chapter story, but fuck this is fighting me.

Either way, let me introduce Onyx Stone, a protagonist who is here for shits and giggles. He acts solely for his own amusement, making him both the best and worst person to have his Semblance.

What exactly is it? How is he going to get introduced to the rest of the cast? How am I going to write a RWBY fic where the protagonist isn’t involved in Beacon?

We’re just gonna have to figure it out together, won’t we?

Thanks for reading, Peace.