Chapter 72 - Sweet Sacramento

Felix just physically lifted his luggage over his head, and wobbled over the sand back to his gate. He couldn’t have done that before going to Camelot. Several months of exercise and good food had done wonders for him.

That, and the luggage was practically empty. That helped. A lot. 

Sora was practically bouncing around him.

“Where are we going to go first? What should we see? Are cars really that dangerous? How about wingsuits? Are wingsuits usable? They look like they’re for one person. Oh! Coffee shops! You guys have all the good coffee shops!”

“Just how much coffee have you already had?” Felix half-snarked, half-wondered, half-teased.

“Oh, none!” Sora cheerfully told him. “Not a drop! That’s why I was wondering. Thinking of having a little pick-me-up when we get there!”

Felix did some quick math. The Prydwen had left at noon, arriving at roughly 7. British time. Subtract 8 hours… and it was just about lunchtime. Huh. Neat. For some reason he thought it’d be the middle of the night or something.

Felix eyed Sora again. She looked remarkably free and unencumbered, unlike Felix himself. At least his luggage acted as a sunshade.

“You’re not going to do a Hazel and forget your stuff, right?” He teased, half-convinced the girl was going to forget.

“Nooooooo…” Sora said unconvincingly, before darting off to where Erik was. She grabbed her bags from inside of Erik’s bottomless bag, and hustled back over.

“See! I remembered!” She beamed.

Felix scoffed and rolled his eyes.

“Yes, you did.” He said so sarcastically that it was impossible to miss.

“Bah. Spoilsport. I’ll get you to loosen up one of these days!” Sora shook her fist at the sky.

“Of course you will.” Felix agreed, knowing it was easier to roll with Hurricane Sora than to argue.

“Oh! Yeah! Which one is yours?” Sora asked. “I’ve got to go through first, otherwise it’ll collapse behind you and I’ll get stuck going to Dublin. Which is a pretty neat place to be, don’t get me wrong, but I want to see America! The noonie world! With a fast food joint on every corner and a gun in every hand!”

Felix didn’t know where to start with that. 

“Do we have to wait for Paracelsus? I think he’s going through.” Felix said.

“Oh. Huh. Yeah, then our order doesn’t matter, as long as he’s last.” Sora said. Felix eyed her.

“Aren’t you staying with Paracelsus?” He asked.

“Uh…”

“That answer does not fill me with glee.” Felix bemoaned.

“RIGHT! Walker and Jones! We’re all staying in a hotel.” Sora snapped her fingers as she remembered.

“Please, please tell me you’re getting two rooms. The staff won’t be impressed if all three of you try to share a room.” Visions of the police arresting the three of them flashed before Felix’s eyes. How could he even start bailing them out?

“Uh… I was leaving the complicated stuff to them.” Sora said.

Felix’s eye twitched at the notion that renting a hotel room was ‘complicated’, but kept his mouth shut.

Thinking about it… there were probably dozens of activities in the magical world that he would find complicated, and a wixen would stare at him strangely if he said so. Alright, fine, empathy, it probably was challenging from Sora’s point of view, and he shouldn’t be so quick to judge.

The crowds thinned out, and they were soon joined by Paracelsus and the two Praetorians. Felix realized he had a question or five.

“Professor?” He asked. “Why are you going back through the gate with us?”

“For a myriad of reasons, I do not wish to leave endless gates littering the Port of Dreams.” Paracelsus explained. “I will be taking the portal back to close it, then I have a 4PM flight from the airport to travel back to Great Britain, where I will take an archway back to Arcadia and my proper home.”

He lowered his voice in a conspiratorial whisper, including everyone in the group.

“Never let the headmaster rope you into introducing new students, the pain never ends.” He said with a wink.

The two Praetorians laughed.

“Um. If the two of you need any help navigating, you can ask me for help.” Felix said, not quite sure how the logistics of it would work.

Walker barked a laugh.

“Ah, kid, wait, don’t tell me. ‘They’re wizards, they’ve never been in the noonie world before and have no idea what’s going on! Do they even have money? Papers? Oh no it’s going to go terribly wrong and I have to help the poor helpless adults do basic things!’ Right?”

Felix looked away, flaming red from his brow to his neck.

“Nah, don’t worry about it. Gotta be able to navigate in the noonie world as part of training to be a Praetorian.” Walker said.

“And for everything else, there’s Mastercard.” Jones deadpanned. 

Now it was Felix’s turn to laugh at the unexpected reference.

“On a more serious note. Arcadia’s way more tied to Earth than any wixen likes to admit.” Walker said.

“Not the Light.” Jones countered.

“Oh, fine, not the Light.” Walker agreed. “But most of our food? A lot of our basic necessities? Soap, linens, towels, furniture? Noonies have worked out how to make it far nicer and far cheaper than we could. Add in huge swathes of Arcadia being effectively wilderness? It’s much easier for us to buy food here and throw it through a gate, which necessitates having bank accounts and documents for the world.”

“We can’t let criminals take a gate to Earth and skip out on justice entirely.” Jones added in. “How useless would we be if we couldn’t track someone over?”

Oh! That reminded Felix. He’d been bothered by the duel, and how useless he’d felt when the zombies had attacked The Prydwen. He didn’t know any good spells, and with how low circle his magic was, he thought it’d be a while before he could cast anything good. Even Erik had grabbed a weapon instead of his wand!

“Hey, do you know a good fighting spell for a first circle mage?” Felix asked the two Praetorians.

“What do you want a good fighting spell for?” Walker eyed Felix like he was reassessing the boy.

Jones scoffed.

“Please. We just got hit by zombies, it was probably a wakeup call for young Sutter here. First circle? Useful? Hmmm… there’s the stunner which you’ll probably get taught later this year, but it’s useless against zombies. Try the frictionless spell, commonly called the grease spell. Should be in the first year spellbook. Not the best of spells, but it’s serviceable, and it’ll introduce you to terrain control in a battle.” The Praetorian said.

Paracelsus thunderously clapped his hands.

“As fascinating as this discussion is, could we perhaps have it on the other side? Sutter, please remember to clear the gate as you pass through.”

Sora looked around, then down.

“Wait, this is our gate?” She said. Felix flushed.

It had just been a stick leaning against a tree, and it showed.

“Yes. Now, if you’d like to make further comments, please do so on the other side. Thank you.” Paracelsus said.

Sora whooped, then ran and dove through the gate. Felix went through, and quickly cleared his luggage before the Praetorians walked through.

The beach was busy. Saturday, one of the last nice days before the weather got slightly worse, midday? The place was packed. Felix looked around, feeling himself relax.

Sure, Walker had mentioned how many things were imported. Still, there were random markups, oddly different ratios, and all sorts of enchantments that resulted in prices in Corwin, nevermind the rest of Logres or Arcadia, feeling somewhat random. Here?

Beach ball - $1.49 if it was cheap, $4.99 on the expensive ones.

Chairs - $29.99 to $229.99.

Bathing suits - $34.99 to $49.99.

Sunscreen lotion - $17.99 for a bottle.

Sunglasses - $3.99 to $399. Impossible to tell without a close look at the brand.

Paracelsus walked through a moment later, and the swirling mist vanished. Sora was looking around, mortified, with her hands over her face.

“What are they wearing?” She squeaked out.

“Um. Bathing suits?” Felix said. “You know, normal beachwear?”

“Normal?” Sora squeaked, still half-covering her face… but making sure her fingers were spread enough for her eyes to see.

“Ooh boy.” Walker said. “I didn’t think Dublin was that conservative.”

“I’m getting a cab.” Jones said, pulling out a cellphone from his bag. “Professor, would you like to join us and continue onto the airport? It’s all work, all hits the Duke’s account in the end either way.”

Paracelsus nodded.

“Please.”

“You going to be alright?” Sora asked Felix from between her fingers. He waved the girl off.

“Yeah, this is home, I’ll be fine.” He said.

“Okay, bye!” She wavered a minute before leaning in.

“Pssst! I know you have the whole ‘buy interesting noonie things for Vivian’ going on… but if you take some pictures here, I’d pay to see Erik’s face.”

The idea horrified Felix. Pictures of complete strangers just enjoying their day? No way! He wasn’t going to lurk around the beach in a hat and sunglasses, taking pictures of people. Nope. No way in hell.

But wait… weren’t there some magazines…? Money was money, after all.

Although, friendship was just as important. Maybe he’d need to feel out Vivian, to see if Alexandria would get mad about it. No sense in throwing a snake in Erik’s lap just to watch the fireworks, that’d be mean. But if it was going to be all good fun…

“How much?” He muttered to Sora.

“Twenty denarii.” She quickly said.

“I’ll think about it.” Felix replied, his mind turning over the idea.

Well… if Erik didn’t want it, would he just be out the money? Or would someone else in Camelot want to buy it? Felix barely noticed as Sora waved goodbye, and left with the others in a cab.

Hmmm… he’d gone into this thinking of candy and soda to sell, but it was entirely possible there was other contraband that could fetch a pretty penny.

Felix looked around, once again reminded how comfortable it was here. The skies were clear blue, just like he expected. The heat was scorching, just like he was used to.

He started to hustle over to the bus stop as he saw one approaching.

Bus pass - $99.

Wait.

FUCK!

He didn’t have a monthly bus pass!

Felix started to frantically pat his pockets, looking for change, but it was too late - the bus was already pulling away.

With a sigh, he turned his feet south and started walking. First and foremost, he had library books to return.

Well.

Better a two hour walk than seeing $200 blown on a cab fee.

Which just reminded him that Paracelsus had taken a cab along with everyone else.

And probably was tipping that well. 

Again.

Fuck!

===========

Felix had zero expectations when he got home. His mom was probably out working, as always. Hopefully it wouldn’t be too much of a surprise that he was back. She was generally really good at being well organized.

So it was to his great surprise to see an unusual car parked near their trailer.

And a large man on the doorstep.

“Hiya!” He boomed with a smile and a wave. “I’m Tiny! You must be Felix!”