Chapter 462 - Adventures in Nippon-Koku

AN: This chapter is me trying to dip my toes into comedy/satire a bit, and I'm not sure how well I succeeded. I feel it's so-so, and as a result, it's just a single mega chapter instead of being split into 2 or 3 smaller chapters. So enjoy the mega chapter, and I don't intend to be taking BTDEM in a radically different direction. Just thought this could be fun.

Enjoy!

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I had a fairly uncomfortable realization when we finished crossing the sea to Nippon-Koku, one that shook my self-confidence and made me look deep inside myself. One that had me do some serious soul-searching.

I’d never really traveled to another country before. Not voluntarily, on a temporary basis.

Oh, sure, Hunting and I had crossed the Formorian wastes to see what was on the other side, discovering the dwarves. But I hadn’t gone out there intending to visit a new country, a new culture. Once there, my greatest goal had been leaving, and getting back home. Sure, I’d crossed through the centaur plains and the shimagu city, meeting new people and cultures the whole way, but it hadn’t been my goal. They were simply between me and my goal.

Technically, visiting the fae realm might count, but for a thousand and one reasons - mostly it’s the fae, they don’t count - they weren’t added.

Rolland was involuntary, the School of Sorcery and Spellcraft was an island, not a nation. The stops they made sort of counted, but it wasn’t like I’d deliberately gone out of my way to travel, more like they were pit stops.

Trying to find analogies for how the School moved around was weird. There was nothing quite like it.

Going to Cartref Clyd for the Gladiator Gauntlet also sorta counted, and traveling to Exterreri was to find a home.

Mission or not, this was the first time I ever felt like a tourist. Traveling to new lands to have a good time. I should totally see if I could find a book of magic or two to learn from. [Butterfly Mystic] would love that. Sure, it wasn’t as potent as the School, but critically for [Butterfly Mystic], it was new, and the class was all about new.

A level up notification broke me out of my musings.

[*ding!* [Ancient Loremaster of Legend] has leveled up! 182 -> 183. +100 Dexterity, +100 Vitality, +800 Mana, +800 Mana Regen, +1600 Magic Power, +1600 Magic Control from your Class per level! +1 Strength, +1 Dexterity, +1 Speed, +1 Vitality, +1 Mana, +1 Mana Regeneration, +1 Magic Power, +1 Magic Control for being Chimera (Elvenoid)! +1 Mana, +1 Magic Power from your Element per level!]

I held my breath as I looked at the notification, praying that I didn’t get another one. One notification was fine. Edge of a level, got a small trickle from pointing out the Void [Mage] island that we detoured around, Auri doing her thing splitting experience with me. Typical. Expected.

A second level would suggest that Auri was gaining some significant experience, and I didn’t want to return home to a smoldering wreck. She’d gotten a few levels here and there far faster than I thought she would, and nobody would let me know what was going on with that.

I let a sigh loose as nothing else happened for a few minutes, content that everything was alright at home with Auri and Nina, and refocused on traveling.

We’d gone a bit further south, and snow had already fallen heavily. Most people were tucked away in their homes, smoke merrily puffing out of chimneys, and there just frankly wasn’t a ton going on. Most people stayed warm and safe in the winter months, indulging in indoor activities with their families.

Plenty of people did brave the snows for various reasons, and quite a few people hurried over when Iona landed outside the village, while a few more went and hid inside their homes. Fenrir was pretty damn scary… and a rider didn’t really mitigate that.

Iona hopped off and went to chat with them, and get our bearings. I didn’t speak a word of Yayoi.

The people of Pallos were interesting. Most countries had a few dominant races that mixed freely in cities, but when it came to villages, they tended to only have a single species living there. My personal theory was it was one part xenophobia, and three parts families. Couldn’t easily marry a member of another species and have kids, it just didn’t work. Any village large enough to support two species would need to be the size of two smaller villages stuck together, along with a lack of interspecies friction at the village level - too easy to have a grudge lasting generations against an other, at which point it was well on its way to being a small town instead.

Nippon-koku was one of the more diverse countries. Small enclaves of elvenoids made homes here that weren’t found anywhere else in the world. This little village we’d stumbled across was the home of some kappa. Imagine a large turtle with intelligence and thumbs that walked on two legs.

Iona hopped back after a few minutes.

“Kobi here gave me directions to the next place. Do you want to do a quick healing pass?” She asked.

“Yeah!” I hopped off Fenrir and rose into the air, not bothering to go through the whole ‘mime explaining what I wanted to do before slowly going through the process’. I just blitzed through the village in an instant, using the same combination of skills that I’d used in Osengard. There was a nasty case of pneumonia in one baby, and I fixed one man’s cracked shell that had never healed quite right.

“Good to go!” I landed back on Fenrir’s back as a gale of snow whipped through the town, the wind finally catching up to what I’d done.

Iona took off, and I swear Fenrir tried to whip up an even larger snowstorm. Rivalry? Or working on his Storm element?

=================

Iona managed to get us to Kuri in a few days, her [Relentless Pursuit] skill leveling up as well as her [Traveling Archer] class. She also managed to quickly track down where Narukami Akamaru was located, and we quickly found ourselves in a hot spring.

“Oooh, this is nice.” I said as the heat washed over us. I liked a little bit of snow, but I was rapidly discovering that I was not a fan of prolonged cold at all. Rainbow snakes were tropical creatures, and I’d upped my nerve sensitivity. It wasn’t important that my new biology was a little more vulnerable to the cold… and for all the freezing I’d done, getting somewhere warm was all the nicer.

Iona made some appreciative noises as well.

“Maybe once all this is over, we can spend some time here together?” She asked with a cheeky wink.

“Sure!”

Iona navigated us through the various levels of people, all while I enjoyed the hot steam.

“They’re in one of the smaller baths.” She finally said. “Do we want to join them, or wait?”

“They?” I asked. “Thought it was just one?”

“He’s got some friends with him.” Iona explained.

Ah, yeah, that made sense.

“I’ll be honest, joining them or waiting seems to be a question that you’re much better at answering than I am.” I said, trying to make the right decision in spite of my excitement. I was almost vibrating with anticipation. I could meet someone else from Earth!

I knew my normal social graces were more likely to sink the initial impression than anything, so I deferred it to the person who actually liked that sort of thing.

Iona shrugged.

“Why wait? Let’s go say hi.”

I held Iona’s hand so I didn’t sprint forward in my excitement - it was frowned upon to do that sort of thing here, and I needed the solid physical marker to ground me.

Towels were the outfit of the day for the pool, and I froze as we were changing.

“Uh.” I paused, a little awkward, tuning down my senses as far as [The World Around Me] would go. I wasn’t a peeper or any sort of pervert.

“What’s up?” Iona paused.

“They sound busy in there. Why don’t we wait for them?” I internally grumbled as I got dressed again. I wanted to take a dip in the hot springs!

Later.

Iona laughed, and gave me another cheeky grin.

Goddesses, I loved that grin. It did things to me.

“Just have to wait I guess!”

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I spent the time uncomfortably waiting. There was only so much tuning down my senses I could do, and they were not trying to be subtle at all. Pretty sure it was fairly rude, but this wasn’t my place, this wasn’t my culture.

Iona tried to distract me with various plans, which only somewhat succeeded. I was too nervous, too impatient, and too willing to use [Parallel Thoughts] to my detriment.

I could see my relentless tap tap tap of my feet on the floor was driving Iona nuts, but she was nice enough to not say anything. She knew I was being restrained, but I just had to tap.

Finally, finally I heard footsteps and wingbeats heading towards the door. I patted Iona’s arm furiously as I stood up, expanding my sphere of perception and senses once again.

They washed over the people about to come back in. One dude, seven women. The guy looked like a human, which wasn’t a given with Papilion having offered me a chance to become a golden crow. Then there was a werewolf, harpy, yuki-onna, dryad, minotaur, catkin, and goblin. The yuki-onna looked vaguely familiar, but I couldn’t put my finger on why. Skye was the only other yuki-onna I knew, was there some sort of resemblance? Or was it simply a snowflake-like delicate look that they all shared?

“Goblin. Looks friendly enough.” I muttered quietly to Iona, giving her the heads up. She was not a fan of the little green gremlins, and given her history, I wasn’t surprised.

Then he walked into the room, followed by the rest of his group. His eyes widened as he saw us, and he said something that instantly got Iona all stone-faced and looking pissed. Then as fast as the emotions appeared, her face smoothed over and she replied in English.

“No thank you. We heard a rumor you might be from Earth?” She said.

The dude’s eyes widened up, but before he could say anything the harpy - only level 189, nothing special - shrieked and launched herself at us, flapping her wings and battering Iona, who basically just ignored her.

“What’d he say before?” I asked quickly in Creation under the beating wings, swaying back to avoid getting smacked by one.

“He was excited to see a ‘pair of smoking hot babes’ and wanted to know if we would join ‘the hero’s harem’.” Iona answered with clear disgust. “His actual name’s Jake Jason.”

Ew. She had better self control than I did. I might’ve just walked right out, mission or not.

“Yellow here’s yelling about ‘how dare we turn him down’ and ‘he’s the best’ and other such nonsense.” Iona added in as the rest of the party tried to talk Yellow down.

I didn’t think it was her name, but of course they all had different hair colors. I suspected that was the so-called hero’s doing, and not natural.

After talking down Yellow, and a whole three rounds of discussion, we agreed on a better place to chat, and found a language that enough of us spoke.

English, of all things. Jake only knew Yayoi and English. Some members of his… harem, ew, just saying it made me feel squicky - spoke it, ‘to better impress the hero’, and with Iona’s blessing, it made it the strongest language.

It took a bit of shuffling around, and an utterly inane argument/fight about who got to sit next to Jake, but we finally got down to business in a tea shop. Most of the girls were dressed normally, but the minotauress was in a maid’s outfit for some ungodly reason.

“You two chicks from Earth or something?” He opened the conversation up with that, staring at Iona’s chest. I crossed my arms over my chest. Iona shook her head.

“Just me.” I said. “Heard something that made me think you were as well?”

Jake’s eyes lit up.

“Yeah! But this place is totally cool. It’s like a magic Japan! They even have rice and soy sauce!”

“Master is the best ~ nya!” The catkin draped herself over Jake, and my eyes narrowed as something clicked.

“Slaves? Really?”

Forget recruiting this asshole, maybe there was a nice prison we could throw him into.

“Whoa! She’s cool with it!” Jake protested.

Iona and I traded a Look. She gave me a tiny shake of her head.

Fine. If Iona didn’t think it was worth making a huge fuss over right this second, I wasn’t going to. I wasn’t going to lie to Arachne at the end of the mission, but right now my personal needle was set dead to ‘throw into a lake and figure out if there was a way to delete memories’.

“How’d you come here?” Iona diplomatically asked, changing the subject. I just sat and fumed, keeping my eye from twitching.

“Got wasted by truck-kun. Some goddess told me that the world needed a [Hero], shoved my soul into a practically dead body, and here I am! Living my best life.” He eyed us up again and got an idea.

“Hey! We need a healer with us, and two for the price of one? I wouldn’t say no to being crushed between your thighs!” He leered at Iona.

I could see Iona’s toes digging in through the floorboard as she tried to remain civil.

“We’re representing the Exterreri Empire. We’d like to extend an offer for you to come settle in over there, and we’re empowered to offer you significant incentives to join.”

Dear goddesses, I had no idea how Iona managed to stay on-task like that. Her social skills had to be capping out like crazy in the background. I would’ve already put him through a wall.

Jake clicked his tongue and did finger guns at the two of us.

“I want something from you, you want something from me, I’m sure we can make something work!”

One of the girls protested.

“But then there’s less of you for meeeeeeee!” She whined, and quickly swapped languages to let everyone else know what was going on.

“Why do you even like this guy?” I asked in pure confusion. Nothing - nothing - about him was attractive in any way, shape, or form. I just couldn’t see it.

“Because he’s so nice.” The seven girls said in eerie chorus, nevermind I wasn’t sure if half of them understood me.

I glanced at Iona with no small amount of concern while Jake was trying to reassure everyone else that there was more than enough of him to go around, with quite a few crude gestures. Mind magic wasn’t supposed to be a thing, but he clearly had some sort of divine fuckery going on. Her eyes unfocused, communing with her goddesses.

“Just a shareable experience buff.” She snapped back and explained.

[Warrior - 420].

Not much of an experience buff, was it?

Actually - depended on when he came over, and his current age. If it was only a few years ago, that was an insane pace. Such bullshit! I got smacked around with having large chunks of my memories removed, and Jake got a fucking buff!? A shareable buff!?

I had a brief, heretical, blasphemous thought, wondering how hard it’d be to kill a god, before purging the idea entirely. The gods could clearly hear prayers in the privacy of my mind, I didn’t want to give anyone any ideas about smiting me.

I took a deep breath and tried to refocus and center myself.

I didn’t have to like the guy. I had a job to do, and I was going to do it to the best of my abilities.

Within reason. I was not letting him get anywhere near me. I had standards, and I’d rather fail the mission first.

I’d focus on that. My curiosity was secondary. Once we’d figured out if he was coming or not, we could chat about Earth. I had so many questions.

Although… hmmm… wouldn’t making some sort of connection first be a good idea? Would that make him more amenable to moving? It sounded like a good idea to me…

I glanced at Iona, raising a questioning eyebrow, trying to communicate my question. By some magic known only to Iona, she figured out what I wanted and nodded.

“What year was it when you came over? And where are you from?” I asked.

Jake and I started comparing notes, and it was surprising. The date he left was just a few short years from the last date I remembered. Which was weird to me.

Had whatever happened to my soul caused it to drift through the currents of time? Had it been involved in Samsara, the great cycle not caring about when a person was reincarnated (or so some monks claimed)? Or did Jake’s own divine meddling cause him to be blasted forward?

Could the different worlds be operating at different effective speeds? That didn’t quite make sense to me - I felt like some fundamentals would break if that were the case, but I couldn’t point to an easy example - but hey, it was magic, it didn’t have to make perfect sense.

In spite of my faint hopes, he’d had no idea about me or my family. No news from anyone I knew. The world had just… continued to turn after I’d died. Oh, it sounded like everything had gone to shit, but didn’t it always?

A nice thing about news and information on Pallos - I wasn’t constantly bombarded with how things were terrible all over the world. Just small, local woes that were more gossip than anything else.

Jake’s background was unfortunate. He claimed to be a misunderstood genius who couldn’t decide if he wanted to broker peace in the Middle East, revolutionize mathematics, or create a new genre of music that would be famous world-wide.

“Of course, my teachers misunderstood me.” He confided. “Kicked me out. It’s just so hard being so smart, you wouldn’t understand.”

Iona’s fingers twitched like she wanted to strangle him. Only my [Oath] prevented me from cheerfully joining her.

Jake’s… dubious sense of his own intelligence made most of his ideas and information suspect. Global information systems, perpetual motion machines, anti-matter, which was like the opposite of matter… somehow… Die-Sun spheres - the name alone had me frowning - something about perfect free markets, cellphones, and a hundred other ideas that spewed out like a firehose. I swear he was making words up to sound impressive.

Attempts to gain any sort of details usually ended poorly.

“What’s a gamma ray burst?” I asked.

“Oh, it kills everyone, instantly. Bang! Every single living thing, dead!”

Iona couldn’t keep the obvious question to herself.

“So how are you alive?” She asked. Jake rolled his eyes.

“Duh! It’s never happened!”

“How would it happen?”

“Well, a bunch of gamma rays would come, and kill everyone.” Jake said very slowly, like he was talking to a small child.

I was half suspecting this was a test by Arachne to see if I could keep my cool. Never before had the self imposed shackles of my [Oath] been so keenly felt.

I almost - almost - missed Kerberos, my once-fiance.

Some of the things Jake talked about made no sense to me at all, and given his surprise, I suspected they were at the heart of what Papilion had stripped from me.

“Wait, you don’t know what nukes are?” Jake asked with utter disbelief. “Are you sure you’re from Earth? Everyone knows what nukes are. You know, Hiroshima, end of World War II, all that?”

I frowned. World War II rang a bell, but either huge parts had been stripped out of my memories, or he was making a bigger deal out of it than it actually was. Given that it was called a World War, I suspected the issue might be on my end.

“I… don’t. What do you know about them?” I asked.

Jake gave a too-confident laugh that Iona frowned at. She twitched a finger, and I divined it to mean ‘absolutely nothing’.

“They destroy cities! Just, boooooooooooom, city gone!” He made explosion noises as his hands mimed a large explosion.

My eye twitched at how utterly useless that was. The only part that was vaguely useful was the fact that pure technology, with no System or anything helping things along, could create such an effect.

Iona could see that I was nearing the end of my rope, and frankly, the whole conversation felt like a bust.

“Is there any amount of money, status, or items that could persuade you to relocate to Exterreri? I know the brothels in Sanguino are quite famous and rather extensive.” Iona offered up.

I suppose, on some level, Jake and Iona were on similar wavelengths. I knew Iona was resisting going out and screwing everyone she wanted to because of me and my desire to be monogamous, and maybe she’d be able to speak his language enough to get him to come over.

That, and he couldn’t stop staring at her chest. There was a part of me that didn’t feel great about it, but I compartmentalized it.

“We’re buying him passage on a ship if he says yes.” I muttered to Iona in Creation. “I am not letting him get close enough to be grabby on Fenrir the whole way back.”

Iona gave me a small nod of vigorous understanding.

“Fenrir would literally eat him halfway through.” She agreed. “Plus, ten people and all their supplies might be too much for a full overseas trip.”

Thank fuck.

Jake snapped his fingers.

“Yes, actually! Apart from everything else you’re willing to give me, you round my party out perfectly for this quest I have!”

Iona and I traded another look. She lifted an eyebrow, and my shoulders slumped.

“What is it?” I asked, managing to keep the despair out of my voice. Of course there’d be a dumb side-quest. It was almost like I was an [Adventurer].

If I had to do it, I had to do it.

“I want to be a [Dragonrider Hero]. I heard rumors of a dragon nearby, and what’s a more perfect companion for a hero than a dragon? Help me steal one of its eggs.”

I froze at his proclamation, biting down on my tongue from saying something inadvisable.

We were going to get so fucked.

“Iona.” I didn’t even bother finishing my tea, jumping up and out of my seat and heading for the door. She instantly got what I wanted, and the two of us headed out of town, just in case.

Jake and his harem followed us.

“Hey! What’s the big idea?” He asked.

“Let’s talk outside the town, okay?” I said.

I was frankly terrified of a dragon deciding to torch the town to the ground. If things were going to escalate - okay, that was a lie, things were already escalating, hard - I wanted as many people out of the way as possible.

I was thinking furiously as we walked, a thousand and one implications tumbling together. I crafted what I thought was a decent sentence, knowing that we were being eavesdropped on.

“There is a dragon nearby if I remember where we are correctly.” I told Iona in a hurried voice. “Kanadaj, the Carmine Fixer. I’m going to do my best to stop anyone from raiding his nest.”

There. Message sent. Someone was after his eggs, and we were working on stopping it. Hopefully the dragon wouldn’t budge unless something happened.

“My [Vow] is active, by the way.” Iona quietly told me. “I must stop Jake, one way or another. I don’t have the option of walking away from this.”

I gave a curt nod of understanding. Just like how my [Oath] could trap me in unfortunate circumstances, so could Iona’s [Vow]. This was blessedly less unfortunate than usual. I was completely on board with stopping Jake’s stupid plan. It was now a higher priority to me than recruiting him, although I’d happily take both wins if I could somehow manage it.

We finished getting out of town.

Fenrir had landed in a beautiful glade next to a half-frozen lake. The trees were dormant for the winter, but in the spring and summer this had to be the place in Kuri.

Iona stopped in the snow as Jake and the rest piled out into the field. Fenrir opened one magnificent eye at them.

“Bitching dragon!” Jake yelled. “That’s what I’m talking about! Got a spare egg or eight?”

Fenrir didn’t have all the social graces. He didn’t need to make nice. He loomed over Jake, brought his face down, and roared.

I clapped my hands over my ears, mentally cursing as all the women were blown away. Somehow, all of them landed in compromising poses, and they had to have done that deliberately.

They were mildly injured though. Blasted [Oath]. I healed them all.

Jake had demonstrated some sort of spine, and only took a few steps back.

“Whoa, yeah! I gotta get me one of these! He for sale?”

Iona looked murderous, and I was entirely inclined to let her go to town. Heck, I could easily spin this to Arachne as ‘too stupid to live’ and ‘prevented a dragon attack’. Might even get a few [Loremaster] levels out of it.

“Fenrir is not a dragon, and not for sale.” Iona patiently explained. “Listen, dragons are dangerous. Not like most creatures and monsters where you can get away with nonsense, dragons are on an entirely different level. They will kill you, eat you, then burn down the closest few towns because they can. We’re talking here, and not in the town, because every time you say ‘dragon’, every single one of them can hear it. If they decide to do something about it, I don’t want thirty thousand civilians caught in the crossfire.”

Not a word of that got through to Jake. He swelled up with pride.

“Your words simply validate how much of a genius I am!” He boasted. “Nobody else would even dare to think it! Yet, I will be the strongest!”

Red - the catkin - jumped in again.

“Nothing but the best for Akamaru ~ nya!” She took the chance to jump on Jake, which of course had the rest of the girls fighting for his attention, and to get their fair share.

“You know what. I think I’m reporting this mission as a failure.” I told Iona as we waited for the gaggle to sort themselves out. Again.

“Thank the goddesses.” Iona sagged in relief. “Is your [Oath] still applying, even with the threat?”

I nodded.

In some ways, our respective restriction skills were at odds with each other. Iona’s demanded that she stop Jake, and violence was likely. Mine demanded that I did no harm, and while he wasn’t trying to directly hurt anyone, I was bound and shackled.

We were on the same wavelength at least, so we weren’t coming into a harsh conflict. I believed that communication would carry the day.

“Even if they were at the entrance to the cave, I couldn’t do anything unless they attacked me first.” I confirmed. “The same logic that lets me detach my healing a [Soldier] who’s going to try and fight someone else, from the harm they will cause there. The same way it doesn’t worry about people I can’t see, also applies here. They wouldn’t be directly attacking me or causing me harm. Just indirectly antagonizing someone else. I’m not great at that.” I admitted.

Iona grinned at me.

“Good thing one of us is, yeah?”

“Yeah. What’s the plan? I don’t want him to die if at all possible. ‘Hi Arachne, I know you sent me to recruit him, but we murdered him instead’ isn’t a good look on my first mission.”

Iona made a sound of agreement. “Ten years from now, that’s all they’ll remember. I can punch down. His antics, level, and plan means he’s far from being considered meek or defenseless, and his class is double [Mirror]. All about borrowing power from the girls. Limited, but with how many he’s got, Jake has a lot of tricks up his sleeves. I think I’ll just slowly escalate with him and see how it goes.”

I patted her shoulder.

“Sorry that my mission is halfway turning into your mission.” I said. Jake and his harem were still sorting themselves out, and I wish I could block my ears at the promises being made between them all.

Iona smiled again.

“You kidding? I’m delighted! I get worried that I’m just tagging along, contributing nothing and being a huge money drain on you. I get concerned about all that. Now I get to basically fix a problem for you? It’s great! That, and I made my [Vow] for a reason. Protecting an entire city? It’s what I swore to do. Imagine if I dragged you to a war zone.”

Well, hey, it took all types.

Jake sorted himself out again, and Iona stepped forward.

“Jake! Listen. Come to Exterreri, and we’ll figure out a wyvern’s egg on top of everything else. Can’t let you go after a dragon, but the image is the same.”

Jake blew a raspberry.

“Wyvern, smyvern. Dragon or bust! Dragon or bust!” He started chanting, his backstage dancers soon picking up the chant.

“It’s a stupid idea. Is there anything we can do to get you to change your mind?” Iona asked. Her mallium was starting to spread across her body and down her limbs, still hidden by her tunic, but she was getting ready for a fight.

Red jumped forward again, power posing with not nearly enough clothing for the weather.

“You take that back! Akamaru is an unparalleled, once in a thousand years genius ~ nya!”

Something about that seemed to give Jake an idea. He got a sly look I didn’t like.

“Okay! Let’s duel! Me versus you. If you win, we’ll stop. If we win, you’ll go out to dinner with us. I’m sure I’ll win you two lovely ladies over.” He flashed us what he probably thought was a charming smile, and just made it feel like spiders were crawling over my back.

Iona looked at me. I grimaced and nodded.

“Fine.” She agreed. “When do we start?”

The two worked out the fine details, which was to say - in just a few minutes.

Iona and Jake went to separate sides of the field. Armor coated the Valkyrie, and she retrieved her glaive, shield, and axe from Fenrir’s gear bags.

Jake put on some questionably light armor, then held his hand out. There was a snap-hiss as a curved blade of glowing red Radiance sprang to life. He swung the blade a few times experimentally in front of him.

I pinched my nose.

A lightsaber-katana. I don’t know why I expected anything else.

“Watch the blade.” I murmured to Iona. “It should cut through most things. Aim for a dodge, not a block.”

She nodded her thanks.

“Omae wa mou shindeiru.” Jake said right before we began. Iona didn’t translate, but she didn’t look impressed.

“Go!” Orange cheered, and the fight was on.

This fight was almost harder than the Gladiator Gauntlet duels. Iona didn’t want to kill the obnoxious brat, and there were no protective shields here.

She shot across the snowy shield in an instant. Jake tried to do an Artemis, and blasted Iona with sustained Lightning coming from his off-hand.

“Unlimited P-” He got out as Iona completely ignored his attack, ducked under a wild, amateur strike - seriously, I could swing a sword better than that and I had almost no training in long blades - and punched him.

Lightly. Gently.

With a gauntleted fist.

It went through his pathetic excuse of armor, and I could hear his sternum breaking as his entire chest caved in. He went flying back to his gaggle, who cooed over him. Green popped out a potion and poured it into his mouth.

Unfair! Foul!

Jake sprang up.

“All according to keikaku!” He declared.

“That’s outside interference.” Iona’s voice was colder than the weather. She did not like dishonorable actions.

The warning rattle in Iona’s voice was completely dismissed by Jake.

“My friends are my power! With the power of love, we will-”

Iona didn’t wait to hear the rest. She grabbed him by the hair and spun. Round and round she went, until she let him go like a discus. He spun over and over in the air, arcing above the lake, before landing with a mighty splash.

Iona hummed a war tune as she got her bow out and a few arrows. She nocked the arrow, pulled it back, and fired it.

Way, way over his head.

Then she rapidly fired a second arrow, they collided in midair, and both went straight for Jake. Good [Trick Shot] practice.

Both arrows ended up in his feet, a testament to Iona’s skill. A carefully calculated blow to let him know he was in trouble, that Iona could kill and sink him at any time, but not enough to hinder his return if he promptly gave up. He sank a little further, but could keep swimming.

“Surrender?” Iona asked.

“Never!” Jake yelled.

Four arrows later, and he was shouting his surrender. He was losing steam fast, and sank under the icy water right as he was about to get to shore.

“Do we fish him out, or…?” I asked Iona. She sighed.

“Maybe?” She started to approach the edge as all the women ran over.

There was an eruption of water as Jake and another lady exploded out of the lake.

“Oh Fated King,” The Lady of the Lake Spoke, her voice echoing in an ethereal and magical way. “Oh destined [Hero]. Take this sword, and become king. Rule the world, wisely and justly.” She offered him a jewel-encrusted greatsword, glowing runes in a language I didn’t know etched down the blade.

I threw my hands up in disgust.

“You have got to be fucking kidding me!” I shouted as his harem cheered.

Jake stepped forward, extending his hands out to the sword.

“Tha-” was the last word he got out.

In a single swift motion, the rest of the oversized anglerfish erupted out of the water, the lady of the lake lure on the end of its tendril whipping away as row upon row of pointy teeth closed around the hero. In a single grinding motion, he was gone, and the fish submerged itself once again.

[*ding!* Your party has participated in slaying a [Harem Hero (Mirror - 420)// [The Main Character] (Mirror, 369)]]

[*ding!* [Ancient Loremaster of Legend] has leveled up! 183 -> 190. +100 Dexterity, +100 Vitality, +800 Mana, +800 Mana Regen, +1600 Magic Power, +1600 Magic Control from your Class per level! +1 Strength, +1 Dexterity, +1 Speed, +1 Vitality, +1 Mana, +1 Mana Regeneration, +1 Magic Power, +1 Magic Control for being Chimera (Elvenoid)! +1 Mana, +1 Magic Power from your Element per level!]

Averting an epic threat from manifesting was solidly in [Loremaster’s] domain, and dealing with Jake’s quest to disturb a dragon clearly counted. I’d been a little more on the edges than I would’ve liked - the fish solved the problem, Iona strongly contributed, and I was on a third order effect at best - but a dragon was potent enough that it trickled over nicely.

I checked the fish.

[Anglerfish - 1871]

That was a mean one, and Iona took a few short hops back.

“Well. I can’t say I’m sad to see him go.” She said as she got back.

“Best of all, we didn’t do it!” I agreed. “Home?” I asked. After all the nonsense today, I was in no mood to explore Nippon-Koku. Forget their magic, forget their books, I just wanted to be warm and safe in my own bed again. After about a four hour long hot bath.

Iona looked around.

“Home.” She agreed.

Red - the catkin - whirled on us, and I expected a tearful tirade, maybe a vow to figure out a way to reanimate him or something. Instead, she started cussing up a storm, quickly joined by some of the others. I only understood what Red was saying, but given the body language of the rest of them, they probably had similar thoughts. I’d have to ask Iona later.

“Fuck!” She swore, ripping off her collar in a single easy motion and hurling it into the lake. “Do you know how much bullshit I had to put up with for that sweet, sweet experience boost!? Nya~ this and nya~ that, and now he’s fucking dead!? Such bullshit!”