Me, burnout, and future plans

This will probably be a bit long-winded and ramble-y, but some things need to be said in regards to me, my art, and various things.

To put it simply, it’s a damn struggle to keep my ass motivated and drawing. There are very few things that inspire me nowadays and even when I do run into them, I doubt my artistic abilities like you wouldn’t believe and often can’t bring myself to just get started on a project.

• I used to watch a decent amount of anime. I hardly watch any nowadays.
• I used to be more invested in continually-updated games like League. I left those communities and have very little attachment now.
• I used to browse and seek out all kinds of new art, normal and fetish alike. Now I only check out a handful of pics from my inbox or tumblr feed each day.
• I used to sometimes just sit down and come up with kinky ideas. Now it’s hard to just come up with a ‘plot device’ or pose.
• I’ve always been quiet and kept to myself, but now I hardly talk to anyone.

My life is hardly terrible, but family wears me down, day-to-day life wears me down, keeping up with art wears me down, and it often feels like I’m getting nowhere because I’m still in the same place I was 5 years ago, just with slightly more money.

My Ko-fi has been filled with cobwebs for the last 6 months, as expected from something I don’t know how to advertise. My Patreon is doing well, but it’s plateaued over the last couple months. New support only seems to be consistent when I tease a popular character, which is a bittersweet prospect; I know I can play that game, but what’s it going to cost me in the long run? Will I be forced to draw fanart forever just to make a living? Will there be backlash if I ever decide to draw something else (spoiler: very likely)?

That’s not to say I don’t appreciate every single cent that’s been thrown my way, but it’s just not enough to move forward in life and I know I haven’t done enough to deserve more, that’s the frustrating thing. I haven’t been as active or consistent as I should be and I sure as shit haven’t marketed myself well enough to warrant the growth I need and that’s all on me. I’m not trying to guilt people or ask for pity money, so please don’t get the wrong idea here, just speaking my mind.

If you’ve made it this far, I’m sure you’re thinking I must be fun at parties, yeah?

So, what’s the takeaway from all this pessimistic rambling? Basically, I’m just gonna take a break and analyze what I can do to fix a lot of these issues. Maybe I need to rethink how I do everything, maybe I just need to be more disciplined. Dunno, so I need to think it over.

Summary of things to come:

• Commissions will be closed until further notice. I’m very sorry to those of you who’ve been waiting to get on the list.
• The function of my Patreon is likely to change based on feedback, no changes are guaranteed at the moment. Expect to see some polls on this topic.
• I’ve been considering doing a monthly OC comic of some kind to help flesh out my characters, give me a creative challenge, and offer something interesting for people to support. Maybe a specific focus like this will prove effective in those respects.
• I’ll continue making art here and there, just at a less stressful pace until I can figure things out.