Deleting My Server + Changes In My Art

Hey, everyone. I apologise for not posting much as I'm still recovering. I'm focusing mainly on finishing my commissions so I will still post some art here whenever I can.

There are some changes I'd love to address.

I will be deleting my Patron server because I am no longer able to manage having a server anymore. This is quite embarrassing for me to talk about because I left my server due to my mental health episode. I initially created the server to communicate with others and use it as a space to support my other creator friends. However, it started to become challenging for me to feel accepted in my server and that's my problem entirely. It started as a safe space for others but wasn't one for me as time went on.

This isn't to say that there were no good experiences that came from having the server. I developed a lot of great friendships with some of you. Patrons like Red, Fae, Zap and Starchild, just to name a few, have helped me a lot financially. Which is also the reason why I felt a lot of shame and guilt having to delete my server. I didn't want it to look like I was taking advantage of anyone's kindness at all. Losing half of my patrons made it hard for me to maintain my mental stability as I went back into a really dark place.

In addition to that, I stopped playing Hoyoverse games, especially after the recent controversies with Genshin and Natlan. I felt like I wasn't being heard by the 2 extremes that exist in the fandom. One side was extremely racist, calling me a white-washed Westerner who's a performative activist while the other side wasn't giving a chance for people's voices to be heard. I stopped playing any of those games since late July and I felt so much guilt and I even feel left out. It was also the fact that I realised I was faking my interests and I wasn't genuinely enjoying the games anymore. It was hard to deal with because the people who followed me were mostly interested in my Genshin/HSR fanart and now I'm not making that anymore.

It was also hard to interact with my friends on my server anymore because most of our relationships started because of HYV games or fanart of very popular anime. I also wasn't going to tell them to stop sharing or stop playing the games because I did. After talking to my therapist, I realised that I was not sticking to my values and still being exposed to it wasn't healthy for me. I felt guilty for sacrificing that part of my friendship even though I knew it wasn't beneficial to my friends either if I wasn't having a great time.

That's why I will be taking a break from creating fanart as well... unless it's a commission. I'll try to post my own original art as my reward here. I felt like fandom culture is super suffocating and it turned me off from enjoying any form of media (especially HYV games and anime recently) Plus ya know, not genuinely enjoying it anymore. Maybe I'll get back to it next year but for now, I'll only be sharing my own art apart from commissions.

Sorry for this being longer than I intiially expected but I wanted to clarify everything before making the final decision.

I hope you guys understand.

Thank you 💗