The Silver Lining (A None Binary Story)

This one is a commission of sorts. Feels good to do something different. So here's a Male to None Binary tale.

Feedback would be much appreciated! Let me know if you liked it :)

Silver Lining

I can tell you with absolute clarity—house fires are scary.

No idea how it started, but it tore through our home and destroyed everything. Thankfully, neither me nor my dad got hurt.

Can’t say the same for all our belongings. All we have left is the smoke-ruined clothes on our backs and each other. I suppose that’s the most important thing!

Having been checked out by the emergency services, we’ve both been taken to a shelter to spend the night. Obviously, we can’t stay In our house—it’s a pile of ash now.

“Here we are,” the nice lady says, who’s showing us around the shelter. “This is where you are both sleeping tonight. I know it’s not much, but it's warm and dry.”

Dad rubs his tired eyes. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” The lady replies. “We’ve got some food for you both in the kitchen and there’s donated clothing in the other room.”

“Yeah?” Dad answers with a tired smile. “A change of clothing and something to eat sounds great.

Touching my shoulder-length hair, I can smell the smoke emanating from it.

“Do you have somewhere I can wash my hair?” I ask the lady.

“Oh sure,” she answers, pointing over her shoulder with her thumb. “We have a shower room next to the donation room. One of you can use the shower and pick out some new clothes at the same time.”

“Why don’t you go first, Sam,” Dad smirks. “I know how funny you are about that girly haircut of yours.”

With our house burnt down, but he still thinks it’s funny to tease me about my hair.

“It’s not girly,” I sigh. “It’s just not you’re idea of what a boy should look like.”

“Ok son,” Dad answers, giving a wry smile. “Go wash up and get some fresh clothes. I’m sure you’ll feel better after.”

“Poor boy,” the lady says to my dad as I open the door to leave the room. “Least neither of you was hurt.”

Making my way down the very sterile corridor, I come across the donation room. Opening the door, the automatic lights flicker on and I look around at the piles and boxes of donated stuff strewn around the room.

Just looking at the piles upon piles of clothing makes me let out a long breath. Finding something I’m going to feel comfortable in is going to be like looking for a needle in a haystack.

“Sweety…?” the nice lady says as she opens the door and pops her head in. “Sorry, it’s a little jumbled up in here. It may look like all women's clothing, but I’m sure we’ve got some boy's clothes in here somewhere. Do you want me to help you look?”

“Nah,” I answer with a shake of my head. “That’s ok.”

Giving me a warm smile, she leaves and gently shuts the door. Looking around, like a lost sheep, I get another waft of smoke smell in my hair.

“Argh,” I whine, brushing hair from my face. “I need to shower first!”

The shower room is extremely basic, with off-brand shampoo and soap, but I feel a million times better. It’s just nice to not smell faintly like flowers and not smoke.

Drying off my wet hair on a towel, I stand in the donation room surrounded by piles of clothing in just my Y-fronts. What am I going to do?

I look down at the first pile on my left and I see shorts, skirts, and leggings. I turn to look at the pile on my right and I see old band t-shirts and children's clothing.

I pick up a pair of shorts and I find them unappealing. I then pick up a small pleated mini skirt and I find that unappealing.

Strangely enough, I’m not put off by the skirt because people see me as a boy, it’s just I don’t find it appealing either. In the same way, I’m not finding the male shorts appealing.

Placing the mini skirt back in the pile, I look around at all the options around me at all the different items, both male and female. A small smile creeps across my face as I realize the potential around me.

This is my chance to choose something for me! No parents telling me what I should or should not wear!

I’d not had an opportunity like this before! My old and now very burnt wardrobe was very boring and not me at all!

Tucking my wet hair behind my ears, I start searching around the room. After the day I’ve had, I want to feel good about myself and I’m not going to let my fear stop me!

The first item I find is an oversized colorful hoody. It’s about two sizes too big for me, but I love the design on the front. Unicorns are cool…right?

The second item I find is just a basic t-shirt in my size to go under the hoody. The third item and what I’m most excited to wear is a pear of patterned leggings in my size. They just feel right for me—not too boyish and not too feminine.

Pulling on the t-shirt, I struggle to get the leggings on due to how tight they are. Eventually, I get them on and love how they feel clinging to my legs. Almost like a second skin.

Pleased, I put the hoody on and it instantly envelopes me with its size. My hands barely make it out of the sleeves and it’s so long—it’s almost like a dress on me.

Pulling out my long hair, that’s caught in the hoody, I look down at myself and I feel happy. I hadn’t realized it till now, but I just never felt comfortable in my boring male clothing.

That’s when I see the final piece of my outfit. A pair of ankle-high winter boots. Very cute!

Hoping they are In my size, I shake a little in anticipation as I pick them up.

“Yes…,” I whisper, checking the tag to see if they are my size.

As I slide them onto my feet, I do start to worry they are a little too feminine, and my dads going to say something. Matched with my leggings and oversized hoody, he’s deffo going to say something.

“Sweety…?” I hear as the door creaks open.

A little spooked, I turn to see the nice lady standing at the door once again. “Y-yeah….?”

“Oh….,” she smiles, opening the door fully to look me up and down. “Seems you’ve found an outfit you like in all this jumbled mess!”

“Yeah…,” I answer, blushing and looking away.”

“Do you feel better?” she asks. “You look like you’ve perked up a lot!”

“I do feel better,” I answer, giving her a smile as hair falls in front of my eyes. “I feel really comfortable right now. Thank you, Ma’am, for allowing me to borrow this stuff.”

“Please…,” she grins. “Call me Ellis.”

“Okay,” I answer, giving her a small wave. “My name is Sam.”

“I know,” Ellis replies. “Me and your dad have just been talking about you. Anyway, I’ve made you some dinner before I clock off for the night. Would you like to join us?”

“I am hungry,” I reply, touching my belly.

“Come with me then Sammy…,” Ellis grins, waving me toward her.

Holding the door open, I step past her and look back.

“Erm…,” I say, nervously rubbing my arm. “Please, just call me Sam.”

“Sorry sweety, I just thought with the way you’ve dressed that you identify as a girl,” she replies, pointing down the corridor. “The kitchen is through there. Your father is already tucking in so don’t wait around—he may have eaten it all!”

I identify as a girl? That’s not right.

“I’m not a girl,” I say gently as I follow just behind her.

“I know..,” Ellis says, stopping just at a door. “My mistake. I just assumed.”

It's odd. I don’t feel like a boy either. I rub my face and brush hair from my eyes.

“Honestly…,” I reply, causing her to pause at the unopened kitchen door. “I don’t feel like a boy either. After all, that’s happened today, I think that might be my silver lining.”

Ellis takes her hand off the kitchen door and gives me a curious look.

“You….,” she stops and tilts her head. “You don’t feel like either a girl or a boy?!

I rub my arm and my cheeks feel like they are burning. Was that a stupid thing to tell someone?

“So you’re a They Them?” Ellis states, resting a gentle hand on my shoulder.

“I….guess so.”

“They do say you need to break a few eggs to make an omelet,” Ellis laughs, grinning wide. “Maybe this awful fire will be the start of something good for you Sam.”

“You think so?”

“I do. Just look at that smile on your face,” she answers, tapping me on the head.”When you came in earlier, you looked miserable and I guess for good reason.”

“I was pretty sad. Not just about the fire.”

“Does dressing like this make you feel better?”

“Kinda…yeah. I just feel more comfortable. I feel less pressured to be what people expect.”

“That’s awesome!” Ellie cheers. “I assume you’re nervous about showing this new you to your father?”

“A little,” I answer, pointing at my cute little boots.

“Your father just wants you to be happy,” she replies with a comforting tone. “Trust me. He’s thanking his lucky stars right now that nothing bad happened to you.”

“Yeah…?” I ask with growing confidence.

“Yup,” Ellie says confidently, placing her hand back on the door to open it. “You are his world and I’m sure it will make him happy seeing that big smile!”

Ellis then pushes the door open and I see my dad sitting at the table alone. As he looks up at me, I see his tired and still grubby face smile. For the first time since we got here, he looks happy.

My heart sings as I smile back.