now a bit of a talk about therapy and depression

i know i often talk in here about my personal life, and i really apologize about it, like really apologize about it 

But recently going throught therapy makes it hard to ... just talk or even write at all, even draw at all 

i feel most of my art comes from raw emotions i dont really know how to process, and for some reason art is way easier for me to talk throught than with words 

but opening up and talking about them makes me feel bad, and that translates to my art too, cause it feels like attention seeking and like when talking about it im just complaining about nothing 

i mean, its only natural for parents to be like this, to act like jerks and do hurtful things, and it makes me feel really guilty for complaining, specially cause i feel one day they will find out i have been talking about them on the internet and ... i just dont want to hurt them, does that make sense? 

i mean, they can obviously link the story im writing with them, and i just sometimes feel that talking or drawing about it is like.... betraying them in  a sense? 

so working on art and or comics has become a bit difficult, usually when i do im incredibly connected to what im doing but i have wrote and publish all this draft withoug feeling no connection, they feel alien and foreing to me, and i guess i just couldnt feel the emotions in any of them 

i really want to go back to where doing this was second nature to me, instead of just laying down sick or sad and sleeping the entirety of my life away, or going out with friends and like... just being unnable to feel like a person 

i want to go back to when i had all this passion and put so much care and emotion towards this story, but i hardly even daydream at all, and its kinda bumming me out, and i dont know if its cause i now have to say things with words to someone else and that makes me feel ashamed and embarassed of my own emotions or something 

i dunno, im trying to do my best, and im trying to recover, i have always in my mind those lil thouhgts and like reminders that i have to deliver and work and do art but... i just dont feel good enough doing it and .... i dont know 

thank you for your understanding, and more importantly for your support, i consider this patreon my work and i really want to get back to being more active all together