Homecoming Patreon Draft Chapters 28 to end

I made a (quite long) note in the google docs for chapters 17-27. I wanted to repeat it here, to be sure it is seen. It is relating to the very end of chapter 23: I believe there is a missed opportunity for development here. These scenes are packed with action, action, action, and it doesn’t leave much room for the characters to grow. There are a few times during these past few chapters when hours, days, or weeks have been skipped, to get right back to the action. In future, maybe consider taking a break from that - for example, by turning ‘we waited another hour’ into them setting up a basic defensive position. During this exact time is when characters have personal revelations, or maybe choose to reveal something, be it a fear, a hope and dream, a psychological issue. A time when characters can ask questions, give answers, and teach the reader about the world. I, for one, would love to hear their personal theories on the plot these other races are hatching. Sia could’ve taught Aiden more about the sky islands at an earlier stage (in the gap of a few weeks prior to finding land). Instead, we readers just get ‘Well, that was exciting. Let’s wait an hour. Okay, an hour has passed, let’s roll.’ Cue an action scene. This may be a reason that the fight scenes, although certainly not bland, are on occasion repetitive and can blur together. A pause in the action allows for characters to show a side of their personality, and having a complete character is surely essential for developing a relationship with the reader. Moreover, it also allows a reader to feel proper stakes. I need a reason to be distraught about a character. Back to the action scenes: as it is, they are often a known phenomenon, and the outcome is predetermined. If the characters need the fight to go this way, it usually does. Sometimes, they simply have to lose. That is something I would definitely be interested in seeing. This is all just my opinion, of course, but I hope you find these points valid. I’ve seen the quality in these books increase by orders of magnitude since the start. Keep up the good work, I’m loving the novel so far.

Just finished the book, thanks for another great book. I'm looking forward to town building in the next book, it's one of my favorite parts from Mana Deamons.

Thanks for the catch!

So i was reading though this, in chapter 37 his dad said his mother couldn't come because she was taking care of his newborn sister, but she tells him she can't be they mayor for his town too either?

Paul Sneddon