You're Dead: Chapter Eight (complete)

For two weeks, I stayed with Bowie. I know it was my own cowardice, but I simply couldn’t go back and face the truth. I didn’t want to be dead. I certainly didn’t want to be a psychopomp. I liked Bowie, being with him felt comfortable. I could feel myself falling for him.

Bowie didn’t ask me many questions either. He didn’t need to know why I stayed with him, why I had nothing to my name. He was happy to have me around. He even told me how nice it was that he finally had some company again. Apparently, since his bad breakup, he’d lost touch with his former group of friends and had stayed alone since. We fucked often, and I took great satisfaction in that. Bowie was good at what he did, but it also kept my mind off of everything. And when I say everything, I do mean everything.

After we would finish, I would lie there, breathing heavily, and my mind completely empty of everything. It felt like utter bliss. My body was warm, oversensitive, and I was drifting on that cloud with no cares in the world. Bowie was there beside me in the dark, his body close, his breaths reminding me of what we had just done. I would cool down and curl back up close to him. Sometimes we fell asleep, other times we went again. I had never felt this way before. I had never been one to go out and chase sex. But with Bowie, I liked to roll around in it. I was avoiding the world. I was avoiding my new place in it.

Leaving the loft meant acknowledging the world wasn’t the same, and that was because I had died. Everything was gray and filled with strange shapes and spectres. I saw creatures running down the street that shouldn’t exist. Moths congregated around me like I was a bright candle. I didn’t trust cats anymore either. I mean sure, there were milk goblins in the fridge when we got a new gallon, but I had learned to deal with them. It was being outside that was frightening now. Luckily, we didn’t leave the loft much. Bowie worked from home, most of his business was taken care of through email. I think he owned a building or something, he often talked about repairs and maintenance work.

I took up cooking and cleaning in order to feel like I earned my keep. It helped pass the time too, since I had no phone and Bowie had no television. But he did have a whole wall that was nothing but books. When I wasn’t busy doing chores or having sex with Bowie, I was reading one of his books. He had some interesting stuff, lots of old folklore books. He had a few in different languages I didn’t recognize right away. He also had lots of scary books, some I would get into then immediately have to set aside as they got too grisly for me.

“You’re not bored here are you?” Bowie asked one day. He sat down beside me with a curious glint in his eye.

“I’m getting used to it.” I sat aside the book I was reading. “Not being bored, finding ways to entertain myself,” I quickly interjected. “I like being here.”

Bowie cupped my cheek. “I told myself I would never take in a stray.” He started laughing.

I grabbed his wrist and pushed it back. “You’ve been planning that line for a while haven’t you?” I smirked as I pushed him back, crawling closer to him.

“I thought it was funny.” Bowie leaned back upon the arm of the sofa. “What else would you call yourself?”

I kissed his lips through the face mask. All this time with him, I still hadn’t seen what he was hiding. He must feel really self conscious about what’s underneath. I didn’t pry though, it was the least I could do with all the kindness he had given me. “I’ve been referring to myself as a charity case.”

Bowie’s eyes smirked. “You know I don’t mind having you here. You’ve been a treat for me.” His finger brushed aside my hair, curling locks around them before tucking it away. “I like you a lot, Daisy.”

My heart hammered so hard I thought he could hear it. “I like you too.” I leaned down to kiss his neck, but he stopped me.

“Wait.” Bowie sat up. He smoothed his own long hair away from his face and sighed. “We’ve been going pretty heavy for a while now. Which, I don’t mind. It’s fun. I like sex a lot, especially with you,” he chuckled. “But, aside from that, I do have genuine feelings for you.”

I was biting back my eager smile. “Yeah? I feel the same way.”

The smile in his eyes was soft and sweet. “Good. I’ve been afraid of bringing this up because...well, this would be my first since...you know.” He sat up a bit stiffer. “If this continues, and it continues well, I want us to be honest with each other.”

Fear pierced through me like a cold, lead pole. It was like some fight scene and I was thrown hard against the wall, realizing I’d been stabbed through my debris only until the last second. I licked my lips and nodded. My truth was possibly a deal breaker. He could see things like I could, but Bowie wasn’t dead. Would he even believe me if he said I was a psychopomp and was recently deceased?

Bowie’s fingers slid into the straps of his face mask around his ears. “I can’t hide this, and if you cannot deal with it, then I’m afraid this won’t work.”

Jack rabbits were tap dancing on my organs. “It’s okay,” I tried to breathe but those damn jack rabbits made it difficult.

Bowie took off the face mask, and right away I saw the grisly scars. His mouth was pulled and taut, his full lips marred by dark, jagged scars. The corners of his mouth were stretched back towards his ear lobes. Whatever was covered by the mask had scars all over it. I touched his cheek and as he closed his eyes tears fell down his face.

“Does it hurt?” I asked.

“No.” Bowie sat completely still under my palm.

I smoothed my hands along his jaw then swept away the tears that fell. I kissed him, hoping it would reassure him. It was a frightening sight, but only because I felt horrible for what must have happened to him. Bowie returned the kiss, capturing my hand in his. He leaned in closer, placing his arm around me.

“You’re still lovely,” I whispered into his ear.

Bowie pressed his forehead to my shoulder. “Not many people have seen me this way. I don’t feel comfortable even by myself sometimes.” He sat up and looked into my eyes. “I wanted you to know me.”

“I’m relieved you feel comfortable showing me.” I smiled at him. “It makes me feel relieved.”

Bowie narrowed his eyes. “Relieved?”

“Yeah. Since I am just a charity case here, I’ve been worried.” I smoothed my hands down his face to his chest. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Bowie slipped his fingers under my chin. “You can tell me anything. I’m generally cool with most things.” Seeing his smile was strange, but also charming. “I told you, I want us to be honest with one another.”

I was so scared. That lead pole was sinking deeper through my flesh, making me chilled to the bone. “What’s something you’re not okay with?”

Bowie laughed. “I won’t know until I hear it.”

“Okay so uhm-” I pulled my hands back and clenched them. “This is...really weird to say. It’s been really difficult for me to deal with. I guess that’s why I like it here so much. You distract me.”

“Had a feeling that’s why we’ve been going at it like caged heat.” Bowie’s thumb slipped along his lip, following the scars back to his ear.

“A few weeks ago, I found myself in a really odd predicament.” I wanted to look at him, but I found myself unable to. I kept my eyes down, looking at my hands. “Thinking about it, I know I will sound absolutely crazy,” I huffed.

“Never know until you try.” Bowie’s smile grew. “Go ahead.”

I took a deep breath. His words were comforting, but that somehow only made what I had to say worse. “I died.” I bit down on my lip. “And I sort of became this grim reaper type of thing.”

Bowie was quiet.

“See? It’s crazy! I can’t even believe it myself! I’ve been trying to deal with this and trying to think my way through it! But I can’t and I just turn to you for comfort when it all gets too much. Like my sister, Clover! I’ve been trying to stay away from her, but I know she’s in pain. I want to be there for her, but it’s not me. And if I told her I was then I could never see her again and then it would really be like I had died-” I clutched my head between my heads. “But it all sounds so unbelievable.”

“It was Mara, wasn’t it?”

I finally looked back at him. “Yes.” My breath was squeezed from me like a wet sponge. “How did you know?”

Bowie had a calm smile upon his face. His eyes were focused off into the distance, giving him a statue-like appearance. He moved his hand and lifted his head as his smile grew. “I have known Mara for a very long time.”

I swallowed back the lump in my throat, but it didn’t leave. “You do?”

“I did, I suppose would be the correct way of saying it.” Bowie’s smile didn’t falter. “She had been a dear friend.”

“Oh-” I wasn't sure what to do or say. “How did you know her?”

Bowie reached into his shirt, pulling out a pair of embroidery scissors on a chain. The body looked like a small man, while the blades were a sword he held high. Bowie then took my scissors from his pocket and placed them into my hand.

I shook my head. “No-”

“It’s okay.”

“Okay?” I blurted out. “Okay? How is any of this okay?” I threw my scissors down onto the ground. “I died two weeks ago! And I can’t escape you people!”

“You people?” Bowie scoffed.

I was unraveling fast. I knew I was going into panic mode, and all I could do was sit back and watch myself fall into this spiral. “It’s scary! I’m scared all the time! I don’t like what I see out there! I don’t like the fucking milk goblin!”

Bowie chuckled. “Freddie isn’t exactly the most comforting person, is he?”

I looked at him, almost as if I could turn him to stone. “You know Freddie?”

“I love Freddie,” Bowie said softly. “Even if we hate each other now.” He took hold of my hand, closing it around the scissors. “But he is only one path you can take in this new life, Daisy. He never told you that, did he?”

“No,” I was still trying to process this. “So...wait, Freddie is the ex you keep talking about?”

“They are indeed the same person,” Bowie said with a nod.

My mind was sizzling like a fried egg. “So you and Freddie…”

Bowie put his hands upon my shoulders. “Daisy, look at me.”

I turned and gazed into his eyes. Those deep, dark pools pulled me in, and while my brain fried away I felt at least a comfort from him.

“Let me show you my path,” he whispered to me. “Freddie is too stuck in his ways, too focused on what’s in front of him. I was like that too long ago, but when I started to look around, I realized that there was so much more I could do with this life given to me. So can you. You don’t have to be afraid. You can embrace it.”

I shook my head. “I don’t-”

Bowie’s smile became soft and sweet. “Please? For me. Let me show you my version of the world. Forget what Freddie tried to hammer into you. There's so much more. I promise.”

I pushed myself further away from him and set my feet down upon the ground. “I don’t even know what less is. I’ve only been dead two weeks and a couple of days! I ran from Freddie and wound up here.”

“Three weeks is the usual mourning period, he shouldn’t of even tried to bring you here before then.” Bowie moved closer to me again. He put his hand over mine on my lap and squeezed. “I must confess, Freddie and I shared greatly different views of the world. He had his way, I found my own. That was part of what caused the rift between us. I want you to know there are choices at hand here. I never knew that. I want you to know you are not a peg to be forced into one hole. You’re liquid, you’re moving, you can change and adapt to anything. That’s what death means for the lucky few of us.”

It was a convincing and pretty sentiment, but I still wasn’t sure. Only because it was Bowie was I willing to listen. I looked into his eyes, greeting his small smile with one of my own. I wish I had met him in the beginning, perhaps I wouldn’t have been so afraid of what’s to come, or what will be the rest of my afterlife.

“I’m still so terrified,” I whispered.

“That’s okay. You are allowed to be.” Bowie squeezed my hand. “Look, why don’t we get ready and go out for a bit. You barely leave the house, and now that I understand why, I want to help you. I want you to understand this world and everything that once was hidden to you. The beauty in it, the power. There is such much behind the veil of mortal vision, and it deserves to be seen.”

I held his hand like an anchor. No, more like a float attached to an anchor. It kept me in place so I didn't drift or sink to the bottom of a cruel unforgiving sea. He lifted my hand, kissing my knuckles.

“Is that why you stay in this area? Because Freddie said-”

“I want you to forget what Freddie has told you.” Bowie was quick to interrupt me. He placed a finger upon my lips and his dark eyes became sharp. “You think that you’re the one who is afraid, but it’s Freddie who holds onto more fear than you will ever know. I tried to help him rid himself of it but-” His voice and eyes drifted. There was an edge to his appearance, a sharp invisible blade around his form.

“I still don’t know how to feel about you and Freddie being a couple. Like...romantic and everything?” I asked.

Bowie smiled and chuckled, the blade around him vanished. “He was the love of my life. I still hold out hope that maybe, well...until you.”

My heart jumped into my brain and turned it into mashed potatoes. “You’re being corny now.”

“If only to make you feel better!” Bowie stood and helped me up. “Why don’t you put on that new outfit I got for you? We’ll go down to The Velvet Poodle, have a few drinks, and then I’ll show you what’s really beautiful about the night.” He kissed my cheek then pushed me towards the bathroom.

“What happens at night?”

Bowie’s smile grew and then he slipped on his face mask. “More than stars, I’ll tell you that.”

My stomach churned, but I went on with dressing up for the evening. Bowie and I left the loft, heading out onto the street where it was beginning to grow dark. I clutched his hand and he smiled down at me.

“Lift your chin,” he said. “Don’t keep your eyes down on the ground. Look around you. You have no clue yet just how blessed you truly are.” He placed his hand around my neck and I flinched in reflex. He lifted my head up, making me peer out around me. The cool gray of the light filtered the radiant and bright rays of the sunset. Around me I saw objects in that mist, moving around the buildings, crawling down the sidewalks, and floating through space. He let go of my neck as my eyes became focused. I saw vines of gold twisting around doorsteps and windows. That crawled up along the bricks, making them glow with an ethereal light. Small wisps of light flickered and danced, leading to Bowie’s feet where they danced around him like excited birds.

Bowie knelt down, gathering the lights in his hand to form a single glowing orb. He offered it towards me and I took a step back. “What is it?”

“You’ve heard the stories, surely,” Bowie chuckled. He cupped the glowing orb with both hands and it sloshed like water in a glass. “Will-o-wisps are quite common.”

I still was afraid to touch it. “They’re like...bad luck aren’t they?”

“What makes you think that?” Bowie laughed.

I frowned, trying to remember stories I was told as a kid. “I could have sworn they were meant to mislead travelers. Right? Like that’s how jack-o-lanterns were made?”

Bowie gently placed the glowing ball of light into my hand. It felt cold and the tips of my fingers began to ache. “They came right to me, didn’t they?”

I shakily held the light before me and I heard it giggle. The sound was metallic and multiplied, and it made me want to throw it. “Then what are they?”

“Part of the beauty of this world. They can light our way, and they serve a great purpose to psychopomps who pay attention.” Bowie poked the orb and it popped, scattering back into dozens of flickering and floating lights. They gathered around him and floated through his hair. “They can show us who really needs us.”

I thought back to the first day we met at The Velvet Poodle. He wandered in before opening when only Clover and I were there. It had been pouring down rain, but he could have made it home quickly without having to stop. “Is that how you found me?”

His eyes squinted as he looked at me. He took a step closer and a wisp fell from his hoodie. “Would that ruin my mystique if they had?”

It would make it a touch more romantic, but I wouldn’t say that out loud. “No.”

Bowie chuckled. “Well, they were making a really big fuss that day. But I had originally thought it was just Grace.”

That lead pole rattled around inside me again, making me cold and nervous. “You know Grace?”

He nodded. “She, Freddie, and I were quite the team back in the day. Grace was the youngest of all of us, then Freddie, then me.” We continued walking, heading towards the corner we would turn to reach The Velvet Poodle.“Mara trained all of us, and yet somehow, all three of us took very different paths.”

“Freddie said she was dangerous.”

Bowie went quiet and he shrugged. “We all are.”

That should have been nerve wracking, but it made me laugh. I giggled and then Bowie was suddenly knocked sideways by a man on a bike.

“Bowie!” I yelped. I ran to help him, but the man on the bicycle jumped off and ran at me. It was Booker. “No!” I ran from him, but it was a horrible low speed chase. I wasn’t a runner, but Booker was. I ran him in circles and tried to zigzag, but he grabbed me up from behind and picked me up off the ground.

“Stop fighting me!” Booker struggled as he carried me away.

“Put me down!” I kicked and threw my weight around, but Booker didn’t let go. It only made him walk slower.

“Only once I’ve put you in a closet!” Booker tried to put me over his shoulder, but he was too afraid to let go. “Do you know what hell you’ve started for Stevie and me? Freddie’s fucking crazy!”

“Let me go!”

“You heard her.” Bowie growled. He was back on his feet and standing in our way. He huffed, and smoke came out from behind his mask. “Booker.”

“Motherfucker.” Booker said in the same tone. “I see you’re still handsome and wearing all black.”

Bowie began removing his rings one by one, cracking the knuckles when his fingers were bare. “I see you’re still wearing whatever falls off the powerlines.”

“You think you can hurt me? I’ve been dealing with Freddie since you left. Nothing affects me.” Booker huffed and held me closer. His arms tightened around me and I felt a vibration deep in his chest.

“I don’t want to be here!” I interjected.

Bowie laughed, tucking his rings into his pants pocket. “Let her go, Booker. She’s not playing for your team anymore. Freddie scared her away.”

“And I’m not giving you the chance to scare her.” Booker turned with me, holding me facing away from Bowie like he was trying to keep a toy away. “What the hell are you doing with him?”

“I don’t know what that means!” I hissed at Booker. “Put me down! You’re hurting my arms!”

Booker suddenly ducked and his bicycle went flying over our heads. “I have a shield!” Booker snapped back.

Bowie’s eyes were smirking, and more smoke was billowing out from behind his mask. “Let the girl go, Booker. She wants nothing to do with you, or Freddie, and what he’s-” Stevie’s food truck plowed into Bowie, cracking him along the front of the truck then shooting him underneath. Booker cupped his hand over my mouth before I could start screaming out loud.

Freddie came down from inside the truck and Stevie wasn’t far behind him, shouting profanity in spanish at him. She ran around the truck where Bowie had been hit, continuing to spew spanish at a rapid and extremely angry pace.

“You,” Freddie sneered at me. “In the truck. Now!”

I stomped on Booker’s foot and tried to run, but he tripped me and I toppled onto the ground. Freddie walked up behind me, grabbing my arm and pulling me up.

“You’re hurting me!” I whined.

Freddie stared daggers into me. “You have no idea how big of a mistake you’ve made. Now get onto the truck.”

“Freddie, you old bitch,” Bowie laughed.

Freddie tucked me behind his back, holding me there while Booker also put his hand on me.

Bowie climbed out from under Stevie’s truck. His clothes were ripped and shredded in some places, but he showed no signs of injury. Well, aside from the fact his head was just kind of hanging loose. It popped into place and I felt nauseous from the wet, popping sound. He giggled the whole time, building into a laugh that would have sounded nice except for the circumstances.

Freddie just frowned, standing still while he kept me held back with his one arm.

“Rosemary is waiting,” Freddie said to Booker. “Get her out of here.”

Bowie lunged forward, billowing smoke behind him. Booker rushed out, deflecting Bowie and holding him back. Bowie's face mask ripped away and his mouth gaped open with blue flames shooting out. The scars that cut back from the corners were split open all the way back. His mouth was gaping, snaping, filled with bright blue flames that shot out and breathed smoke.

“No!” I blurted. “I don’t like that!”

Freddie turned and looked at me. “Stay here. You run, I will find you and I will make you wish you had died with broken legs.”

My insides all shot out my ass.

“Stay near Stevie,” he snarled. He turned around and dropped his coat on top of me. He pushed up the empty sleeve of his shirt, and an arm shot out, sounding like wet meat being slammed against the wall.

I dry heaved, but all my organs were figuratively on the street. “Why does it sound wet?” Stevie grabbed me, pulling me away right as Bowie threw Booker into Freddie.

“It’s gross, I know. But you deserve to hear it.” Stevie carried me back over to her truck, setting me in the passenger seat while the other three fought outside. “Really fucking smart of you to end up with Bowie of all people.” She reached inside her glove compartment and pulled out a canister labeled bear spray.

“Was it?”

Stevie gave me the ugliest glare I had ever seen. “No, you moron! But you’re new, so I’ll let it slide once!” She got out of the truck with the can and walked right up to Bowie, spraying the bear pepper spray right into his face.

“I inhaled!” Booker screamed.

Freddie rose from the fight, on his right side he had two arms, on the left only one. His whole body had gone black. But it wasn’t pitch, it was more blue, more like a night sky filled with stars and a full moon. Rivers of liquid ran down his arms, spilling to the fingertips and flowing back up. He turned and looked at me, his head shaped like a wolf and steam flowed from his eyes.

“What the fuck?” I whispered.

Stevie picked up Bowie by the nape of his neck and dragged him down the street where she shoved him into a void like the one she took me through. Freddie, or whatever it was, approached the truck and opened the door beside me.

“You have no idea what you’ve put us through,” Freddie snarled, showing glittering, crystal-like teeth. “What do you have to say for yourself?”

I opened my mouth and threw up on his shoes.