Vintage Misery: Part Five (special preview)

How many times was I going to sit in this diner under duress? I could only think that as I sat there staring at my coffee, rather than Neil using Mercy’s body to shovel food into his mouth like a hungry, hungry hippo eats marbles. It was kind of unnerving to see.

“That’s not even your body,” I grunted. “You should be respectful.”

“It’s just food.” Neil had one hand on a fork with hashbrowns on the end while the other clutched a spoon full of cheesy grits.

“I don’t have enough time or strength to get into just how wrong this is and how many levels of wrong it actually is.” I rubbed at my forehead where the beginnings of a throbbing headache were taking root. “We need to think of a plan. If Officer Pitbull wakes up, he’ll be after us during the day. And who knows how many the Harvey sisters have under their control here. Then at night, they’re going to come back out again.”

“Let’s just go and burn the place down like you said before. This guy isn’t in there anymore, it’s fine.” Neil patted his chest then went on with eating.

“But what if he’s under control when he comes to?” I ask. “He may try and go back to the house, or worse yet, try and take me back to the house.”

“What about the Alpha Sigma Alpha house?” Neil asked. “Let’s just go burn it down, open up that whole cavern for the world to see.”

“Maybe-” I huffed. “I just wish I could think for five minutes.”

Neil set down the fork and spoon and leaned over the table towards me. “Let’s go find some pot.”

“No. Holy shit. Just stop,” I snapped at him. “We are not smoking pot at a time like this. Get that out of your head.”

Neil pouted and picked up the fork again. “This guy feels like what I think shredded wheat must taste like. He must eat nothing but wheat bread.” He went in on some bacon.

I leaned back in the booth. “If I just knew some way to fight these vampires, maybe I’d have a chance. I just get the gnawing feeling fire would only piss them off.”

“Why not call your parents?” Neil looked up at me. “Maybe they know something.”

I gave him a deep frown. “I can’t call my parents. Do you know what sort of apocalypse that will set off?”

“You’re in danger,” Neil laid it out. “They will set aside their issues for five seconds or longer to make sure you’re safe. I’m sure they know something, even an inkling of what vampires really are. I’m telling you, call them right now.” He pointed to the phone booth outside.

“Okay. But look up from your eggs every once in a while to make sure I’m still alive out there.” I got up from the booth and went outside. The phone booth was hot, making the receiver feel like lava when I held it. I slid in the coins then hovered my finger over the numbers. I hesitated, thinking how hard it would be to hear one of my parents’ voices right now. I dialed, pressing the numbers in firmly so I didn’t get it wrong.

The phone rang once, twice, three times, a fourth, one more ring and it would go to the answering machine. I braced myself for that tone, and then. “Good afternoon, Young Paranormal Research. How may I help you?”

I stood there, terrified. Last night, I had prayed for him to show up, now his voice was right inside my ear. I took a breath and held it there as I tried once against to work up the nerve to speak to him.

“Hello?” He said.

“Hi,” I finally let it out. “It’s me.”

“Alice,” he was breathless. “We got your message the other day. I didn’t expect you to call back so soon. Is everything all right?”

No. “Somewhat,” I swallowed. “I just have a really odd question for you?”

He chuckled, sounding relieved. “A question? Is that all? Are you sure there’s not something foul afoot?”

There was, but I could never tell him. There’d be no point in making him worry more than he usually did. “Yeah, uh, it’s weird, but I’m just trying to win a bet.” I cleared my throat. “I know we-you mostly dealt with ghosts. But have you ever heard anything about vampires?”

“Vampire, huh?” He chuckled. “Well, it’s not what Hollywood would make you think. It’s not all crosses and garlic and weird European accents. It’s a lot more scary.”

“Dad, I get it. I’m not in your lecture hall,” I scoffed. “What do you know about actually killing vampires?”

“Well, it's a bit grotesque, but the best way to deal with any reanimated corpse really is to behead it and then burn it.” He stated it so simply.

“That’s it? Decapitate and burn?” I asked.

“Decapitate and burn,” he confirmed. “Why do you ask?”

“Stake through the heart won’t work?” I asked. “I mean, is there anyway to kill it without getting anywhere near it?”

He stopped to think for a moment. “Not to my knowledge.”

“Damn,” I grumped.

“Is there a reason you’re asking this, Alice?” He repeated. “Is there something you need to tell me?”

I frowned. Yeah, there was a lot I needed to tell him. “No. Just curious after seeing a movie. I’ve gotta go, though,” I murmured. “Once I’m done here, I think I’ll try and come home for a bit.”