Selkie Boyfriend: Jude 2 (rough draft)

He met her on the docks when she was young. She was spending time on her father’s fishing ship so she didn’t have to be around her mother while she was drunk. Jude said that she looked sad most days on the boat, bored and out of place amongst the wind-burnt faces of the fishermen. There were days she remained on the boardwalk, wandering around and looking into shop windows. She eventually got a job working in one of the restaurants, and the first purchase she made was a book about mermaids.

As a teenager, she rarely went home. She stayed working, roamed the beach, or stayed over with her friends. It was during those long stays on the beach where she and Jude first met. The Selkies often went to pester and bother the fishermen at the docks, which had become a fun pastime to them. Other days, they went onto the beach at night to join in the parties and drinking that took place there. Jude met his wife as she sat alone, staring out into the ocean. She looked tired and restless, so Jude stepped away from the group to meet her.

She was quiet at first, shy and apprehensive about meeting someone new. But as the night wore on, she opened up more to Jude, told him about her uneasy home life. How her mother was a drunk, her father was present but absent at the same time. She talked about her love for the ocean, especially the mythology that surrounded it. She had high hopes of becoming a marine biologist, and she was saving up every penny she could to be able to go to college.

The next time Jude saw her was on the same beach, although it was a long time between. She was sitting there in the sand, watching the sea, but there was something changed about her. She still seemed sad, but it looked like the hope had been wrung from her. Defeated, she was utterly defeated. After working and saving for so long to go to school, her mother got extremely ill and all that money she saved to escape went to saving her mother. She was still working, but she had quit saving. She talked about her books again, her wish to be like the mermaids and sirens she read about. She talked about wanting to be vengeful and lure boats to their deaths in the jagged rocks. Jude felt sorry for her and offered her his coat. He stayed with her after that, rather than going back with the other Selkies. He helped build her up again, get her on her feet. They bought a home together, and he worked so she could go to school. He loved her very much and wanted to see her succeed and be happy. For a while, they were.

Then came the day where her mother passed away. Grief is a strange and powerful force, but Jude didn’t expect how his wife would react to this. For years, she had resented her mother for her alcoholism, her illness taking her money, she barely spoke to her. But when her mother died, it seemed like the fractures that had started in childhood grew all at once, splintering her into several parts. She quit school, returned to the beach, and became withdrawn from Jude. It wasn’t long before that fateful morning occurred and Jude found both his wife and his Selkie coat missing.

Twenty years, and still he waited for her, hoping she would come home, return his coat, and start anew.

“Your book was the last thing she read before she left. For a long time, I blamed it as the nail in the coffin. But I had to accept she was looking for excuses, your book simply existed.” Jude sighs.

I’m looking at the fire consuming what used to be the front porch. Jude helped in pulling it further from the house and setting a controlled burn for it. After that night we spent together, we had talked more and began a friendship of sorts. Two broken hearts finding solace in one another, I suppose. He had trimmed up his beard since then, he looked less wild fisherman, less crazy, more rugged. He was handsome, I’ll give him that.

“You’re free to come and stay with me whenever you want. I know it’s cold in there,” Jude motions to my house.

I shrug. “I don’t know. I feel like that would be a signal of my defeat.”

Jude chuckles. “Why did you come here, anyways? Why keep this place?”

“I got it in the divorce. I thought he was insane handing this over to me, but once I got here, I knew why.” I crouch down before the fire, hugging my knees. “I think it was his way of telling me, ‘fuck you’ for trying to fight for him.”

“Did you have kids?” Jude asks.

“I can’t,” I grumble bitterly. “He used that as part of his reasoning for the divorce.”

Jude sits down beside me. “Sorry to hear that.”

I want this off me, off of my ex. I turn to Jude, admiring the way the fire enhances his olive skin. “Did you?”

He shakes his head. “I think she was afraid of it, of being a parent. I guess it was for the best.”

“If she comes back, what will you do?”

Jude takes in a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “You’d think after all this time I would have an answer, or at least some idea of what I’d do. But I don’t. It changes daily.” He looks me in the eye. “What would you do if he came back?”

I scoff, rolling my eyes. “Kill him. Thank him. Cry.” I look back at the fire. “I really can’t say.”

“Once this fire dies out, come home with me.”

I look over at Jude. “What for?”

He tilts his chin up as his eyes focus on the flames. “Whatever you want.”

I move close to him, kissing him as his hands moved to touch me. I had told myself I would hold back from this, that I would let Jude be my friend. But all this talk just made me lonely, made me want him. I want to feel his weight on top of me again and remind me I’m not alone or unworthy. I sit in his lap, kissing him like a desperate teenager. Now that he has less beard, kissing him is much more enjoyable.

“Stop!” The scream roars out from the beach, making us both jump out of our skin. I stand up, looking out towards the water, expecting to see someone struggling against the current. Jude follows suit, watching the shore then looking all around.

“You heard that, right?” I ask, tugging on his hand. “Please tell me I’m not losing my mind. Someone yelled ‘stop’.”

“They did.” He rubs at his chin. “But I don’t see anyone out there.”

“Maybe we should walk along the beach.” I start to walk down, but Jude holds me back, keeping his big hand on my arm.

“Stay here, keep an eye on the fire. I’ll go and walk along the shore just to make sure.” he gives me a stern look. “I’ll be right back.”

“Okay,” I huff. “Be careful!”

“I will.” He walks down onto the beach, looking around before walking off. I sit back down by the fire, checking occasionally for him to come back.

Eventually he returns, having seen nothing along the shore. The fire has burnt down, so he tosses sand onto what remains and we go back to his place. His home is warm but a little barren. There’s not much there that gives any sort of personality or creature comfort. I suppose I’m not there for that, though.

“You want a shower?” He offers.

I sniff my jacket sleeve. “I guess I smell pretty smokey.”

He shows me to the bathroom, which is surprisingly big, but a little out of date. The bathtub, toilet, and sink are all an olive green color and the linoleum has yellowed over time. “There’s soap and stuff in the shower. The faucet should be self explanatory, but it does take a bit to heat up. I’ll go get you some extra towels.”

“Thanks.” I watch him go before I undress and turn the shower on. I wait for it to heat up, but Jude arrives with towels before the water gets hot.

“Sorry,” he murmurs.

I brush my hair out of my face. “Why not join then? Might as well.”

He looks me over, gaze heavy as his skin darkens. “I can wait,” his voice cracks.

“Do you want to wait, though?”

A soft smile appears on his lips. “Not really.”

I pull back the shower curtain and step inside. “Then hop in.” I smile as I watch Jude undress, taking a greedy inventory of his features. He had nice, thick arms and legs, a round ass, and even if he had a big belly, he still looked damn fine. He got into the shower behind me, and for a while, he just stood there awkwardly.

“This is weird,” he chuckles.

I look over my shoulder at him. “Bad weird?”

“Not exactly.” His hands finally brush up along my sides. “Just different.” He stands closer to me and his lips press down upon my shoulder. “New.”

I moan softly as his fingers knead into my hips and his lips press down against my neck and shoulder. “Jude,” I breathe.

Suddenly, the window shatters. I scream and jump back while Jude puts himself in front of me. Glass is scattered all over the floor, along with the rock that was thrown through it. Jude grabs his clothes and puts them back on, carefully stepping across the floor before tossing me a pair of shoes.

“I’ll be right back. Stay here!” He runs out the door in a hurry.

I use the shoes to walk across the broken glass, and despite how frightened and shaky I am, I find a broom to sweep up the floor. I then sit and wait in the bedroom for him to come back. I keep myself curled up in a ball, hugging my knees.

Hours pass and I can no longer bear it. I decide to go look for him, but as soon as I step out the door, I find him sitting on the stoop.

“Jude, what’s going on?”

He doesn’t move, his eyes remain focused on the sea. “I saw her.”

I put my hand on his shoulder. “Who?”

“Her.”

My jaw drops and I look out towards the ocean. “Are you sure?”

“Yes,” he whispers. “I knew it was her right away.”

I sit down beside him, trying to see his expression in the dark. “Are you okay?”

His jaw clenches. “I tried to stop her and talk to her, but she just ran back into the water.” He lays his head into his palms.

I rub his back, unsure of what to say or do. “I can leave if that’s-”

Jude grabs my hand. “No. Stay here. I don’t want you alone, just in case.”

I hold his hand with both of mine. “You think she wants to hurt me?”

“She threw a rock through the window, I just want to be safe.” He presses his forehead to mine. “I care about you.”

“Isn’t that the problem, though?”

Jude stands up with me and takes me back inside. “Probably. But she has no right to speak on this.”

The next morning, Jude has to leave for work, but he tells me to stay here until he gets back. He kisses me, and I almost believe it’s lovingly. I stay in bed for a while, enjoying a mattress that doesn’t feel cold and lumpy. I almost fall asleep again when I hear a knock at the door.

I sit up in bed and listen, hearing them knock until it becomes an angry pounding. The doorknob jiggles and shakes. “Open up! I know someone is there!” A woman shouts.

I go into the kitchen where she’s trying to get in.

“Open up!”

“Who goes there?” I ask.

She goes still and quiet. “So it is you!” She jiggles the doorknob.

“How do you know?” I throw back at her.

“Just let me in!”

I reach for a frying pan in the dish rack. “Why?”

She bangs on the doorframe. “Because this is my husband’s house!”

“Then why don’t you have a key?”

“Shut up!”

“You know I’m not letting you in, so why don’t we just talk?” I offer.

She bangs on the door, not answering me.

“I know this is complicated and weird, trust me! I like your husband, he’s a very good man. But we’re just friends right now.”

“Bullshit! Absolute bullshit! I saw you crawling all over him last night! Not to mention the fucking shower! What are you? A teenager?”

“I’m in my forties,” I snap at her. “But note taken.”

“You stupid little slut!” she slaps the door with each word. “You stupid-” Her voice begins to break and it turns to weeping.

“I can’t offer excuses or anything for this. I like him, he’s sweet. I was lonely.” I stand closer to the door. “Are you alright?”

“No!” She wails.

I open the door and she’s slumped down onto the ground with her head in her hands. Her hair is long and white with a few peppered streaks of black. She’s wearing a huge, heavy coat around her shoulders. Her fingertips are black and there are mottled spots along her skin.

“How long have you been watching him?” I ask.

She cries into her palms, weeping pitifully.

“You want some coffee?” I offer, unsure what to do.

She sniffles and snorts, looking up at me with eyes that are completely black. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Depression?”

She rubs at her eyes. “Who the fuck are you?”

“Hazel. Hazel Oswald.”

She furrows her brow and looks at me, confused. “Like the writer?”

“Almost exactly.” I offer my hand to her and help her stand. She’s quite short, so the fur coat drags on the ground around her bare feet.

“I read your book,” she murmurs.

“Jude told me you did.” I find coffee mugs in the sink then turn on the percolator.

She stands in the center of the kitchen, looking around with wide, teary eyes. She begins to blubber again and plops herself down in a chair. “He told you about me?”

I’m not really sure what to do, I just keep myself close to something heavy I can swing in case she charges at me again. “Yeah, he did.”

She keeps her head hung low.

“What’s your name?” I ask.

“Doesn’t matter. I don’t exist anymore.” She lays her head on the table and the coat slips off her shoulders.

I sit down at the table with her, still uncertain with what to do. “I get why you're upset. When I found out my ex husband was already seeing someone, I wanted to crawl up the wall.” She remains still and quiet so I just keep talking. “I wanted to know everything about her. Why was she good enough for him but I wasn’t? What was so great about her he couldn’t even wait until the divorce was final?” I swallow hard as the pain starts to come back up. “I don’t know exactly why Jude and I are. I’ve just relied on him as a friend lately, as comfort. I’m not ready to go deeper than that.”

“But you can fuck him?” She hisses.

“Well that-” I hesitate.

She lifts her head and glares at me. “Not gonna tell me I have no say in this? I ran away so that means I gave him up?”

“I could, but what would be the point?”

She looks at me angrily but that slowly softens. “I did, though!”

I think hard on what I should say next. “Why are you back then?”

“I have been, I just-” her eyes water up and her bottom lip trembles. “I don’t deserve him back after what I did.”

“He’s been on that beach waiting for you,” I scoff. “How long have you been watching him do that?”

She looks away from me.

“This is fucked up. I need some air.” I stand up and go outside. I stand there before the house, wondering if I should just go back to my place. I decide to walk along the beach for a while, and when I return, I go back to Jude’s house. The door is unlocked, and I find his wife curled up on the bed. The coat lays on the ground, so I pick it up and close the bedroom door behind me.

I wait for Jude to come home, keeping his coat in my arms. When he does return, I offer him the coat back.

He just stares at it, he doesn’t take it. “Where is she?”

“On the bed,” I murmur. “Here, you should take it back now while you can.”

He moves to touch it, but he flinches at the last second. “I should talk to her.” He walks away from me and goes into the bedroom. For the longest time it’s quiet, so I just sit there with the coat. After a while, Jude comes out of the bedroom. He approaches me and takes the coat into his hands.

“I need to be alone for a while.” He kisses me softly. “I’ll be back, Hazel. Just wait here.”

I follow him to the door as he slips the coat on. “What happened?”

He pulls the coat around him, holding it close. “It’ll be okay. I just want to be alone for a little while.” He turns back around, giving me another long kiss. He walks away, going onto the shore and diving into the water.

“Neverlily.”

I nearly jump out of my skin. I turn around and see her standing there. Her eyes are starting to turn green, rather than be all black.

“I always hated my name, so when I read your book, I wanted to have the same name as the main character. So Jude always called me Neverlily.”

“Oh,” I close the door back. “Nice to meet you.”

She smiles painfully. “Is he gone?”

“He said he’d come back.”

Neverlily nods shakily. “Oh, good. He says he really likes you.”

I try to smile reassuringly at her. “I really like him too.”

She hangs her head for a moment and fidgets with the buttons of Jude’s flannel. “Is the diner still open?”

“You hungry?” I ask.

Neverlily nods.

“Well, let’s go to my place first. I’ve got some clothes you can borrow.”

Her eyes grow wider. “You sure?”

“No. Not really. But when life gives you weird little lemons, you make strange little lemonade.” I take her to my place and give her some clothes to wear out before we go to the diner to eat. She scarfs down food like a ravenous teenage boy. Then again, if all she had eaten over the last twenty years was just cold, raw fish, I would probably be eating pancakes and bacon with the same gusto.

“Are you still writing?” She asks me.

“I guess,” I sigh. “I’ve had fifteen more books come out since the first. Working on another right now.”

“What’s it about?” She asks excitedly.

I shrug. “Began writing it before the divorce. Now I’m not so sure about it anymore. Kind of hit a wall with writing.”

Neverlily wipes her mouth with the back of her hand. “That’s too bad, must be tough.”

“It’s life,” I sigh.

After we eat, we go back to Jude’s home and as we’re walking up the front door, we can see him walking up from the beach. The coat hangs off his naked body and his long hair is draped over his skin. It’s such a breathtaking sight, like a more smoldering Birth of Venus.

“He looks happy,” Neverlily murmurs.

“He does.” My heart is sputtering. “I’ve never seen him smile like that.”

Jude comes running up from the beach and he throws his arms around us both. “I feel alive again!” He shouts triumphantly. “You smell like pancakes.”

“I took her to the diner.” his body is so warm from having just come from a winter ocean. He smells even better, like the cold breeze.

Jude kisses me impassioned then Neverlily the same. “I am glad.”

I continue to stay with Jude in his home after that while we work on fixing up my place. Neverlily and I grow close as well, and I find myself enjoying my days more and more. As winter begins to melt away into spring, I start writing again. I am hoping to have the new novel finished by summer so I can get my agent off my back.

I scrapped everything I had before, and began writing a sequel to my first novel. Taking inspiration from Neverlily and Jude, I wrote another story about the selkies from that first book. I began to let go of my grief, and I began embracing the two of them, much to my own surprise.

We sold both places once my house was fixed up and bought a new home that was a bit bigger so all of us could fit. I’m not sure why, but it never struck me that we were together until then.

“I love you both,” I said out loud one day. “I do. I love you.” I had never said those words to anyone except my ex husband, and the realization that I loved Jude and Neverlily the same way, if not more, was overwhelming.

“We love you too,” Jude whispers to me.

Neverlily kisses my cheek and holds me close.

I had come here with nothing, and had settled to keeping nothing. Now, I have everything I could ever want, more than I ever had before. Thanks to a rotting house that smelled like cat pee. But I really should be thanking the sea.