Living Armor Boyfriend: Morrow 2 (rough draft)

I can remember the first time I ever saw my mom, it was in a painting. It was during one of the festivals and there was a museum that had a special showing of artwork about the Saint Nicolas family. I knew at that point, or at least had some idea that I was a member of the Saint Nicolas line. I had always been told by strangers I looked a lot like Holly Saint Nicolas, but until I saw the painting, I was never aware of it. I was still little, sucking on my thumb, and chewing on things that looked fun to chew on. I can remember that Winifred was holding my hand and when we looked at that huge painting, her hand tightened around mine. Editih hadn’t come to live with us yet, but I don’t think she would have gone with us that day anyways.

The more I grew, the more I saw myself as that painting. The long red hair, curly but flowing, the big brown eyes, the long thick lashes, the full lips. I was my mother when I looked in the mirror, and it sometimes gave me a strange, indescribable feeling. Sometimes I was looking at a stranger, and my mind would wander free with that thought. I had so many ideas of who my mother was or could be, that even when Edith showed up with her vendetta, I still didn’t know what to think about her.

I knew I wanted to meet her, ever since I saw that painting hanging in the museum. That’s why I switched the spells. I didn’t want to fight someone I didn’t know, especially someone I really did want to know. Finally, after all these years, I get to meet my mother. She’s much shorter than I expected her to be. I always imagined her much taller.

“Hello, Lydia,” she says very unsurely. I suppose that’s to be expected, after all, she hasn’t seen me since I was a toddler. I was just barely walking when she knew me last.

I’m scared all of a sudden. All this time wanting to meet her, and now I’m frightened. Too many ideas, too many thoughts, they swarm and devour my mind so all that’s left is this sinking feeling. What if I disappoint her? What if she disappoints me? Everything is wrong! I’m wrong. I’m not as great as Edith or Winifred. She’s staring at me, waiting for a response and I don’t know what to do. I’m sinking farther into fear and uncertainty. What do I do? What do I do?

“Lydia, it’s okay.” Edith is right beside me.

“I see,” Holly murmurs. “Can she still not talk?”

Edith takes one hand while Morrow takes the other. “Sometimes too much,” she laughs softly. “She thinks differently sometimes. Just give her a second.”

Holly steps closer and I meet her gaze. We have the same eyes, just like we do in the mirror. I swallow hard, trying to get my thoughts to line up so I can speak to her.

“Before Winifred and Edith were born, I always thought I was scatterbrained or flaky,” she says gently. “Then after you were born, I realized that the clockwork of my head isn’t the same as everyone else’s. I gave up on you back then because everything inside me was scattered and I couldn’t put it back together. I’m sorry I did, see how similar the two of us are.”

“How do you get over it?” I ask quietly. “The too much in your head?”

Holly sighs. “I usually have sex,” she grumbles. “But I’ve been told that isn’t the best coping mechanism.”

I sniffle and stiffen my shoulders. “Do you ever just go somewhere quiet and stare out the window?”

Holly nods. “I do. Especially when it’s snowing.”

My smile brightens. “Me too!”

Holly smiles at me and I walk into her hug. After that, Winifred, Edith, and I decide to stay at her Keep for a while. For me, it’s a chance to get to know my mother. It’s almost like getting to show a side of myself I never knew before. We have common interests, but mostly, it’s like our heads are built the same. I’ve enjoyed getting to know someone who thinks the same way I do.

“After you were born, I sort of fell away from the world. I wanted to be alone, I wanted to sequester myself away.” She looks guilty as she says this. “It was overwhelming.”

“What was?” I ask.

“Everything,” she breathes. “You, the world, the Keep. Everything just sucked the life from me. I couldn’t deal with it, I couldn’t even bear to breathe. So your father thought it was best to leave, to give you a home, a chance. He thought I was losing my mind, and for a while, I was.”

I look down at my cup of hot cocoa then back to her. “Why didn’t you try to meet me though?”

“Because I had gotten it into my head that he was right,” she sighs. “I failed with Winifred. I was failing horribly with Edith. And when I couldn’t even stand holding you as a baby-” She goes quiet and her eyes fade into the distance. “I thought you were better off without me fucking things up.”

“I still would have liked to meet you. Everyone fucks something up. It’s not that bad, is it?” I shrug and rub at my knees. “I fuck up a lot and people tend to forgive me for it.”

“And who wouldn’t? Look how beautiful you are!” Holly chuckles. “But I suppose that’s what always got me into hot water. My looks allotted me tons of grace.”

“I wouldn’t say my looks did anything for me other than people feeling even more sorry for me,” I pout.

“All the more reason to prove the world wrong. That’s what I did. That’s what I still do. With your reading capabilities, you can accomplish great things, Lydia. The way I look at it, because we don’t think like the rest of the world, we can surprise them, confuse them, and get ahead of them. They won’t see you coming.”

“Morrow told me something similar,” I muse.

“About that,” Holly says softly. “You and your sisters have those big, armored bastions with you, but how did you come across them?”

“I don’t want to say anything and have you getting mad. After all, we summoned them in hopes of, you know, taking you down a peg.”

“Edith and I have talked over such things,” Holly chuckles. “But these suits of armor don’t seem like the kind of thing you’d summon in the midst of anger.”

I shake my head. “I sort of switched spells on Edith,” I confess. “The original spell I chose seemed scary. And since she and Winifred couldn’t read the book like I could, I switched the spells to something less harmful.”

Holly’s smile grows. “See that? Staying ahead. Very good.”

I smile shyly. “They’re really nice by the way, Morrow and his brothers.”

Holly takes a bite of a cookie then dusts the crumbs from her bosom. “They seem to hold affection for you. At least from what I have witnessed with Winifred and Edith.”

I smile shyly. Having spent so much time with Morrow lately, I have become aware of feelings brewing. He’s quiet, which is something I am drawn to. At the same time though, he talks to me and understands me. He helps me sort my thoughts and he makes me feel comfortable to be myself. It was more than that, he wanted me to be myself around him.

“It’s been giving me ideas about having my husbands wear sexy armor,” Holly sighs dreamily.

“I don’t want to hear that, like at all,” I scoff.

Holly chuckles. “You’re very lucky, from the looks of things, you got the biggest one. He’s quite intimidating.”

“That’s just the armor,” I sigh. “Morrow is really quite sweet, at least to me he is. He can’t talk like everyone else. So it’s hard for him to get his thoughts across.”

Holly nods. “He’s been roaring at the other knights during training.”

I shrug and reach for another cookie. “It’s better than some of the other noises he makes, trust me.”

Aside from spending time with my mother, I have been enjoying exploring the Keep. There’s lots of room to roam about and get lost, not to mention tons of hidden passages. I have found myself in tons of interesting rooms and places lately. I recently came across what I assumed is a supply room filled with old weapons. I took apart an old cannon and, when I heard people coming, I ran back the way I came.

I also found an observation room where there were several telescopes pointed in set places into the sky. I’ve been wanting to go back at night, but since the room is always open, it’s often extremely cold there. So I’ve been waiting for a day where I can take Morrow with me, since he’s as warm as any fireplace.

“It will be fun, trust me. We can stargaze, take some hot cocoa, and we can just enjoy the quiet of it all!” I follow him down the hallway after having left the training ground. He’s a bit dirty from going through exercises with the other knights.

Morrow growls low, which rumbles deep inside his chest.

“What? Shy or something?” I tease.

He turns and waves his hand over his body.

“I can give you a bath if that’s what you’re asking.”

He grunts, dropping his sword so he can use both of his hands to sign to me.

“We don’t have to take cocoa. We can take coffee if that’ll make it anymore alluring for you. I just want to spend some alone time with you! I haven’t gotten to between mom and my other siblings.” I grab hold of his hand, which is crusty with dried dirt. “Pretty please? It’s cold up there and you’re so big and warm.”

He signs with his free hand.

I frown at him and his words. “I know you’re not a kettle! Stop that!”

He nods then pats the top of my head. “Let me get clean,” he signs. “And we can go up to this frost little observatory you’ve found.”

“Yes!” I bounce as I cheer. “It’ll be fun! I promise. I’ll pack a picnic so we don’t have to leave for anything.”

“Just make sure you pack something warm for you. It’s suppose to get extremely cold tonight with a bad snow storm.”

I grin up excitedly at him. “I’ll bring blankets, don’t worry!”

That evening, I back up a basket with snacks and hot coffee for us, as well as bundling up some blankets. I wait for Morrow at the secret entrance I had found, and while I waited, I couldn’t help thinking a little too much. Morrow had seemed apprehensive about being along with me. I wonder if he held the same feelings I did. What if we felt differently? I certainly had strong feelings for Morrow, but what if he just saw me as a friend? I mean, I would be lucky to have Morrow as a friend, I am lucky he is. But what if he feels uncomfortable around me because he knows I feel more? Oh god, he knows I have feelings and that makes him uncomfortable! I’m being a horrible friend! But then that means he’s feeling forced into this tonight and that makes it worse! Not only that, but if I ever lost Morrow as my friend, I would be heartbroken! We’re bonded, right? After summoning him, that’s what we went through. He knows me well and he’s just trying to spare my feelings. He’s just being nice to me when he knows this would hurt me. But I don’t want to hurt him! I don’t want to lose him at all.

I start to cry when Morrow arrives. I’m kneeling down on the ground, my head so full it feels like it is going to split in two. Morrow puts his hand on my back and rumbles low in his throat.

I sniffle and whimper, rubbing at my eyes. “Sorry. I started thinking and I can’t stop.”

Morrow puts his arm around me, giving me a squeeze while I try to catch my breath. He holds up his hand to me, signing to me. “What’s wrong?”

I sniffle and hiccup, feeling a tight pain in my chest. “If you don’t want to be here tonight, I won’t force you.”

He growls.

“I’m serious!”

Morrow stands me up and wipes the tears from my face before signing strongly with both hands. “I want to be here, but over the last few weeks, I have been training really hard. My armor is gross, and I’ve not been able to clean properly because the water in the knights barracks is frozen solid! I fear I stink like knight ass, which isn’t romantic at all. I wanted to be nice and clean for you when we spent an evening together, and those gross men in those barracks are animals-”

I stop his hands, holding them in mine. “Calm down, Morrow! They aren’t worth it.”

His shoulders slouch and he lowers his head down to me.

I smile at him. “I don’t think you stink. If you hated living with gross boys, you could have asked to stay with me in my quarters. They’re huge!”

“I’d love to spend more time with you,” he signs.

I take his hand and lead him through the secret passageway. We got into the observatory, which is already frigid. I take out a blanket which Morrow wraps around me. I then offer him the warm bottle of coffee I had packed as well as a bag of cookies.

“Me and the little siblings made fudge today too! It’s so full of sprinkles though,” I laugh.

Morrow looks around the observatory while holding the bottle of coffee. He growls as he turns back to me.

“You know what, I’m not sure exactly what this place is for. But the telescopes are really cool.”

He lifts his helm and points to his one eye.

“I don’t know, surely you can see out of it,” I chuckle. I wander over to a telescope and peer out, seeing beyond the snow and through the stars. The distant sky seems so close, almost as if it has extended out into it.

“Oh, wow,” I breathe in awe. I look out the window then back through the telescope. “This is amazing!” Morrow comes up behind me, putting his arms around me so his heat touches against my back. My cheeks grow warm despite the cold. “Here, look for yourself.”

He peers through the telescope, but when he feels me shivering, he takes a step back. He then takes off his helmet and hands it to me.

“What are you doing?” I put the helmet on as he seeps from the armor. His form then stands outside it, looking quite tall but rail thin compared to the armor. His body glitters with dozens of scales, and I can almost make out the shape of his face. He takes the blanket wrapped around me and places himself inside it, standing behind me and holding me with long arms.

I gulp down my heart and for once, my head is empty. I look up at Morrow and lose my breath for a second. He dips down, kissing my forehead then my cheek.

“You’re shaking.” He signs.

“I’m excited!” I giggle. “I’m happy, I’m-” I strain to contain myself. I could pop, but in the best way possible. I’ve never felt so happy like this before, it’s scary but wonderful. “I’m fit to fucking burst! I’ve wanted to kiss you so badly!”

He touches my cheek, leaning in to kiss me, which causes me to excitedly stamp my feet. The rumble in his chest sounds like laughter, and when he pulls back, I can almost make out a smile upon his face and it’s the most beautiful smile I have ever seen on this world.

“So fucking good!” I tremble, trying to keep myself contained. I pull him down for another kiss, forgetting the cold, forgetting the millions of stars beyond us. I pull back slowly, giggling from how nice it is to kiss him.

“I was afraid you wouldn’t like me,” I confess. “I kept overthinking it and running it through my head until it felt like I was going to split at the seams. It scared me to think I could lose someone I cared about so much.”

“Of course I like you,” he signs. “It’s even more than that. It’s becoming so much more, Lydia.”

I take his hand and kiss his fingertips. “I’ve never told you how much you mean to me. How much your quiet and calm helps me think. How much your words mean more to me than anything I would ever hear.” I smile shyly at him as I feel tears come again. “I get to be myself with you, which is so hard with most people.” The tears almost freeze against my cheeks until Morrow sweeps them away for me.

Morrow hugs me tight, resting his forehead against mine. He growls deep in his throat, whispering it into my ear. He kisses me again, picking me up off the ground as he does. No wonder my mom likes this so much! I could honestly do this all day. I could do much more too, but that’s for another day.

“You’re so warm. I knew this would be perfect.” I look into his eye, seeing snow falling from the open ceiling. I look up, watching as it falls all around us. Morrow holds me closer, tugging the blanket so it’s under my chin. I feel the rumbles in his chest, and the warmth from it makes me feel so safe and loved.