Merman Boyfriend: Barnaby #2 (complete)

There are so many people in the carnival who do not age and will not age. There are souls here who will never know sickness and only know death through the loss of their loved ones. They will only tell time by the shifting of the seasons and the changes in the wind. They will remain still as time keeps spinning around them.

I gave up that fate in order to be with my Edeline. I used what I had to save her the first time, and I thought that was all that was needed. She would know health all her life after that, but things are much crueler than they appear. 

To me, she is still that girl who found her way into my tent. Her eyes drawing me in and pulling me to her, those cinnamon and honey colored lenses into a world I so wanted to be a part of. My Edeline was the most important thing to me, her and our children, that was all I needed to live my life long and happy. What am I supposed to do now that she is slipping away from me?

Ezra hasn’t left our sides. He’s been taking care of the house and cooking all our meals. I never would have suspected this is how he would turn out. All the grief and trouble he gave us as a child and young man, now he is so dependable and doting on us. Amazing how times change so quickly.

Bella and Emmett are constants too. The grandchildren come and visit often as well. The house is never empty. Even when Edeline is resting, there is someone here offering to help take care of us. Mr. Faire is a constant figure, which he always is. Out of everyone I knew, he would always be there come rain or shine. Coraline and Bram have been a godsend. As much as I try to get Ezra to rest, he won’t listen to me. Coraline has managed to get him to sleep or eat when I can’t. 

I stay by Edeline’s side, holding her hand and comforting her. I tell her stories from our youth, but as of late, she has been fading in and out of consciousness so much I do not know what she is even hearing. It doesn’t matter, I keep talking. I keep telling her our stories. I don’t want her to feel alone or like a burden to us.

One afternoon, there is a knock on the door that Ezra answers. A moment later, Seraphimo and Marlene come with little Valentine. It is a shock to me that they’re visiting, bringing with them food and several bottles of wine.

“Mr. Barnaby,” Valentine comes into the room and sits down beside me. “Can I read you and Ms. Eddie a story?”

I blink tears from my eyes as I turn to her. Such sweetness radiates from her voice. “Of course, little one.”

“She’s been begging us,” Marlene sighs. “When we asked her why, it broke my heart. We had to bring her over, I hope that’s ok.”

“Why did she want to?” I ask.

“Because, you’re always telling us stories,” Valentine says as she holds my hand. “Papa always says to give in kind. So, I want to be kind to you for being kind to me.”

Seraphimo sniffles and dabs at his eyes. “I meant it about pain, but it works still.” Marlene chuckles and rubs his back.

“I brought my favorite book that Grandpa Faire gave me!” I hear the book crackle open and Edeline’s hand squeezes mine.

I look to her as Valentine starts reading. The more she speaks, the more that Edeline begins to come to. Her eyes open and she sighs softly. 

“My,” her voice is weak, “what a lovely speaking voice you have.”

“Thank you!” Valentine has no idea what miracle she’s helped happen.

Seraphimo and Marlene make tea while Valentine curls up next to Edeline and continues to read. Ezra is crying by the bedside with me as we watch Edeline smile down at little Valentine. I am in awe and afraid to breathe, in fear that I may wake from this dream.

After tea and some snacks, and another story from Valentine, Seraphimo and Marlene take her home. Ezra cleans up and when he leaves the room, Edeline turns to me. 

“Her little story book reminded me of something I have really been wanting to do.” She touches my hand and rubs her fingertips along the back of my hand. “Can you guess what it is?”

I take her hand and kiss her palm. “There are many things. I do not like guessing games, you know this,” I chuckle. “Tell me, what is it that you would want to do?”

Edeline takes in a deep breath and sighs out slowly. “It has been a long time since we went swimming together.” She holds my hand so tight. “I would like to go swimming before-”

I place my finger on her lips. “Don’t say it,” I whisper.

She kisses my palm then holds it to her cheek. “Will you take me swimming, Barnaby? I so miss the water.”

I tremble and nod. “Yes. I’ll take you swimming.”

Edeline puts her arms around me and I ease her into the small tank with me. She lays her back against my chest and she sinks into the water up to her chest. Her sleeping gown hovers just at the surface and then slowly sinks underneath.

“Remember our first swim together?” Edeline asks.

My throat is growing tight, but I nod and kiss the top of her head.

Edeline sighs dreamily. “I stripped off my clothes and jumped in only wearing my bra and bloomers,” she chuckles. “Your scales felt so cool and slick, I thought you were made of gemstones.” She holds onto my hand. “I had been wanting to kiss you for so long.”

“Why did you wait?” My voice cracks.

“I wanted it to be the perfect time,” Edeline’s voice is sounding smaller and weaker. “I wanted to kiss you that first day we did sign language to one another.” She moves her fingers and her hand, signing to me her name. “That was the first thing I ever said to you.”

I squeeze my eyes shut tight, trying to keep the tears at bay.

“I wanted to kiss you the second day when you told me that silly lobster joke.” Edeline’s breath rattles and she’s too weak to clear her throat. “The third day, I would have kissed you for sure then, but Mr. Faire walked in on us and I got scared.”

“I wish it had been then,” my voice trembles. “That would have been perfect.”

“It wasn’t until the seventh day.” She signs in my hand again, telling me she loves me. “The carnival was at rest and it was still so hot out.” She lays her cheek to my shoulder. “Your water was so cool and you invited me in for a swim. As I sank into the water, you put your arms around me, just like now.”

I hug her fast and press my cheek to her hair. “Yes. I remember so clearly.”

“What was it,” she trails, “That...that you told me?”

I steady my breath but my heart is in pain. “About your eyes?”

“Yes!” Her voice is cheery and bright. “You called them...cupcakes? Or something? It was something with food.”

I chuckle. “I said they were like cinnamon and honey poured over a chocolate cake.” I sniffle and my tears fall into her hair. “I said...when I looked into them, I saw something that I really wanted.”

“I said I would bake for you,” Edeline murmurs sleepily.

“But that wasn’t what I wanted.” I hold her hand tight so she doesn’t slip away. “You pulled me under the water and you kissed me. Then I breathed for you so we could stay there longer.”

“I’ve never been so happy.” Edeline feels cold.

“Then you gave me something I never knew I wanted.” My throat feels on fire and my entire chest feels like a rotten tooth ache. “You gave me Emmett and Bella, then when I thought we were done, you gave me Ezra. I really didn’t know I wanted him,” my laugh is sad but grateful. 

Edeline hums peacefully.

“You don’t know how much you changed my world,” I whimper. “You are the love of my life. I have never thought for a second you weren’t.”

She signs into my palm again, her fingers are slow and weak, but she says she loves me too. “Do you remember the promise you made to me, Barnaby?”

“Yes,” I whisper. “But I do not know how I am supposed to keep it.”

Edeline’s head barely moves. “Find a way,” she signs so weakly and then her hand stills.

I grip her hand tight so it doesn’t fall into the water. I sob into her hair, holding her as she drifts away from me. 

She’s gone.

I do not recall the days after she passed. Everything blurs together in my mind. Faces, surroundings, words, they’re all garbled and distant in my mind. I have simply turned off, it seems. Even my left eye no longer sees color. I barely eat, or I don’t remember ever eating. 

Then, one evening, outside I can hear the pop and crackle of fireworks. For a moment, I know where I am and what’s around me. I hear the fireworks whistle and snap and I hear the excited cheer of the people outside.

When Emmett and Bella were still young, there was a fireworks show to celebrate Mr. Faire’s anniversary. They were both sticky from watermelon and popsicles, and the air had the perfect breeze to it. We were sitting in the grass, mainly watching the kids watch the fireworks. Edeline then took my hand and cupped her palm around my ear.

“I spoke to Dr. Haytham today,” she said with the biggest smile on her face. “We’re going to have another baby.”

I can remember how I held her as the fireworks crackled above us, how I kissed her as the kids squealed happily. I can remember how much I loved her then and how much I still love her now. I start to cry as another firework sizzles overhead.

“I came to check on you.”

I crane my head and hear Mr. Faire walk into the room. He’s probably all dressed up in his best White Tie formal wear. Hearing the fireworks makes me realize what day it is.

“It’s your anniversary,” I whisper. “The carnival...I totally forgot.”

Mr. Faire shakes his head and he takes a seat by my tank. “You do not need to remember such trivial things, dear friend.” He sighs and the chair creaks. “I couldn’t celebrate knowing you were suffering. I wanted to see you.”

“I heard the fireworks-” I whisper.

Mr. Faire chuckles. “I’m glad you did. For a while, I was worried we would never see you again.” He reaches into the water and takes my hand. “We have Edeline’s ashes ready.”

“Oh-” I whisper.

“She wants to be thrown into the sea,” Mr. Faire says. “But only when you can be with her.” He puts his hand on my shoulder. “I told her I would keep that promise above all else.”

“It won’t be long,” I whisper.

“Do you truly think that?” Mr. Faire whispers.

I nod. “I made a promise to her I don’t know how to keep. She wants me to be happy and continue living, but-” I break down and sob, crying onto Mr. Faire’s shoulder.

Mr. Faire rubs my back and holds me to him. “It’s ok. It’s ok.”

“What was the point?” I wretch. “I was able to save her the first time! Why wasn’t that enough? Why couldn’t it have saved her now?” I wail and strike my fists against his chest. “Why didn’t it save her? Why didn’t it work?”

“Barnaby,” Mr. Faire coaxes. 

“Why couldn’t I save her now?” I go limp in his arms.

Mr. Faire takes in a shuddering breath. “I don’t know. I don’t know. I’m so sorry it didn’t. I’m so sorry-”

“It should have been me,” I cry.

Mr. Faire sniffles and claps both hands on my shoulders. “If the roles were switched, would you want her saying that?”

I lift my head towards him. “What?” I then shake my head back and forth very slow. “No. No, of course not! I would want her to-” I stop myself. “Oh.”

“That’s exactly what she wanted for you. She wanted you to keep on going after she was gone. To continue to love in her place and see how your family grows.” Mr. Faire’s hands clutch my shoulders. “Think of what you’d want for her if you were gone and try to live that example, Barnaby.”

I sniffle and close my eyes as the tears begin to flow freely. “I miss her so much.”

“I know, old friend.” He hugs me again. “I know.” 

I call Ezra to me the next day to ask him an important favor. He sounds exhausted as he comes to me.

“Dad, what’s wrong?” He asks.

I shake my head. “Nothing right now.” I touch his cheek and smooth my thumb under his eyes. “Have you been taking care of yourself? You sound exhausted.”

Ezra brushes my hand away. “Yes, Dad, I’m fine. Just tell me what you want? Are you hungry? Do you need anything?”

“I’m fine, son,” I shake my head. “I called you in here because I need your talents for something. I wanted to ask you if you’d help me.”

“Help you? With what?” Ezra scoots a little closer.

“I want you to write about your mother.” As I say this, a smile begins to spread across my face. “I want you to write all the stories I’ve told and all the stories that you and your siblings have as well.”

Ezra leans closer to me and, for the first time since Edeline passed, I can see color. I can see the cinnamon honey in Ezra’s eyes. “Yeah,” he whispers. “Yeah. I can...I can do that.”

“That’s my lovely boy.” I hold his head between my palms and press his forehead to mine. “You gave us such grief when you were young, but never for a moment did your mother and I ever question our love for you.”

“Dad, don’t,” Ezra whimpers.

“You were so spoiled, I know. But we have always been proud of what you could do. Your mother used to say that she expected great things out of you, we just had to be patient.” I kiss his forehead like Edeline used to do. “I hope you know that.”

“Yeah,” Ezra sputters and I can feel his warm tears on my hands. “I always hoped.”

Ezra started his work on the book. He spoke with me often as I went through stories he had heard before and others I had only shared with Edeline. He then talked to Bella and Emmett, but he went beyond that. He went all the way around the carnival, collecting stories about Edeline from everyone else. By the next month, he let me feel the heavy stack of papers and journals which he had kept everything in.

“I would like to hear it when it’s ready,” I tell him. I have grown weak and can no longer swim in my giant tank. I now stay in the bathtub sized tank now so there is little strain on my body to stay near the surface to talk to people.

“I can start reading it now, Dad.” Ezra sits down beside me.

“Are you sure? You won’t be embarrassed to show me a work in progress?” I ask.

“Not at all. In fact, I’d rather you hear it now when it’s all still fresh.” He turns a page and his voice trembles. “Once upon a time, there was a merman and a beautiful girl.”

I sigh and lean against the tank. “That’s a wonderful start, Ezra. Keep going.”

“Not too trite?” Ezra sniffles with a laugh. “Ok then, uhm-” he takes a steadying breath. “The girl loved the merman right away, even before he knew it.” He goes into the story, telling how Edeline and I met and moving on through her education and our marriage.

The next day, Emmett comes in, reading stories that he remembered as a child. He remembered the big red ball I gave him that he used when we swam together. He talked about how he used to cry because his mother couldn’t stay under water as long as he could and how he wanted her around at all times.

Bella read her stories, telling me how she was jealous of her mother’s shoes. She was so jealous that one day she threw them all into the tank so that no one would get to wear them. She later tried to fix them before anyone noticed. Edeline was angry of course, but she felt bad that her daughter wouldn’t get to enjoy such things. After that, Edeline worked with Emberlie and Muna to design special fin covers and outfits for Bella so she could have that too.

Ezra then continued, reading stories from everyone around the carnival. The stories talked about us both and how everyone admired us so much. They all wanted something that Edeline and I had, something real and beautiful. It got to a point I had to ask Ezra to stop.

“Is it ok?” Ezra asks.

I nod and take in a deep breath. “I wanted this to be about your mother.”

“It can’t be about her without you.” Ezra answers.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Dad passed away that night, exactly two months after the day Mom had died. I was glad it was in his sleep, peaceful, and comforted by the words I had gathered from everyone in the carnival. I wish he had made it until the end of the book, but I suppose it was perfect the way it all ended. 

Emmett, Bella, and I took their ashes to the ocean with Mr. Faire. We stood on a cliff and shook them out into the wind. They were carried on the breeze together before they disappeared into the sky and sea.

Emmett hugs one of the urns to his chest and sheds a few tears. Meanwhile, Mr. Faire is sobbing in the car we drove. 

“I’m glad we got Dad for a little while,” Bella murmurs. “But I’m happier that he’s with Mom now.”

I pick her up and carry her back towards the car. “Yeah, me too.”

“How’s the book coming?” Emmett blows his nose and sniffles. 

“I haven’t worked on it again,” I answer. “I’m sort of...waiting.”

Bella hugs me. “It’s ok,” she sighs. “I wouldn’t be able to read it now anyways. I can’t imagine how hard it must be going through it to edit right now.”

“It’s not that,” I rest my cheek on her hair. “I mean, it’s a lot of that. But more than anything, I just don’t want to share them yet.”

Mr. Faire gets out of the car and rubs at his bloodshot eyes. “Everything go as planned?” He asks us. 

“Yeah, it went great.” Emmett takes the keys from Mr. Faire and insists he drives this time.

I help Bella into her seat then go and sit up front with Emmett. “Is anyone hungry?” I glance into the back seat, already expecting what Mr. Faire is going to say.

“I could go for some coffee,” Mr. Faire answers exactly what I thought. 

Bella gazes out the window. “What do you think Mom and Dad are doing right now?” She asks dreamily.

“Probably swimming,” Emmett replies.

I think for a moment then chuckle. “Well, I think I’ve got it.”

“Got what?” Emmett glances to me before looking back out the window.

“The title for the book,” I lean back against the seat. “I’ve been struggling with it. But I think that you just answered it for me.”

Bella leans over the back and smiles at me. “What is it?”

“Probably Swimming,” I answer. “Isn’t that what we always said when we were looking for them as kids? I can remember asking Emmett that and that’s always what he said.”

“He’s right,” Emmett nods. He then chuckles as tears start falling from his eyes. “They’re probably swimming.”

“I love it,” Bella reaches down and takes hold of my hand. 

Mr. Faire blows his nose and whimpers. “Crap.”

The three of us chuckle and take on glamours as we pull through a drive-thru. We order extra coffees for Mr. Faire and pull over in the parking lot to eat the greasy food. The first time Mom and Dad ever took us out to such a place, I can remember the three of us fighting over french fries like heathens. 

“Gemma’s pregnant,” Emmett says suddenly about his wife.

“What?” Bella balks. “You weren’t going to tell us?” She slaps his arm.

“I didn’t-” Emmett shakes his head as he tries not to cry. “I didn’t want people to be reminded that Mom and Dad-” he chuckles as he tries to force himself through it.

“We found out the evening when Dad died,” Emmett whimpers. “I was so excited to tell him, but he was already--.”

I hug Emmett close and rub his back. “He knows now. It’s ok.”

“That’s amazing, Emmett. I thought Gemma couldn’t have any more,” Bella is grinning from ear to ear with huge tears in her eyes.

“I guess she could!” Emmett chuckles. “We’re going to name them after Mom or Dad. That was a given.” He rubs his eyes. “But...I hate that they won’t know who they’re named after.”

“The book will be for them,” I say. “They’ll know them, Emmett. Don’t worry. They’ll know them.”

Mr. Faire suddenly wails, having been crying since Emmett told us his wife was pregnant. The three of us laugh and we continue to congratulate Emmett.

In the end, he and Gemma end up having a little girl, their first after two boys. They call her baby Eddie, but her full name is Edeline. She’s so chubby and cute, with the same eyes as Dad. She has tiny webs between her toes and fingers, and she has a tiny nub of a tail above her butt. It wiggles when she’s hungry and nursing. I make a promise that when, or if, I ever had a child, I would name them after Dad. 

Probably Swimming is placed on baby Eddie’s bookshelf, waiting for her and the day she wants to know her namesake. I’m sure Gemma and Emmett have already read it to her, but someday it will be hers to read on her own.