Ghost Lover: Lumiaar #2 (complete)

    For a while, my life was fine. After Lumiaar had disappeared, I missed them, but life goes on. Things were calm for a spell. Charlotte married and gave me my first grandchild. Right away, I set up a college fund for them. Beauregard’s health and mental faculties were failing him every day. Some days, I received reports that he was fine, others he was far worse. 

    I never married again. By the time Lumiaar was gone, I was aging and felt my time for marriage had passed. Besides, I knew I would never hold anyone in my heart again the same way I did for Lumiaar. They took care of me and saved me in my darkest hours. It wouldn’t be fair to marry someone else when I couldn’t love them the way they deserved.

    It always bothered Charlotte that I had been alone so long. After all, I was just a girl when she was born and her father died before then. I’m not sure all the silly things that ran through her head, wondering why her mother was alone. I told her many times I was happy with how life was going. And I wasn’t alone, I had her with me through everything. To me, that was more important than anything. Now that I had my son in law and my grandchild, things were looking upwards almost every day.

    I still couldn’t go and visit Beauregard. It had become a huge regret on my life, but I knew that if he saw me, he would only see my sister. Even as I have aged, I knew he would still see her within me. It was her memory that caused him pain. To this day, I am told by the assistants I hire for him that he does not remove his ring, yet he can’t recall who Charlotte is most of the time.

    I understand heartbreak and how forgetting would be the easiest way of getting over it. Especially how traumatic that evening was when we lost our beloved Charlotte. There have been times I have prayed to forget as well, but I know in the end that would do me no good.

    One evening, I am sitting alone, reading. I still have a penchant for the penny dreadfuls, just like the ones Beauregard used to buy me. Unfortunately, they are never as good as they used to be. But I supposed that’s more age than anything. As I’m reading, the fire crackles and pops. Some embers fly out and I stand up to stamp them out on the rug. As I look down at the smoldering hole in the carpet, I feel faint.

    My gut lurches and I tremble and stumble. I grab onto the nearest object before I fall completely. I sit down, grasping my hand around my waist as I try to catch my breath. I take in deep breaths, but I can’t seem to get a good enough gasp. Something feels wrong, it doesn’t feel right. 

    “Something you’ve forgotten?” 

    I look up a panic and see them standing there. The puddle at the foot of the fireplace has already begun to cool and solidify. The flickering lights in their eyes brighten and I stare at them in disbelief. 

    “What are you doing here?” I whimper. “What’s going on?”

    Lumiaar strides over to me and kneels down before me. I turn my head away. Last time they saw me, I was aged, but still retained my looks. These days, I am lucky to see the glow of my skin. Lumiaar cups my cheek and forces me to look at them.

    “It’s been so long, hasn’t it?” Lumiaar brushes their finger across my lips. “I’ve missed you.”

    “Why are you here now?” I begin to cry. “You left and I accepted that! I knew I could not hold on to you forever because there couldn’t be a forever.” I close my eyes and strain to hold back the horribly painful tears. “I knew eventually it would end and, when it did, I was prepared for it. But you come back to me now? Why give me this hope? I don’t need you anymore and you don’t need me!” 

    Lumiaar embraces me in their arms and it’s the same as I remember. They are warm and soft and they take the fear from my bones. “I felt it,” they whisper. “That old fear inside you.” They look me in the eyes. “Just like when you were little.”

    I glance to the carpet, where I see the ember has burned it. I cup my hand around my mouth and shiver as Lumiaar kisses my forehead.

    “What brings on this fear, my darling?” They brush their fingers through my hair. “Tell me. It’s been so long.”

    I shake my head and take in a deep breath. “I don’t know.”

    Lumiaar holds me again, as tight and warm as before. I cling to them, hiding my face against their shoulder. “Why come back? What reason could you possibly have to come back now? You could have any beautiful young creature you want.” I sit back and smile up at them. “Why come to this little old lady, huh?”

    Lumiaar smiles at me. “Even now, you are mine.” They cup my cheek in their palm. “I do not care what time brings upon you. To me, you will always be my most beloved and treasured. I have missed you and your kisses beyond measure. But I have had no reason to return, and that made me happier than anything.”

    I kiss their palm and hold it to me still. “I am sorry you had to come back. I must be losing my senses if an ember can make me panic.” I chuckle to myself, but their expression remains serious.

    “All these years,” Lumiaar whispers. “You’ve never once spoke of the fire.”

    “Not now,” I whisper to them. I place my finger over their mouth. “I know I am not beautiful, but would you kiss me again? For old times sake?”

    “Give yourself credit.” They pull me into their lap. “You are still beautiful, just in a new way.”

    “You flatterer.” I press close, tasting a kiss that has haunted my dreams for decades now. They feel the same, taste the same, and the comfort floods my body in ways I haven’t felt in so long.

    “You can still burn me,” Lumiaar moans as our lips part. “Remember that night in the garden?”

    I chuckle and press my forehead to theirs. “I was so desperate and you were trying to remain level headed.” I press a soft kiss to their cheek. “I’ve never felt so alive in my entire life.”

    Lumiaar smirks and rubs their hand down my back. “You were so full of love, but had nowhere to give it. I was lucky at the time for when I had you.”

    “I could have given you more,” I sigh. “I should have.”

    “You have enough.” Lumiaar turns to look at the fireplace. “You needed me, so I was there.”

    “There was more to it than that.” I lean against their chest. “In the beginning, we used each other. Admit it.” I smile to myself. “I used your pleasure to forget my pain. You used me as an easy meal.”

    “You were supposed to be an easy target, alright.” Lumiaar’s soft laugh fades into a distant sigh. “But then it grew into something more than I was expected to experience. I couldn’t leave you, until I did.”

    “I loved you more than I thought I could.” I close my eyes as the tears run down my face. “But I knew it couldn’t be.”

    Lumiaar hugs me tight. They pick me up off the floor and carry me to bed. I wake in the morning, feeling like I have just woken from a beautiful dream. The only thing that lets me know it is real is the wax droplets left on my gown.

    That day, I am getting a visit from my beloved granddaughter. It has been a while since I have seen her as she’s been attending school far away. She’s as radiant and bright as ever, her hair an awful mess and her clothes just fashionable enough to be comfortable for her. 

    “It is so good to see you!” She runs into my arms. “You look so well!”

    “I certainly hope so.” I pinch the tip of her nose. “You’re looking just as well yourself. I hope school is going well.”

    A strained look crosses her face and she looks up at me. “That is partly why I came,” she says with a hint of guilt. “Mom and Dad are having some problems and I don’t want to bother them.”

    “What problems?” I ask her. “I have heard nothing of it.”

    She sighs and shakes her head. “They didn’t want me to say anything, they don’t want you to worry at all. But I can no longer afford school.”

    I shake my head. “It has gotten to this?”

    “I would much rather not go and things at home be fine,” she says with a smile. “But I don’t know what to do.”

    “Nonsense,” I stand up. “You knew exactly what to do. You came to see your grandmother, which was the correct thing.” I sit down at the desk and start penning a letter. 

    “What are you doing?” She walks up behind me.

    “I am writing your great uncle,” I tell her. “He needs help these days, and I’m sure he would let you room and board at his place. Not only that, he hasn’t got much in this world except for money. He will pay for your school.”

    “I’ve never met him,” she says unsurely. “How are you so certain he will do all this for me?”

    “Because Beau is a good man.” I lay down my pin and take her hands. “You must be prepared, though. Your Uncle Beau has horrible scars. The only reason I am doing this so readily is because I know your heart is good and you will see beyond that. You won’t be scared of him.”

    “Is he a frog or something?” She chuckles.

    My serious expression makes her smile fade away.

    “Oh,” she whispers.

    “Samson is working with him as his assistant. But he needs all the help he can get these days, so I’m sure he’ll appreciate the helping hand.” I seal up the letter and address it. “You can stay with me until then.” I hug her tight. “It’s been so long since I last saw you, I would love to spend as much time as possible before you start school again.”

    “I would love that too,” she beams up at me.

    I get to spend the summer with her and I’ve enjoyed my time with her. Beauregard agrees to paying for her school and giving her lodgings. I am relieved that she bears more resemblance to her father’s side than mine. Perhaps she will be safe from Beauregard’s mood swings, unlike I was.

    She writes me letters often, updating me about her schooling, as well as Beauregard’s health. Then one day, she sends me a message that’s rather thin compared to the others. As I read it over, I have to set it down for a spell. I turn it over so I cannot see it, and I clasp my hands over my face.

    Two hands squeeze down on my shoulders and I take in a deep breath. “You’re back,” I whisper.

    “I felt it again.” Lumiaar kisses the top of my head. “You are going to have to tell me what is causing you all of this distress.”

    “My granddaughter,” I whisper. “She asked about Charlotte.”

    Lumiaar helps me stand and keeps a hold of my hand. “You have barely spoken about her since that night. It is far too long for you to have gone without it.” They squeeze my hand. “You haven’t thought about that night at all.”

    “How can I?” I whimper. “It was the worst day of my life!”

    “But you have not moved on from it. You have moved past your fear, but not the past itself.” Lumiaar moves me to the mirror in the hallway and I see a beautiful woman wearing a red gown standing inside.

    “Just like Beauregard, you have not let go of what happened and you haven’t moved past it.” Lumiaar pushes me to the mirror.

    The woman inside comes close, pressing her palms to the glass as I do. “Charlotte,” I whisper. 

    Charlotte smiles at me and her fingers lace with mine. “Are you sure you don’t want to join the party, Helene?”

    I look up at her, seeing she is so much taller than me. I look around the room in awe, seeing the house as it had once been. We had only been in that house a short time, but it had been burned into my memory for so long. 

    “Helene?” Charlotte puts her hand to my forehead. She smells like jasmine perfume and I almost cry at the memories that it brings back to me. “Are you ok?”

    “There you are!” Beauregard comes into the room. “Everyone is looking for you.” He approaches us. “What’s keeping you?”

    “I think Helene is sick,” Charlotte replies.

    “The Holy Terror?” Beauregard kneels down beside me and grins. “You feeling ok?”

    I smile. “I’m fine, really I am. It got so loud, I just wanted some peace and quiet. I’ll come back out later, promise.”

    “Are you sure?” Charlotte asks.

    Beauregard stands up. “Let her be. If she needed you, she would say so.” He puts his arm around Charlotte. “Come on. I want to show off my bride while I still can.”

    Charlotte beams at him. “Helene, you tell me if you need anything! I will come right away.” They whisk away, just like that night.

    I look around my surroundings, I am eight years old again, somehow pulled into my memories. I wander away from the party, knowing I had gone into the library to find something to read. As the doors open, flames and heat burst forth and I fall onto my back. I stare up as the flames reach the ceiling and drip down like water from the burning curtains. I stand back up, gazing into the room as I see Lumiaar standing there. 

    I grasp my hair and shake my head. “No. Not again!”

    Lumiaar holds their hand out to me and I rush into their arms. They keep me tight and turn me to look. The fire has cleared in one spot, showing what had happened. I had spotted Lumiaar feeding from a General who was friends with Beauregard. I had been so scared, I ran from the library and Lumiaar gave chase. The General, in his confusion, stood up and accidentally knocked over some candles that lit the curtains on fire. He ran, rather than putting them out. 

    Lumiaar chased me through the halls as the smoke began to fill the place. I was trapped and lost, beyond terrified. I then saw her red ball gown before me and Charlotte scooped me up and somehow got me outside.

    Lumiaar holds me close, turning me away as the ceiling collapsed. I cling to them, sobbing against their chest. 

    “It was my fault!”

    “No,” they whisper. “Your sister loved you so much. It was not your fault she died. Not even in the least.” They tilt up my chin. “She doesn’t blame you.”

    “How do you know?” I sob. “Because of me, Charlotte is gone! Because of me, Beauregard is constantly in pain!” I push Lumiaar away. “I am a cursed child! I am Holy Terror! Because of me, my whole family has suffered.”

    “That is not the truth.” A soft hand touches my shoulder and I turn around. Standing there is not just Charlotte, but Beauregard as well.

    “How is this possible?” I whisper. I look down at my hands, seeing they are young and new again. I gaze up at Charlotte and Beauregard as they smile at me. “Is this the truth?”

    Charlotte wraps me up in her arms. “How I have missed you!”

    I cling to her tight, not ever wanting to let go. If this is a dream, I will never wake. I smell her jasmine perfume and cling to her frame for dear life.

    “How could you have missed me when I ruined everything?” I sob.

    “Helene, Helene,” Charlotte cries. “You were the biggest joy in my life.” Tears run down her cheeks as she looks at me. “The moment you were born, you did nothing but bless me. Did you never understand that?”

    I turn to Beauregard, who is as handsome as I remember. “Trust me.” He cups my cheek in his strong palm. “I never liked kids, but I was crazy for you, Holy Terror.” He grins brightly at me. “Your granddaughter saved us, all because of you.”

    Hanging my head, I start to cry. They both wrap me up in their arms and music begins to play. All around us, people are dancing and singing. They are enjoying the ball that Charlotte and Beau held that night.

    “Dance with me,” Lumiaar extends their hand and bows. 

    I nod and take their hands. We spin around the dance floor as the music and laughter swell. Charlotte is singing in the corner, entertaining onlookers as Beau gazes up at her like the miracle she is. 

Lumiaar sweeps me around, guiding me outside, where we come to the garden. It is quiet and cool, and the night air is crisp. I gaze up at Lumiaar in awe and tears continue to slide down my cheeks.

“If this is all an illusion, I do not like it,” I whisper.

    Lumiaar kisses my cheek. “It is all real,” they tell me. “Everything you see, everything you feel, it is the truth as it stands before you.”

    I stare out into the garden and my heart beats at a rapid pace. “This is the same place.” I walk along the small cobblestone path. “The garden from when we-” I hold back a giggle and turn to look at Lumiaar. “You brought me here for a reason.”

    “I did.” They take hold of my hands again. “That night lives on for me,” they whisper into my ear. “Your desire and passion, my need to be by your side. That night the cobblestones were cold and wet against your bare skin,” they moan. “The way you shuddered only for my touch.”

    “You were so warm inside, I didn’t even notice how cold it was around me.” I press close to them, realizing I am naked. “The world around us didn’t matter. All I wanted was you again and again. You took away my suffering and loneliness. I only wished I could have given you more.”

    “You shared your precious body with me,” Lumiaar moans. “I could not be more grateful for a million years.” Their fingers trace the curves and dips of my naked body. “You have never left my thoughts for more than a moment.”

    “Will I wake from this?” I feel their warmth all around me. “Or is this the final dream for me?”

    “The answer is with you this time.” Lumiaar murmurs. 

    I turn as I hear Charlotte singing from back inside. Tears continue to fall down my cheeks. My own Charlotte and my granddaughter, they are still out there. As much as they love me, I know they are past the point of needing me. I know soon I would become a burden on them.

    “Let’s go back to the party,” I whisper as my gown reappears. 

    “Are you sure?” Lumiaar asks me. “If this is what you really and truly want, I will give you everything, but you must be certain.”

    I stand on tiptoe and kiss them. “I want to hear Charlotte sing,” I whisper to them. “I want to dance more.” I kiss their palm and hold it to my cheek. “I am tired of not kissing you every day.”

    Lumiaar dips down and kisses me. They spin me around as the music swells and Charlotte’s voice grows louder. We dance for what feels like hours before we go back to the garden. I relive my youth several times, enjoying the cold of the cobblestone with Lumiaar’s warm body. 

    I am not afraid of what I have left behind anymore. I know the past is taken care of and the future will go on without me in it. I will soon see my loved ones again and we will dance together. My granddaughter will marry and continue her own story. Moira will live a long and happy life with Samson. They have rebuilt the house and their lives will continue to grow there. I visit often, checking in on Moira from time to time. 

    The world is at peace, there is no chaos in my family anymore. Or at least, none that we aren’t familiar with.