Living Doll Boyfriend: Lancelot #2 (complete)

    I finish the sketch for Pepper, the little bunny missing her front paw. “What do you think?” I show her the notepad and her bright eyes light up. 

    “It’s beautiful!” She takes it and marvels over the sketch of the bunny princess I did for her. “I can’t believe you did this!”

    The little animals are all around me, watching me as I sketch. They noticed me drawing in the dirt one day, so they snuck me paper and art supplies so I could sketch for them. They’ve all kept me safe and hidden away while Lancelot performs and practices during the day.

    They’ve kept me company and made me feel safe and at home. All of them are still quite young and looking for comfort of their own. Most of them were taken from their homes and dens as babies to be raised up for their pelts to be taken. Others were bred simply to be killed for their fur, like Ollie. Pepper’s foot had been taken as a lucky charm by a hunter and left to die. It was Lancelot who found them and took them in.

    After his creator had died and passed on, Lancelot was left without a purpose or role in the world. During his years of climbing trees, he had made friends with the birds and creatures that lived within them, so they became his new purpose. He learned to dance to cheer the young ones up, and to earn money to keep them fed and safe.

    It was during one such performance that Mr. Faire spotted him. He was marveled by Lancelot’s talent and beauty, and invited him to join his carnival. Lancelot refused to join, saying he would only go with Mr. Faire if his animals could come. At first unsure, Mr. Faire didn’t know what he would do with so many animals on board. He wanted Lancelot to join the carnival so much so, he finally agreed.

    Lancelot and the animals finally had a home and a purpose in the world again. Lancelot also kept collecting animals in need, adding to Mr. Faire’s acts and family. The carnival was relatively new and still growing. But Mr. Faire had started a harsh new rule that while things were tight, no new acts were to be added to the carnival. Which was why the animals and Lancelot were hiding me away while they were still in town.

    One day, Ollie and Pepper are missing from the tent. They are usually the first ones to greet me and they have become some of my favorite faces to see in the morning. I am told by the others that they are being seen by Muna, a performer in the carnival and the one who makes all the costumes.

    “What does he need with Ollie and Pepper?” I ask.

    “He said he had a surprise,” Arty, a fluffy spider the size of a melon, replies.

    Later, Pepper and Ollie come running into the tent, showing off what it is Muna had fitted them for. Pepper has a brand new paw made from silky material the same color as her gray-blue fur. Ollie has a brand new foot with a hard leather sole and tied with a glittering ribbon.

    “Muna is really funny,” Pepper says as she cuddles up to me. “He’s kind of weird, but in a good way.”

    “He seemed kind of upset though,” Ollie mutters. “He told us he’s lost his spark.”

    “Spark?” I ask.

    “He can’t come up with any new costumes for the shows,” Pepper adds.

    “Why doesn’t Emberlie draw some new clothes?” Arty gasps. “She draws such pretty outfits on all her pictures.”

    “That’s a good idea!” Ollie bounces. “She could draw them and we could take them to Muna! If he likes them, maybe then it would be ok to keep Emberlie with us when we leave.”

    A cold strike of fear courses through me. “You’re leaving here?” My voice squeaks.

    “We are a traveling carnival. We don’t stay in one spot forever.” Pepper’s ears fall flat. “We’ll be leaving soon, actually.”

    “That’s why we have to find a way to keep Emberlie around!” Ollie insists. “Lancelot needs her.”

    I chuckle softly. “I don’t mind being left behind,” I keep my voice low and quiet. “You all survived without me before, and you will again. I’m not necessary for your family here.”

    “But you are!” Pepper whines. “Lancelot needs you. He can’t rely on us forever.”

    Ollie looks up at me. His great, big yellow eyes somehow get bigger and watery. “You’re our friend too, Emberlie. Don’t you want to stay with us?” His bushy tail swishes slowly behind him and his tiny paws knead on my arm.

    “Of course I do.” I pull all of them into a great big hug. “But I don’t want all of you to get in trouble just for my sake. If I have to be the one that suffers, I don’t mind it at all.”

    “You don’t quite get it, do you?” Lancelot walks into the tent. “If you suffer, then we all will suffer.” He looks down at me with a serious expression. “You belong here, Emberlie, no matter what you might think.” He kneels down and cups my cheek in his hand. “You’re not going anywhere, I promise.”

    “We had an idea!” Pepper gasps.

Arty drags out my artbook and shows it to Lancelot. “Muna is having an art block, so we thought if Emberlie came up with costume ideas, then Muna will like her. And if Muna likes her, then we can keep her around.”

Lancelot flips through the pages and my insides begin to do somersaults. His expression is so serious, I start to fear that he hates my drawings. The kids are all young and will like almost anything you do for them with love. But Lancelot has no idea. He must hate my drawings! That’s why I could never earn any money drawing in the park, after all. Everyone else knew I was bad and all my sketches were awful! Lancelot is going to see how bad I am and laugh at this stupid idea!

“These are so beautiful,” Lancelot murmurs.

I look up at him in disbelief. “They’re what now?”

Lancelot grins at me. “I had no idea you were so talented, Emberlie! These drawings are amazing! If you can come up with costume designs that are even half this good, Muna will be impressed!”

I sniffle and try to find any sort of lie on his face. “You really mean it?”

“Of course I do!” He hands me back the sketch book. “How long will it take you to come up with some new ideas?”

“Oh, uhm...Maybe a couple of hours?” I’m unsure, I’ve never really timed myself when it came to drawing. 

“Get me at least three, and the kids and I will take them to Muna.” Lancelot says this and the kids all bounce and cheer. “Have you always liked drawing, Emberlie?”

I hug the sketch book close to my chest. I had never told anyone this before, but I want to tell Lancelot everything. “Even when I thought cleaning chimneys was all I was good for, I just wanted to draw.”

“I’ll go find you some colored pencils then. I think Mr. Faire may have some in his office.” He murmurs to himself and picks up Arty, placing him on his shoulders. “Why don’t you go to my tent?” He says and my insides start to panic again. “You’ll have more room there and you can work at my vanity.” He glances down to Ollie and Pepper. “Can I trust you two to get her there safely?”

Ollie and Pepper salute. “Yes, sir!”

“Then I trust you two, don’t fail me.” Lancelot smiles at them and beams up to me. “I’ll bring us some tea later.” He leaves with Arty, and then Ollie and Pepper help sneak me off to his tent.

Ollie and Pepper play cards on the bed while I sit at the vanity and sketch. I don’t know much about costumes. I barely know anything about clothes aside from some scarves and overalls. I go over to the rack of clothes I had crashed through when I first met Lancelot. I touch each outfit, feeling the fabric between my fingers, counting each button, and seeing how each piece went together. I sit back down, taking to the page.

I think about things that would make Lancelot shine, clothes I would want to see on him. Soon, I have several pages filled with sketches and ideas. Lancelot comes in, carrying two steaming mugs. He sets one down beside me and, instinctively, I move my arm to hide what I am drawing.

“Here,” Lancelot holds out to me a rainbow in his fist. “I found these. Will they help?”

I take the bundle of colored pencils, almost near tears at the sight of them. They are so beautiful, how am I supposed to use these?

“Yeah,” I gasp. “Thank you.” I gaze up at him, wondering what the small smile on his lips could possibly mean. I set back to work, coloring in the few sketches I had already done. When they are finished, I tear them from the book and pass them over to Lancelot. But when I do, I see him asleep with Ollie, Pepper, and Arty. I lay the pages back down and go over to the bed. I brush Lancelot’s hair from his face, admiring how lovely he is. He makes my heart ache. I want him so badly, but I know, with how I look, I will never come close.

I crawl into the bed beside him, snuggling with Pepper as she rolls over to me. I lay beside Lancelot, admiring him until I fall asleep with them as well. In the morning, I feel a cool breeze and, as I wake up, I see that I have curled into Lancelot’s side. His arm is around me and his fingers are in my dirty hair. I dare not move, terrified I will wake him and the kids with us. I don’t want Lancelot to wake up and I have to see the disgusted expression on his face. 

Ollie yawns and stretches, then Lancelot stirs. He sighs and grunts, stretching out his arms and taking in a deep breath. I quickly roll away, sitting at the edge of the bed as Lancelot comes to.

“Good morning,” he murmurs. “I had the strangest dream.”

I stand up and take the sketches of the costumes from the vanity. “You fell asleep before I could finish.” I hold out the paper to him.

“I’m so sorry,” Lancelot takes the pages. He still has a dreamy eye as he flips through each page. “I’ll take these to Muna today,” he replies. “I truly think he will like these.” He then gives me a bright smile. “Is everything ok?”

I duck my chin down. “Yes. It’s all fine.”

Lancelot wakes up the kids. “I’ll take them to breakfast and deliver these to Muna.” He says. “Stay here and rest if you want to.”

I sigh and sit back down at the vanity. I had draped a cloth over the mirror so I wouldn’t have to look at myself. I sketch aimlessly until Lancelot comes back into the tent.

“Muna was amazed!” His eyes are bright and he’s shaking with excitement. He comes to me as I rise from the chair and he clasps my hands. “He says he will take any and all designs!”

“Really?” I step closer to him. “He really likes my silly drawings that much?”

Lancelot nods. “They aren’t silly. They’re beautiful, just like you are.” He leans in, pressing a kiss to my lips. I’m stunned, shocked, and frozen in place. His lips feel so soft and nice against my own. I press closer, wanting more.

I recoil as his arms start to fold around me. I cup my hands around my face and keep my head down.

“I’m sorry,” Lancelot gasps. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“You made a mistake. It’s ok,” my voice cracks and breaks.

Lancelot furrows his brow. “That wasn’t a mistake.” 

I sniffle and clench my fists onto the hem of my shirt to keep them from shaking. “Then what was it?” My lip trembles. “Why would you do that?”

“Because I wanted to.” Lancelot chuckles softly. “Kiss you, I mean.”

I can’t breathe. “Why?”

“Why?” Lancelot’s voice sounds so sweet and gentle. “You don’t know why?”

I shake my head and keep my eyes down.

“After all this time we’ve spent together?” Lancelot takes my clenched fists and soothes them. He rubs my joints and kisses each fingertip. He then presses my palms to his chest. “Do you still think you are not worthy?”

I shake my head furiously. “How can I possibly be? Look at us! Look at yourself!”

Lancelot catches my face between his palms and raises my head. “I’m looking at you.” He speaks with such a commanding voice. “I see you and I adore the face I see.” He holds me fast so I can’t run away or move. “What can I do to make you believe me?”

I raise my hands up, touching his face, and let him kiss my fingertips again. “I can’t see what you see,” I whimper. “You’re perfect and I am falling apart.”

“You’re stronger than you think you are.” He wraps his arms around me and holds me tight. He cups the back of my head. “You’ve inspired me since the moment I met you.”

I put my arms around him cautiously. It feels like a dream that I fear when I hold him, he will turn to smoke and ash. I am terrified I will wake by the furnace and that all this time at the carnival has been but a hopeful dream. Yet when I hold him, he is solid in my arms and I lay my head upon his chest.

That evening, Lancelot gets hot water and washes my hair as I lean back in the basin. I can’t remember the last time I had my hair washed, let alone brushed. I had kept them in the same braided pigtails for so long now, I wasn’t sure they would come apart. But with Lancelot’s gentle touch and some lemony smelling shampoo, he was able to get my hair free.

After he washed my hair, he had me sit on the bed as he combed it out. I felt so nervous and scared in that moment. Everything felt so raw and intimate between us. As the comb went along my scalp, his fingers followed after it. I then felt his lips on the nape of my neck and I cried out in surprise.

“It’s only me,” he chuckles. He kisses my neck again and sighs. He pushes my hair aside and wraps his arms around me. He kisses my broken temple as he pulls me into his lap. “Don’t be afraid.”

“I’m not,” I murmur.

Lancelot smiles. “Your hair is such a lovely red.” He runs his fingers through it again. “All the soot and grime hid it away.”

I stroke the still wet locks laying against my chest. I had forgotten it was such a fiery shade after all this time.

“It suits you so well.” Lancelot holds me tight. 

“Does it?”I lay my head back against his chest.

His fingers brush down my bare arm. “You look like an ember,” Lancelot murmurs. “Just like your name.”

I turn around in his lap, looking into his crystal blue eyes. I kiss him, wanting more than anything to feel his love again. He holds me as he kisses me and my hands roam under his robe. His body is so soft and silky, I could touch him forever and never grow sick of it.

Lancelot chuckles and he grabs my wrists. “That tickles.”

I am awed by my new discovery! “You’re ticklish?” I can’t help but grin.

Lancelot realizes the error he has made and he keeps holding onto my hands. “Now, now, don’t go starting something you can’t finish.”

I push him down and, opening his robe, I kiss him, finding the places that makes him giggle and twitch. Soon, the two of us are rolling about, laughing and kissing each other to our heart’s content. I’ve never felt so safe and loved. I feel so full in my chest that my heart could burst at any moment and I wouldn’t mind. I would finally have felt this sense of love and security. I wouldn’t need to worry about anything in this world.

“Can I ask you for one small thing?” Lancelot murmurs as we lay down in bed.

“Anything,” I say eagerly. “You could ask for something big!”

Lancelot chuckles and brushes my red curls away from my eyes. “I want you to draw me a self portrait of yourself.”

“Huh?” A small pang of fear courses through my chest.

Lancelot nods and presses his fingertip to my lips. “I want you to look at yourself and see what I see.”

I kiss his finger and give him a worried look.

“No, don’t pout with me,” Lancelot grins. “This is what I want most. I want to carry you with me wherever I go so that when I miss you, I can see you.”

I sigh. “Ok, fine.”

Lancelot kisses me and tucks me in. “Then sweet dreams.”

“Sweet dreams.” I curl up beside him, laying with him the same way I woke that morning.

In the morning, I find a note left for me. Lancelot has gone to meet with Mr. Faire and Muna and he would be back later. I go to the vanity where my sketchbook and supplies are. Lancelot’s request is still fresh in my mind. He wanted a self portrait of me so he could carry it with him. I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

I pull away the scarf from the mirror and, as I open my eyes, I gaze at myself. I touch my cheeks, which still have a faint rosy color to them. I run my fingers through my now clean and soft hair that sprays out in thick, wild curls of the most vibrant ember. I have freckles! I didn’t know I had freckles! My brows are chipped, but their bushy and big. Some of my lashes have faded, but my eyes are a bright and warm bronze. I take a shuddering breath and close my eyes.

I had never been this way before, and I can’t explain how it had happened now all of a sudden. The only thing I can think of is that Lancelot and the kids had somehow brought it out of me. Other than that, it all had to just be a fluke or miracle. 

Lancelot returns later, kissing me and holding me. “Muna is already hard at work making the costumes! He wanted to know where I got them.”

“What did you say?” I gasp as I hold onto the sketch book.

“I managed to dodge the subject.” He kisses me again and removes his coat. “I didn’t want to leave bed this morning, but I had to.”

“It’s ok.” I hold out the sketch book. “I did what you asked.”

Lancelot grins at the page then looks at me. “Do you see it now?” he asks. “Do you see what I see?”

I take the sketch book away and lay it aside. I kiss him, moving him to the bed. I tickle him again, loving the sound of his laughter. As I do, the door opens and in walks Mr. Faire with a few other men behind him. The kids are screaming and crying behind them, trying to hold them back.

Lancelot sits up, a look on his face I’ve never seen before. He puts his arms around me, holding me so my face is hidden against his chest.

“So this is the big secret?” Mr. Faire’s voice is stern, but not angry. “Lancelot, I expected better than this from you.”

“It isn’t what you think,” Lancelot’s tone matches Mr. Faire’s.

“I told you, now is not the time we should be adding on. We have to take care of what we have. This girl cannot stay with us. I can send her to Robin and he will find a place for her.” Mr. Faire steps in and takes hold of Lancelot’s arm.

Lancelot shoves back and I cling to him for a moment before I let go.

“No!” Lancelot cries as I step off the bed and look up at Mr. Faire.

“Don’t blame him,” I say quietly. “This is my fault. I broke in. I should be the one who is punished.”

One of the men step forward. He’s dressed in a robe that’s mostly sheer and has faux fur around the collar and sleeves. “Is this the one who designed the clothes?”

“She’s broken,” Mr. Faire murmurs. “Look at all these cracks and chips.” He sighs and shakes his head. “I can’t give her to Robin like this.” He holds his hand out to me. “Muna, keep Lancelot and the kids here. I’ll do what needs to be done with this one.”

“No!” Lancelot cries as Muna holds him back. “You can’t do this to her! Please! Just let her go! Please!”

“You’re making this worse, Lancelot, dear.” Muna grunts as he holds back not just him, but the kids as well.

I listen to them screaming and crying as Mr. Faire leads me away. I keep a hold of his hand as he takes me between the tents and towards one in the back. Inside, he sets me down at a desk and pushes a light in my face.

“I’m really sorry, Mr. Faire,” my voice trembles. “You have to understand I didn’t mean to hurt anybody! This is all my fault, so please don’t be mad at him and the kids. They didn’t do anything wrong, they just wanted to help.”

“It’s ok,” Mr. Faire’s voice is smooth and even tempered. “Look at me.” He slips his fingers under my chin. He looks my face over from side to side. “Now, what’s your name?”

“Emberlie,” I answer.

“You’ve got quite the face there.” He takes something from a drawer and sets it on the desktop. “How long have you been like this, Emberlie?”

“I’m not sure. I’ve lost track of time.”

Mr. Faire sighs, slipping on gloves. “That’s a shame you weren’t fixed right away. You’re a remarkable Doll.” He ties my hair back from my face. “Ok, now, Emberlie, close your eyes for me. This won’t hurt but for a moment.”

“I understand,” I whimper. 

“Things are hard,” Mr. Faire murmurs. I smell smoke as he moves about his desk. “When the market crashed, I wound up taking on more and more souls here. I was happy to do it, but  expenses are tight and I have to do what I can to protect my family.”

I shake my head. “No. I understand. I would do the same thing in your shoes. I would get rid of the broken Doll.”

“Now,” Mr. Faire sighs. “I don’t think you understand, Ms. Emberlie.” Something hot burns against my face then soothes. 

“It’s ok,” he coaxes and squeezes my hand. “Let it cool and I’ll show you.”

“What’s going on?” I ask.

“Ok, open your eyes now.” Mr. Faire says.

I look into a mirror, seeing that one of my bigger cracks has been filled with gold. I hold my hands over my mouth as I stare. Mr. Faire smiles at me and rubs my back.

“You have nothing to fear, Ms. Emberlie,” he tells me. “As soon as I saw your face, I knew you belonged here with us. But you will be Lancelot’s responsibility. So anything that happens-”

“Not to worry!” I plea. “I will do everything I can to make myself useful around here! I’ll clean, I’ll cook, I’ll work more cracks into my face if I must.”

Mr. Faire’s smile is gentle and warm. “Your artwork is mighty good.” He takes more gold to my face. He pours it into the cracks then quickly wipes away the excess. “Much better than mine.” He chuckles and shakes his head. “Did you see the flyers around town?”

I nod.

Mr. Faire arches a brow at me. “Think you could do better?”

Once he’s finished fixing the cracks and chips on my face, Mr. Faire replaces my old eyelashes and freshens up my paint. “You were lovely before, but now, the true you is shining through.” He takes my hand. “Let’s go show Lancelot and the kids.”

When I reunite with Lancelot, he almost knocks me to the ground. He holds me fast, squeezing me tight. The kids clamor around us, cheering and celebrating that I get to stay with the carnival forever. 

I become the main artist for the carnival. Every season, I design a new flyer. I also draw and paint all the posters in the carnival. With that, I continue to design costumes with Muna. Soon, the carnival grows even more. More acts are added, new family is brought into the fold. 

My best work is still the costumes that I design for Lancelot. He is my muse to this very day. The kids have grown, each of them going on in the carnival in their own ways. Some of them have married and some are still discovering themselves. Lancelot and I still take in the small animals that need rescuing and raise them as our own.

The carnival has changed so much, and yet everything still feels the same. There is so much love here and I am still baffled that I am allowed to be part of it.

“But do you still see what I see?” Lancelot whispers as he leans in for a kiss.

I grin and wrap my arms around him. “Better.”