Phantom Boyfriend: Dasamiza 2 (rough draft)

I wake up expecting everything to be back the way it was. Perhaps all of that had been some hopeful dream on my part. Instead, I find the world very much altered. Dasamiza had traded my realities, altering it in such a way it was both unrecognizable and the same all at once.

I stretch out my leg on the bed, touching it and running my palm down it. I squeeze the arch of my foot and smile to myself. The scars are gone, the awful swelling has vanished, my leg is always as it was. As I’m admiring it, I see Dasamiza’s hand rise up from under the bed and take hold of my ankle. I turn, watching them stand from the foot of the bed and look over me.

Their mask has the laughing, joyous expression in the center. I suppose they’re still happy with the work that they have done. Or maybe they just enjoy touching me, I am unsure. I pull my leg back, tucking it under myself as Dasamiza circles the bed.

“It is your first day back in the world you deserve,” they say. “Now, tell me, what do you plan on doing with it?” They rap their fingertips to the mask. “Do you plan to see your new lover? Are you going to go practice? Perhaps you will take a long stroll in the park?”

I stand up and go over to my closet, opening it up and looking over all the clothes inside. “I have plans in mind,” I tell them.

Dasamiza watches me with a curious tilt to their head. They come towards me and help me remove my sleep clothes. Their fingers trail down my body. I close my eyes and take in a deep breath. Their touch makes my knees weak and a heat pool between my thighs. I grip onto the clothes in the closet, letting them touch and explore me more.

“Is this what you want?” I sigh.

Their finger dips into my wetness and smears it around. “Just getting you ready, in case you wish to visit your lover today.”

I think of the owner, his swarthy good looks and dark lashes are certainly appealing. I am just not ready for a relationship like that with him. As sweet and excited as he seems, I feel as if this world is lying to me.

“You get turned on so easily,” Dasamiza whispers into my ear. “Or is it just me?”

It seems the ‘happy face’ is the easily aroused one. I bite my lip, letting their touch linger. I let out a low moan and they step away.

“You best get dressed,” they giggle. “Or do you need me to hang around?”

I catch my breath and pinch my thighs together. “That is enough for now.” I try to keep my cool, but my voice cracks. My desire is slowly dripping down my thigh.

I put on a simple dress for the day, just something easy and light to move around in. I take pleasure in being able to navigate around my home by myself. I have breakfast outside and when I am able, I leave the house.

I walk down the street, adjusting my gloves when I see Dasamiza coming towards me on a chimney sweep’s bike. They drive passed me, but then ahead, I see them again as a mannequin in one of the shop’s windows. I go inside, selecting a small gift of lavender sachets and perfume. I then go to the florists, where I purchase a bouquet of flowers.

“Who are these for?” I look up, seeing Dasamiza perched above me in the street like a gargoyle. 

“I’m going to see Marlena,” I tell them. “I think she would enjoy these things.” I had always recalled that her favorite color was purple, so I had gotten her irises, gladiolas, hydrangea, and hyacinth with a splay of yellow daffodils. 

Dasamiza appears at the opposite end of the street, the angry expression now taking center stage of their face. “She wanted to do you harm! Why would you want to go see her?” They stalk me down the street, following close behind me rather than playing their silly pranks.

“We work together,” I tell them. “We trained together and grew up together.”

“All the more reason you should be happy she took your place!” Dasamiza snarls down at me. “All these years, she has done nothing but resent you. And for what?”

I stop just before the gate to her house.

“She’s always treated you poorly. Remember when your father died?” Dasamiza asks. They circle around me then climb up the wall. They point to Marlena’s house just beyond the gate. “Her heart is stone, my darling. Remember?”

“Of course I do!” I whimper and hold back a sob. “She was always cruel to me! But I cannot repay cruelty with cruelty.” I stare up at them as hot tears spike and sting at my eyes. “I know where she is right now and how it feels, and I cannot leave her alone that way when I can help.”

“How can you say that when she would have rather seen you die that night?” Dasamiza slips down from the wall and onto the other side of the fence.

“Marlena is mean, but she wouldn’t wish anyone dead like that.” I step up to the gate and try to open it, but Dasamiza holds it shut. The angry expression stares deep into me and I take a slight step back.

“Please let me in,” I say to them. “Open this gate right now. I want to talk to her.”

A low growl rumbles in their chest. “Just because you know how she is suffering, that’s why you wish to speak to her?”

“I very nearly gave up.” I look down at the flowers I am holding. “Marlena has more fire in her than that. I don’t want her to give up like I did.”

Dasamiza phases through the bars of the gate. Their long fingers cup under my chin and around my neck. They tilt my head up and force me to look at them. “You had me.”

I keep my jaw stiff. Somehow, Dasamiza changes with each face and I am beginning to recognize that. “She has no one.”

Dasamiza drops me and the gate swings open. I hurry myself inside and up to the front door. Her father answers and allows me inside. 

“I know you two have a rocky history,” her father says. “So why have you come here? To rub her nose in it?”

I shake my head. “No, sir,” I whisper. “I would never dream of such a thing.” I glance to the flowers and small gift in my hand. “I feel awful for what happened to her. I wouldn’t want anyone to suffer something like that. Marlena is the last one of us I would want to see this way. She is stronger than all of us.”

Her father sighs. “I can’t guarantee she would want to see you.”

“I wouldn’t blame her if she told me to go away, but I really do want to visit her, even for a moment. So please,” I murmur. 

He nods and leaves me there in the foyer for a moment. I look beside me, seeing there is a chair by the door where the back is all mirror and hooks at the top. Inside, I see myself, and behind, Dasamiza is glaring down at me with their ‘angry face’ still present.

“See? Even her father knows.” They come up closer behind me. They put their hands on me, but I cannot see them outside the mirror. 

“Everyone knows our history. It is not so secret,” I murmur. 

Dasamiza’s head turns and I follow it. Marlena’s father waves me down the hall and I step into Marlena’s room. She is laying down in bed, her head turned towards the window. I go in and take the chair by her bed. Laying the flowers down beside her, she doesn’t even move to look at them. For the longest time, I just sit there. The room is quiet and a little cold, and Marlena doesn’t move to acknowledge me or anything.

“I don’t know what to say.” I break the silence. “I thought I would have so much to say to you once I got here, but I have nothing. There are things I could say, but you wouldn’t listen to me if I said them.”

I open the box and take out the pretty lavender sachets. I place one in her palm and her fingers clutch around it. “I remembered you used to carry one around with you everywhere when we were kids. You claimed you had a sensitive nose.”

Marlena squeezes the sachet tight, then her fingers relax.

“You used to smell so strongly of it some days,” I continue. “But there were days when the scent was soft and pretty, and when you danced, it matched the scent so well. It was as if you knew exactly how lavender would dance.”

“Why are you here?” Marlena finally grunts.

“I was scared,” I confess. “Scared you wouldn’t be the same Marlena as always.” I look her over and see she’s closed her eyes. “If this happened to me,” I whisper, “I would be inconsolable. I wouldn’t see or hear anything in this world. I would only go inward.”

“I can see and hear just fine,” Marlena snaps at me. She sits up and turns to glare at me. Her hair is a mess and her eyes look sunken. “I wish I couldn’t hear and see! Then I wouldn’t have to put up with you coming around and smearing your pity in my face!”

“It’s not pity, Marlena. It’s empathy.” I frown at her. “You’re not my favorite person in the world. In fact, I had hoped you would have transferred once we finished our training. But I can’t help but think you stuck around out of spite.”

Marlena smirks and turns her head.

“But I came anyways because even if you are a thorn on the rose of my life, you are still deserving of some kindness.”

Marlena puts the lavender to her face and breathes in. “You win,” she grumbles. “You got the big performance, you have the man, and I am gone.” She looks at me as tears begin to fill her eyes.

I have never known Marlena to cry. She has raged and vented and thrown tantrums, but she has never once cried when I was around.

“You win.” The tears stream down her face.

I look up and I see Dasamiza standing at the window with their back turned to us. I take hold of Marlena’s hand and squeeze it.

“It’s not a win to me,” I whisper. “I have no competition now. How can I consider this a win?”

Marlena smirks and sniffles. She rubs at her eyes and knocks my hand away. “You must be joking,” she scoffs. “Get out of here. You’re trite and I can’t stand it.”

I stand up. “Don’t give up, Marlena. Whatever you do-”

“Shut up,” she snaps at me. “Keep one eye open, darling,” she then sheers. “I’m not too far behind you.”

I smile and leave the room. As I leave her house, I see Dasamiza standing and waiting at the gate. I ignore them and walk along, heading towards the theatre.

“Do you feel any better from that visit at all?” Dasamiza grabs me and holds me back. I struggle against their grip until they force me against the wall. “Answer me!”

I look up at them and tilt my chin up. “I don’t.”

They scoff. “Of course you don’t.” 

“You’re hurting me.” I struggle against them, but soon go slack in their grip. 

Dasamiza lets go. “I’m sorry,” their voice has changed again. I look up, seeing the sad face is on display.

I look away from them and across the way to the theatre. I see the owner standing out front and, when he spots me, he rushes across the street.

“What are you doing here?” He holds me in a warm embrace. He then sees the bruises on my wrists from where Dasamiza was holding me. “What happened? What is this?”

“It’s nothing,” I reply. Dasamiza is looming over us, bent over and staring down. They touch my hair then recoil away and stand behind the owner.

“I was on my way out for lunch, but I’d rather take care of this.” The owner says as he takes me across the street. We go back inside the theatre and he takes me into his office. He has me sit down on a sofa where he removes his coat. He’s always so well dressed, I had never noticed the slight pooch to his stomach before.

“Here now.” He’s taken ice from his bar and wrapped it up so he can hold it to my wrist.

“Thank you, sir,” I tell him.

“No, no,” he chuckles. “Seriously, call me Davino.” His eyes meet mine and his smile goes crooked and bashful. 

“Davino,” I say with a nod. “Thank you.”

“What brings you here today?” He asks. “Did you want to see me?”

I glance towards Dasamiza in the back. “I had something I needed to do is all. Seeing you is a bonus.”

Davino chuckles and dips his head down. “Well, am I keeping you from it?”

“No, I have all day really.” I take hold of his hand. “Tell me, you said that when we first met, you knew you would be with me. When was that?”

Davino sighs and his shoulders slouch. “It was eons ago,” he replies. “Back when I was a sad, short, fat kid.” He shakes his head. “My dad was doing all he could to get me to the image he thought I should be. But I disappointed at every turn. My mother had come to the theatre, thinking perhaps some dance classes would be good for me, but my dad was furious at the notion. While they fought, I wandered off and I found myself backstage where there was a girl eating from a bowl of grapes bigger than her head.”

My mouth hung open and I laughed. “I used to steal them from my father’s dressing room!”

“You shared them with me that day.” Davino sets the ice aside. “It didn’t matter how I looked, only that we shared that secret. You looked at me and didn’t think ‘oh, he needs less grapes’ you looked at me and just saw me.”

I lean in, pressing a soft, long kiss to his lips. “I do see you,” I whisper. I look back at Dasamiza and stand up. “Can I see you tonight?” I ask him. “Dinner maybe?”

Davino is touching his lips. “Of course. I’ll pick you up tonight.”

I kiss him again, lingering for a moment in case this is the last. I then leave, going towards the stage. Dasamiza is standing there, still sad faced and pitiful. Their body is hunched over and their posture droops. 

“Take it back,” I tell them.

“What?” They whisper.

I look around the stage and blink a few tears from my eyes. “Take it all back.” I spread my arms out wide. “I want it all gone. Just take me back to the world I came from. I don’t belong here. This isn’t mine.”

“But I gave it to you!” Dasamiza whines. “It is yours.”

I shake my head. “No. I’m sorry, but this just isn’t mine.” I lay my hands on my chest. “Marlena may have tried to hurt me, but it became my fate to bear.”

Dasamiza shakes their head. “But it isn’t right!”

“So what if it’s not?” I smile through my tears. “I won’t feel sorry for myself when I go back. I’ll come back to the theatre too. I’ll find something here I can do.”

“No! No!” Dasamiza gasps. “No, you can’t take it back!”

“Please,” I whisper. I reach out and take hold of their hands. “This was very kind of you, but I don’t want it.”

Dasamiza tosses my hands down and their face has switched to angry again. “I did all of this for you!”

“I know,” I whisper. “What can I do to pay you back?”

Dasamiza snarls and they grab hold of me. “Dance for me.”

I swallow and nod. “Of course.”

They take the lead, moving my body and keeping their hands on me. I spin and twirl before them, bending and bowing. They grab at me, claw at me. They hold me close and push me away. I have never had a dance partner like this, someone who feels so forceful and yet so natural at the same time.

They lift me into the air and I press against them. I kiss them through their mask and their black tongue licks across my lips. I hold fast as they spin me and spin me. We fall to the floor and Dasamiza pins me there. We’re both panting and breathing hard. They use their knees to spread open my legs and they place themselves between them.

Dasamiza opens their coat and shirt, revealing inside many tendrils that start to unravel and spill out. They crawl over my body, pushing away my clothes and slithering all around me. I wonder why I am not afraid. Instead, I allow it, I want it. I want all of Dasamiza all over me.

The tentacles coil and squeeze around my thighs. Their fingers are rubbing at my folds, opening them so then tentacles can come inside. I moan out loud, writhing on the stage as Dasamiza is inside me. The tentacle squirms and ruts, going deeper. Their hands stroke down my naked body and I watch them. The mask keeps changing, switching between happy, angry, sad. The face begins to crack and I pull them down, kissing them.

Their long black tongue coils around mine and slips down my throat. For a moment, I feel suffocated, but I’ve never felt this great swell of pleasure before. Dasamiza moves inside me and all around me. The tentacles grope, knead, and soothe me all at once. Inside, the tendril feels thicker and hotter. It moves deep inside me, pulling from me something I’ve never experienced before.

All the heat, all the excitement, it leaves my body at once in an eruptive explosion. Dasamiza cries out, their body arching and light spills from the cracks on their mask. I echo their voice, arching my back as they fill me even more than before. The heat from them pools in my belly and dribbles out along my thighs.

I fall to the stage, laying there naked and alone. I take deep breaths, closing my eyes and listening to the silence all around me.

“Oh my god! Are you ok?” Davino is by my side, helping me up. “That looked like an awful fall.”

My face and body are all still hot and sensitive, yet I am fully clothed and untouched. I look up at Davino, staring dreamily into his face. I am still filled with Dasamiza, but I want Davino as well.

“I’m sorry,” I moan. “I don’t know what came over me.”

Davino helps me to my feet and places the crutch back in my hands. “Are you alright?” He touches my face. “You feel warm!”

I chuckle and hold his hand. “It’s ok, really. I’m just-” I smile. “Sorry, I was just remembering something.”

Davino sighs with relief. “Are you sure? Do you need to go sit down? Do you need anything at all?”

I look around the stage, trying to see if I can spot Dasamiza anywhere. “Maybe some grapes,” I reply.

Davino’s expression shifts instantly. “Oh-” 

I take hold of his hand. “I didn’t remember right away.”

“No, no, it’s ok. I never expected you would. It’s silly really.” He makes sure I can stand on my own. “You were dancing,” he says. 

“Was I?” I chuckle and stare out into the seats. “I guess old habits die hard.”

Davino takes my hand and helps me down from the stairs. We step out into the backstage hallway where I see a few men carrying some broken stone.

“The old stone masks from the marquee started breaking the other day.” Davino answers. “I’m taking them to get fixed, but when they came off the wall, they crumbled for some reason.”

I walk over to one of the boxes, pulling from inside. I can’t tell if it was a smile or a frown. “Oh no,” I whisper.

“I’m going to see what can be saved,” Davino replies. “But I don’t think they had much time left anyways.”

“The theatre is changing,” I murmur.

Davino and I begin our relationship. I had feared my injury had turned him away from me, but his feelings never swayed. We soon fell in love, and despite tradition, we made love quite often. I lied and told him he was my first, but he didn’t need to know the truth.

One evening, after having made love with Davino, I wake in my sleep, paralyzed to the bed as Dasamiza stares down at us. It has been such a long time since I have seen them. I have missed them in a strange way and tears spring to my eyes. They have no face, but the long tendrils spill out and about. 

“Are you happy now?” Their voice is distorted and guttural. “Now that I’ve taken it all back?”

I can’t move. I just look at them.

“I know,” Dasamiza whispers. “But when you’re with him, think of me.”

I wake up to see Davino standing naked at the window. Outside, it is raining and thunder rumbles threateningly in the distance.

“Come back to bed.”  I stretch my hand out to him. “I need you.”

Davino chuckles, crawling into bed beside me. “After last night? You still want me clinging to you so?”

I wrap my arms around him, kissing him and feeling Dasamiza’s tongue in my throat. I pull him down on top of me as Dasamiza’s hands roam my body.

“I’ll always need you,” I whisper to him.

When he touches me, I remember Dasamiza, but at the same time, all I feel is him. I wrap my body around him, holding him close as the weather outside gets more dark and violent. 

“Tell me,” Davino whispers. “How can someone like you be happy with someone like me?” He brushes my hair from my face and kisses my forehead.

I gaze up into his dark eyes, beyond his thick brows and long lashes. In his eyes, I see myself reflected there. All his focus, all his desires, they were all because of me. When I looked at Dasamiza, I only saw him. 

I smile at him and pet his cheek. “You see me.”