Hey my loves ♥

I have been gone for quite a while, way longer than I ever planned to be... and honestly I’ve been through one thing after another, both physically and emotionally. It felt like life just kept throwing bsd bad things at me and I barely had time to breathe in between. I don’t want to go into details, even though I originally planned to do so... but I don't want to burden you with all those things. I just want you to know it’s been a really difficult time, the kind that leaves you feeling empty, scared, and tired in ways words can’t quite explain.

There were weeks where I barely left the house...days and even whole stretches of time that I can’t clearly remember. My body and mind were completely drained and I disconnected from almost everything around me. It took an enormous amount of quiet, patience, and inner work just to reach a point where basic things, like taking a shower or answering a message didn’t feel impossible anymore.

During all this I kept trying to come back. I filmed so much, recorded, edited, planned… and yet every time I tried to share something it felt impossible. The longer I stayed away, the harder it became to post again, the more guilt, fear, and pressure built up in my chest. I started to feel like anything I shared had to be perfect, or at least “worthy" and that pressure froze me completely.

When it came to custom videos especially, I just couldn’t fake a smile. I didn’t want to give you something that felt hollow or pretend I was okay when I wasn’t. I wanted to give you something real, something honest and for a while, I simply couldn’t.

But I’ve been slowly finding my way back, step by step.

It took me a lot of rest, a lot of quiet self-work, and a lot of time to even reach a place where everyday things feel possible again.

I do have a lot of content I made during that time things I never posted because I thought they weren’t good enough and that you can see in my face that I was not doing well. I’ll probably share some of them soon even if they’re imperfect, just to reconnect and give you something from me again. And for those waiting on customs or personal rewards: I’m starting again, with genuine energy this time... not forced, not faked, but me being hopeful again because that is what I want to give you guys. I don't want to burden you, I want to to the opposite. I want my content to fill you up with hope and light, and I think I am finally getting to a point where I can do that again.

I don’t want to promise a huge comeback or anything, I just want to start showing up again, little by little, without drowning in pressure. I hope you can understand thatand I’m SO grateful for those who stayed, supported, and waited so patiently for me.

I’ve seen the messages, the INSANE PayPal support, the kind words and it truly means more than I can ever say. I’ve been carrying so much guilt for not being able to respond properly, but please know it was never from indifference. It was from exhaustion and fear of being dishonest with you by pretending I was okay.

I’m slowly answering DMs and catching up here...thank you for holding space for me for still being here even when I wasn’t. You mean more to me than you know.

I want to stop isolating myself from people and the world, I want to connect, create, go out again... and even though I’m still learning how to navigate, I think I’m healing and to be more gentle with myself. And very very important, to show up even when it’s imperfect. I NEED to create and to believe that there’s still beauty waiting for me, for us.

With love

Tizu ♥