Heart

Thoughts about boundaries…

Added 2024-12-12 16:58:57 +0000 UTC

This excerpt is specifically for women and other marginalized folks who have been socialized to be “nice” over everything else.

It all came with a sneaking suspicion that when they said “well someone has to be the bigger person,” what they meant was "can’t you just pretend everything is okay?”

Be weary of anyone who tells you to push aside your hurts in the name of civility. They are not concerned about your wellness, only their own discomfort.

At the end of the day it’s your job to do what’s best for you. Nobody else will come along and say “you’re doing too much” or “is this in your best interest?” It’s our job to make that space.

If you feel guilty or conflicted about standing up for yourself, imagine the boundary as a protective barrier, a cushion from something uncomfortable. It’s there to keep you safe. It’s like your seat-belt or your meat-thermometer. It’s like the bumpers at the bowling alley that block the gutters, shaping your experience to be more favourable. You are allowed to shape your own experience.

If you find yourself feeling resentful, that’s a signal for you, a little orange flag. Resentment shows you where the boundary needs to go, where you need to grow limits; Give yourself that gift.

You are allowed to say “that doesn’t work for me”, and “no thanks.” You are allowed to say no, even if it would be better for someone else if you didn’t. Your own comfort is a huge reason, enough of a reason, to set a limit or make a demand.

You are under no obligation to be kind to those who have stomped all over your feet, or bitten your fingers as you’ve fed them.