Heart

Tension

Added 2023-01-01 17:02:22 +0000 UTC

A holiday filled with biting my tongue left me with a very tense jaw. “Let me help you,” she said late last night, and she sat down beside me. “No it’s fine,” I tried to brush her off, always so resistant to help and interference.

She cupped my jaw in her hand, thumb and forefinger pressing into the hinges, and massaged the source of my tension. It made me nervous, her holding me that way, the word mandible intrusive in my thoughts. “Shh, bunny relax, it’s okay.”

I couldn’t relax. “I feel like it’s going to unhinge or something!” I whined, my eyes darting around. She gripped my jaw slightly harder, sensing my fight or flight. She kept her voice soft, “It’s okay baby, nothing bad is going to happen, I’ve got ya.” I took a breath and she soothed me, “Just open your mouth a little wider for me…” Well now she was speaking my language.

I exhaled and loosened my jaw just a little, my eyes wide, looking up at her as the pink blush spread across my cheeks. I could feel my skin heating up in her hands. The pressure she gave me felt so good, the muscles responding with warm pain (much better than the sharp hard tension). “Good girl,” she hushed me as she coaxed me into opening up more for her. I obeyed. I’ve missed this.

I relaxed into her hands, we’re both reminded of our push and pull, of the things that make us feel the most connected. It’s so easy to get caught up in the logistics and structural things, we forget the electric buzz of the details. I’m thankful for my persistent babe, and the things we need to prioritize in the new year.