Today.

We had our first mediation session today. Just an intro to get to know the process and what to expect. I was anxious all day even though I knew nothing would be decided. My kiddo and I took a spontaneous hike in the ravine to burn off the jitters, he was anxious about a stern talk looming with his teacher. We both needed the escape. Good coping skills.

It’s a big step just starting the process, getting the ball rolling, the inevitable end is we are no longer married.

The lawyer facilitating our mediation was impressed with us. When I mentioned we’d been doing a Nesting Agreement since last summer her ears perked up, she was excited. She shared that she’s a huge fan of Nesting, but said couples always dismiss it out of hand. In her 27 years of family law only two couples made Nesting Agreements, and she counts them as among her most successful mediation plans. She beamed that if we could make this arrangement work, mediation should be no problem. “I’m thoroughly impressed,” she said.

Anyone who followed me in the Tumblr days might remember a beloved Mutual roasting me by saying that my actual core-kink is Being Impressive. They were 100% correct. The nature of an act is never as important to me as nailing the assignment. Whatever is being asked of me, I want to exceed expectations. I want to be the best, better than best. So the sheer hilarity of impressing our divorce lawyer is not lost on me. We are who we are.

It was a good start anyhow. And now it’s happening. The D word. It’s real.

You know what else happened today? Max made an offer on a condo in the city AND SHE GOT IT. It’s a cute little place by the lake in a super hip neighbourhood, there’s a big balcony she says I can take over with gardens, and the very best part? IT’S 16 MINUTES FROM MY HOUSE!!!! For the past couple years we’ve lived in different cities, a 2 hr drive in traffic, this is a really wonderful piece of news that will make both of our lives so much easier. A new chapter for all of us.

It’s been a good day, a brave day, an exciting day.

(Self-Portrait of my almost-ex-husband watching me on vacation, 2015)