Fuckery and Rainbows

(I wrote this late last night but Patreon was down. Posting now. 😘)

This is just me stoned and rambling. Feel free to smell the flowers and move on.

Monday was a fucking weird day. I binge-listened to an incredible story-podcast called Asking For It, a queer tale of abusive relationships, gaslighting and codependence. Immersing myself in the story with my headphones on was an excellent distraction from my busy house, but it also felt like a therapy session in the ways it unpacked some of the work in healing from someone toxic.

Then I got a fucking email from my fucking ex. Saying all the right things, one of his classic moves. I fucking felt myself shrug. Even a few months ago this kind of manipulative bait would have sent me spiralling. Somehow this time it didn’t undo me. I don’t know exactly what happened. But it happened. I broke the spell with my own fucking hard work and the support of a handful of good people. It took a lot of tries, but I did it. Fuck him and his fucking too late apologies. He’s right, the way I loved him *was* special. And he did fucking take advantage of my kindness in all of the worst fucking ways. He did it over and over. Fuck him.

I read his email but didn’t respond. I congratulated myself for my triumph. A year ago I was still heartbroken. Agonizing over the loss. Moving on seemed impossible.

Just a few moments after I read his email there was a knock at my door. A gigantic rainbow bouquet of tulips with a big red bow and a cute little unicorn pegasus stuffie was delivered to my porch. With a sweet little love note. From Max. Just to remind me that she loves me, and cheer me up. There were so many tulips I split them into little bouquets all over the house. It’s still cold outside but I have a garden in my living room now. And someone who loves me just the way I am.