Heart

Warning: Mushy rambling post date feels

Added 2019-11-28 07:12:42 +0000 UTC

I can’t sleep because I just got home from a date with Max and you guyyyyyyyyyyys. We finally had an actual Relationship (with a capital R) talk. I don’t want to sleep I want to write and fuck and write and fuck and smoke in the cold under the stars and fuck some more. But she’s warm in bed where I left her and my alarm’s gonna go off in less than 5 hours and I should sleep.

The highs and lows of living and loving, my god. The delicate “so what is this” conversation, but with added complexity because we speak different languages. She’s monogamous. (What am I doing omg aksjhdjjsjdjjsjsj.) BUT she met me in my element at a kinky poly sex party, and I’ve never dimmed my reality for her. She wanted to try anyway. So I’m the first poly person she’s dated. And she’s the first monogamous person I’ve dated. And this is a fucking disaster really, but I don’t give a fuck. Because I’m a foolish hopeful romantic baby and I thought I would never let someone close again, and I was wrong, and that feels really fucking good. Sitting-in-the-dark-at-2am-with-a-stupid-smirk-on-my-face-because-I-can-still-smell-her good.

I’m gonna write about our conversation because it was fucking beautiful, but I need to try to sleep. Before I do I wanted to tell you that after making me cum a million times, while we were staring into each other’s eyes I said “you’re killing me.” And without missing a beat she said “No. I’m bringing you back to life.”