Exhaustion

After meeting Pyr again (who was taken away by guards before Raine could fully question him) and resurfacing old memories Raine hasn’t been able to sleep. (Going into points of exhaustion next session probably), and I decided to write a little something to attach to the art about his state of mind. 

——

You have to sleep

The sun is up, or at least whatever equivalent to the sun that seems to fill this place with light. It’s up and he hasn’t slept all through the night, no… he hasn’t slept again. How long has it been?

Deep slow breaths kept him on his feet, and before he knew it night veiled them once more.

First watch he’d said. It’s not a lie, even if this first watch expanded throughout the entire night. His eyelids grew heavy, and each time he’d blink it got harder to lift them again. The darkness briefly consumed him, and the images flooded in.

First the flickering fire, Pyr’s hair, Pyr’s smile, Pyr’s snark, then darkness and Raine’s standing in front of a familiar door. His hands would tremble; No not this, please not this again. No part of him wanted to enter, but he couldn’t stop what he knew was coming. He acts out the memory, and behind the door he sees the still figure of his sister lying on the floor. “Marina?” He knew, he knew she wouldn’t answer but he still called out now because he called out in the memory. Blood, so much blood like an avalanche cascading across the cold, hard floor. Her blood discarded as if were worthless, as if she was worthless.

He wanted to scream, but that’s when his eyes would swing open. The scream is choked inside of his chest, suffocating his breath. A hand to his chest as Raine silently begged for air.

No more sleep. Push-ups, sit-ups, pace. Push-ups, sit-ups, pace. Rinse, repeat. Rinse, repeat. Repeat, repeat. He could do this, he could stay awake.

“You have to sleep.”

The echos ring in his ears, that sinister voice inside of his head back to torment him, demanding he listens to what he didn’t want to hear.

“Just close your eyes and sleep. I’ll hold your hand through it. Aren’t you tired? Can you even see? You’re no good to anyone if you don’t sleep. Close your eyes… close your eyes… It’ll be like drowning for the very first time. Let me whisper you to sleep—“ “NO!”

Raine blinked and it was morning again. He didn’t sleep.