Those Pirate Assets I Promised!

A few weeks ago I asked you all to help me come up with ideas for a bachelor party pirate-themed one-shot I was running for my good mate Jeff. Well, it went exceptionally well! And, as promised, attached are the sketchy assets I threw together.

This is the level of completion my own (poor) players get, so please do not expect my 2-Minute Table Top level of detail! In fact, the majority of the game was improvised, so you will only find ship floor plans, character primers, and booty cards in the ZIP file. We played "5e Lite," so you will find it all very bare-bones. Please feel free to ask any questions in the comments.

Oh, we also used "The One Death and Dismemberment Table To Rule Them All," because what better setting is there for hook hands and peg legs?

If you're just here for the assets, you can skip to the ZIP at the bottom of the post - enjoy! If you want to hear about the session though, I will attempt to summarise it below...

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Captain Zeffer is thrust into the pirate life after falling in love with the princess of the Mer-people. However, her father already plans to marry her to the Prince of Sharks, but his kingly mind can be changed. He has agreed that if Captain Zeffer of The Land can seize the Ocean's Crown and become King of the Sea, he can have his daughter's hand.

So, Zeffer has collected a crew and set sail for the Isles of Trials, knowing that the Crown is at its far reaches. He is aided by a gift of magical powers from his beloved, a rickety ship, and a rum-stained crew. Along the way he knows he must hunt down the magical treasures hidden amongst the Isles, if he has any hope at reaching the Crown.

His initial crew is Hooks, the surgeon with two hook hands; Kid, the child bodybuilder; and Beewun Forate, the metallic man.

Their first stop is a small beach on one side of an island otherwise trimmed with sheer cliffs. Landing there, they find a staircase and a door. Behind the door, a stranger in pirate garb. The conversation is short and a loud fight breaks out, alerting the pirates in the next chamber.

When the party breach the next door they find a large cavern with a waterway and a ship at the far end. On the ship stands an obvious pirate captain, swinging a canon their way. Between them, more pirates, ready for a fight.

The party emerge victorious but, during the fray, Kid is critically hit by the canon and loses his head. Hooks immediately dives into action, critically succeeding on two medicine checks and surgically attaching one of the enemy pirates' heads onto Kid's body. Kid survives. (Or does he?)

[At this point, Kid becomes something of a ranger pet for Hooks, and Kid's player draws Kakkador, the fish-man]

The p-arrrgh-ty loots the cavern bare and returns to their ship. They sail next for the skull-shaped island on their map. The weather is fair and they arrive there without incident.

Upon touching the golden sands, they notice glowing butterflies flitting between the picturesque palms. When they approach, one of the butterflies transforms into a full-sized, beautiful, faerie-woman. She beckons them into the trees, and the party follow.

Along the way she explains that they call out to sailors so that they might bring them to their queen and, well, reproduce with them. It seems mutually beneficial enough, and so the pirates tag along.

Along the way, Beewun is lured away by a gaggle of faeries. They urge him into a pool of water where they await, splashing seductively. Completely on the player's accord, Beewun dives in, and explodes. [See Beewun's character card.]

Ignoring the far-off boom, the rest of the party reach the Queen's pool. Rising out of the pool is the gargantuan human form of the fairy-queen, and she matter-of-factly tells the party that they wish to reproduce with the best of them, and eat the rest. A handful of charisma checks later, and the queen scoops up poor Kakkador and eats him. The others, not too fussed I guess, each go off to faerie pools to [fade to black.]

One the way back to the ship, the lucky players feel a bout of morning sickness. Faerie reproduction is a magical thing~

The fallen pirates are replaced by Swarthington and Stella the dog, but from this point on the players have entered the too-drunk-to-play zone and things start falling to pieces. They chase down an orcish meat-trader, make some bad decisions, and Stella the dog blows The Foreboding Conch, summoning the Kraken.

The pizza arrives just as Captain Zeffer leaps aboard the Kraken's back to punch it in the eye, and we call it a night. We will pick it up again some time soon, but for now it serves as a great memory of an epic day of D&D! 

Thank you to everyone who shared their imagination with me to craft this session, and I will let you know how it concludes. For now, please enjoy the assets, and let me know if I can fill in any blanks!