Chapter 6 of A Young Woman's War and Love
Added 2024-04-26 03:20:24 +0000 UTCThe Kaiser and Tanya have their meeting!
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1VXFavUTeY-uuDrrl6bCSFamAOz4cBhP29WywTuC-5Dc/edit?usp=sharing
Comments
Yeah, there are still tiny things left to change tweak here and there. I would find it amusing for her to just keep believing libertarianism will be super popular. "We imperials are logical. If I present them the ironclad arguments in favor of Hyeckian libertarianism, they will obviously vote for that." And because it is post-war world 1, it is the more socialistic parties that win. Tanya doesn't always win.
Lorelei Stockhausen
2024-05-04 01:18:18 +0000 UTCWith the Chapter update my apprehension is gone, for now. Having it focus on the rights and freedoms argument helps here, economically I don’t see her ever agreeing with the socialists or SPD. But her agreeing with them and the SPD on the topic of liberties and self-determination, I can see that. So my quibbles have gone for now. After the war is done I could see her forming a veterans organization and using it and her fame to try sway political parties to align more to her interests. Or try and found her own Libertarian Party. That would be amusing
Old Hammer
2024-05-02 16:01:52 +0000 UTCThank you for all the feedback. I really appreciate it. I have been really excited for chapter 7, but Max and I need finish planning still. I look forward to any future feedback you may have.
Lorelei Stockhausen
2024-05-01 05:43:20 +0000 UTCAs far as the romance goes I think it’s being handled very enjoyably. Tanya does not quite know how she feels but is drawing on her affections without truly comprehending what that means, her reminding herself about what Visha said I thought showed this well. As well as her rambling drunkenly to the Kaiser about how great Visha is, honestly just adorable. While Visha is acting fairly mature and not trying to force anything while it is clear she is enamored. I really like that she is honest with her feelings to herself but is also trying to navigate the situation in a way that does not hurt Tanya. There are many subtle touches with the developing romance that I am enjoying. I will need to reread to catch the updates to chapter one
Old Hammer
2024-05-01 05:10:29 +0000 UTCYeah, I am cooking on the whole economic theory thing. Personally, I don't care if Tanya stays a libertarian, and I won't speak for Max on the subject. As I see it, libertarianism isn't merely a political belief for her but also how she copes with not understanding the world. It gives her rules to follow to be successful and a "rational" way to predict other people's behavior. How her economic philosophy and its evolution gets depicted will ultimately be a joint decision between the lead writer and I. The seatbelt bit was almost scrapped but Max and I compromised by using her lack of a computation orb as an excuse for her not being so uncomfortable. I liked the bit a lot and didn't want it to die. We just posted an updated chapter 1, and we will be posting minor touch ups on chapter 2 and 5 later. What are your thoughts on the romance side so far? It was my original reason for commissioning this story. Max and I have nuanced differences in our approaches to romance. I like subtle things that speak loudly like how Tanya remembers Visha's reassuring hand on her shoulder to draw the necessary strength to talk to the Kaiser. I tend to shy away from writing more direct forms of intimacy. The final Tanya x Visha scene went from sharing the bed (Max's) to Visha falling asleep on the floor (Mine) to Visha falling asleep with Tanya in her arms (Max requesting I rewrite it even more intimate than even his original). Anyways, I really appreciate your comments. It really gives me fuel to write more of this story and my other original works.
Lorelei Stockhausen
2024-05-01 04:46:46 +0000 UTCI am in agreement, her libertarian beliefs are one of her most defining characteristics. If she does abandon them we need a journey to get there. But even then she as a character has always felt incredibly devoted to those ideas and ideals that I don’t really feel she would ever truly abandon them. I really am loving the Visha/Tanya Dynamic and agree starting it in the palace would be a bit of a jolt. The whole bit about seat belts and Visha rolling her eyes at it was simply grand. Really am enjoying the story so far!
Old Hammer
2024-05-01 03:28:43 +0000 UTCThe Kaiser scene at the very end is almost all Max though I was the one to suggest Joan of Arc as a historical reference. The conversation between the two in the study was a mix of Max and I. Psychology is something was really popular in the early 20th century as one of the big new things. I often try to think of "how do you make a radical proposal work in real life" and I thought this made sense to be Tanya's approach. I don't know if Max will agree.
Lorelei Stockhausen
2024-05-01 01:16:08 +0000 UTCYep, the original from Max was even more "I am a socialist." I softened it. If Tanya abandons her more character defining libertarianism, that kind of change needs a story imo. I am glad you like the Visha scene in the beginning. I added that scene because I was worried that starting inside the palace would be too sudden. We are still finalizing the edit for this. This chapter has probably taken us the more actual hours of work than any other chapter and we still have a lot still to do.
Lorelei Stockhausen
2024-05-01 01:14:49 +0000 UTCThe bit with Visha at the start was both funny and adorable. The dinner conversation is well written and fun between the Kaiser and Tanya. I do feel more than a little apprehensive about her line about “flirting with socialism”. While I think Tanya would develop more of her beliefs I really don’t see her ever being swayed to Socialism or Communism. The Kaisers musings after dinner is where this chapter really shines imo. The conversation is well paced, the modern psychology that Tanya pulls out is great stuff. And I loved the humor of Tanya being a light weight as she shares the whiskey with the Kaiser
Old Hammer
2024-05-01 00:32:37 +0000 UTC
